The Quiet Room
by givemesomevamp
Summary: So, I'm a little crazy.You're a little dead, but I don't keep throwing that up in your face."I had to admit she made a valid point. I was still wary, but we out numbered her at least. After all, how much trouble could one small human possibly be. OOC/AU
1. Welcome to my Insanity

**A/N:****Well, I just thought I'd give this a shot. Let me know if it's worth continuing. I've had trouble posting, so if you read this when I first posted it, I apologize.**

**Edited Nov. '10: MANY thanks to the beta-god, Jasper's Destiny, for beta'ing this for me! It's new and grammatically improved, all thanks to her! **

**This is rated****M! If you're not 18, please do not read! This story contains language, violence, and (hopefully later on) lemons!**

**Disclaimer:****I own nada.**

**Welcome to My Insanity**

**Chapter 1: Bella POV**

Mention a werewolf one time and where does it get you? Currently strapped to a bed in The Quiet Room at Oakforest Behavioral Center for Troubled Young Adults.  
Apparently, 'asylum' is no longer a politically correct term. Heaven forbid we offend the crazy people!  
A few more days in this room and I might actually need the meds they dish out like Tic -Tacs.

I finally manage to peel back my swollen eyelids so I can glare at the overhead lights.  
The first time I woke up in here was a little surreal.  
Of course, the ache in my ass where they'd jabbed the needle full of the good drugs had assured me that I was, in fact, really here.  
What messed me up was that there are no windows.  
No clock.  
No way of telling how long you've been here or when you might be free.  
The lights always remain on and no noise penetrates the padded walls.

That was then.  
When I still cared.  
This is now.  
And right now, the only thing mildly irritating is the drool I can't wipe off my cheek… and the fact I have to piss.

The most pressing question right now is why am I here? Not the great mysteries of life shit.  
Or even- where did my life go so horribly wrong?  
As in, why am I in this particular room on this particular day with my ass sore again?  
Oh! I remember now.  
I drifted off after they took me down and brought me in.

**Friday evening**

One...Two...Three...

Through my closed eyelids I count the lights as I'm wheeled backwards down the dingy white hall toward my own personal hell. I'll have nothing to keep my mind busy, no distractions to keep me from remembering...

Nuh-uh. Not going down that road just yet.

Back to The Quiet Room.  
Whoever thought it was a swell idea to put a diagnosed schizophrenic, who doesn't even bother speaking when awake, in a stark white room with nothing but a past supposedly so mixed-up in delusions it's impossible to know the truth, and the voices in their head to keep them company should really get a cookie.  
Or a shiny, new penny.  
But did they ask for my input? No.  
My opinion doesn't matter, after all. I'm just the psycho strapped to the table.

As a mythical creature once informed me, I am a strange human. That still applies. Apparently, no matter how much they numb my body, my mind stays alert and lucid.  
It's my own little fortress of solitude. Cue the theme music.  
My head is the only safe place I have, so that's where I reside more often than not.

With my body floating in its drug-induced euphoria and my eyes closed, I listen.

At the foot of my bed I recognize the soft footfalls of Dr. Thomas.  
Dr.T, who must have obtained his degree through a correspondence course somewhere in the Caribbean, is an older gent, late forties with salt and pepper hair and kind eyes.  
Completely incompetent psychologist and a horrible judge of character, but an all-around nice man.

I often refer to him as Captain Oblivious. I like to picture him with tights and a cape to go along with this.  
You may think he should have to earn this distinction, but, believe me, he has. He started off when I arrived last year as a lowly private. But through hard work, a series of rather serious medication blunders, and several totally off-base, asinine assumptions, he worked his way up through the ranks.  
My personal favorite was when he was convinced I belonged to a gang.  
Ah, that was a good month.

Cap. O is currently discussing the 'incident' with Scott (aka Perv 1).

Perv 1 is a big guy, about 6'3 with sandy blond hair, who in his high school football glory days was probably stacked quite nicely.  
Now it looks like he's been swiping too many of the patients' puddings._Just say no, Scott.  
_He's kind -of handsome, in that BMOC kind -of way.

So not my type.  
He's neither a figment of my imagination nor a mythical creature.  
_Better luck next time, sport._

The last player in this scene of my loony bin melodrama is Jeremy.

Jeremy is your typical apathetic employee who's seen too much to care about one more injustice in the world.  
Everything about him is, well, average.  
Average height. Average weight. Average looks.  
The only thing above average is his ability to see innocent, helpless people taken advantage of on a regular basis and not do a thing about it.  
Coward.  
People like this used to anger me, but now I have a pill to prevent me from experiencing any strong emotion.  
It's usually quite effective.

I know only a fraction of the wrongs done in here, so I can only imagine the level of self-loathing and guilt this causes.  
It can't possibly do much for his ego and manly pride.  
But I judge not.  
It's the whole pot/kettle scenario.  
Now, don't misunderstand, I'm my own unique brand of coward, but yellow none-the-less.

At least he has some excuse.  
If he got fired, who would take care of his invalid mother?  
Of course, if all I had to look forward to for the next 10-20 years was rolling around mother, bed sores, and the next rousing episode of Jeopardy, I might do myself in.  
But I digress.

Five...Six...Seven...

"What happened, Scott?"Cap. O asks."I really thought we were making progress," he mumbles as an afterthought.

"I have no idea, sir," Perv 1 lies. "Maybe we should keep her on lock-down after her quiet time in case she's becoming a danger to herself or other patients," he adds in his most concerned, super-helper tone.

_I can't believe this fucker! He just wants easier access!_  
I'm momentarily grateful for the paralysis. I'd hate to break my 'vow of silence' over _this_ ass.  
What little control I have in this life, I'd like to keep.

"I d-don't really think that would be good. B-besides, she's n-never acted out without someone instigating before," Jeremy replies quietly from his place by my head as he guides us along the hall by pulling on the right rail.  
I think he was actually standing up for me.  
I'm making a mental note of this monumental occasion.

Nine...Ten...Eleven...

"Let's see how she responds on Monday after a couple of peaceful days in the quiet room," the doc says thoughtfully after a rather lengthy pause.

Two DAYS.  
This is where the heavy, dramatic, mental sigh comes in.

**Well, that's what you get, Isabella, for trying to stab the perv on a Friday afternoon.**

_I guess the Cap has weekend plans._

It's not even like a lot of damage was done. Not from lack of effort on my part, but it was a plastic spoon.  
He surprised me, so I didn't even get a chance to shape it into a prison shank.  
Not a knife.  
Not a fork.  
A SPOON!

_I need to be careful. I'm getting close to caring._

But for goodness' sake, IT WAS A S-P-O-O-N!  
Even wielding a spork, I'm sure I could've managed something note-worthy.  
Now, if he was the one strapped down, I wouldn't hesitate to try to castrate him with above-mentioned utensil.  
But he's not, so I can't.  
Oh, well. A girl can dream.

Actually, I can't.  
Thanks to the little orange pill.

As it stands, Perv McPerverson is sporting a nice shiner on his left eye due to a strategically- placed elbow.  
He also has a few scratches on his forearms from the broken shards of my handy-dandy jello spoon.  
I barely even drew blood.

_What a pussy_.

I'm sure I could have landed a few more blows, but Jeremy was fast on the draw.  
Seconds after that needle was plunged into my ass, all the fight drained out of my body.

I didn't flip my shit over his nasty comments whispered in my ear.  
He was all up in my space.  
I kept it together just fine.  
Until I felt his clammy palm roughly squeeze my bare thigh.  
It was on _then_.

Twelve... Thirteen...

My escorts come to a sudden stop.  
They push my bed in head first.  
I try to brace myself for the restraint check that I know is coming.  
Again, I'm thankful for the heavy sedation.  
One thing everyone knows: I don't like to be touched.  
They even have a bright, lime-green memo hanging in the staff lounge.

As I feel hands all over my body, the screeching in my head starts.

**STOP TOUCHING ME! STOP TOUCHING ME!STOP TOUCHING ME! STOP TOUCHING ME!STOP TOUCHING ME!STOP TOUCHING ME!STOP TOUCHING ME!STOP TOUCHING ME!STOP TOUCHING ME!STOP!STOP!STOP TOUCHING ME!**

When my inner voice is reduced to a whimpering, I realize I need to try to calm down.  
Vomit is slowly rising up in my throat.  
I feel like I'm choking.  
It's blocking my airway.  
I need to calm down and find my happy place, but it's hard when their hands are still on me.  
I can feel them grazing the skin around the restraints on my ankles, wrists, stomach, and chest.

Anytime I feel warm hands on my skin, it never fails to send me back to that night.  
The heat from his hands had been scorching.  
The feel of the greasy concrete against my face.  
Hard and unforgiving.  
His strong, rancid breath hot against the back of my neck.

_Oh, God! I can't breathe!_

**Isabella! Stop!**

_I will NOT do this! No one can make me! I will not remember! I won't go back!_

With the restraint check complete, and only the slightest side-boob grazing from Perv1, I hear three sets of feet make their way to the door. Every step away from me soothes my troubled nerves.  
I can breathe again.  
The acidic bile slowly continues its descent back from whence it came.  
The heavy door closes with a muffled thump.  
The jingling of keys and the sound of the door bolt sliding home tells me I'm alone.

Since it's impossible to lift my thousand pound eyelids right now, I settle for doing a 'virtual' tour of my weekend retreat.  
I know from the trip down the hall - 13 lights and one left turn - that I'm in Quiet Room 3.  
It's a closet of a room - solid white with two lights set flush with the ceiling tiles, both covered by metal grates that are painted white of course.  
In case I somehow channeled my inner -Hulk, broke free from the leather straps securing me to the bed, and then pulled a Spiderman by climbing up to the ceiling, I guess the metal grates would stop me from grabbing the light bulbs.  
Drat. They foiled my master plan.

Whatever.

The walls in here are covered with 3x3 padded squares upholstered in white pleather.  
Everything is the same.  
White.  
White.  
And more white.

The door even blends in because it, too, is padded and pleathered.  
But I know where the escape is located, and that prevents me from feeling like a trapped animal.  
In this QR the camera is in the right corner, flush with the ceiling and perfectly positioned to watch your every move for the duration of your stay.  
My comfort comes from knowing that I'm safe.  
Well, as safe as someone like me can be.  
Lest we forget, I'm the danger magnet extraordinaire.  
In this room, though, I'm safe from perverted human scum, bitchy nurses, and the _real_crazy people.

_Ah, hell_.

I just remembered.  
I'm gonna miss my date with red eyes.  
_  
Not much I can do about it now._

**Next time, maybe you should think about the consequences before you pick up that spoon.**

_Know what? I'm no longer talking to you. I don't appreciate the attitude._

I'm sure my imaginary hottie will still be up for some staring at my window on Monday evening.

On that happy note, I allow myself to drift off for some much needed rest.


	2. To Boldly Go

**A/N:****Thank you to those who reviewed and put me on their alerts/faves!  
I'm thrilled!**

**Just so you know, I do have a plan in all of this madness. I even have an outline…I'm just not sure if people like my writing style. So, if you like it, stick with me ;) Things get more 'normal' after a few chaps.**

**Nov. '10: Beta'd by the fab Jasper's Destiny! She's, well, there are no words. Actually, there is one: AWESOME!**

**Disclaimer:****Don't own anything Twilight.**

**Chapter 2: To Boldly Go**

**Bella's POV**

Captain's Log.

Star Date: blah-blah-blah-point-blah.

Status: Imprisoned in Quiet Room 3.  
Closed-circuit monitoring active.  
Beaming me out is a no-go, Scottie.

Quick side-bar: You ever wonder who got stuck with the titillating job of listening to the Captain's Log?  
Or better yet, the first mate going on about what they ordered for breakfast and how much lovin' they talked the holodeck hoes into dishing out that day.

Pause to consider.  
You worked your futuristic ass off in that Starfleet Academy.  
The goal, I presume, "To boldly go where no man has gone before."  
(I guess defiling that freshman cadet in the janitor's closet didn't count.)  
And since you're so young, you don't realize that the blue, English-speaking race you would have encountered on the first rock you landed falls under the category of 'man'.  
Even if the shiny unitard they're strutting around in suggests otherwise.

But instead of following those lofty dreams, you get benched before you even have a chance to get off the ground.  
Here you sit in your cubicle, wading through the sea of endless, mundane jabber.  
_Bitch._  
_Bitch._  
_Bitch._  
"Data corrected my navigation skills in front of the lovely Commander Troy today."  
_Moan._  
_Moan._  
_Moan_.  
"I got an erection again when I was transported to the bridge today. Any complaints of inappropriate penis display should be disregarded. On a completely different note, I think the males of the crew should get less formfitting uniforms to prevent restriction of movement and aid in the concealment of weapons."  
(You know that last one would have been Picard. Kirk would have just bent an officer over her station and been done with it.)

When you finally do get to hear about some action that happened on a planet far, far away, all you can think is, "That should have been me seduced by the scantily-clad bandit with three ta -tas."

Face it.  
Your life sucks.

Of course, then I remember my life, and suddenly yours doesn't sound too bad.  
In fact, now I'm jealous.

Blinking rapidly, I come back to reality.  
It's probably a good thing these people don't know what occurs in my mind.  
I'm sure they'd add a few extra pills to my magic cocktail.  
_At least._

Lifting my head as high as I can, which is about one inch, I can see they've put in an IV to make sure I don't dehydrate and, of course, that I get my meds.  
Wouldn't want me to go without, would they?  
Shifting my hips slightly, I notice they went ahead and added a cath while I was out this last time.  
What a nice surprise.  
Who doesn't love a tube up their urethra?  
Better than a Hallmark card.  
It does solve one problem. I don't have to pee.  
I just feel like I have to pee. There's a big difference.  
Just one more thing to keep my mind off of.  
I'll just focus on something else.  
Like what the hell is plastered onto my cheek?

Oh.

Drool + crazy bed hair = matted mess cemented to my cheek. _Simple mathematics._

**Come on, Isabella, put your thinking cap on and come up with a solution.**

_Look, I know I'm good, but let's be realistic. Do straps ring a bell?_

**Realistic? Really, a little late for that, don't you think?**

_Alright. I'm all over this one._

_If I just keep rubbing my head back and forth a few times perhaps I can pull it free._

**Perhaps not.**

_Rubbing_...

**Please STOP.**

_Why?_

**Need I remind you the last time we did this we ended up with the beginnings of a bald spot on the back of the head? Our only saving grace in that disaster was a tangled patch of peach fuzz. I, for one, don't want to walk around looking like an infant that's been left on its back too long without being able to roll over.**

_Oh! I'll try to lick it._

**Crazy girl says what?**

_Huh?_

**What is this master plan?**

_If I can get it wet again, it should come off._

I'm pretty sure whoever is watching the monitor today is eating this shit up.  
Prime time entertainment is here.  
Reality TV- at its best.  
Secured to a hard, plastic-covered bed with leather straps.  
_Kinky, I know._  
Dressed in this season's hottest pale green hospital gown with oh-so-attractive, old lady, non-slip booties on my feet, I've gone from trying to rub my thighs together unsuccessfully to rubbing my head roughly on the bed to now trying to lick my own cheek.

**With very little success, I might add.**

These are the stories they tell their friends while getting a drink at the local bar after work.

"**Don't do it!"** a voice growls.

"_Too late_," a sing-song voice responds.

Since Plan Lick-It-Off was an epic fail, I did the only thing left to do.  
I turn my head as far as I could and just let the loogie I'd just hocked up spill from my mouth and run down my face.

It will take a while before I know if this is a win.  
You have to take into consideration the speed of the thick mucus and the distance said mucus has to travel.  
Algebraic equations and shit.

I doubt my hair would've stuck like that in the first place if I'd been able to wash it this week.  
But nooooooo!  
Ashley had to ruin it for everyone.  
It was just…well, insane.  
There's no other way to describe this fucking situation.  
No, insane is pretty much all-encompassing here.

I know she's in here for a substance abuse problem.  
I get that.  
I'm also aware that she needed a fix; something to get her through her day.  
Me comprehend.  
But I fail to see what possessed her to chug her shampoo.  
I just don't get it.  
The alcohol content is incredibly low, and it's just nasty.  
Do they _even_ have a support group for that?

"My name is Ashley."  
"Hi Ashley," the group mutters in a low monotone. "I've been dirty for 3 weeks."  
Quiet, modest applause sounds around the room.  
"The last time, I promised I wouldn't hit that stuff again. It's been hard. I started off with Paul Mitchell, and slowly I just used whatever I could get my hands on." She pauses but then continues in a quiet, ashamed voice, "Even Suave."  
At this point she breaks down into heavy sobs.  
And the group applauds her for the epic struggle she faces daily.

I usually wouldn't hate.  
What do I care if she wants to use her conditioner as body wash or if she has a rather intimate relationship with her soap?  
None of my biz.  
_However_, when you drink your whole bottle of shampoo, sway around the dayroom like you've had one too many shots, and then proceed to puke a strange mix of lime jello and piña colada-scented bubbly goo in front of the nurses, who then confiscate anything with any alcohol in it whatsoever, you and I now have a problem.

**I don't like greasy hair, bitch.**

_I'll think up something special for her later._

As I lie here, waiting for my saliva to do its thing, I'm suddenly curious.  
Did Red show last night?  
Will he come back since I was unavailable?  
Do I care?  
Is it really healthy to look forward to seeing your imaginary friend?  
Is it okay he's my _only_ friend?

**Better question:** **Are you sure he's imaginary?**

_Of course he is, silly._

If not, wouldn't he have better things to do than to stare at me for 30 minutes each day?  
If he was interested in me, he would have drained me long ago.  
But he can't because he's not real.

_Try to break through that logic of steel._

I don't mind really.  
Either way.  
It gives me something to look forward to at the end of the day.  
I mean, I used to just gaze at the Dogwood tree.  
It's a nice tree, don't get me wrong, but he's...something else.

Dirty blond hair, parted down the middle.  
Hanging loosely, the ends just brush his upper jaw when it falls forward.  
Oh, the jaw.  
Strong.  
Like all of his features.  
He looks like someone chiseled him out of white marble.  
Which is ironic because, if he was real, that's probably what he'd feel like to the touch.  
Hard, smooth and cool.  
How he can be both a work of art and look like a man's man all at the same time is beyond me.  
But facts are facts.

There's not a trace of boy on that body of his.  
At all.  
No, sir.  
All certified, grade-A man meat.

What's strange, besides his previously stated 'imaginary status' is that there's no tingle when I look at him.  
No spark.  
No gathering wetness.  
I don't know why.  
It is strange though.  
I mean, he's a marquee on the strip flashing "Fuck Me!" in blinding lights.  
From his deep crimson eyes and wicked smirk to the tight-fitting tees and dark-wash jeans to the large, black shit kickers on his size thirteens.  
Everything about the man screams, "Big O."  
Confidence and sex appeal ooze from the cocky bastard.  
But it does nothing for me.  
Nada.  
Zilch.  
I mean, I can recognize the heat, but nothing's cooking.

It's a bit depressing.

A tiny voice whispers from deep within the recesses of my FOS that maybe_that_ part of me is gone.  
Not gone…  
_Destroyed._  
There is a good chance it is broken beyond repair.  
Some things simply are not fixable.  
This is not a simple patch job.  
No rigging it into working order.  
All the king's horses and all the king's men can't do shit this time.  
On that summer day, on that hard floor…

**NO! NO! NO!**

The poison flowing through the IV must be kicking in.

_Damn it._

I hate the IV.  
It's a perpetual sneak attack.  
No way of counting the minutes by swallowing.  
No way of knowing when to expect the effects of the drugs.**  
**No way to be prepared for the fight.

_Damn it._ _I'll just be more vigilant. Boy scout and shit._

**Well, I guess we don't have anything better planned for today.**

As I shake my head to hush that rogue thought of a past better left in the past, I feel my brittle hair break away from my face.

_Victory!_

**Cue theme music...**

Once again I drift off to my blissfully dreamless sleep.


	3. Floating down that River

**Thanks so much for all of the reviews and for putting this little fic on your alerts and faves! **

**This chapter has been reposted after some fuck-awesome beta works by the fuck-awesome Jasper's Destiny. As always, any remaining errors are mine. **

**Disclaimer:** **I don't own Twilight.**

**Floating Down That River**

**Bella's POV**

I'm not exactly sure how much time has elapsed since I was brought to this marshmallow land, but I can only hope I'm nearing the end of my sojourn here.

_You think if I licked one of these walls it would be sweet like a marshmallow?_

**What is your sudden fascination with licking?  
**_  
Just curious. No need to be witchy._

**Well, if you must know, I'm 99% sure that if you licked any of these padded walls they would taste like ass.**

_So, that's a no._

**Yep.**

_Ok. Moving on..._

I'm having mixed feelings about my upcoming departure from The Quiet Room.  
It's peaceful here.  
I'm sad to leave, but it does have its advantages.

Yes, I would prefer to have full range of motion available to call upon.  
In case of emergency itching and such.  
Wiping of the nose, and things of this importance.  
Things people usually take for granted until they find themselves in this type of predicament.

**You do realize only a very small percentage of the population will find themselves in this **_**type**_** of situation.**

_Continuing inner rambling now._

Being in this room offered me a small amount of security.  
Perv 1 and his merry band of losers couldn't touch me with Big Brother watching my back.  
Well, technically my front.  
A rare surge of gratitude prompts me to shoot a wink at my little friend, who is hanging out in the corner.  
The red light returns my wink, and a small, almost imperceptible smile graces my lips.

_Yeah, baby._

**Should I worry that you are flirting with the surveying equipment?**

_Don't see why._

**Whoever is monitoring your 'friend' is probably checking the chart to see what exactly they put in that drip this morning.**

_I care not. Whether they understand it or not, they protected us this weekend, and that deserves gratitude._

**You know, if things go tits up out there, you can always just start some shit and they'll deliver you back here in 30 minutes or less.**  
**Faster than Pizza Hut.  
**  
_Let's call that Plan B._ _And I'm going to ignore the fact that you referred to me as food for time's sake._ _It's not funny.  
_  
**Suit yourself.**

Just thinking about missing Red again produces a long, dramatic sigh from me.

**Why, for the love of elephants, are you still obsessing about Red?  
**  
_I'm not obsessing.  
_  
**Just keep floating down that river.  
**  
_What river?  
_  
**The river of De-Nile, baby cakes. The river of De-Nile.**

_I'm not obsessing. I'd know if I was obsessing. And I don't. So, obviously, I'm not._

**Logic of steel again?**

_Damn skippy._

**So you're not obsessed?**  
**According to Mr. Webster, if you think about someone all the time, it's called 'obsession'.**

_Well,_ _that sure is interesting, but nope._  
_No obsession here._

**Uh huh. Sure.**

_Why do I get the feeling that you don't believe me?_

**Cause I don't.**  
**Hey, I have an idea!**  
**Since he's just a product of your screwed up psyche, why not just conjure him up?**  
**Obviously you need someone to talk to.**

_First, I'm not Harry-fucking-Potter. I don't conjure jack._  
_Have you ever seen me waving around wood and magic-ing up shit?_  
_B, I haven't talked in about a year. Why mess with a good thing?_  
_And number three, I can't. _

_I already tried._

**Can't what? Talk? Sure you can.**  
**You have an extensive vocab. I have seen it in action.**  
**Even if you take out all the profanity, I'm sure there is still quite a bit left to work with.**

_No, I mean I can't make him appear._  
_Apparently my delusions aren't made-to-order._

**Or…maybe, and I'm just throwing this out there, but **_**maybe**_** he's not in your head.**  
**Maybe he's a **_**real**_** boy.**

_Whatevs._  
_You know as well as I do that he has to be in my head._

He just _has_ to be.

**Well, of course. You're right. Can't argue with that reasoning.**

_You can go straight to…_

**LALALALALALA.**  
**That's not nice.**  
**Words hurt, you know?**

Since I'm no longer talking to myself, I think back to the first day he appeared.

Had I been wishing for a big, strong man to come along and save me?  
Nope.  
That ship sailed a long, _long_ time ago.  
That ship sailed, infested with rats and carrying a mutant strain of the bubonic plague. And tragically, with no survivors on board to guide it safely into harbor, it ran aground.  
Yep. It sailed and it sank.

Was I wondering when the grim reaper would finally come to claim the soul he'd been gunning after for the last four years?  
Yep.  
Was I hoping he'd put me out of my misery soon?  
Just like every other fucking day.

So what changed on this day?

It's a Friday and three weeks before my spectacular self-defense with a spoon.  
The day is unseasonably warm for September in the Northeast.  
The clouds hang heavy and low,  
sagging in the gray sky.  
They're so full that if I was just a bit taller I might be able to reach up and grab a handful.

The nurses and orderlies had been instructed to take us out for some exercise and fresh air.  
The weather permits, so they comply.  
Much to their collective chagrin, they escort twenty of the patients out to the exercise yard.

Down we ride from the second floor.  
Groups of seven.  
Five inmates.  
Two staffers.

We move through three key card-access only doors, past the final security checkpoint - the only one actually manned – and finally outside to the private patient courtyard.

I know it well.  
My room on the second floor overlooks it all.  
I think it's particularly lovely in the fall.  
A football field and a half of green grass lined with trees all the way around.

True, the trees serve to camouflage the eight-foot fence from the outside world.  
It's a reminder that we are no longer welcome in society.  
I couldn't care less.  
Their towering forms also shield us from prying eyes.  
Privacy.  
Well, the _illusion_ of privacy in a place where no privacy exists.

I do wish that they had planted them on our side of the fence.  
Perhaps they didn't think us running around with sticks was a good thing.  
An orderly is required to inspect the grounds before we come out to assure nothing dangerous or too tempting has wandered into our world by mistake.

I can't bring myself to care.

Out here is the illusion of freedom.  
And I'm in my happy place.  
I stand in the center of the left side of the courtyard.  
Just observing.  
Cataloging.  
Breathing.

A fellow inmate immediately sits on the ground and tastes the dirt.  
Two attempt to make snow angels in the three-inch grass.  
Six of the lifers stand with their backs to the building and smoke cigs while they chat with a few of the more laid back staff.  
Three women sit in a circle on the damp grass, where they pick dandelions and tie the ends together.  
They're making crowns because what girl doesn't want to be a princess?  
The rest mill about, wandering aimlessly, some in pairs and some solo.

And then there's me.  
I stand and gaze at the trees, admiring nature's handiwork.  
How can one not?  
Each tree is perfectly dressed for the season in a celebration of brilliant colors - hues of orange, red, purple, green, brown, and numerous shades in between.  
The late blooms of the season twirl, mesmerizing, on their final descent, riding the strong breeze that is just a precursor for the coming storm.

Here I stand.  
I breathe as deeply as I can, relishing in the crisp, clean scent of aging blossoms and rain.  
No stale, recycled air.  
No over-powering bleach to sting the senses.  
No obnoxious citrus chemicals fighting to conquer the ever-present urine odor or stench of vomit.

Fresh air.  
Nothing but fresh air.

As if someone calls my name, I turn my head a click to the left.  
There he stands under my favorite Dogwood tree, in the left corner about 10 yards from the fence.  
He captures my full attention, which in and of itself is a great feat.  
I notice every everything and most of the nothings.  
No fact is too insignificant for my notice, but I think he deserves no less than my all for the moment.

Red.  
He's handsome, for sure, but in my year at this facility I have never seen a person on the other side of the fence.  
But, that's not what captivates me.

After ogling him for a minute, I meet his scrutinizing gaze.  
Deep, crimson pools bore into me.  
My heart, that treacherous organ, stutters in recognition just for a second.  
No one else would notice.  
But as I am still gazing into his calculating eyes, I know he did.  
He knows that I know who he is.  
No. Not a who, but a what.  
I know _what_ he is.

And I know that he knows that I know what he is.

My inner voice attempts to narrate the fierce struggle I can see playing in his vast mind.

Innocent vamp wanders around.  
"Oh look, they let them out to graze. This should be entertaining. I've got nothing but time, and this should provide at least one tale to tell my boys over a pint of O-neg tonight."  
Then he spots strange girl staring at him.  
He sniffs with his advanced sniffer and his mouth waters.  
He wipes away the drool gathering at the corner of his mouth.  
"Maybe I'll pick up one for the road."  
But he notices the girl is still staring at him.  
"Curious. She's not flinching away or shifting her gaze."  
Insane girl is still staring.  
" She knows. Oh, shit, she knows. How does she know? She knows, does it matter how? Oh, shit. What do I do?"  
He continues that 'shit-state the obvious-question-shit cycle' for a while.

I'm surprised smoke doesn't start shooting from his ears from the effort it's taking to find a solution to the dilemma he's literally just walked himself into.  
He narrows his choices down.  
Fight or flight.  
Run away and ignore the girl who knows too much or kidnap her and have dinner?  
He's obviously stuck on the shit cycle, so I decide to help him out.  
Good Samaritan, and all that jazz.

Maintaining contact with his soulful, slightly confused but now blackened orbs, I slowly tilt my head to the right.  
Continuing in slow motion - even for a human - my right hand moves across my body to sweep my hair from the left side and secure it over my right shoulder.  
Then I lift my right hand to my mouth and poke my tongue out to moisten the tips of my index and middle fingers.  
At the speed of smell, I bring my wet fingertips over to caress my exposed jugular and then lazily give it three strong taps.  
I'm pretty sure his eyes widen at this display.  
But I'm not done, of course.  
At last, I take another deep breath and exhale in a whisper quieter than the winds swirling around us, "Suck it."  
And because I can be foolish when I'm feeling especially bitch-tastic, I slowly raise my eyebrow in a silent 'come get some' challenge.

His face remains encased in an emotionless mask that is aggravatingly familiar.

**Vamp 101. I bet they have to learn that shit before they grant them permission to sparkle.**

I'm an observant human, though, and I catch several emotions playing in his eyes.  
Shock.  
Curiosity.  
A few flutter past too quickly, and then they're gone.  
And finally…, pride?  
Strange.

Before we can continue our silent exchange, I am brought back to earth by a deep bass starting to count off.

_Evan._

**OH, YES!**A voice in my head squeals in fiendish delight as another sighs exasperatedly.

_Not again._

Evan is my favorite person in this place.  
He's a by-the-book orderly who doesn't take shit from anyone.  
And he never abuses his authority.  
True, he really doesn't have an abundance of authority, but still.  
He never cops a feel on the women, and neither does anyone else when he's working.  
He doesn't make the patients jump through hoops for their meds - or, for me, my extra clothes after they come back from the laundry.  
He does his job well.  
He even shows respect for people no one considers 'people' anymore.  
He is feared by few, liked by some, and respected by all.  
The fact that he's built like a linebacker helps when he has to be an enforcer.

This brings us to Z.

Zeke is a patient diagnosed as severely bi-polar/manic depressive.  
His extremes are…well, extreme.  
'Highs' like the peaks of Kilimanjaro.  
'Lows' like Britney's career after she shaved her head and gained 20lbs.  
He killed his wife during one of his episodes.  
He was declared clinically insane by a jury of his peers.  
He's in for life, but he's not too happy about it.  
I'd think he'd be tickled pink about not being his cellmate's bitch for the rest of his life.  
But that's just me.

Every time we have time outside, he wanders aimlessly for the first thirty minutes - long enough that he starts to think the staff has been lulled into some false sense of security.  
Then, like clockwork, he makes a run for freedom.

**Moron.**

The eight-foot chain-linked fence.  
Did I mention it's hot?  
A metal cord runs along the top with enough voltage to singe the hair on your head.  
Oh, I'm sure it won't cause permanent damage.  
Much.  
Who really wants us to have the ability to procreate?  
Yeah. No permanent damage.  
Just a healthy deterrent for future would-be escapees.

So, it has begun.  
Z runs and Evan starts the countdown.  
"ONE!" his voice booms across the courtyard.  
"TWO!"he adds louder.  
Z's almost to the fence, and Evan takes off like a thoroughbred off of the block.  
As he begins, "THR-," it gets cut short in the sound of Zeke's not insubstantial body being ploughed into the ground.  
A hard THUMP resonates so strong that I almost feel the tremors in the soil beneath my feet.

I personally think Mr. E should just let him climb to the top of the damn thing once.  
I am sure once his balls retreat north due to the voltage coursing through his body that this whole thing would no longer be an issue.

Maybe Evan honestly enjoys tackling the shit out of Z.  
It is highly entertaining to watch.  
Of course, I'm biased.  
Zeke's crazy ass has developed a certain fondness for me lately.  
He hasn't done anything besides be your run-of-the-mill creeper.  
However, after the way he ended his last relationship, I'm sure anyone can understand my reluctance to willingly become the next object of his affections.  
Completely understandable.

See, people **think** I'm not right in the head, but they **know** he's not.  
It's a very important distinction.

As one of the nurses exposes Z's ass and plunges the needle roughly into his flesh, I turn away.  
I already know how _that_ ends.  
My eyes wander back to the Dogwood of their own accord, only to be slightly disappointed that he's disappeared.

As I eat my bland hospital food at dinner a few hours later, I'm made aware that today is my birthday.  
I slowly make my way to my room to spend a little while sitting alone before lights out.  
I sit in my chair and eat my stale Hostess cupcake as I watch the storm rage outside my window.  
Today is my birthday.  
My 21st birthday.  
I spend ninety-five percent of my time trying to forget that I ever had a life outside of these walls.  
It hurts to remember, and I am no masochist.

But every now and then I need to remember.  
Not everything.  
No.  
That's something I may not be able to come back from.  
No.  
I need to remember _why_ I'm here.  
Why I _stay_.  
Being here is the only thing keeping _them_ safe.  
Although they may have forgotten me and long ago stopped caring about me, it doesn't change the facts.  
They are able to lead normal lives, out of the danger of the supernatural, as long as I remain here.  
So here is where I will stay.

**Not a masochist; a martyr.**

The next evening, after I finish eating as little as possible in the dayroom with the other patients, I go into my room.  
Shutting the door behind me as always, I stroll toward the simple desk chair that is placed in front of the window.  
I grab my book off the desk as I pass by.  
I know I won't read it, but it feels nice to hold it.  
Like a security blanket, the comfort remains long after it has outlived its purpose.

Before I sit, I turn to glance at my tree through the bars that are affixed to the outside of my window.  
Once again leaning against the trunk of my tree is the mystery vamp.  
At that very instant, he lifts his head and our eyes are locked together with all the force of a tractor beam.  
As I stare, I begin pondering.  
What is the chance that he just happened to glance at my window at that exact moment?  
There are three stories and 86 windows just on this side of the building alone.  
How did he know that I would be at this exact window at this exact moment?  
That's a hell of a coincidence.

The timing is not too impressive, I guess.  
They run a tight ship here as far as scheduling goes.  
The routine is to provide stability for our troubled minds where there otherwise is no stability.  
But this is our free time, so I didn't _have_ to come here.  
I always do, but I didn't have to.

I finally remember some of my manners after the initial shock wears off.  
I wave to him with my left hand in greeting. My right hand still clutches my book.  
I don't really expect a response, which is good because he doesn't give one.

**How rude.**

From what I can tell, he still looks like he's in shock - even more so now than during that first glance.

_How odd_.

Thirty minutes later, he disappears.  
He literally vanishes right before my eyes, almost the exact second I focus on something else.  
Any real vamp would have just drained me or decided I wasn't worth the effort.  
As I go to take a shower, my superior reasoning deduces that he was not real.  
He was just another crack in my already fragile state of mind.

But he continues to come every day.  
And he always offers a small wave before settling into our stare down - maybe to cover his lack of manners the first time, or maybe because I want him to.

He's a product of my wishful thinking; a dream I can no longer dream at night.  
So instead he takes shape during the day.  
And I, admittedly, find comfort in this fact.

I hope to see him again.  
I'd hate for even people of my own making to give up hope in me.

**OBSESSING!**

_I'm not… Oh, never mind._

**That's the spirit!**

_Hardy har-har._

**You aren't going through a pirate phase, are you? Cause I'm not cleaning up bird shit.**

_No need to worry. Multi-colored feathers are _so_ not my thing._

**Oh! Did you see Perv1 in those scrubs on Thursday?**

_Ewww._That lovely memory cues a full body shudder.  
_Thanks for reminding me.  
_  
**I guess the more appropriate question would be what did you **_**not**_** see of the Perv in those scrubs?**  
**They were not flattering.**

_Yeah, his family jewels didn't seem bigger than a__carat__though.  
_  
**And you're welcome for the distraction.**

As I hear the locking mechanism disengage and the door groan open, I catch my first glimpse of human life in two days.  
The ones who check the IV and such only come in while I am passed out.  
I cock my head to the side, enough to see Captain Oblivious and Jeremy walking toward me cautiously.  
Like I'm going to run off if they startle me.  
When I try to offer the doc a small smile, even I can tell that it's ended up being more of a grimace.  
A smile, no matter how small, feels wrong on my lips.  
A lie.  
Foreign.  
Painful.

Captain O either doesn't notice how wrong it looks or he's just pleased with the mediocre effort I've put forth.  
He moves closer to the bed with a jovial smile of his own.  
I stop my half-ass attempt at smiling.  
Apparently this sparks his memory on why he's actually here.

Straightening slightly, he begins. "Bella?"  
_"Isabella,"_ I correct inwardly.  
I show no sign that he spoke until he sighs and begins again."Isabella."  
I turn my head enough to see his face, but I don't initiate eye contact.  
They always misconstrue that as a sign you want to talk.

"I believe this time has been beneficial for you, and I am overjoyed that isolation will not be necessary," Cap explains.  
**  
We need to be more careful. Did you hear the unspoken 'yet' at the end of that statement?**

_Yeah. He may not have said it, but it's there._

"I'm going to give you a sedative for when we take out the IV and cath and remove the restraints. This always helps you with the reintegration process. You drift off now, and when you awake you'll be back in your own bed."

_I wish._

**So, are we shutting all systems down, matey?**

_The pirate jokes are going to be here for a while, aren't they?_

**I'm afraid so, Captain.**

_Rest will be better than the alternative._

And with that we sail away wishing for calmer seas, no bird shit, and friendlier ports in the near future.


	4. First Contact

**A/N: Thank you to all who review! It encourages me to continue this story.  
This story contains violence, foul language, and sex…eventually. It gets a little darker as we go, so if you're not an adult or if you have issues with any of the above, please stop reading. I enjoy writing but I'm not setting out to permanently scar folks. M'kay?**

**This chapter has been beta-read by the FABULOUS Jasper's Destiny and reposted.**

**DISCLAIMER: I'm not S. Meyer. If I was, Breaking Dawn wouldn't have happened.**

**Chapter 4: First Contact**  
**Red's POV**

Scars.

Some folks feel ashamed and hide them. Whether it's to make themselves feel untarnished and untouched by the perceived ugliness for a moment, or whether they simply want to save themselves from the awkward stares and curious sideways glances of strangers, there are always some folks who try to cover their scars. The trouble with hidin' is that it encourages someone to take up the challenge of seekin'. There's always some cat who's too curious and who doesn't comprehend that that curiosity will be their demise. Or yours.

Some folks wear their scars with pride. The pride can be based in vanity for the boost it provides to the ego, but usually these physical wounds are slight and superficial. The pride can also be due to how one earned their marks, such as a firefighter who rushes into a burning building to save a complete stranger and comes away with only half of the face they went in wearin'. To these, the price is worth the sacrifice, or at least they know it should be. The pride can also come from knowin' you've been to hell, took the grand tour, been Satan's bare-bottomed bitch, and lived to tell the tale - not that you'd tell that tale often, but those scars are that of a survivor.

Some folks view their body as a map of sorts. Their marks show where they've been and are a physical recording of their personal history. No need for "Dear Diary, Dad smacked me across my back with his leather belt tonight," when you have the imprint of half of the 'S' from his belt buckle engraved forever along your spine. It's their history, their been-there-done-that, except instead of a postcard... well, you get the idea.

My opinion is I don't have one. An opinion, that is. Scars… I've got plenty. Maybe I don't understand what the big fuckin' deal is because I'm a man…vampire…whatever. Maybe a pussy is required to fully comprehend the gravity of this question. Then again, my mate has never had trouble acceptin' hers, so maybe not - scars, not pussy. Before that moment, I'd honestly never given the subject any thought. My personal philosophy has been they just _are_. They just _are_.

I like to believe myself a simple man, but I am not a simpleton. My scars - my healed battle wounds - are what they are. They exist. Whether the scars are physical or 'other', they just are.

Like the sun that rises in the East and goes to bed on the same western horizon every day. Like the sky that will still be home to the sparrows on the morrow. Like the rivers of our land that cut their paths wherever they please. Like the snow-capped mountains reaching toward the heavens. They just _are_.

I don't question their existence. There's no need. I can see them, touch them, tread upon them. But to ponder why they're there? To ask why they were put there? I've got better things to do with my time. They just _are_.

So, naturally, it shocked the shit out of me when the thing I notice about someone is their scars. I would've had to change my boxers right then and there if I'd been human.

It was the first time that I saw_her_.

I'd been out for a walk. Charlotte had been gone for only a week on her one-woman rescue mission. She'd refused to let me come. I know, I know - I'm a damn vampire, for fuck's sake. Unfortunately, so is she. Once Lil' Pete gets threatened, I stand down. I knew she would be fine. It just made me uneasy to be without my mate. But she is strong, capable, and resourceful. So may your gods help you if you fuck with her or get in her way because you'll need all the help you can muster. Last time she called, she threatened my boys if I didn't stop whinin' and bitchin', so to save my man parts I decided to take a walk.

As I wandered through the city at a leisurely pace, I realized I'd need to hunt tonight. I'd gone hunting with Char before she'd left, but I hadn't left the house since then. Now, even scents hours old were scorchin' my throat. Lucky for me, there were always plenty of vagrants and low-life criminals in this size of a city. Someone has to cull the herd - remove the sick and evil - so others might thrive and flourish. As I continued thinking about my humanitarian duties, a thought whispered in the back of my mind, barely registerin', but I understood.

Oakforest Behavior Center.

Now I had a choice. I could go and see what this nonsense was about or I could turn and go the other way, daydreaming about what Char and I had done after the hunt…

Decisions, decisions…

I guess I could check it out. It's not like I can't squeeze it into my 'hectic' schedule. I hope it is just nonsense, but I had a feelin' this was big - like Bigfoot's dong _big_. I don't deal well with big shit when my mate is not by my side; however, I'd be foolish not to at least walk by. Those thoughts are hardly if ever superfluous, probably because even the powers-that-be know that if they sent me on a bunch of wild goose chases, I'd never listen to any of those 'suggestions'.

And suggestions they are; not orders or missions. I choose what I listen to and what I ignore. I am ruled by nothing. Unless you ask Char, then I'll readily admit she owns my sparklin' ass. If you could get a woman like that, she'd own your ass too. My gift, if you want to call it that, works for me. It's a tool at my disposal; just one of many that I choose to utilize sometimes and bench at other times.

I don't consider myself as one of those super vamps with special abilities. Then again, I probably wouldn't unless I could shit chili and piss tropical punch because that would be a true power, not to mention I could solve world hunger one dump at a time. Nah, I just have a sixth sense, if you will. I like to say I'm just perceptive, just observant. No big fuckin' deal. When I get these random thoughts out of left field, it doesn't matter what I'd like to claim or not. Sometimes I just know shit - shit I neither ask to know about nor care about. It's saved my ass a few times, so I keep my bitchin' to a minimum.

Unlike super vamps, I don't depend on my 'gift'. It could be because it's not reliable all the time, or it could be because I can't control it. I'm not a Magic 8-Ball or Sylvia Brown, so don't ask. It could just be that I don't believe in placing too much faith in the unseen. But my momma, God rest her soul, didn't raise no fool, which is why I ended up underneath a Dogwood tree.

As I watched the clouds roll in from the West, I heard the shufflin' feet of a group comin' out of the building. I slowly peeked my head out from behind the tree, where I was blocked from the sight of the approaching group, and for the first time I noticed the fence. Hell, there goes my 'perceptive' bragging rights. How the hell had I missed the massive chain link fence that's slightly buzzin' not ten feet from where I stand? As I consider why the hell it's buzzin' in the first place, I spot the "Danger: High Voltage" sign. That's good to know. It finally dawned on me that the electric fence isn't to keep others out; the danger is _within_. If it makes them feel better, then by all means…

I continued to watch the residents and workers of this facility file out into the field. I observed from my hiding spot, though it's pretty safe to say they wouldn't pay me any attention if I was standing in front of them naked as a jay bird with Lil' Pete flappin' wildly in the wind. I kid you not. Behavioral Center, my ass - this was an asylum. I saw someone eat dirt, and he wasn't a toddler. I may not be well-versed on 'normal' human behavior, but I've been around long enough to know this ain't it.

No, sir.

Just before I could call 'fuck it' and haul my ass out of there, I saw _her_.

I was so shocked from seeing the madness around me that I had unintentionally taken a step to the side and out into full view. I was honestly shocked. There's just no other way to explain it. She was standin' in the middle of the field, which in and of itself was an oddity because everyone else was movin', twitchin', smoking', singin' under their breath, playin' with flowers, rollin' in the grass, talkin'… Everybody was doing _something_ except her.

She stood in the midst of chaos, calm, appearin' at peace with the world. She looked like an angel cast down from heaven…because beyond a doubt, she _has_ fallen. The only movement as she stood gazin' at the sky was the rise and fall of her chest. With her head angled upward, I caught a small glimpse of three scars that started at the base of her neck and disappeared immediately into the collar of her gown. What I saw - that small glimpse - was enough to send a chill down my spine. Those scars looked awfully deep. I didn't want to imagine what lay beneath, but she now held my full attention. She slowly lowered her head. Her scars were hidden from my sight again, and I was thankful. She watched the trees with rapt attention. Once again, her only movements were the ones to take deep breaths of the fresh air blowing in from the storm front.

I began to study her. Even though it was a warmer day, she had on multiple layers - white leggings under her hospital gown, what appeared to be another hospital gown reversed and tied in the front, and to top it off, a long, gray button-up sweater open in the front, though it went to her knees. Her hair fell in slight waves just below her shoulders. She was a natural beauty, though she looked as if she was in need of a few good meals to fatten her up a bit. Ten or twenty pounds would do her body good. White gloves covered her hands, and I found myself more curious. So, I kept observin'.

I reminded myself of the need to move to appear normal, which wasn't necessarily a problem here, so I shifted my weight from my right foot to my left, and that drew her attention. She zeroed in on me and I quickly looked down to avoid her eyes, sure that her attention would be short-lived. After all, there were more trees to be watched. But as I lifted my head to check, she captured me in her penetrating stare.

For a chick in a mental institute, she seemed very…aware. I could see her thoughts playin' behind her eyes - her deep brown eyes that held too much hurt and pain and numbness. They seemed to scream all-knowing in one moment and then incredible emptiness in the next. She had been through her own war but had not come away whole. As she stared into my eyes, I saw her curiosity, and then I sensed recognition. _She knows_. And to confirm my theory, her heart stuttered for a fraction of a second.

Shit.

_She knows_.

As questions and expletives flew through my brain at an alarmin' rate, even for me, a small part of me acknowledged that she still hadn't looked away. Her heart was beatin' normally again. She wasn't experiencing that increase of adrenaline that normally comes with shock and fear. No, she just held my gaze. I began to think she really was crazy.

What was I supposed to do now? Fuck! Damn us all to hell, but I couldn't just let her go on livin' here with knowledge of our world. Actually, I probably could have, but something didn't seem right. I didn't feel right leaving her here – or anywhere, for that matter - with any knowledge of us. There were only so many options available though.

I couldn't kill her. I decided that automatically. I mean, I could, but I wouldn't. I've done a lot in my undead life that I ain't proud of, but thinkin' about drainin' her, or even snappin' her neck, made me feel sick. Physically ill. Holy hell! Can vampires even get nauseous? I was over a hundred years old, for fuck's sake. I'd fought in wars so horrible that of the few that survived, the majority had to be put down for flippin' their shit. And vampires who flip their shit don't go to the local 'behavioral institute'. I wondered if this was me finally going crazy… Was there an early insanity detection kit I could buy on EBay? Maybe I could pee on a stick and get two lines for crazy.

She was still starin' at me, but what brought me out of the circle jerk of shit that I was knee-deep in was that she _moved_, slowly, like she was scared of frightenin' me off. _Strange_. Then she did the last thing I'd ever expect a human to do - she offered herself up like a turkey at Thanksgiving. As I watched her display, I noted her scent. She did smell good; damn good, in fact. But even as the slightest bit of venom coated my teeth, a thought whispered that she was not to eat. I felt inclined to listen. I kept my eyes locked with hers while makin' sure I didn't miss any of her movements with my peripheral vision.

Once again, this frail human had my complete attention. In the slowest of slow motion, she tilted her head and cleared her hair away from one side of her neck. Then maintainin' her lack of speed with surprisin' grace, she brought her hand to her mouth and licked her fingertips. Oh, no…I had a feeling I knew where this was headed, but I didn't like the path. She brought her hand up to her neck and tapped roughly a few times, bringin' that pulsin' vein to the surface.

Then she breathed the two words that sealed her fate. "Suck it."

At that moment I felt a sort of kinship with this woman standing so bravely and so foolishly in front of me. I didn't know her story, but I knew enough for now. Her story was big and bad, and she obviously hadn't gotten her happily-ever-after. But she was still standin', damn it. She hadn't walked away unscathed, but she was still standing. She was a survivor.

She was so pale that her skin seemed translucent. I had to struggle to not turn my complete focus to the vein now throbbing with her delicious life force. She needed it much more than I did at the moment. Besides, I wanted answers, and she was the only one who could give them to me. For a brief moment, I was unjustifiably angry that she would so freely offer herself up to a stranger.

She continued to shock the sense right out of me when she raised her eyebrow in what I knew was a silent challenge.

Oh, hell, yeah! She's not only a survivor, she's a fuckin' warrior! I was borderline giddy. How could there be so many contradictions rolled up into one small package? A frail body, a strong yet fragile mind, and a fighter's spirit… She'd had me at "Suck it," but she'd sealed the deal with the eyebrow. Luckily, I had nothing but an abundance of free time now with Charlotte away, and I'd found a new hobby. I'd always wanted to be a stalker.

Again, thoughts that were mine but _not_ skittered across the recesses of my mind, saying she'd make us whole. How this broken girl could do that, I had no idea. Another thought told me she was worth it, and I believed it. My gift may have brought me to her today, but the string she'd just wrapped around my fuckin' heart would keep me comin' back. I chose her and, heaven help me, I had no inklin' of an idea where we would go from here.

A disruption broke out across the yard and it called her attention away from me, so I reluctantly hid until she had gone back inside. I needed time to think without her staring at me. She seemed to know too much.

The clouds finally released their heavy burden, and I stayed rooted to the spot. Over the crash of the thunder and the splatter of rain drops, I listened to the noises in the building. Gotta love that supersonic hearing.

After decipherin' and weedin' out the background sounds, I finally located her. She hadn't spoken since the whisper in the breeze, and she still didn't. The only thing that identified her was her heartbeat. It was unique, and I was thankful for the slight murmur that made it so. She sat with a group while eating and then made her way to what I assumed was her room. I watched as she stared through the heavy rain at the tree I was standin' under, sheltered slightly by the branches above.

She looked pitifully small and lonely as I looked at her through the shatter-proof double panes and bars of her window. I knew the rain was too strong for her to see me, but I liked knowin' she was in her room, safe, before I left her until tomorrow. Promptly, thirty minutes later, she was told to begin lights-out procedure.

"Goodnight." Shit. I didn't even know her name. I smiled as I thought about how she'd offered herself up to me like a Thanksgiving dinner all spread out for the takin'. She didn't really look like a turkey, though. I think I'll call her Pumpkin.

After lights-out, I went on home, ponderin' Pumpkin's display. The next day, I stealthily scoped out the institute and then waited to catch a glimpse of her. After dinner, just like the night before, she appeared at the window. Only this time, she saw me too.

She seemed pleased that I was there. Her heart even sped up for a minute. She granted me the smallest of smiles, yet I was overjoyed because it was the largest I'd seen on her face. My joy was short-lived, though, because as she raised her left hand in greeting, I saw something that made the venom boil in my stone body.

I noticed she wasn't wearin' all the layers today. I got the feeling that wasn't by _her_ choice though. From what I could see of her upper torso, she was only wearing two short-sleeved hospital gowns - one facing forward, and the other reversed so that it tied in the front. I only hoped it covered her ass. Her attire wasn't what left me, once again, shocked and seething; it was the scars that covered her arms.

She had one deep, rough scar that dominated half of her exposed skin and a scattering of smaller, maybe self-inflicted the one that got my attention was the singular crescent-shaped scar slightly above her wrist. I knew that scar; I've got plenty of them myself. But in my long life, I'd never seen a living human with one.

I was too shocked to do anything. What could I have done anyway? Stare with more personality? Maybe. After the shock began to ease up, I continued to gaze into her deep brown eyes as if just by lookin' into her eyes I might find the answers I wanted. No, not wanted, _needed_.

I would get my answers. After all, I've got nothing but time. And until I could figure out what I should or could do for her, I decided I would watch over her. I would be her own personal guardian angel.

Whoever thought a red-eyed vampire would become a guardian angel?

**A/N AGAIN: ****I've read tons of fanfic, and one of my favorite authors is IdreamofEddy. Her Peter became **_**the**_** Peter to me, so all Petey goodness belongs to her. I'll take credit for the sucky parts!**


	5. To Catch a Predator

**A/N: Thanks for taking the time to read my story! Review and let me know what you think!**

**This chapter has been reposted. Jasper's Destiny has been helping me clean up these early chaps, and she's amazing! She's making it readable!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight, but I wish I did because I could use the cash.**

Chapter 5: Peter Whitlock's POV

Since laying eyes on her three weeks ago, she's had me wrapped around her bony, little finger. I usually walk by once a day to check on her and then return for our after-dinner date. I became more thankful than normal for the overcast weather. It's hard to be stealthy when you reflect light like a disco ball. Running behind schedule tonight, I thought about Char's last check-in as I jogged through the streets at a socially acceptable speed.

She'd tracked him all over the south. He was actively trying not to make any decisions, but his zigzagging was not pleasing her…at all. I actually feel sorry for the bastard because when she catches up with him it's gonna be the ass-kickin'-heard-around-the-world. Char was worried long before he decided to play "Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?", and unfortunately the way she expresses her concern for your well being is typically through violence or a good fuck.

But that last one's just for me.

She'd asked if I'd found something to occupy my time, and for the tiniest fraction of a second I almost didn't tell her about my new, little friend. Even without the warnings blaring in the back of my mind, I knew that'd make me a damn fool. My wife and I don't have secrets. Keeping secrets breeds suspicion and strife. I like my mate by my side and my boys dangling between my legs. Yes, sir. Nothing is worth the risk of either. My love, the apple of my eye, is a vengeful bitch who loves like she fights - hard and dirty. It is only one of a thousand reasons I am glad that she is mine.

When I told her about my newest hobby, I could almost feel her stress through my cell. The difference this time was that she was worried for me - for _us_, because there is no me without her and vice-versa. I filled her in on what I'd observed about the girl, on what my gut was saying, even when it didn't make sense. I told her every detail of our interaction.

After I had finished, she calmed a lot. She trusted my gift more than I ever had, but she also had faith in me and my judgment. Although I enjoyed partaking in some fuckery from time to time, never would I put us in danger for sport. It was a fine line I walked often; I danced along it, but I never took the leap to the dark side. This was different. I was ignoring our only law and, therefore, flashing my ass at our self-proclaimed 'kings'. Charlotte understood why I couldn't just walk away and leave her though. Her telling me to keep Pumpkin safe until she came home was all the reassuring I needed.

We didn't stray into human affairs, ever. We were visitors in their world, and humans that caught a glimpse into ours were never there for long. Pumpkin had obviously done a stint in the supernatural-verse and been thrown back among the blind of her world with her eyes wide open to the truth. She'd been discarded and thrown away like yesterday's New York Times and was now lining the bottom of the cosmic birdcage. And that shit didn't sit well with me.

So here I am.

Three weeks ago I set my sights on her and it changed my life. I can't even bring myself to regret following that stray thought. If nothing else, I had stopped moping around the house. I looked forward to our time together each day, not that I'd ever admit to that out loud. It sounded all brands of gay. After I reached down to do a cock check (yep, still packin'…) I decided I needed to do something manly, like . watch Nascar, go to a strip club…_something_. I needed to bank a few bro points.

I'm late, but she's not there waiting. What the hell does she have better to do? She's never late. I'd been lost in my thoughts, so I hadn't tracked her down yet, but now I was getting a little anxious. What if she'd gotten hurt?

Yeah, so much for the return of my testosterone. I felt like the frantic mom who just lost her kid in Walmart.

For the love of tits! Three weeks. I'd lost her after only three weeks! I'm the worst stalker ever. Maybe I can take up building model airplanes.

I take a deep breath and realize none of the recent scents out here are hers, so I listen. It's gotten easier with time to pinpoint her in the building. Though I haven't heard her speak since our introduction, her heartbeat is recognizable. Today, when I finally locate it among three others, it sounds muffled. Where the hell is she? What are they doing to her?

As I stand straining to hear any clues, I hear her heart rate increase. She's panicking. I hear a man close to her whisper to another to quickly finish with the restraints. According to Deadman Walking 1, it seems like even when she's unconscious; she doesn't like to be touched.

That explains the layers of clothes in the courtyard.

Of course, it also adds more 'whys' to my list.

Why had she only had on the gowns recently?

Why doesn't she like to be touched?

And why are they restraining her while she's unconscious?

I listen as her heart rate levels out again as three humans remove themselves from her proximity. I hear the door shut and the lock click into place. It takes a level of control I didn't know I possessed not to go in and free her. Shit. It's painful to think of her scared and isolated. But again, something says it's not time; not yet.

Not yet? So, she _will_ be coming out of there with me soon.

Okay.

I will wait.

_This_ time.

But I'm not going home until I see her with my own eyes and know she's not harmed.

I jump into the overhead branches. I'm glad the warm weather has left enough foliage to hide me. As I settle in, I call and update Charlotte. She votes for ripping the doors off the joint and slaughtering them all. For the first time ever, I'm relieved she's not with me. My anger and her vengeance is not a good combo. It appears Pumpkin is as much hers now as she is mine. After a quick promise to call with updates, I let her go back to tracking a depressed, slightly imbalanced male through the Louisiana Swamplands.

Eavesdropping, I learn a little more about this mysterious girl, who is wrapped up in an enigma and all tied up with a fucking big, red, riddle bow.

I hear a man bitching about her going after him with a spoon as his cuts are cleaned.

Pussy.

I hear a doctor ordering her two days of sedatives and giving her attendants instructions to only go in The Quiet Room when she is unconscious.

Soundproofing explains the muffled sound. I have very keen senses, even for a vamp, but it's still difficult to locate her in that damn room and I don't like it.

I tune out everything but her as night falls. I honestly don't know how anyone survives in this place. God help anyone with a bit of sanity left that comes to this mad house.

During the night, my stray thoughts become more frequent and quite frankly, odd. It doesn't take me long to figure out it is her. At first I'm confused and alarmed. The only ones I'd ever been capable of 'tuning into' before were my mate and my sire, but I'd never been able to read their minds or anything else intrusive. My insight would just kick up a notch to a level where I'd occasionally catch a passing train of thought. I was just more sensitive to their shit than the shit of others, that's all.

I had been concentrating solely on her for hours when the errant ideas, complete with visuals, began.

Captain O., an older human in unflattering tights and a cape…

A giant wolf baring his teeth menacingly…

The opening credits for Star Trek…

A bald man in a unitard pitching a tent… A _pup_ tent, and not at all impressive.

And on and on they go. I'm astounded by the sheer number of thoughts that are invading my mind, and I'm a little more worried about her mental stability…or lack thereof. Seriously, I just caught an equation for the rate of travel of spit. How is that at all useful?

On the other hand, I'm perversely excited. She's golden. I don't need my gift to know that the shit we're going to get into is going to be legendary. Oh, yes. Books will be written, and I can't wait.

Which brings me back to my ass on a branch in a tree.

Suddenly I know company's coming. Taking a deep breath, I catch his scent. What the fuck is _he_ doing here? Then, just as suddenly, he's next to me, with his ass on my branch like he's been there this whole time. As I stare at him, frozen in shock, he gives me a lighthearted chuckle and a grin that never means _anything_ good.

"Garrett." I nod my head in recognition, still wondering WTF?

"My friend, it has been a while. I believe I last saw you and your mate at Woodstock."

As the memory resurfaces, I grin wickedly at him.1969 - Psychedelic mini-dresses, Hendrix, hippies, and sex in a field surrounded by half a million humans and a few vamps. _That_ was a great week. It's short lived, however.

I need answers. I don't like surprises.

He sobers up minutely and I take in his appearance. The male is over 300 years old and everything he owns is in a rucksack on his back. He looks like he hasn't been out in public for a while, not that he ever really does venture out except to hunt and to fuck. Even nomads have needs.

He's barefoot, and the filthy jeans he's wearing are frayed along the bottom - a common problem when you travel at high speeds over all terrain. His long, light brown hair is secured at the back of his neck. His eyes reflect the fact that he's hunted recently. They also reflect his ever-present curiosity. The small smirk shows knowledge.

If this bastard was anyone else, I'd rip his head off just for my peace of mind. But he's not. He may not agree with what I'm doing in this tree, but he would never go tattlin' to Volterra. He is one of the few I trust in this life, a friend even. Plus, I know he abhors all forms of government. A by-product of the era in which he was born, he is a revolutionary through and through.

I quirk my eyebrow in a silent request.

"Can an old friend not just stop in for a visit?" he asked in a tone barely concealing his laughter.

"No. An old friend can stop by my house for a visit, not track me down in the city. Now cut the shit. Why are you here?" I snarl at him, careful to keep my voice low enough to avoid attracting unwanted attention.

Garrett sits straight as a board, slightly swinging his dangling legs that are hanging below, as he tries to contain his smirk. Evidently my mood didn't register with him – it's either that or he just doesn't care. Happy, go-with-the-flow bastard! We were polar opposites whenever trouble entered the picture. I liked plans, strategy, and order; he thrived on chaos and loved the challenge of the unknown. I know he's here for a reason. He must already know about her.

"I will tell you, friend. But first, why exactly are not at home. Going green?" he asked smugly.

I can't control the small growl that slips through my lips. Sensing this isn't the best time to fuck around with me, he holds his hands up in surrender. With a slight chuckle, he concedes. "Relax, Peter. Your woman was worried about you and I said I would stop by. After securing my vow of confidentiality, she explained the situation as she knew it. Then I had to see _this_ for myself. So far, the trip has been worth it. Where is she?" he asked, looking around me as if he expected Pumpkin to just peek out any second.

A possessive growl rumbles in my chest until he adds seriously, "She has nothing to fear from me. I am just inquisitive. You have my word that I will not harm the little, broken one who is under your protection."

I relaxed finally. Garrett was a vamp of his word if nothing else. He didn't give promises flippantly and he'd die his final death rather than break a vow. Plus, he lived by his own code of conduct, so this could gain us a worthy ally. If not, his curiosity would wane and he'd move along. I swear the guy has Vamp ADD.

So, we sat side by side in the tree for a little longer before he began again.

"So…why are we lounging in this fine looking tree?"

"When did you speak to Char?" I asked, once again seeking her heartbeat now that I was satisfied there was no threat present.

"Two days ago. Since there is a human involved, I stopped to hunt, but other than that short delay, I ran straight here. That female of yours is fierce when she is on a mission."

"Don't I know it," I breathed out wistfully. "I'm still not sure exactly what went down, but when I arrived yesterday she was being secured in an isolation room," I ground out between my teeth. I was still pissed that I couldn't get her out. I noticed Garrett's eyes had darkened a shade and his lips thinned slightly with this news.

"Why?" he demanded.

I took a deep breath and sighed in defeat. "I don't know. All I've gleaned so faris that she tried to go at some guy with a spoon. Did a little damage too," I tacked on proudly.

"Really? Oh this human I _have_ to meet!" He snickered, and then he turned to look at me once again. "Go hunt. I will stay and make sure no other harm comes to her."

I wanted to argue it with him, but I felt dangerously on edge, so I conceded after helping him locate her. I was stressed out to the max. One damn, little human had turned my existence into a three-ring circus. My kind was not known for its ability to change. We can adapt to the times when we so choose, but that is not the same as _true_ change. I have a feeling more change is on its way - whether for the good or the bad, I'm not sure. But we chose our path; now we'll just follow it where it leads.

After hunting, I felt much more relaxed as I once again took up my position on my branch.

Garrett and I spent the time discussing what I knew about her, as well as theory after theory of what could have landed her in here. Each theory seemed less likely than the last. Then we lapsed into a comfortable silence, listening to the happenings inside the hospital. Every now and then, a thought would come through that would make me giggle like a fucking girl. She really _was_ insane.

At long last, late Sunday night, I heard the door to her prison open and I listened as the doc told her she would awake in her own room. I also learned her name. It had never seemed important before, but it matched her perfectly. _Isabella_.

We stayed perched like pigeons on our branch until she was escorted back to her room. We continued to wait patiently for her to wake. I wasn't leaving until I saw that she was alright.

Just after dawn, I saw her shuffle past her window. I exhaled a huge sigh of relief. Now I could go home to wait until our 'date'.

After Garrett got acquainted with the shower and jacked my favorite pair of Levis, we chilled in front of the TV. I needed some comedic relief, so we watched a couple episodes of Dateline's "To Catch a Predator" that Char had set to record for me.

First, let me say this show is genius, albeit slightly predictable. It's a lot like Scooby-Doo - different town and different monster chasing them, but we all know what is coming. Daphne will rip the mask off of the caretaker or the professor based on a clue she gleaned in the first five minutes of the show.

It's the same M.O. for Dateline. It may be a different town and a different monster, but in the end Chris Hansen is going to appear and bust them out on national television with a bag of candy still in their hands. My favorite moment is when you see the horror on their face as they realize they've been duped. Then the bargaining, lying, and breakdowns begin. The Rabbi begging on his knees for the show not to air was my personal favorite. Grown fucking men babbling and weeping like babies…It's priceless. It's rare that a show can take you through the gambit of emotions like that - anger, disgust, suspense, and then gut-busting humor.

Ahhhh…I needed a good laugh.

Garrett talked me into letting him come see Pumpkin again. He said he'd stay hidden, but he just _had_ to see her. Can't say I really blame him. At his age it's hard to find good entertainment and 'new' experiences. How often does something like this pop up?

When we arrive, I glance at the window and feel a weight lift off my shoulders as we make eye contact. She seems to relax a bit also. I hear Garrett chuckle from the boughs of the dogwood, followed by a cough that sounds like "whipped", and damn it if he wasn't right. She _belonged_ with us, so I belonged to her even if she didn't know it yet. I should probably have been more concerned with her being human and crazy and all, but I wasn't. I just _knew_.

As I watched her, lost in my own thoughts, I didn't register the new arrival until it was too late.

Time stood still.

It moved forward only in still frames, like an outdated slide show.

Garrett dropped down beside me.

Her eyes widened slightly and her heart picked up pace.

She noticed our panicked expressions and went to look behind her.

Before she could turn completely, he had her in a choke hold.

Mouth covered.

The thick arm around her neck had a series of superficial scratches.

She stared into my eyes one last time.

Her eyes lost all thought…all _life_.

She was finally quitting.

I started to run from under the tree only to be jerked back into hiding by Garrett.

For at that precise moment, as he pulled her away from the window, the sun's rays shot across the landscape.

FUCK!

I cradled my head in my hands as her screams began. Garrett could only hear her heart trying to beat its way out of her chest, her increased respiration, and the slight whimpering that escaped her covered mouth, but I could hear her screams. No matter the outcome of today, that sound would haunt me for eternity.

Every minute it took till the sun set seemed everlasting. We tried to focus and use the time to come up with some sort of a plan, but damn if we were succeeding.

We could hear every vile word and torturing slide of his hands over her body as we stood invincible yet impotent under the tree.

I could hear her silent cries and pleas to a deity who had never been merciful to her before.

And oh, God..the _screams_.


	6. I don't want to be the lamb!

**WARNING: Gets a little dark towards the end. If you are sensitive about rape, please beware!**

**A/N**: **Thanks for reading and reviewing! It makes all the time I spend on my fanfic "hobby" semi-acceptable. Thank you for being my enablers.**

**Hope you enjoy the ride! It's twisty, slow, and DEFINITELY not for the kiddos.**

**Edited 4/11 by the fabulous Jasper's Destiny. I can't say enough about her awesomeness, so I won't even attempt to, but I'm incredibly thankful that she's willing to clean my shit up. And if you're reading this, you should be too!**

**Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own anything profitable. At least until child labor is no longer frowned upon.**

**Chapter 6: Isabella's POV**

I awoke in my bed, unrestrained. Already, my day was looking up, now that I could look around.

So, here I lie, stretching and really looking forward to catching up with my toothbrush.

_Hmm. Is a fuzzy tongue a symptom of anything besides poor oral hygiene?_

I stumble my way to the tiny bathroom as I ponder this. After I take care of all of my biz in there, I shower and silently thank whoever might be listening for the change of clothes. You'd think being immobile all weekend would have reduced the funk of being in the same gown for three days.

**But you'd be wrong.**

Sighing heavily, I mentally prepare myself to face yet another day. After a brief moment to compile a pro/con list for hanging myself with the sheets, I put my big girl panties on and sit on my bed to wait. Eventually, keys jingle and the lock releases. Taking up the better part of my door frame is Perv 1.

_**Scott**_, I sneer inwardly. I'm sure even someone as dumb as him could recognize the look of sheer loathing in my eyes. I was always a bit more expressive before my morning meds. I would assume, naturally, it has something to do with the lack of the morning meds in my system. But I'm no doctor.

I stand and take two steps forward - the same as any other day. And the same as any other day, he circles me, resembling the predator he is.

_I've seen better._

He gets his rocks off taunting the weak.

**Ass.**

Once again, I'm the fucking lamb. For once, I'd like to be the hunter. Let this penis-head give me a rifle. To be a good sport, I'd give him a twenty-Mississippi lead, and then we'll see how he appreciates being hunted and stalked for entertainment. Oh, trust me, entertainment it would be. I no longer want to be the sacrifice. Let me be the sinner.

Perv's arm 'accidentally' brushes my shoulder on the turn, but I hold it together. It wasn't skin-to-skin contact and I refuse to let him get a rise out of me today. That's where he derives his joy - the fear of his prey. He laps that shit up, the pleading when he reaches the end of his game.

**I'm unimpressed.**

On his second and final lap, he leans in and grunts, "I can smell your cunt."

He smirks to his posse watching his show from the hall as a shiver of disgust that I can't stifle shoots down my spine. Perv 2 and 3 are part-time orderlies who serve as lookouts and an audience for Perv1. They're pathetic little men who come to work and bully defenseless people to imagine themselves bigger than they really are.

Maybe they're compensating for other things. Maybe they're just inherently evil.

No, I don't believe that. You are what you are because you choose to be. It's not nature; it's free will.

I follow him, like many other days, as he turns to leave and we walk to the dining hall, Perv 2 and 3 following as per regulation.

Breakfast and the following thirty go by with no major drama; just standard stuff. Someone swallowed a checker. Someone tried to hide their a.m. dose under their tongue. Fools. They know damn well they're going to be required to open up and say, "Ahhhh."

**Let's hear it for the delusions of the mentally challenged.**

Then, it happens, same as every weekday. I don't know why I even bother to hope.

**Let's hear it for the del-**

_Shut it._

My name is called and I stand from my reading chair that is backed up in the corner of the dayroom to follow ten others, my group, to the Room of Tranquility for group therapy.

Group therapy… Yeah.

We enter the R.O.T. A large, white (I know, shocking) room with cheap tile flooring. The walls are plastered with motivational posters the likes of which can be seen in elementary schools across the nation.

"There is no 'I' in 'team'," or my personal favorite, a kitten with a ball of yarn that reads, "You can do it."

Wow. I wasn't sure until I saw the kitten. I was like, "I can't go through with this. I don't think this life is worth the living." But then the clouds part, angel choirs sing, and I lock eyes with that little fluffy grey life-saver and she has a message just for _me_. Oh. Yes, you can! Right…

I make my way to the only furniture in this place, a circle of chairs. Our group 'leader' is Dr. Paul. They don't call themselves therapists; it could be misconstrued as something negative. Dr. Paul is an intern working on his dissertation and 'gaining valuable experience' here. Cap. O usually supervises, but he's not present today, which means Dr. P is going to start with me.

As soon as we're seated and we've taken our 'moment to reflect', he begins.

"Bella?" the fucker asks, knowing I won't answer. Predictable fucker is testing me since Cap. O's not here, just like I knew he would. Dr. Thomas's personal philosophy is that if you don't badger the patients, they will speak to you more freely when they are ready - on their time. And since we have nothing but time, there's no pressure. Dr. P is obviously not drinking _that_ Kool-Aid.

I bite my tongue to prevent my retort from slipping out.

_"A census-taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."_

**Yes, because quoting Hannibal will earn you brownie points.**

"Bella?" he calls louder, like my sanity and hearing are linked. I refuse to acknowledge him. He's not going to win this. The only things that make my life livable are the little victories I can take some pride in. It's not a lot, but it's all I've got.

After a heavy sigh, he puts on his fake, simpering smile and utilizes his most condescending voice, calling my name again. "Isabella?"

I grant him my acknowledgment by a barely conceivable nod of my head. My face remains blank as I will myself not to react to whatever is fixing to come out of his mouth.

"Your friend, Jacob, called this weekend." He pauses long enough to get a reaction out of me to this news. I use all my focus to not show any. On cue, my heart races and my chest constricts. A fine sheen of sweat graces my forehead. But if I'm to break in this place, it will not be over _him._

_I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care._

I know my whole body has coiled tight and shrunk in on itself slightly. My eyes narrow marginally. This fucker is lucky I don't have laser vision. All that would remain is the piss pooled in his shoes from when he lost control of his bodily functions as he was charred from his Payless loafers up to his beady little eyes. That's what I need - laser vision.

By the smirk on his face, he knows he's hit his mark. And because he can (and feels he's on a roll), he continues, "He asked me to pass along a message. He said your Dad was healthy and safe, and I quote, 'Remember all the good times we had together? Come back to me soon'."

**NO!**

I shut down. I imagine a curtain falling over my wide eyes from the inside. My body sits in my chair in the circle and I retreat to my haven, my FOS. I pace like a caged animal around my black and white cell, trying to talk myself into calming down before I fall down that hole.

The hole from whence there is no coming back.

No ruby-red slippers await to deliver me back from Oz.

I stand at a precipice. The void seems insurmountable.

Yet I stand.

Breathing.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Breathing.

Gradually, thought returns and I sit, legs crossed, in the midst of my fortress beside the hole. But with every breath I draw in, the black void inches away and color re-enters my domain.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

With the retreat of the nothingness, I start to think once again about something other than impending doom.

**Thank you! It does get rather depressing.**

_Did you hear that message, or should I say, warning? A reminder of why we stay here. Hell, after being here, I probably _need_ to be in here._

**Damn it. That little asswipe knew exactly what that would do to you. He **_**knew**_**!**

_Calm down. He was just trying to garner a response. _

It sounded weak, even to me.

**Whatever. He's on my list.**

_He's been on "the list" since the first day here._

**Well, he's moving on up.**

_That_ had been a shitty day, my arrival here. I had been released from Forks' podunk hospital the day prior, my wounds still seeping and body exhausted as it tried to recover from the surgery. Renee had been angry she'd had to fly cross country to pick me up and usher me to my new home since I was too physically weak to go unaccompanied.

I hadn't spoken to her in months. We'd flown as strangers side-by-side. She'd dropped me off at the door and returned to the airport. Out of sight; out of mind. The only words she uttered would remain etched in my soul as long as the marks now littering my body would remain etched in my skin.

"You are not my daughter. You are not my Bella."

I had to agree with her there.

That Bella died on the forest floor two years ago.

That Bella believed losing her first love was the end of her life, only to discover it wasn't.

Oh, no.

Life continued to parade by.

Hard.

Fast.

Ugly.

Life.

That Bella had been innocent and trusting.

Naïve.

There is not a more dangerous word in this perilous world.

Naïve.

_That_ Bella had died a thousand deaths before this day, but this would be the final one.

The self-centered bitch had been right.

Her Bella - and everyone else's Bella - was dead.

It's not like she was that great of a mother to begin with, but she was supposed to be mine. I raised her better than this. Who cooked? Who cleaned? Who refilled her birth control pills and reminded her to take them so she didn't end up saddled with more 'unexpected blessings'? Who prevented her from drowning in her own vomit and held her hair back on those rare occasions she made it to the toilet? Who assured the bills were paid and that she was up to get ready for work? Who?

**Not her, that's for damn sure. **

* * *

I grit my teeth and press onward toward the automatic double-doors. I enter and sign myself in for my voluntary involuntary stay. Ushered to a room right past the guard station, I'm told to remove my outer garments. Not wearing a bra because of my injuries, I stand bruised and battered in only my underwear in front of an elderly nurse and a female orderly. I am fortunate they are both women.

They talk me through each step rather sympathetically, but that doesn't hinder my breakdown as the nurse comes forward to perform the cavity search for concealed contraband. Over my sobs and pleas not to touch me, I hear them call for help. They are careful to mind my wounds, and the desire to stop the pain of my breathing is forcing some calm on me, enough that I register another orderly enter the room. He walks over to where they have me pinned to the floor, shifts me slightly to pull down my panties, and injects me with a fast-acting sedative.

I scream…and then nothing.

I'm aware that my body is not responding to my simple commands.

_Blink._

**Nope.**

_Open mouth._

**Nu-uh.**

_Twitch left big toe._

**Nothing happens.**

Having nothing better to occupy my time with, I think a vast library –more extensive than I've ever actually seen – the best imaginable. And I'm there. In a circular room lined with shelves filled with books, I look around for a while, and then I start to ask myself how this is possible. I'm pretty sure this is not what's supposed to happen when one is sedated. Oh, well.

I chill in my b-awesome zone until I realize that I can hear part of what's going on around me. I feel scratchy, cheap cotton on my skin. So, no longer naked… Big plus in my book. But I still can't move, so apparently the drugs are still going strong in my system. I give up and go to sleep. This day has been long enough.

When I awake with a scream, I've left my haven of books and I'm in my new digs and not as alone as I'd like to be. The nurse sitting with me leaves to get Dr. Paul. In walks the bald, sickly, thirty-something fellow who quickly becomes a pain in my ass.

_Who's not even a doctor yet._

**Ass.**

When he comes in, he sits at the desk and probes for every detail of my life, wasting three hours of said life.

"Name."

Didn't I fill out the papers? Do they normally admit people without knowing their name? How many people do they jab in the ass with happy juice without knowing their name first? As I continue looking at him like he's the crazy one, he snaps at me.

"Name. Now, please."

"Isabella Marie Swan," I say in a meek voice.

"Well, Bella, this-"

"Isabella," I interrupt quickly in a much firmer voice.

It's like high school all over again, except now I'm in bizarro world - everything ass-backward and fubar-ed to the tenth degree.

"Ok. Isabella." _Hello, patronize much? _"This will go a lot faster if you cooperate. Remember, we both want the same thing - for you to receive the treatment you need and get better." I picture him now as the world's ugliest cheerleader, which makes me let loose a very unladylike snort.

As he glares at me, I get a sneaking suspicion he doesn't like me.

Well, he can just join the fucking crowd. At least I'm fairly certain he's not going to try to kill me. That puts him pretty low in the line-up. I pull on my I-don't-give-a-shit mask and proceed to answer his never-ending questions with as little emotion and words as possible.

It's a challenge, but it is worth it every time he grinds his teeth together in frustration.

Our meeting is only interrupted for needs - bathroom, food, pain meds – although a break for my sanity doesn't appear to have made it onto his list of essentials.

He informs me which pills they will be starting me on. My medication regimen. He speaks about dosing not being an exact science and the challenge of finding the right combination for each patient to live life at the fullest. "Controlling your illness so your illness doesn't control you." I didn't know they made a pill to exterminate mythical beings.

I don't bother to agree or disagree. I don't bother to tell him I'm in here until death do us part. Medication doesn't matter. Nothing does. He doesn't care. He has a job that needs to be done. He has a form to complete and a diagnosis to confirm. He doesn't want to hear my thoughts unless they agree with his. Not going to happen.

Short, concise, answers it is then.

It's not like I could tell the truth anyway. Lying comes easier for me, at least when I stay as close to the truth as possible. Finally, we get to the "Why are you here?" portion of our admittance interview. I know he's already spoken to Charlie and _him_ while arranging for my placement here. Unfortunately, I'm not sure of the details.

Only bare facts were growled at me while I was slipping in and out of consciousness on my way to the hospital. I had begged for death. For an instant, I thought _he_ would grant my request. I was wrong; that would let me off too easy. No, I would live.

At least, I would be _alive_. It's an important distinction. One's an action; the other a state of being.

I know what _he_ had 'confided' to Charlie because _he _was 'concerned' I was a danger to others. I'd proved I was a danger to myself. Unbeknownst to Charlie, I'd already proved my danger to others as well. It made me sick to my stomach that my father believed it all without a single question. After the attack, still no questions. He just looked at me once, sighed, and walked right back out the door, mumbling some shit about how 'he' couldn't do this anymore.

**Pardon? Are **_**you**_** in the hospital bed? Was it **_**you**_** on the ground-**

I can't bear to think about this anymore. I couldn't then either.

I took the only chance I had to keep Charlie and everyone else safe - people I had loved and who, at one time, I did believe loved me. I came here in exchange for their protection - _his_ protection for my silence. Who would believe me anyway? But _he_ needed insurance. So I sat there and said the only thing I could think of that would make this moment better for me. I told the truth.

"I was attacked by a werewolf," I said in a dead monotone.

Dr. Paul sat in his chair, momentarily speechless. Mouth agape, he stared at me and waited for me to retract the statement. I can't say his reaction wasn't expected. He was looking at me like I was, well, insane.

Then, exhausted from all of the drama and just life in general, I lay down, rolled over to face away from Dr. P, and closed my eyes.

* * *

Those were the last words I spoke consciously. I started my meds the next day. Since they prevent dreams, I'm almost positive I no longer talk in my sleep either, but there's no way I can confirm that one.

Because he knew I could talk, Dr. Paul took it as a personal slight that I wouldn't. Cap. O came along and they gave me time to adjust. They gave me assignments that I refused to do. If I wanted them to know my thoughts, I'd talk. I'm not keeping a journal for them to peep in. I never wanted a nosy little brother.

They tried to get some of the more stable patients to befriend me. Most lasted less than a day. Whether they were frightened by my scars, or something they saw in my eyes, or just discouraged when I wouldn't talk, I can't say.

**Not everyone likes to sit and talk to themselves.**

_That's because they are not as naturally lovable as I am._

They would bring me new books and try to encourage me to ask for them, to just say one word.

**Do I look like your parrot? Gonna give Polly a cracker?**

_Silly not-a-doctor, Trix are for kids, dogs, and hookers._

Needless to say, that was a no-go. Their most recent ploy was limiting my clothing. Upon entering this fine facility, we had reached a mutual compromise - they let me stay fully clothed head to toe, including gloves, and I didn't flip my shit at even the smallest iota of skin contact. I thought it was a 'win' all the way around. I don't like to be touched. It's the warmth of the flesh that sends me over the edge.

Now, they want me to ask for my clothes back. They want me to tell Captain O what's going on in his hospital. They want me to scream and curse. They want me to break. They want to break _me_.

They can keep wanting.

Now a lot calmer, though slightly irritated, I start paying attention to the group session still going on around me.

_Always entertaining._

**Wonder what we missed during your mini-melt? I thought you were going all Iceland on me for a second. Scary…**

Ashley's just finishing up. She's going on about her 'demons' and how she has no choice. No choice?

**It puts the lotion on or it gets the hose.**

_It drinks the mouthwash or it gets the hose._

As I listen to the evil chuckle resounding in my mind, I'm glad I was zoned out for most of her whine-and-tell time. Now for the good stuff.

Announcer says, "Names and the location have been changed to protect the identities of these people. Names, location, and probably some of the facts…" Who would lie when the truth reaches this level of absurdity?

On with the show...

Dr. Paul: "Why did you cut off all your hair with the craft scissors?"

Contestant 1: "My Heavenly Father told me to."

Dr. Paul: "We were making progress. Now you've lost the privilege of arts and crafts time, and you'll have to work hard to earn it back."

Contestant 1: "I answer to no man. As God hath commanded, so shall I doeth it."

Dr. P: "What is it that you believe God commanded you to do?"

Contestant 1: "My assignment was to be more like Job. I need to suffer the persecution of the hairless."

Dr. Paul: "The bald are not persecuted. I-"

Contestant 1: "Yes, thou art," before interrupting in his Moses fresh-from-the-Mount voice, "He also hath commanded me to wear a pink suit."

Seriously, I see the guy standing in all his holy-roller glory holding those big stone tablets with his hospital gown flapping in the wind, his followers in the back seeing more than they wanted to because he's a commando kind of dude. No Hanes can contain all of that righteousness. It's inspiring.

Dr. Paul: "Why do you think that is?"

Contestant 1: "To understand what it's like to be gay, of course."

Dr. Paul: "No, blah-blah-squawk-blah…"And he's lost my attention.

I don't know why he tries to reason with this man. Does he need me to explain the concept of a delusional state of mind? This is the same guy who ends his meal time prayers with, "And thank you most of all for our nuclear power, which has yet to cause a single death, at least here. Amen."

Moving on…

Dr. Paul to Contestant 2: "Would you care to share with the group why you lost your laundry room privilege?"

This guy really needs to learn what a privilege is. But I guess in here the term is accurate enough. It's in the eye of the beholder. Anything you value can and will be taken away at their whim, to be earned back at an unspecified time at a later date. When you have no rights, _everything_ is a privilege.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming…

Contestant 2: (answering sheepishly in a girlish voice even though she's pushing 35) "I hid in the washing machine."

Dr. Paul: "Did you know that others were looking for you?"

Contestant 2: (nodding like a bobble head while giggling) "I heard them calling my name, yes."

Dr. Paul: "So, why didn't you come out?"

Contestant 2: "I wanted them to find me. It would have been cheating if I came out before _they_ had, silly goose!"

Dr. Paul: "You are aware you are not allowed in the machines, aren't you?"

Contestant 2: "I couldn't help it."

Dr. Paul: (beginning to lose his patience) "You couldn't help hoisting yourself into a washing machine half filled with water, closing the lid, and staying there silently for five hours?"

Contestant 2: (begins simultaneously wailing and sobbing) "I just couldn't help it. I told you. Stop yelling at me!"

Dr. Paul: "I apologize if I raised my voice." (He really didn't raise his voice, but he was awfully snippy.) "I want to understand so I can help you."

Contestant 2: "You're a big meanie." (wails some more)

They should really allow the sale of popcorn and candy for this because, yeah, this is better than TV.

On that note, Dr. Paul decides to call it a day. He's more than likely going to knock a few back in his office and hide until his afternoon group. He's trucking right past the beer belly to a Scotch pot. I'd be more tempted to feel for the guy if he wasn't such a giant prick.

Finally, my day moves on.

Lunch.

Yum.

Every time Perv 2 turns away, I sneakily unload a rubbery chicken nugget or a semi-frozen French fry onto my neighbor's tray. Every time she looks down, there's more food. She just looks around and shrugs. See, if you're crazy, you automatically assume that you counted wrong. But I see the wheels in her head groaning, "Of course my tray is not automatically replenishing the food I've eaten. That would just be…" Yep.

**Wonder why you're losing weight? Have to eat something.**

_Why?_

**Because that deal that you don't want to think about is void if you kill yourself.**

_I'm not trying to die; I'm just not eating this shit today. Plus, it's just too much fun fucking with the natives._

**Fine. Just don't bitch to me when they threaten to put your anorexic ass on the feeding tube or they start giving your dinner to you in a can. Yummo, Ensure!**

_My life already parallels that of a ninety year old woman. What's one more correlation?_

Oh, look, nap time!

Returning me to my quarters, the Perv Posse offers to tuck me in, to which I respond with a door closed in their leering faces. I hear them hooting as they head back toward the dayroom. I should be worried because their behavior is escalating. They are getting more bold and aggressive.

Any fan of CSI knows this is going to end badly for me.

_Oh well, I'll think about it tomorrow._

**Yes, Scarlet. Good idea.**

As I have time and no desire to think about my own not-so-Greek tragedy, I pull out my battered copy of Wuthering Heights. Most normal people feel the need to slice their wrists after delving into this love-gone-wrong; I, on the opposite end of the spectrum, seek solace in the drama of others. Human monsters and selfish women. It's comforting to witness the fall of someone else's precariously stacked house of cards.

My day goes on.

There's my private session with Cap. O, which basically consists of him talking and me staring. On the bright side, my session only lasts thirty minutes instead of the full sixty the others are subjected to. I don't take it personally. He's one of those people who doesn't like talking to himself. I'm pretty sure he has other ways of showing himself love.

I have an hour and a half in the dayroom before dinner.

The television's turned on to Oprah. Yes, because my life doesn't suck enough.

Dinner rolls around promptly at five-thirty.

It's the same as any other day.

For the first time today, I think about Red. Will he be there tonight? Can figments of your own imagination flake on your fictional dates? What if he got angry because I stood him up this weekend?

**Why don't you just pretend you were there?**

_I don't appreciate the sarcasm._

**Look, you need to decide if you truly believe Red is real or not?**

_Of course I don't believe he's real!_

**No, you don't want to **_**believe**_** he's real. If he's fictional, he's safe, not that it bodes well for your state of mind.**

_I'll think about it tomorrow. Let's wait to see if he shows today._

**It's like beating my head against a wall, repeatedly.**

_Do you hear this…?_

…

…

…

**The silence?**

_Yep. That's me ignoring you now._

**Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a–**

I stand from my place at the table and wait for one of the fine gentlemen to escort me to my room. As soon as the door closes behind me, I rush to the window.

_He's there!_

**Cue the embarrassingly girly mental squeal.**

Red is standing beneath my tree. And as our eyes meet, I feel some stress leak from my body like air from a balloon. My shoulders and back relax slightly and I inhale a long, slow breath through my nose. Both our faces are set in our normal expressionless masks, but I get the feeling he's relieved to see me. Maybe happy even?

_Hmm….such strange behavior for an imaginary vamp._

**Not really. The voice always cared about your well-being.**

_Yes, he did, but the voice was based off of an over-protective, control-me vamp that I wanted to care about my well being._

**Good point.**

As I continue my internal debate on Red's viability as a real boy, I return the gaze of his bright crimson eyes. Movement beside him catches my eye. At that moment, a man dropped gracefully out of the tree next to Red and stands completely erect. Looking into his eyes quickly, I see more red.

_Not a man. Vampire._

**Holy shit! You just magic'd up another one! You're my hero! Come on, do it again!**

**Matthew McConaughey. Matthew McConaughey. Matthew McConaughey. Matthew McConaughey.**

Red notices my surprise and looks quickly next to him. When they set their sights back on me a second later, they look alarmed. They're looking at me with fear in their eyes. Since I'm not currently carting around a blow torch or holy water, I assume it has to do with something other than me. Before I can turn around completely, an arm snakes its way around my throat, and before I can draw in enough breath to yell, a hand covers my mouth.

_Stop touching me!_

_Hot, clammy hands on my body!_

_Stop!_

**ISABELLA! STAY WITH ME!**

I should have known better. On the second floor, twilight is the most dangerous time of day for us.

A rogue memory flashes before my eyes. I am in a silver Volvo sitting beside the love of my life.

"It's twilight," he murmurs. "It's the safest time of day for us."

Twilight.

At lights out, the doors lock and the censors engage. During the day, there are too many people, too many witnesses. But at twilight, the business day is coming to a close. The nurses are at their shift change meeting. The docs from all three floors meet to discuss the breakdowns and breakthroughs of the day, which leaves the seven orderlies on the second floor all on their lonesome for forty-five minutes.

A lot can happen in forty-five minutes.

I'm drawn back to the present by the arm tightening on my throat. He flexes, attempting to block my airway. Before he pulls me away, I lock my sights on Red. He no longer is wearing the mask. He looks furious, resembling a real vampire for the first time ever. Our new little friend doesn't look any happier.

At least he won't be lonely now.

I wish I could tell him that it's okay. Well, not okay - nothing about this situation is okay - just not his fault. If he were real, he might have been able to help me. But he's not. There's no need for him to feel guilty about being fictional. It can't be helped. If he were real, he couldn't risk this kind of exposure anyway. I'm not worth it; I'm just a lamb raised for the sacrifice.

A sharp jerk backwards brings me back to my reality.

**He's touching me.**

There is no stopping him.

No rescue.

This is happening.

I can't survive this.

I didn't want to the first time.

I want to scream. I have to do something. I try to get my mouth to open underneath his hand, which is clamped too tight on my lips. He turns me around and I can see the unbridled hatred and lust shining in his eyes.

He shoves me roughly toward the bed, but I fumble and fall just short of his intended target. My head begins throbbing where it connected to the side rail. The adrenaline pulsing through my veins is the only thing keeping me moving. I scramble to my knees and turn to face him, scooting backward toward the corner of the room. My mouth is open but only the pants of my labored breathing are coming out. The shrill screaming bouncing around the caverns of my mind refuses to come out of my useless mouth.

I can't make a noise.

"Go ahead. I have been waiting a long time to hear your voice. Scream, bitch!" he heckles me as he looms overhead, stalking forward with my every move backward. When I reach the corner, he casually reaches down and wrenches me off the floor by my hair. Tears flow like rivers down my cheeks.

"We won't be interrupted. My boys are watching out for us. So, why don't you let me know how much you enjoy this." He tosses me onto the bed like I'm nothing, which is true – I am nothing.

Pain.

My head hurts.

It keeps me here.

In the here and now.

Not that that's a good thing.

**Oh, God! Please don't let this happen. Save me! Please, Father! If you can hear me, you bastard, save me! I don't care that I'm nothing. I don't care that you have better things to do. Please! Save me. Kill me. Allow me death. **_**Something**_**…**

_Please. Help me. Help me. Oh, God. Help me. Help me._

Then he's on top of me and grunting all the things he's going to enjoy doing to me in the weeks to come. He's in no hurry. He unties and pushes my gown from my body as I struggle fruitlessly. I can't even get purchase with my nails since the nurses are required to keep them trimmed down. Annoyed, he captures my hands and pins them above my head.

Restrained and unclothed, I'm completely at his mercy. At this thought, my silent tears turn into bitter weeping. His free hand roughly squeezes my breast. At the contact, I feel the bile rise rapidly. The spasm of my stomach draws his attention and, quicker than I believe possible, he clamps my jaw closed in his vice grip.

He orders me to swallow or face worse. I choke back down my own vomit, gagging and willing it to stay. Perv keeps my jaw locked painfully till my muscles stop jerking and slow to the trembles that are a side-effect of my sobbing.

Everything hurts. With every sloppy grope of my skin, he uses bruising force. The only reason he's bothering with his foreplay is to drag this out and make it worse for me.

"You should be glad _anyone_ would touch such damaged goods. Consider it a pity fuck." He sneers disgustedly while looking over my body. "You will have to thank me for this tomorrow."

Delighted by this new thought, he goes for the drawstring on his scrubs, pulling it loose and pulling them down. I clench my eyes closed as the screaming in my head reaches a fevered pitch again. The pit in my fortress is open, wide and inviting, simply waiting for me. I run toward it, ready to take the plunge, when suddenly I hear the single most welcomed sound in my existence.

I open my eyes to see my imaginary friends looking very corporeal, framed in the coming darkness of the night in front of my open window, all black eyes and bared teeth.

Very much real and very angry.

_Huh. My window doesn't open._

Everything stops.

Everything freezes –

the two at the window with fierce, low growls rumbling through their chests,

the perv on top of me, one hand trapping my hands over my head and the other holding his little pencil dick that he was just lining up with me, sporting a confused and terrified expression,

and me, pinned to the bed, very naked, eyes wide and burning, chest heaving.

Nothing penetrates the silence of the moment except the quiet growling and my ragged breath.

**Well, thank you, baby Jesus.**

Hysterical laughter bursts forth from my useless mouth. I look up into Scott's eyes, which are now focused on me, and I say the only thing I can think to say to the dick that was caught cock-handed in the process of raping me."Death awaits you, all nasty with big, pointy teeth," I rasp out in a surprisingly strong voice accompanied by the largest sneer I could manage.

As the players in this production come back to the land of the living, I close my eyes.

I feel his weight lifted off of me and something covering my body.

I no longer care.

Kill me.

Eat me.

Whatever.

Just let me have this small moment of peace.

_"I'll think about this tomorrow."_

And I shut down.


	7. Rescuing the damsel

**A/N:** **Thanks again for all the reviews and for attempting to understand this insanity that flows  
out of my mind. Keep in mind that this is a slow building story. I'm an impatient reader, so I understand it  
can be frustrating, but I hope you'll stick with me.**

**Edited 4/11 by the fuck-awesome Jasper's Destiny. She's much more than just a pretty rack.**

**Caution: Violence, language, and sex…Oh my! So if you're not an adult, exit stage left.**

**Disclaimer:** **I don't own Twilight.**

**When we last left our heroes…**

_I started to run from under the tree, only to be jerked into hiding by Garrett._

_For at that precise moment, as he pulled her away from the window, the sun's rays shot across the landscape._

_FUCK!_

_I cradled my head in my hands as her screams began. Garrett could only hear her heart trying to beat its way out of her chest, her increased respiration, and the slight whimpering that escaped her covered mouth, but I could hear her screams. No matter the outcome of today, that sound would haunt my eternity._

_Every minute it took till the sun set seemed everlasting. We tried to focus and use the time to come up with some sort of a plan, but damn if we were succeeding._

_We could hear every vile word and torturing slide of his hands over her body as we stood invincible yet impotent under the tree. _

_I could hear her silent cries and pleas to a deity who had never been merciful to her before._

_And oh, God…the screams._

**Chapter 7: Peter's POV**

Her screams, they're quieting. She's fighting back.

I stand as still and as silent as the Dogwood next to me, unable to move my gaze from her window. I'm aware of Garrett pacing around me at an inhuman speed accompanied by his inhuman growl. He resembles a panther in a cage - wild, untamed but trapped, ensnared by the same nature that, once freed, will bring hell to a vastly deserving _human_. Stillness comes more naturally to us than breathing. We occasionally have to remind ourselves to inhale or exhale, but in times of emotional turmoil or uncertainty, it's natural for us to revert to a frozen state, except for this pacing fucker.

Never in my undead existence (or before) had I ever felt so completely helpless. Helplessness is not a feeling I am accustomed to. Even when escaping the clutches of that whore in Mexico, we had choices, options. I am a supernaturally powerful being challenged adequately only by other supernatural beings. She was falling victim to an all too regular human crime and I was helplessly standing here unable to help her. I feel sick…physically sick.

**Damn it**.

If she can just hold on a little longer… She has to do that for me; for us. It seems cruel to ask so much of one person but I do. She will never again be a victim if she can just hold on until dark; if she can just survive.

After what seems an eternity spent in the shadows of these branches, we both turn to watch the sun trying to complete its descent. Garrett stops and I take a needed breath to try to talk around the hiss escaping me from listening to the _human_ taunt her.

**I will show **_**him**_** a pity fuck. I will break him and delight in his screams.**

"Plan?" Garrett demands around his ever-present low rumbling.

"Don't know; don't care. We get her and I kill him. Other than that, it can all burn," I reply.

"Door?"

"No, Cameras," I answer.

"Window, it is then," he confirms.

For a second, however brief, I consider something outside of this moment. I was going to go in there and she was going to come out, consequences be damned. But did it follow that I had to damn my friend, one of only a handful I was lucky enough to be able to claim? This thought prompted the stupid to flow from my tongue.

"You don't have to do this. I can handle it. And this may garner some attention of the unwanted kind."

He lets loose his growl fully and it is fierce, his lips pulling back from his deadly, venomous teeth. I quickly hold up my hands and take a step back in submission. We have other things to do and, honestly, I'm not completely sure I can take him. Plus, I was in the wrong. Damn it, what _isn't_wrong with this situation?

His only response is to return to his pacing, mumbling something about 'finishing this later'. I don't like the sound of that, but I'd take what would come as long as it was after she was safe.

These past ten minutes had only confirmed what I already knew. She was ours. And this _human_ was about to learn what happens to those who fuck with a Whitlock.

**She was running full out toward a gigantic black void.**

I wasn't exactly sure what it meant, but I was certain it was nothing good.

"Now!" The final rays were gone and darkness was a sweet relief. It was so sudden, as if even Mother Nature herself recognized the importance of the next few minutes.

We cleared the fence in less than a second with an easy leap. One more bound found us perched on the half inch lip of her windowsill. My God, it felt good to move again, power restored. We each grab a side of the bar grid secured to her window and free it quietly of its hold. As Garrett pulls the entire frame with the glass still embedded away from the building, I catch my first visual of what I'd known was happening. Knowing doesn't prepare me, though. We enter the room swiftly, letting loose fierce warning growls.

Taking in the scene before me, I feel my eyes darken and my venom pooling rapidly. I still because I'm losing control, and from the sound of my friend, he isn't faring any better. My inner demon is fighting to come out and I am fighting to prevent that, although I'm fairly certain it wouldn't hurt her because to have this reaction means he has a claim to her as well. But that doesn't mean it wouldn't scare the shit out of her, which was probably a lost cause at this point anyway.

The growl continues to vibrate through my chest as I try to keep a lock on my inner-bastard. Both heads turn to look at us, just noticing our presence. She opens her eyes and relief virtually oozes from her small frame. Her heart rate slows slightly as _his_reaches new heights. I can smell his fear and it is sweet. I calm marginally, but only until I process my next thought.

The _human_ is pinning her down and has his currently deflating dick in his hand. Apparently _his_ fear isn't as big of a turn on as hers was proving to be. The fact that he is touching her at all warrants a death sentence. This, though…

This deserves something more.

Again, I struggle to maintain some semblance of control. My beast would have his needs met, and damn it, she would have her vengeance. We would have _ours_. Our warning is being heeded but nobody seems capable of moving, frozen as we are in various states of unbelief and anger. Of course, that is until the manic laughter cackles from her mouth.

The _human_ turns his attention back to her wearily. Hell, we all do. You'd have to admit, she never does the expected. My life would never be boring again. Her following words only further prove this. Pumpkin looks the dick, holding hid pencil dick, in the eye, fixes a sneer on her beautiful face, and says in a remarkably steady voice, "Death awaits you, all nasty with big, pointy teeth."

After a second more of frozen silence, Garrett whispers at vamp level, "So worth it."

She'd won him over with one sentence, and Garrett is nothing if not loyal. He may have come in here for me, but everything following would be out of respect for her. He moves at a fast human pace to remove the scum from on top of her body as she closes her eyes. Pumpkin is apparently done with the drama from the day. I'd like to believe that this was a show of trust, but I know different. She was welcoming death with open arms since it was the lesser of the two evils she had faced in the last five minutes. I don't think I'd call it a death wish; more like accepting what she couldn't change.

As Garrett lifted the _human_ by his neck, squeezing slightly to prevent any noise, the movement uncovered Pumpkin. We were shocked into stillness yet again. I broke quickly, though, to place her hospital gown back over her naked figure. I couldn't think about this now. We had too much to do, but with my infallible vampire memory, I'd be cursed with that image forever. Meeting Garrett's stare, I knew he was thinking much the same. What Hell had she already been through to mar her in such a way?

We turn our attention back to our prey with a new dose of righteous fury, and I snarl, showcasing my own pearly whites dripping with venom. I knew we had about twenty minutes left. It didn't seem sufficient to repay him for his crimes, but it would have to do.

"I've been waiting too long for this. Don't worry, we won't be interrupted. I want to hear how much you enjoy this," I purr menacingly in his ear. "Scream, bitch!"

Grasping his still exposed dick in my steel grip, I squeeze. Even with the crushing pressure on his esophagus, he emits a shrill scream of pain. I release my hold, vowing to bleach my hand later, and listen to the heartbeats of those standing right outside the door increase. Bingo. I give a quick nod to Garrett and he passes me the piece of shit with crushed, bleeding genitalia. Our bait was successful as…well, _bait_. Plus, I felt a little lighter.

In walk his boys, eyes widening as they behold the peacefully sleeping girl and their whimpering role-model. Garrett shuts the door behind them and we get to work. See, this is my reward for not giving into the demon and just slaughtering him. I get to take some time to smell his fear, and now his shit and urine, as he loses control of his faculties. Gross, but I have to admit it is very satisfying. My demon is even impressed by the macabre finished product of the bleeding, violated _men_. It has distinct artistic flare. I snap a couple of pictures on my cell for Char. I know my woman well enough to know she is not going to take this attack lightly. This might even keep her from coming back for everyone else. Such a Kodak moment.

With the three mutilated corpses posed in a very compromising position, I scrub my hands in the bathroom and watch the blood flow down the drain unbothered. I then retrieve the still passed out Pumpkin from her bed where not a drop had touched. Red splattered the ceiling, covered the walls, and pooled on the floor, but none trespassed her temporary sanctuary. I wrap her in her white standard hospital blanket and carry her toward the window. Leaping out lithely and then clearing the fence, I turn to watch as Garrett replaces the window frame (thank fuck for shatter proof glass) and presses the metal guard back into place. Even if they discovered the entry point, they would never figure out the truth. But why make it easy for them?

We quickly and cautiously make our way to our home on foot. I know Garrett doesn't relax at all until we cross the threshold, though he frequently casts glances at the young woman still passed out in my arms. Other than my assuring him she's alright and that she would awake when ready, we had been silent since leaving the facility. Both of our senses were on high alert and both of our minds were overloaded - both by-products of the day's festivities.

I place her in the guest room, which is her room now, and go to clean up. Now the question was 'What now?' I'm pretty sure we should get the hell out of Dodge at this point, but after that…I just didn't know. And I sure as fuck don't like not knowing.

After checking to make sure Bella is still resting, I head out to find Garrett. I don't have to go far. He's standing in front of the house and staring at her window. I didn't know what was going on in his head, so I figured I'd just wait till he was ready to talk. I'd rather not leave until she awoke anyway. I didn't have to wait long.

The right hook that catches me square in the jaw takes me down to the ground. I don't even attempt to block the follow-up left because I deserve it. When he notices I'm not fighting back, he sits down next to me and sighs.

"I apologize if I offended your sensitive feelings," I mutter dryly.

"You are an ass. But I have your back and, if I did not, I am man enough that I would let you know," he says rather amiably for a guy that was trying to shove my teeth down my throat a second before. It is his way. When things are taken care of, they are done.

"We good?" I just wanted to make sure before trying to get up. For an old guy, he packed quite a punch.

Garrett just smiled wryly. I'll take what I can get. After a few more minutes of listening to the sounds of life actually _inside_ my house, he begins.

"Peter, I cannot get the image of her naked out of my mind," he admits in an ashamed voice, but there is no need for shame. I know exactly what he means. As soon as I was alone, it had come back to me as well. There was nothing sexual associated with it. For the first time ever, a naked attractive female had done nothing for me. I was experiencing a lot of firsts since Pumpkin had entered my world.

"In truth, I simply do not know what to think," he continues.

"You don't have to think anything."

"You said she had a _few_ scars. I know you did not know the extent, but…shit! What causes that?" He was rubbing his face, trying to dispel the image, and as he asks, the image floats back to the front of my brain. There she lies, flat on the hospital bed with her hands still stretched above her head. Her hair is fanned out, tousled around her head, a bruise forming above a bump on her forehead. I am once again reminded of a fallen angel, her peaceful expression directly contradicting everything else about her. It seems too innocent on her damaged body.

She is beautiful even if entirely too thin; almost skin over bone thin. When looking at her body, though, the only thing you really see are the scars. Starting shallow at the base of her neck, just above her collar bone, are three claw marks that travel the valley between her breasts, graze the sides of them before extending below her navel, getting deeper and rougher in appearance. A fourth and fifth mark shadow the outside of her breasts before becoming deeper at her abdomen, meeting the others. The marks are so deep and wide that you naturally wonder what that did internally to her and how she is even alive. On her right arm there are four horizontal marks that look like scratches in comparison. The bottom one I had noticed on her arm the day I saw the bite mark. Then, of course, there was the bite mark.

After contemplating everything I knew about her, which didn't amount to much, I realize he is still waiting for a response. "I don't know. And as much as I wish otherwise, I get the feeling she's not gonna be throwin' that ball of knowledge our way anytime soon."

A moment later, he nods in understanding. "Is she really unwell? In the head, I mean. She has obviously been through …stuff," he finishes lamely.

"Yeah. _Stuff_." I snort as he places a jab to my shoulder. Sobering up, I answer reluctantly."I don't know for sure. I know she shouldn't have been in there and I'm glad she's out. The rest will have to be seen after she wakes. Sane or not, I do know that she belongs here."

"She will fit right in," Garrett says, smirking.

"Damn skippy! And I think she'll be good for us, too," I reply, voicing my optimism.

"Well, three weeks in to this relationship and you have already broken a patient out of an asylum-"

"I didn't say a good _influence_ on me, ya smarmy bastard. I meant she'll be good for us on the whole," I interrupt before he could really get going. "It wasn't even my first 'jail break'. That was Mexico City in the 20s."

"I believe I have heard tale about that one. But, tell me, how long did Char punish you for that particular daring escape?" I wince remembering those four months under Charlotte's wrath as he asks too cheerfully for my liking. I wince again realizing the call I have yet to make.

Garrett catches on quickly to my train of thought, flinching slightly at the thought of my mate pissed off. "We need to leave as soon as she's awake. In the meantime, let's pack up the truck. When we have time, I'll call Char." I was pleased that I could put it off. "Or you can?" I add as his mouth is forming the word 'pussy'. He quickly shakes his head and backs off. We were seasoned veterans. This is not a testament of our bravery but of how fierce my woman is; she _has_ to be to keep us in our place, which she does mighty damn well.

Char and I live as nomads occasionally, but we enjoy having the finer things, like houses and shit. It still took less than an hour to cover the furniture and pack the few bags that we'd be taking. Now we just had to wait for our little human to wake up…which unfortunately meant I had time to make the call.

I have to liken my walk to retrieve my cell to an inmate heading to ride the lightenin'. I mean, I was hoping for a reprieve but there were just so many things that could fry me in this situation. Enough worrying! It was time to man the fuck up.

She answered on the second ring and I could hear laughter in the back ground."Hey!" She sounded so happy that I really hated to tell her. But we had no secrets.

"So, you found the emo bastard?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"Of course. Was there any doubt? And guess what? He's coming back with me," Char adds, like that wasn't her plan to begin with.

"What's the damage?" I ask, truly curious and stalling still.

"Just a small flesh wound." I can hear the smile in her voice.

"Small, hell! My right arm!" I hear my brother shout from the background.

"Oh, he'll be fine. How are things there? Want me to pick you up some binoculars on my way home?"

The time has come. "No, that shouldn't be necessary," I answer pensively.

I hear her take a deep breath. I assume she's trying that counting backwards technique from that parenting magazine."Peter, why is it not necessary? You didn't leave her unattended there, did you?" she asks slowly.

"Honey, it's a girl!" I exclaim with false cheer.

"Peter," she warns in a quiet voice. So I tell her. I spill every detail of Pumpkin getting attacked and what we could hear. I choked a very manly sob back as I told her about being trapped by the sun. I continued with my word vomit till I was yet again overcome by emotion when I told her about us entering the room. Char gave a proud huff when I repeated the only words Pumpkin had spoken. I could tell by the growling in the background that my brother was listening to my account of our day. I gave an abridged version of her physical appearance and continued to assure them that we took care of the douche bags.

"I'll send you the picture I took of the finished product, which brings me to the purpose of this call. We need to leave as soon as she wakes up. I'm not worried about us, but they're going to be looking for her. Where do ya'll want to meet us?"

"Why don't we meet up at my cabin in Wyoming? It's in the shadows of the Rockies and has plenty of room and no neighbors." It was actually nice to hear that deep Southern drawl again.

"Thanks, brother. Garrett and I have everything ready. We'll head out in a few hours. I've never traveled with a human before, so I'm not sure how long it might take."

"Sugar, there is nothing I find hotter than a strong man comin' to the aid of a damsel in distress," Char purred seductively into the phone. Three weeks was too long to be separated from my mate. "You keep takin' care of her and I'll take care of you as soon as I'm home."

"Yes, ma'am," was all I could choke out as the venom fled from my brain into my other head. Damn, now I'll have to take care of this.

I hung up with my mate as I heard Pumpkin's breathing pick up. Garrett was standing with me outside her door in the next instant.

Well, here goes nothing…


	8. The Meet and Greet

**WARNING: This story deals with rape and violence and assholes. Eventually, gods willing, there will be hot vampire sexin' going on. Please go away if you're not an adult. Lots of love, but go away and come back in a few years.**

**A/N:****Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Every time my inbox gets hit, I do a happy jig that makes my children cover their faces in shame. Yes, I'm that cool. But you guys are way better! **

**Chapter 8:**** The Meet and Greet**

**Bella's POV**

Hmm…I don't remember my bed being this soft. It's like I'm lying on a gianormous fluffy cloud covered up by an equally large and fluffy cloud. I'm the meat in a deliciously scrumptious cumulus sandwich. This doesn't feel like a cheap 150 poly-blend. I'm not opening my eyes right now. This might disappear, whatever this is. Then a thought breaks through my floaty bliss.

**Where are we?**

_Our room_, I answer, leaving the 'duh' unspoken…for now.

**I don't think so. Try to remember how we got here.**

_Since you insist._

I try to think back to before I was lying on this little slice of heaven. Eventually, the day's events flash behind my eyes. Moses' ass, chicken nuggets, the giving tree, and…oh no! I gasp.

_Please tell me it didn't happen._

**Keep going…**

_I really would rather not._

Apparently, it didn't matter what I would rather do. The images just kept barging in now that I'd opened the door - my head, his hands, and the nothingness. Oh! I jumped. Holy shit. You'd think I'd have learned about diving after the last time. I've got to say this feels much nicer than anywhere I've been lately. I'm okay if it's not _the_ reality; it can be _my_ reality.

**Keep going…**

_Are you stuck on repeat? Because I don't know what button to push to fix that and this shit is going to get annoying, fast._

**Keep going…**

_Grrrrr! I don't know what you-wait! Growls? Ohhhhhh…_

**Cue the light bulb.**

_Red and his buddy were in my room. Can imaginary vampires eat people? Because damn!_

**I'm pretty sure we can officially rule him out as a figment of your imagination.**

_Did my imaginary friends save me and then kill me? Not so far off base with the slice of heaven observation._

**Not imaginary. And nope. Pretty sure we're still alive.**

_Why?_

**Unless **_**your**_** version of the perfect afterlife includes a pounding headache, an aching body, and the taste of ass on your tongue for all eternity...**

_Damn. Oh, well._

_What now?_

**I'm going to go with the off the wall idea that you **_**open**_** your eyes. It's so crazy that it just might work.**

_When it comes time to trade in the voice in my head, I'm opting for a less sarcastic version that constantly compliments me._

**Thanks for the notice. Now-**

_All right, all right…_

Taking a deep breath, I open my eyes just a tiny fraction. Since that wasn't enough to see anything, I went ahead and peeled my swollen lids back the rest of the way. Darkness engulfed the room, which was strange because there were always lights on at the facility. Lights lining the walls in the bedrooms remained on low at all times, and the quiet room was always lit up, which was probably some ancient form of Chinese torture. With the way my pulse was beating a rhythm in my ears, I was thankful for the lack of high beams. But I wanted some indication of where I was.

**Ask and ye shall geteth it.**

The door opened and standing there were my imaginary vampires.

**NOT imaginary!**

This is a dream. I know I can't dream, but they must have given me two purple pills by mistake or something because _this_ is dreaming. Maybe I _did_ swan dive down the void into my abyss. Seriously, if I knew hot guys would be waiting to stare at me, I might have jumped sooner.

I sit up, wincing slightly and pulling the soft, puffy comforter around me to cover my naked body. I draw my knees up to my chest, place my arms on top, and bury my head as I begin rocking back and forth. Apparently Red and Other Red decide this is permission to enter the room. They take two steps and then stop.

_They're not real. This is not real. Damn hole. I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not here._

They both cock their heads slightly to the left in the universal sign for "Huh?"

_The Reds are not real. They're not here. I'm not here. Damn hole. They're not real. I'm not here._

Then the original Red shocks me further - you know, other than just existing. "Isabella, we are very much here. So are you."

**Oh shit! Did I say that out loud?**

_Oh SHIT! He talked!_

Red the Sequel seems to be holding back laughter as I continue my inner dialog and manic rocking.

**Glad to know someone is enjoying himself. Yeah, laugh it up, Chuckles.**

_It's the void. That's it. It has to be. I am Alice in fucking Wonderland. Where the hell is that overdressed bunny?_

"Not so 'inner' dialog, Pumpkin."

I narrow my eyes and stop my rocking. If this is not the real world, then there is no harm in humoring this _fine_ figment since he insists on talking to me. I wouldn't want to be rude to whos who are not.

"I'm not a figment," he starts in a slow cautious tone. "I'm Peter, and Chuckles over there is also known as Garrett."

**I told you so! They're-**

_Shhhh! I'm in the middle of something here._

I've named them? Is that like when your mother tells you not to feed the strays because they'll keep coming back? At least I'm not responsible for feeding them. Because eww...

"Pumpkin?" Red - I mean, 'Peter' - says in a drawn out but soothing voice. Since I am having an 'episode' here, I won't take offense at his tone, this time, but he does remind me why I'm trying out my non-existent laser vision on him.

"What did you call me?" I ask in a flat tone.

"Pumpkin," he answers matter-of-factly.

"Well, you can stop now. I don't like being referred to as food. I'm sure you can understand," I request, inserting a little sugar in my tone and even adding an eye flutter for good measure.

"I don't eat pumpkins. You're not in my diet plan either, but whatever makes you feel better, Cupcake." And I actually growl at the smug son of a bitch.

Other Red lets loose a gut-busting stream of laughter and Peter returns my growl while smirking slightly. Begrudgingly, I admit his is more impressive.

**Why do you care what he calls you if he's not real?**

_It's the principle of the thing. I'm making headway here. Don't confuse me with logic._

"I assure you we are real, Miss," G-Red says.

I just snort. No use in arguing. Now, where is that damn rabbit? I need to get out of this place and find out what the fuck happened.

"Such a ladylike noise," he replies cheekily.

Oh, he's got jokes. I'll show him ladylike as soon as I'm willing to leave this bed. I'll kick his non-fanged ass all over this room. For now, I'll settle for glaring, because this bed really is awesome and there is no awesome without 'me'. Have I mentioned clouds?

And again he laughs.

_Has he been pilfering the happy pills?_

He's holding his side, almost doubled over, laughing.

The one I apparently named Peter smiles a big Cheshire cat smile at me. "Charlotte'll be glad you're so comfortable here."

**Charlotte? I understand if Matthew was unavailable, but couldn't you have conjured up another man? Not that these aren't yummy, but let's try for another tall, pale, and handsome.**

_I thought you said they were real! I'm outraged! You lied!_

**No, I'm just giving up in my campaign'o'reason. Might as well enjoy the ride for as long as it lasts. Besides, the scenery is**_**looking good**_**.**

"Who's Matthew?" Garrett politely inquires.

**Shit. Can he read my mind? I didn't think that was possible.**

"No, I cannot read your mind, Little One," he responds to my _thought_ with barely concealed humor.

_I know you can hear my thoughts. Baaaaaaaa! Baaaaaaaa! Baaaaaaaa!_

**Are you trying to annoy the truth out of him?**

_What the hell are they laughing at now?_

Red, though still chuckling, is kind enough to answer."I think the filter between your mouth and your brain is broken."

"You mean you've heard everyth-" I trail off in abject horror at the things I have probably said today and, even worse, what will come out later if I don't fix this. It's just another thing broken.

Broken.

I am shattered.

I'm lost and shattered.

Broken.

So wrecked, I can't even pretend to be whole.

Even here, which is, I grant you, much better than where I was. Why can't I be normal?

Because I'm broken.

"Don't cry, Pumpkin," Peter shushes me as I rock.

_I didn't even know I was crying. Damn it._

Sure enough my cheeks are wet with those traitor tears revealing my emotions as sure as my mouth has been revealing my thoughts. I cannot remember the last time I cried.

_I wouldn't think you could cry in the hole. I thought it was just nothingness._

**Of course, you also weren't expecting visitors.**

_Oh so true._

"I'm gonna show you that we are real; that you are really here," Peter says gently as he begins to inch his way across the room from his place by the door. My breathing hitches slightly.

He keeps eye contact as he continues his slow but steady path toward the bed where I still sit hugging my knees. "Isabella, I just want to shake your hand and introduce myself properly." His tone is serious and yet light, but his gaze is intense.

I am struck by a thought as I watch his progress - I'm not as scared as I should be, sitting here naked and about to touch someone… Not just anyone, but a _vampire_. There are no whirling sirens or robot voices announcing, "Danger, Will Robinson!" If he had wanted to hurt me, he already could have a million times over, I'm sure. Finally completing his trek across the room, he kneels beside the huge bed and cautiously extends his hand toward me, stopping about a foot away before making contact. He just leaves it there in the air, waiting for me to make my choice.

_My_ choice.

I might be a cold bitch, but I couldn't leave him just hanging like that, so I hold out my slightly shaking hand and brace myself for the panic that comes from skin contact. But it never comes. The panic, that is. His ice cold grip is firm but gentle. He quickly shakes my hand and says with a Southern accent I hadn't noticed before, "Peter Whitlock. Nice to finally meet you, Pumpkin."

I'm in too much shock to respond as he makes his way more quickly across the room looking very pleased with himself. He is real. They are real. They had saved me and I'm not in Wonderland. I'm here. They're here. And we're both real.

_Okay. I was wr-wro-wrong._God, that was painful.

**Hallelujah! It's a miracle! She's a believer!**

Garrett is shifting from foot-to-foot in what I liken to a vampire's version of the potty dance. He looks at Peter and then back at me with pleading eyes.

**Well, apparently someone else wants to say hi.**

_Don't I feel special?_

He nods and a small smile breaks out on my face. It feels foreign but entirely appropriate considering the absurdity that had somehow become my reality somewhere between passing out and awakening here. We repeat the greeting process again. And again there is no panic with the cool touch - no flood of memories, no hyperventilating, and no anger that had never failed to come with even the smallest of touches as in the past. By the time he returned to Red's side, I had accepted that this was for real. God help me, this was real. And just like that, my calm bubble burst.

"Where am I?" I ask quickly. They both exchange the look - the one where they wonder how much they can or should tell me. I had neither the time for their secret-squirrel shit nor the desire to participate in a fucked up version of keep away.

"Answer my question. Full truth, please," I say in a quiet, hoarse whisper. Obviously, my voice decided to flee to make way for the reality that just moved right on in, laying out the not-so-welcome mat. Before I even know he was missing, Garrett is already back by my side with a tall glass of water. I think my heart stopped for a moment. It looks like I'm going to have to get used to certain vampire traits again, at least for the time being. I doubt they'll stick around for long. Maybe they can give me a ride back.

After accepting my drink and offering my sincere thanks, I pierce them both with my patented in forty-two states don't-f-with-me stare. I drain my glass quickly while watching them out of the corner of my eye, but I can't help but be grateful for the chance to rinse my mouth and the soothing of my throat."Well, I'm waiting," I add when they just keep looking at each other and then back to me.

"What do you remember, Little One?" Garrett finally mumbles while looking at his feet.

"Too much. I remember-" I try to choke the emotions, to cut them off, before they can overwhelm me. I clear my throat and finish quickly in a more detached tone. "I remember the perv was on top of me when you two came in my room. I passed out after that."

**I have always admired your ability to compartmentalize.**

_Thanks._

"You didn't miss much. We took care of the human and his friends," Peter answers simply.

"I'm assuming you don't mean that you turned him into the proper authorities?" I already know the answer from the look in their eyes, which darken at the memory of what had transpired during my hiatus from reality.

"No," he retorts in a clipped tone.

"You cannot be mad, surely. He got much less than he deserved," Garrett adds.

"Oh, I'm not mad at all," I answer honestly. "I wasn't his first victim, so I am definitely glad that I was his last. But I gotta ask, did you just drain him?" I am morbidly curious. The last thing I need is another monster to haunt my mind. I liked that I could check him off as deceased. Guys like that deserved to go the way of the dodo and the dinosaur.

Both men look shocked yet pleased. They were afraid they were in trouble!

_How cute._

Garrett answers proudly now."Nay, it was more intricate than that, though I did bite his friends so they could feel the burn of my venom before I granted their undeserving selves the mercy of a quick death."

My eyebrows shoot up to my hairline at that little nugget of knowledge. "How did you bite them and not go all 'shark week' over the blood?"

Peter looks impressed by my inquisitiveness (and lack of freaking out, I imagine). Garrett, on the other hand, looks mildly insulted and he scoffs, "I have been hunting humans since before this country _was_ a country. Perhaps you are questioning my control, _Pumpkin_?"

I start to reply with narrowed eyes and a few choice words before Red intervenes.

"What Garrett means to say is that we had recently fed and we are experienced enough not to give over to our… _baser_ instincts," Peter explains patiently. "Plus, it's easy to ignore a steak when you've just downed three Big Macs," he adds cheekily and I simultaneously cross Micky D's off of any to-gorge lists.

**Well, slap my ass and serve me a milkshake. This is new info.**

_Yeah, so why did a teeny, tiny paper cut wreak such havoc?_

Things get super serious again as both their heads whip around fast as lightning. Peter stares at me like he's never seen me before and Garrett looks between the both of us, confused. Of course, he can join the fucking club because I have no clue what just happened. I just know something did. At last, Red takes a deep breath, but my hard earned calm is all shot to hell.

"Then we carried you out of there and brought you to our home. That's it. The end."

**WHAT?**

_Oh, no he didn't!_

After I close my jaw, I shakily reply, "The end, my boring non-shimmery ass. Look, I appreciate what you both did for me." I try to use a strong tone but I am aware that I'm once again panicking.

**This can't be good for the heart.**

I continue my rambling as I try to get up _and_ remain covered. "I really do! And now that you took care of the Perv squad, I'll be fine. So, come on, take me back. I just _have_ to go back." I finish in a desperate whisper.

For the first time since I'd 'known' him, Red looks at me like I'm mental. So naturally, to prove how wrong he is, I sink to the floor and sob, which they are in no way prepared for. Peter begins mumbling, running his hands over his face, and Garrett paces, resembling a frustrated lion in the zoo.

I sit there sobbing. And sobbing. And to mix it up a little, I throw in a sniffle-sniffle-sob. I tense as I feel someone settle beside me; more so when he puts his arm around my shoulders. But when I look into Peter's concerned eyes, I simply know this is where I am supposed to be, at least for now. I lean into his side briefly before drying my eyes on the comforter and stand with a slight assist from Peter when I almost trip over the sheets still wrapped around my feet.

They eye me warily for a few moments, probably waiting for another episode of waterworks. I can't fault them for that.

"I'm good. Now take me back."

"No," they answer in unison, and we begin a face-off that could very well end up "the Alamo: part deuce". We continue to glare at one another until Peter decides to play the grown-up in the group.

**Bold move, I must say.**

"Isabella, you can't go back. For one thing, you're probably wanted for murder by now." I sit down as I struggle to understand the gravity of my new situation. "Not to mention you don't belong there. Now get your bony ass up on your feet again, get dressed, and do whatever it is that humans do as preparatory maintenance. We're out of here in fifteen minutes. Now move!" His tone is non-threatening but commanding all the same. I get the distinct impression that he's not really asking for my opinion here.

_It's not like I have a doodle's chance in hell to get away right now, but I'm sure we can think of something later._

**Yes. Sure. Good plan. But let's start with step one: Be Less Naked.**

"Oh, and Muffin?" He turns once more after placing some clothes on the bed on his way to the door. "Don't even think about it." I huff, he winks, and then he shuts the door behind him.

Looks like we're going on a road trip.


	9. Gonna kill her

**Chapter 9: Gonna Kill Her**

**Peter's POV**

"No," I say yet again.

"You said I am not a prisoner."

"Of course you're not a prisoner. You're more like the third cousin I'd never met before."

"Then why can't I go to the store? Hmm?"

"What if someone recognizes you?"

"There's been nothing on the news. And you can just work some of your vamp mojo on anyone who gives us problems. How often do they lose a schizophrenic after she's murdered three employees? That's not the kind of press they want. They'll keep it on the down-low," she argues rather reasonably for someone less than twenty-four hours out of their permanent stay at el' loony bin.

Something isn't right. She's up to something…

The night had gone remarkably well, in my opinion. She didn't wake screaming. And she didn't start screaming when she saw us or when we finally managed to convince her that we are, in fact, real. That was interesting, but shit…what _hadn't_ been interesting since she'd woken up? She was interesting smothered in confusion with a giant side of what the fuck.

As we stood outside her door listening to her vital signs for a clue that she was indeed awake, we received a preview of what was to come. I briefly wondered whether this was in my head, but one look over at Garrett was all the assurance I needed. His eyebrows pulled together in a great representation of the classic uni-brow and his nose scrunched slightly as he tried to decipher what we were hearing. Pumpkin was mumbling and it sounded strangely muffled. Did she have her head covered with the pillow?

Clouds? She liked the bed at least.

_"_Where are we?_"_ she asked slightly louder. I reached to turn the knob so that I could answer her query, only to be stopped by a still very confused Garrett.

"She said 'we'?" He was right; she had. I paused to consider what this could mean, but since staring blankly at the door was not going to solve this particular mystery, I went to open it, only to be stopped in my tracks yet again.

_"_Our room,_"_ she answered her own question in a softer but petulant tone. Her voice was still muffled but stronger than her ramblings about the bed. While she continued reminiscing about yesterday, I found it easier to follow her train of thought, which seemed to rapidly jump track. Since Garrett was still trying to figure out what the hell was going on with her, I decided to take pity on the bastard and clue him in.

"The really quiet murmuring words, I think, are her thoughts, and it sounds like we're missing quite a lot of those. She's actually holding a conversation with herself." He appeared to be less confused but much more concerned. And with good reason…

"Is this normal for humans? I know I do not have an abundance of experience interacting with them, but this doesn't seem normal," he replied cautiously. His concern must have outweighed his wish to not offend me. As much as he enjoyed decking me earlier, he didn't like the thought of pissing me off.

"How normal can a chick be that hangs out with our kind? God only knows what other shit has happened in her short life. I'm surprised she's not more fucked up!" I took a deep breath before continuing in a patient tone so I could attempt to provide some _clarifuckation_ for my friend. "Listen closely, you bastard. Far as I can tell, she didn't talk when she was in that facility. You heard that piece of shit! He'd never even heard her voice, and we don't know how long she'd been there. If you're a sane person surrounded by crazy, who do you talk to? If you've been hurt and abandoned in hell by everyone in the world, who do you communicate with? Who do you run ideas by? The only person you know and trust is YOURSELF. She's not crazy; she's a survivor. I'm not sayin' she's not gonna have some issues, but I've just got this feelin'…" It was then that I started listening to Pumpkin again.

"She thinks we're in her head. Very few places on this Earth scare me, my friend, but in her head is now on that list." I glared at him as he chuckled softly. "I must admit she is quite amusing." That was an understatement.

"You be sure to tell her that." He looked at the door warily and then turned his attention back to me.

"Let me rephrase. Our lives will be considerably less predictable in the near future. Better?" I rolled my eyes and we both focused back on the muffled speech coming from the room. She couldn't see without the lights on, which was a concept that we hadn't even considered.

"For a male who just knows shit, you sure are dropping the ball a lot," Garrett voiced my thoughts, except his tone was teasing whereas mine was serious. I didn't know she needed _light_. Oh, God! She's gonna need more stuff, surely. Food, water, clothes… I began making a mental list in the midst of my panic attack. For the first time, I wondered if I had taken on more than I could handle, not that I had a choice. Fate is at play here. Garrett, sensing my internal distress, applied his open palm to the back of my head, channeling his inner Char. I snarled, but it had served its purpose. We'll just roll with it and do damage control when we fuck up, which I'm sure will be often. Opening the door, we stood still and waited for her to notice our presence.

_"…dream...can't dream...they...given...purple pills...mistake…because…is dreaming maybe….swan dive…abyss…if…knew…hot guys…stare at me…jumped sooner. They're not real. This is not real…"_

Her continuous denial of reality poured from her mouth and she started rocking, but all we could do was stare. If I wasn't a vampire, I don't think I would have known she was talking. She could be the world's best fucking ventriloquist. That's why the words were muffled. Her mouth was only opening the tiniest fraction of an inch. This new development was impressive and disturbing. Puppets have always creeped me the fuck out.

One of the few human memories I can recall is of my grandmother. I remember I loved her cooking. Her molasses cookies were my favorite. But the most vivid memory is of my sleepovers at her home. She had a small two bedroom clapboard home, and in her second room she displayed the dolls she collected. My grandfather bought them for her as gifts for every occasion, and the small room lined with shelves was overflowing so much so that she'd started hanging them from the tile ceiling. During the day, it looked cluttered but it was nothing ominous. At night, however, while lying on my pallet on the floor, those damn things seemed to come to life, swaying from the breeze blowing through the open window and casting moving shadows in the moonlight. That image still gives me the chills. Talking, moving dolls are unnatural.

Since she obviously wasn't aware she was speaking out loud, I decided to play nice. I'd be the gentleman here since Garrett couldn't quit tittering like a school girl long enough to be productive. "Isabella, we are very much here. So are you." She kept on doing her freaky puppet master act, so I interrupted her again. "Not so 'inner' dialog, Pumpkin." She narrowed her eyes. I wasn't exactly sure what I had done wrong, so I continued cautiously. "I'm not a figment. I'm Peter, and Chuckles over there is Garrett."

Twenty minutes later, introductions were finished. The 'incident' had been covered and a small snippet of a thought I should not have been privy to opened up the floodgates of realization. Pumpkin wasn't a stranger after all - more like a friend of a friend, if I was right…and I usually am. Oh, hell! There had either been a Hallelujah Jesus-esque miracle or a dumpster-fuck load of lies and deceit. I'm betting on the latter.

"Are you going to tell me what just occurred?" Garrett inquired quickly. Instead of responding to him, I got back to our ongoing heart-to-heart.

"Then we carried you out of there and brought you to our home." She was frozen for a second longer than I thought normal, so I added, "That's it. The end."

"The end, my boring, non-shimmery ass." She struggled to get up from the bed while remaining covered, but she began to sound more frantic with each word shakily spoken. "Look, I appreciate what you both did for me. I really do! And now that you took care of the Perv squad, I'll be fine. So, come on, take me back. I _have_ to go back." Tears pooled in her eyes as she uttered her last plea.

Damnit! Maybe she _was_ fucking insane. She can't go back there. She can't possibly _want_ to go back there. I saw her in there going through each day the same way - alive and breathing but not living, by any means or definition of the word. Surrounded by insanity, trying to keep a grip on reality but not wanting to because reality was so horrible, she had existed like that for how long? And how much longer could she have held on? She had to have a reason for why she was in that place. It's the only explanation that would make sense of this shit, yet another obstacle of ambiguity. I hate secrets.

As she sat weeping on the floor and Garrett returned to his nerve-racking pacing, I tried to figure out what to do. I scrubbed my face, attempting to focus on the problem and not the bawling girl.

"I will tear the place apart and drain everyone inside before I take her back there," Garrett spat.

"I fucking concur. Now, do we demand answers or just get her to stop leaking?"

"Priorities, my friend." Damn it, he was right. Damage control first; satisfying curiosity later. After rattling of a stream of profanities so vile that Charlotte would have kicked my ass until next Friday, I was ready.

I walked slowly to where Isabella sat and, in deliberate and measured movements, took the same position beside her, careful to leave some space between our bodies. I placed my arm gently around her shoulders. In her current state of distress and with what we had witnessed this evening, I didn't need a reminder to be careful. She screamed _fragile_.

She tensed. She wanted to move, but I hoped she would accept this small comfort from me. When she finally looked up at me, I saw recognition in her dark eyes. They showcased every emotion as she experienced it, telling me that she knew she belonged here even as her broken thoughts confirmed it.

_"At least for now."_

She didn't know what I knew. I was just holdin' a place for someone else. He'd fix her up good and she'd sure as hell return the favor. This was fate. She completed us – not just for now, this was a forever deal. Pumpkin began to stand shakily and I was drawn out of my Jerry McGuire moment, barely managing to catch her before she executed a fine looking faceplant.

She steeled herself yet again. "I'm good. Take me back now."

We gave it a moment before we answered with an emphatic, "No!"

Since glaring wasn't getting us gone as fast as I would have liked, I attempted to reason with her. "Isabella, you can't go back. For one thing, you will probably be wanted for murder now." Since she looked mighty deflated by that slice of reality, I decided not to list the hundreds of other reasons why going back was ridiculous. "Not to mention, you don't belong there." She belongs with us. "Now, get your bony ass up, get dressed, and do whatever it is that humans do. We're out of here in fifteen minutes."

Since I'd informed her of her malfunction, her thoughts seemed to not seep out as often, but most of her conversations with herself did. Except when Garrett couldn't control himself, we tried not to respond to her thoughts. I could understand not wanting every errant thought known; it'd be embarrassing as hell and it appeared she had no choice at the moment. However, I couldn't let that last one slid.

"Oh, and Muffin?" I placed some of Char's clothes on the bed for her. They wouldn't fit well, but they'd have to do for now. "Don't even think about it." I left her with a wink to continue her pouting and get dressed.

_"_Road trip._"_ This should be fun.

By eleven, I was behind the wheel of my cobalt blue Ford F-150. I don't get to drive it often, but damn I love this truck. As she climbed into the back seat, I heard her murmuring.

_"_Oh! Look how he is caressing the dash oh-so-tenderly. It's sweet._"_

_"_Next he'll start molesting the steering wheel._" _I turned to glare at her, but after settling into her seat, she just turned to stare out the window, not even acknowledging the blow she'd dealt to my ego. Garrett was just eating this shit up. Bastard.

Finding my happy place again in my truck, which I liked only an _appropriate_ amount, we finally got on the road. Aside from her occasional murmuring and the sound of classic country crooning quietly from my speakers, the first few hours of our trip were uneventful. I knew she needed more sleep than she had had, but I wasn't exactly sure _how much_. I was frustrated with my ignorance about humans. I used to _be_ one, for fuck's sake! Shouldn't taking care of one spark some of my buried humanity? Wasn't it like riding a bike? But I'm sure if you asked the average Joe out on the street how much time a cow slept a night, he wouldn't have a clue. If you get to know too much about your food source, they cease to be just food.

Around four, she started getting restless. And then it began - the singing that wasn't supposed to be heard by anyone. Ever. For many reasons.

_"Riding around in my automobile. Duh-dudududada-dun. _  
_Vampire beside me at the wheel. Duh-dudududada-dun."_ The next two lines weren't even close to decipherable. I don't think she actually knew the words herself, and after that incoherent mumbling she'd loop back around and do it again.

Over and over and over.

After the first half hour, Garrett began quietly pleading for me to say something, but we'd agreed to not acknowledge her errant thoughts. After another thirty minutes of the _same_ song, I cracked.

"Isabella," I said a little too sharply. But it got her attention and, more importantly, she stopped the damn song. "Are you hungry? I don't know how often I'm supposed to feed you," I tacked on lightly.

From her angry hiss and the way her eyes were boring into the back of my head, I assumed I'd hit a nerve. "I'm not a fucking goldfish, something you have to remember to feed and water and scoop up after, you ass! Is that what I am to you guys? A stupid pet?"

Note to self: Overly sensitive about pets. And doesn't appear too familiar with goldfish needs…

Garrett growled lowly at her choice of words. He had issues with 'pets' too. "Little One, you have knowledge about our world - too much for your own good - but listen well. There is much for you to learn yet. Vampiric cultures vary as much as the cultures and customs of humans. The term 'pet' is not one to throw around lightly. Vampires and humans with that title truly are property, treated poorly and reduced to nothing at their master's will. Their status is below food. If you were a pet to one of our kind, there would never be a question what your place was."

She looked curious but accepted that as the end of that particular line of questioning. This was good, because it _was_. She rephrased the question after some more 'internal debate'. "What _am_ I in this situation? Am I a prisoner?" She glanced quickly at Garrett to make sure he took no offense. He chuckled and looked to me to answer her.

I didn't think she was quite ready for the "this is your destiny" talk, so I kept it simple. "You're our guest. Since you know what we are, it's kind of permanent." She nodded her head slowly, digesting this new information. As long as she didn't start singing again, I didn't care how long she sat there talking to herself.

Thirty minutes before sunrise found us pulling into a shady looking motel on the side of the highway. Anytime the clerk asks if you want to pay by the hour, you know it's a classy joint. I hoped I could get Pumpkin to finally rest and maybe eat something. Plus, I hadn't planned this trip, so I wasn't exactly sure of the weather forecasts. I figured it was best to err on the side of caution rather than go driving down the highway throwing light like a princess-cut solitaire.

As she sat pensively on the dirty bed, we heard a loud grumbling. It seemed to be coming from within her. We looked at her in alarm. When was the last time she'd eaten something?

"You need to eat, Peanut," I stated matter-of-factly.

"No, I'm not hungry." Now, that's what she said loud and clear. The rest continued in her creeptastic manner.

_Why don't you just stop your brooding and eat something?_  
_  
I don't want to._  
_  
Seriously. Could you sound more like a two year old? You can have whatever you want. I'm sure they deliver._  
_  
No, I don't want to eat._  
_  
Are you trying to kill yourself?_  
_  
No._  
_  
…maybe… if…die…so bad…_

Garrett guffawed. I was beginning to wonder if crazy was contagious. "If I get the slightest notion that you are thinking of killing yourself by any means, I will not hesitate to bite you. You won't get a choice," he declared cheerfully, fully showcasing his pearly whites.

A look of pure horror dawned on her face. "You wouldn't dare!"

"Try me," he replied simply, his face showing absolutely no indecision.

"You would damn me to spend eternity alone? You would damn my soul?" she asked in a hesitant but curious voice. Yes, someone had heaped that shit at her by the truckload - excuse after excuse he'd dished out until leaving her with a 'You're not good enough for me.'

Garrett scoffed. "Alone? What am I? Surely I have not been reduced to a figment again so soon." He was enjoying taunting her way too much, although when she stomped her foot and let out a small squeal, it was hysterical. She was a walking contradiction - the body of a woman, the soul of a warrior, and the hissy fits of a toddler.

"Lamb chop-" She turned her laser-vision glare to me."We won't take away your mortality or your choice unless you force our hands. Garrett is sincere in his vow and since, to my knowledge, he hasn't turned anyone in over two hundred years, I urge you to take it seriously."

This was a conversation for further on down the road, so I steered us back to the original topic. "Are _you_ eating breakfast or are _we_?" I said, smiling too big.

She heaved an annoyed huff and responded with a petulant tone, "I'll eat later." A wicked gleam sparked in her eyes and she added nonchalantly, "First, I need to go to the store, and the weather seems to be cooperating."

"She is nuts," Garrett said in a quiet tone of wonder and awe.

"What do you need at the store that Garrett couldn't just go get for you?" I asked, doubting I'd get the truth.

"When did I get reduced to errand boy? Anything else while I am out, Master?" Garrett rolled his eyes. The bastard was just trying to be difficult. He didn't know that he was playing right into her hand. I started to tell him something wasn't right, but she cut me off.

"You two are worse than two old betties gossiping at church bingo. Let's have this little talk where everyone can participate, m'kay?" she commanded sweetly with narrowed eyes. No thoughts were slipping through her lips; no confusion was playing in her features. She was flying with all engines firing and I was starting to worry. I recognized a woman on a mission when I saw one, but _what _is she after?

She looked down shyly and glanced back up through her lashes. Damn, that was unfair. She looked like a puppy with the big innocent eyes pleading. "I need woman products. It's that time of the month." Oh. She was good. If it wasn't for my intuition, I would have bought that shit.

"Bullshit," I said flatly.

"What woman products, Little One?" Garrett asked, confused. I couldn't believe he was falling for this. She looked at me slightly alarmed, but there was no way I was bailing her out of this one. She could explain female human issues to the three-hundred year old vampire all on her own. I smirked.

After a minute more, she straightened her spine."G-Red, you have been with women, right? You know, _sex_?"

He still looked confused. "I did not know that is something you can procure at the Mighty Mart." I fell off my chair laughing as she steeled herself once more.

"Let's try this again, shall we?" She began to talk loudly over my cackling. "I am a woman of child-bearing age. I ovulate and menstruate, and this will occur very, _very_ soon according to my bitchin' cramps." I was impressed. Her sweet, pleading voice coupled with the steady eye contact and he was a goner.

"What do we need to get you?" He was concerned now that he thought she was in pain.

"I just need to get some feminine products before it starts. And some Pamprin…" She knew she had won him over to the dark side.

"Why can't I go and get you what you need?" I asked with a resigned sigh. The victory was hers for the taking and she knew it.

"Not that you picking out my tampons wouldn't just be all kinds of fabulous, but I really think we should stick together. I am a part of the team now, right?" She was just _all kinds_ of sarcastic.

"There's no 'I' in team," I stated flatly.

"There's no 'U' either."

"I don't see anything wrong with taking her to the store." Garrett smiled sympathetically at her.

I lost it. "You treacherous bastard! Not five minutes ago you said, and I quote, 'She is nuts.'"

Pumpkin snorted loudly. "Nuts like a fox."

As I glowered at her, Garrett tried to restore the peace. "I am not saying she is not a little addled-"

The addled-one huffed and quickly interrupted whatever he was trying to say, "Fine. I'm a little crazy. You're a little dead, but you don't see me throwing that in your face constantly!" I had to admit she made a valid point. I was still extremely wary, but at least we outnumbered her.

"How much trouble can one human be?" I think that was rhetorical, but I answered him anyway.

"Where the fuck have you been the last twenty-four hours? Gettin' forgetful in your old age?" He just smirked, the overconfident SOB. All kinds of whistles and bells and flashing lights were telling me she was planning something and that she was going to succeed. Whatever she was going through this much effort for, it was important to her. If nothing else, maybe I could get some answers to the mount'o'questions that were still building up.

Now that she had Garrett firmly behind her, she turned on me again and went in for the kill. "Do you really want to wait till you can smell it? Or worse yet, my ass bleeding on your truck's lovely leather seat-"

"Stop! Please, God, stop! Ugh, nasty. Fine, we will take you." Before she could progress too far in her victory dance, I added, "But understand something, my little peach - you will stay within a three-foot radius of me at all times. If not, I'll toss you over my shoulder, throw your ass in the truck, and the next time you see civilization, you will be old enough to collect Social Security. Got it?" I ground out from between my clenched teeth.

"Perfectly, Petey," she replied in a voice that was sugar and spice and everything nice. "Let's roll, my bitches!" she mumbled in a quiet tone as she went toward the door, expecting us to follow, which we did.

Garrett was chuckling almost silently behind her back. "Were we supposed to hear that?"

I just shrugged. This was all his fault. We were not equipped to deal with this woman-child. We had hope if we could just get to Char, but I didn't know if we were gonna make it that far. I am a _vampire_, for fuck's sake. _Garrett_ is a vampire. She is just one small human female. There is no contest…

Oh, shit, we are in so much trouble. I hung my head as we headed out to my truck.

"I think you are overreacting. Seriously, Peter, I am sure this will be a simple trip," Garrett spouted off in a light, care-free tone.

"You know, I'd agree with you, but then we'd _both_ be wrong."

Retrieving our cart and making our way through the door, she persisted with the same chat they had been carrying on about the entire way here. "You have never been in a Walmart? Ever?" Pumpkin just could not accept this. Tell the girl that you're a mythical monster, she has no problem. Tell her you don't know what a roll-back is, and she cannot comprehend. It's astounding.

"No, there has never been any need for me to shop," Garrett responded mischievously, hoping she would follow through with the next question, which she did.

"How do you get clothes and hygiene products and stuff?"

"I do not have any need for stuff. I am a nomad, a traveler. It is beneficial to keep the burden light." He winked at her as we walked through the aisles.

"Okay. I get that. But deodorant, soap…?"

"I shower when I visit others or when I have a desire for company. We do not perspire and our skin does not secrete natural oils. Showering is merely to prevent dust from accumulating. It is enjoyable but not necessary, unless you are a messy eater."

"How do you get clothes?" I just shook my head. He was going to tell her. He wanted to see her response.

"I only need to change them about every six months, but when that time comes, I just hunt someone my size," he said cheerfully.

She stopped pushing the cart and stared at him. Until, at last, she just shrugged and continued on her way. "That makes sense."

_"_Thank heaven he's not a cross dresser,_"_ she mumbled, apparently done with the conversation. He looked disappointed with her lack of give-a-damn but also mildly impressed by her lack of fear. I was still chuckling when we reached the isle.

"Red, would you go get me some ice cream and Pamprin?" she ordered in question form.

"No." Before she could argue further, Garrett volunteered. I think he was trying to use some Chunky Monkey to get in her good graces, the suck up. She nodded and he took off like a good boy.

"Human pace," I whispered as a reminder.

_"_Well, that'll take a while."

"Don't forget, Cookie, three-foot radius." All we had to do is get her 'personal' products and get the hell out of here. She ignored me as she turned to debate. I assumed she would just grab a box and go, but no… That would be too easy.

"I just don't know which ones to get. What do you think, Petey?" she started loud and just kept increasing her volume. We were beginning to attract attention. "So many choices. Look at all of these! Well, first things first, pads or tampons? Peter?" I just glared at her. I was about to grab her and haul her ass away caveman-style, but she'd already drawn a crowd. Damn it.

"I think we should go with tampons." She expounded on that with an obvious stage whisper that everyone heard. "I know how appealing the smell becomes to you and your friends." My mouth dropped open as she smirked. I was not an easy person to embarrass; in fact, I was usually the tormentor of other, lesser men. But I'd have been glowing brighter than Rudolph at this display if blood still flowed through my veins. Mothers were shooting me the stink eye and pulling their young children away, men were chuckling ruefully, and a group of grungy teens were flat out pointing and laughing their asses off.

"What do you think? Playtex or Tampax? Plastic applicator or cardboard? I know you said to get the cheapest available, but those are scratchy going in and…" She kept on going, loud, fast and dramatic. Oh, hell! She kept going and going and going, and all I did was stand there, gaping at her until she was ready for her grand finale.

"This is just so confusing!" she wailed. "I want my mom and you're not any help and I don't know what to get! What do you expect from me?" An employee took pity on me still standing there, dumbfounded, and went to Isabella.

"Come on, honey," she said in a soothing voice. Pumpkin must have been dedicated to this plan. I could see her flinch and clench her jaw as the kind woman put her arm around her.

_"She's touching me!"_  
_  
"Just hold it together a little longer."_  
_  
"Stick to the plan. Stick to the plan,"_she chanted softly as she composed herself.

The woman, unaware of the panic she'd caused by her light touch, started escorting Isabella through the small gathering of gawkers, stopping only to hand me three different boxes of tampons. "Buy them all. She'll meet you in the front of the store." Turning her attention back to the sniffling actress, she spoke in a calm, reassuring voice. "It can be confusing, but men are no help. Let's go get you cleaned up."

I started toward her to protest when two things happened simultaneously. The human narrowed her eyes at me. "My manager will escort you to the checkout." She gestured toward the pimply-faced youth to her right and Isabella breathed. "Cameras are watching, Red. If you don't follow along, I'll scream 'vampire', so help me I will! Please just go with the man." Her eyes that were begging seconds before got that evil glint once more.

"Please, Petey, and don't forget the panty liners." She sniffled to cover up her snort. As I was escorted to the front of the store by the oily haired twerp in the vest and placed in the most sluggish express line ever, I caught sight of a very confused Garrett heading toward me with his own 'guard'. Once he reached us, the manager lectured us on appropriate store behavior and asked us in a rather clipped tone to please patronize another store in the future.

"I don't understand. She wanted to get away?" Garrett questioned. I just shushed him, trying to locate her through the masses enclosed in this merchandising hellhole, once again feeling helpless as I stood with my arms full of sanitary products under the glares of two security guards and countless cameras.

As I listened to her talk an employee at the end of his shift into giving her a ride, I hissed. "When I catch her, I'm gonna kill her."

I became even more frantic as we stood in line while she waltzed out the back door. My brain decided it was a good time to come back online, so I tossed the cashier and manager each a hundred and we took off as fast as possible at what was considered a human pace (granted, it was still Olympic worthy but doable), each of us clutching feminine products.

I caught her scent in the parking lot on the right side of the superstore and followed the road around until we caught a glimpse of a run-down Honda turning the corner and I recognized her heart beat. "She got into a vehicle with a complete stranger. I am going to kill her," Garrett growled.

I grunted in agreement and we took off, following as close as possible while staying in the roadside forest. Her destination appeared to be the oldest 7-Eleven in existence. She thanked the driver without a glance back as she sprinted into the ancient convenience store. Garrett moved to apprehend our little fugitive, but I stopped him.

"I want to see what her end game is. What is her goal? I doubt she did all this for a Twinkie. We know she's safe at the moment, so let's see how this plays out." I knew by his tense stance and angry glare that he didn't agree with my assessment of this situation, but I didn't give a fuck. We were doing this _my_ way and we needed a few answers.

"Excuse me? Excuse me, sir, do you have a phone I could use? It's an emergency."

"Yeah. Go outside. It's between the restrooms," he answered in a bored monotone. She thanked him as she rushed back out and around the building while looking around to make sure she was alone.

"She doesn't have any-" Garrett began but stopped as she retrieved the necessary change from her pocket. I don't know where the hell she came up with that but it was more proof we hadn't given her enough credit. I would not underestimate her again.

We relocated to the side of the building as she dialed the payphone. We heard someone pick up after only two rings. A gruff male voice barked out, "Forks Police Department, Sherriff Swan."

"Dad?" she breathed the word so tenderly and with so much emotion that I stood yet again astonished by this girl. She choked back the tears that were threatening to spill over as she continued. "Dad, it's me."

"Bella?" he asked with disbelief coloring his tone.

"Yeah Cha-Dad, how many daughters do you have?"

"Isabella! Where are you? We heard what happened at the hospital."

"We?" Her voice lost all emotion; it was wiped clean as a slate.

He huffed. "Yes, _we_. Jake's your best friend. Of course he'd be concerned. If you turn yourself in now, we can get you the help you need."

"Dad, I can't do that. I was calling to warn-" He cut her off before she could get the rest out.

"Stop. Just stop it, Bella. I can't help you if you don't want it. It's time for tough love. I have let this go on too long."

"Sure, sure. Whatever you say, Dad. I don't want anything from you. I called to warn you about J-Ja-Jacob." Her breathing turned to panting as she spat out the name. I glanced around the corner to see her leaning toward the building, her forehead resting on the bricks and her eyes closed.

"What about Jake?" he asked roughly before whispering, "If this is about the werewolf thing, I already know."

Werewolf? I was speechless. I looked over at Garrett to see the same look of confused horror etched on his face that I'm sure was all over mine. Her scars are from a werewolf. How had this ordinary human survived a vampire _and_ a werewolf attack? Damn…

She inhaled sharply. "You know- you know he attacked me?"

"Attacked?" He heaved a weary sigh. "Bella, I'm ashamed of you. He's your best friend, the same one that put you back together when that leech and his family left you like garbage on the forest floor. How could you try to drag his name through the mud?"

"No! Dad, he-" He interrupted her again. I had a feeling communication wasn't a strong point in their relationship.

"He said you might make accusations, but I never believed it. Not _my_ daughter. Jake already told me what you did, Isabella, so there's no use in lying." When we peered around the corner again, I saw the trail of tears streaming down her flushed cheeks. My stone heart ached for hers and my arms ached to hold her. I didn't know if we should step in or let it keep going, so we did nothing.

"What did he say?" she asked in a small voice.

"He told me about the voices and the suicide attempts."

"Attempts?" She sounded so exhausted that I thought she would collapse any time now.

"Yes, he told me everything. He told me that when he told you he was going to take care of Emily after Sam's death that you threw yourself at him." His voice was cold and unforgiving in contrast to hers. It seemed villainous, but he wasn't finished. "When he turned you down, you needled him until he lost his temper. It was an accident, nothing more."

"Dad! I went to that place for _you_. To protect you-" It was heart wrenching to watch her plead for him to listen, to believe, but nothing was getting through to this man.

"Isabella! I will _not_ listen to you sully the name of a good young man just to justify your inexcusable behavior. You went there voluntarily to get the help you need and now I suggest you go back." And he hung up.

She stood with her eyes squeezed shut, the phone with the screaming dial tone still up to her ear. We were all frozen. What could I possibly do to make this better? Once again she was adjusting to a harsher reality than she had awakened to, and I was at a loss. Eventually, the phone slid from her hand and she turned as if she was functioning on auto pilot before she headed into the women's restroom.

Afraid that she would draw into herself or do something stupid, we went in to fetch her. We walked into the filthy single-toilet room. The sight of her curled up on the floor as her body shook from the force of the sobs ripping their way out of her chest was staggering. As Garrett sat quietly against the door cradling her lady things and some melted ice cream, I cautiously made my way over to the corner Pumpkin had coiled herself in.

"Pumpkin?" I called gently. She didn't acknowledge my presence in the least, so I did what I wanted to do the second I saw her tears - I scooped her up and sat back down with her curled in my lap. After stiffening minutely, she melted in my embrace and then wept bitterly. I sat, rocking her gently, content to hold her and do anything to comfort her during this fucked up moment.

When she finally cried herself to sleep, I laid her in the back seat of my truck and we hit the road in silence.

* * *

**A/N:****Clarifuckation is property of catonspeed. It was the word of the week last week on the Altered Lions and Sacrificial Lambs blog.**

**The song Bella's butchering is Chuck Berry's "No Particular Place to Go".**


	10. Just telling a story

**A/N:****Ya'll have me totally geeking out with all the reading and the reviewing and the alerting. Thank you for supporting this small piece of insanity!**

**10/11: Beta'd by the FAB Jasper's Destiny!**

**Chapter 10: Just Telling a Story**

**Bella's POV**

We had been on the road to God only knows where for the last few hours. I don't like being stationary for too long. My mind drifts. And that is never a positive thing.

**Close your mouth tight.**

_Mmma. Mouf fouseth._

**Can you still hear me clearly?**

I nodded my head because, yep, all clear.

**Then I can hear you clearly if you don't do that.**

_Oh. Right._

**We need a plan.**

_How do we stop them from overhearing? I'm sure to slip up._

**You know the song you tortured me with for two days straight the last time I insulted your theme music?**

An evil chuckle echoes through my head.

_Yesssss._ And again, an evil cackle resounds because it was _that_ good.

**Yeah, I think I'm going to regret this, but sing the song.**

_How does that stop them from eavesdropping? I mean, I'd do it just to drown out the hick stroking his banjo, but I'm still not convinced they can't read my mind._

**If you start sheeping it up again, I quit.**

After an exasperated sigh, I comply.

_Riding around in my automobile. Duh-dudududada-dun._  
_Vampire beside me at the wheel. Duh-dudududada-dun._  
_Creating a tree toad to bull frog ratio. Duh-dudududada-dun._  
_Cause they need snacks on the road to go. Duh-dudududada-dun._

**Forgot the words again?**

_Uh-huh. I like it this way though._

**Well, I think it will keep your mouth too busy to betray us.**

_How do we know it's out loud?_

**Just look at G-Red. He's all kinds of amused. We just have to check their expressions every now and then.**

_Roger that. So, the plan?_

**You don't have one?**

_Pray tell, when did I have this abundance of superfluous time to concoct something?_

**You have had a year of nothing but time! But did you do anything useful? HELL, NO!**

_I didn't know…_

My small voice trails off and I remember to check Red and Double Red to make sure I'm still broadcasting the song. Since Garrett's jaw is beginning to clench a little, I'm pretty sure that we're still good.

**OVER A YEAR! We suffered in silence all that time for what? What good is it now if he dies? If **_**they**_** die!**

_Sweetie, do you need a Midol? Pamprin, maybe? A fucking horse tranq? I will find some way to hook you up because you are being extra bitchtastic today._

**Really?**

_It's not the good extra either, like "Oh, look! I have an extra chicken nugget in my Happy Meal." No, it's more like, "Oh, look! My extra tire is flat too."_

**That would be spare, genius, not extra.**

_Oh, look! There's that extra bitchtasticness rearing its ugly head now. Or would that be spare?_

**Okay, you win. I'm sorry. We just need a plan.**

_Thinking…_

_Thinking…_

_Thinki- Oh! Pamprin!_

**I already apologized, what more-**

_No, that's the plan!_

**You lost me. I don't know how you do it, because I literally share your brain, but you did it. Pamprin?**

_All I have to do is get them to take me to the store and I'll create a diversion._

**How do you plan on doing that? They're vampires. Uber smarts comes as a package deal with the built-in cologne and the fabulous sparkle.**

_The same way females the world over get out of gym class - by playing on the male's natural aversion to hooha issues._

Another glance at the vamps revealed strained features and another 'super peeps only' conversation in session.

**At least we know we are capable of stopping the stream of shit from pouring out of our mouth with enough concentration.**

_It helps that the meds are waning. It must be almost time for my morning dose._

**Do we need to worry about withdrawals? I mean, is that something to be looking forward to?**

_One thing at a time. I'll think about that tomorrow._

**As much as it pains me to say this, I agree. We need to focus.**

_So, it'll go Store-Escape-Trip to Washington-Back to Mental Institution?_

**Or, and I'm just throwing this out there, how about we **_**not**_** go to the state where the rabid dogs roam and just try to make it to a phone.**

_Oh, I like that. Store-Escape-Call to Forks-Return to Mental Institute._

**Just call and tell**_**him**_**we're going back.**

_I can't put the Reds in danger after all they've done._

**We'll come up with something. Maybe you will finally channel your inner-Hulk. That pregnant woman lifted a mini-van off her husband, that nerd tore a phone book in half, and you're calling a werewolf collect? All I'm saying is, it's possible.**

"Isabella." Peter's voice breaks me out of my thoughts. Now I just had to not think about the plan until we had the opportunity to put it into action.

**Phase One**, **complete.**

I almost feel guilty as I rush out of the employee entrance. Janet, the local tampon expert, had even asked security to find Garrett so that I didn't have to search for him through the store in my distressed state. When I see John Boy by the exit, I manage to beg him for a ride and find a dollar's worth of change on my way to his car.

_Aren't I a lucky girl?_

I look out of the window as we round the corner out of the parking lot and I didn't see anyone in pursuit. Best case scenario: I probably had about ten minutes. I sit back to relax for one of those minutes.

**Phase Two,** **complete.**

_One bottle of Pamprin: $2.37. A half-gallon of Ben and Jerry's: $3.50. Four cartons of lady products: $20.00. The look on your vampire's face when you ditch him holding them all? Fucking priceless. It's true. There are some things money can't buy._

**You know you're evil, right?**

I love any opportunity to use my Dr. Evil voice. I'm tempted to lift the pinky, but I resist.

_Just semi-evil. Maybe quasi-evil. The diet coke of evil. Just-_

**Stop! I-**

_One-calorie-not-evil-enough__, _I rush quickly._I'm done now._

I shrug a little as I feel the equivalent to a mental glare as she-I clear my throat.

**As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I think we should call Charlie instead.**

_Hmmm…_

It did make sense to call and warn Charlie as soon as possible. The hospital had probably called to let him know that I was missing, and I hated to think of him worrying about me. I had put him - and everyone else - through so much when the boy left me. I had fallen apart. I know he worried about me for so long. When he finally thought I was doing better, I 'wander into the woods on the rez and get mauled by a bear'. Then I tell him I need help that he can't provide, and I leave him once again. Daughter of the fucking year.

I'm brought out of my musing by movement from my left. John Boy seems like a nice enough guy. It would have been a shame for him to lose his fucking arm. I'm sure he uses that right hand for quite a lot. Luckily, he heeds my warning before he completes the classic arm-over-the-shoulder-yawn he was working on.

"Don't touch me." My voice is cold and detached, as it's meant to be. He looks surprised that I called him on his attempt to grope. I keep my face blank and my eyes straight ahead as he searches my features for some explanation or apology. He gets neither. There are things that I would never again apologize for. Rejection of unwanted physical contact is one of them.

_It's all unwanted._

**I thought I was going to throw up or pass out or start speaking in tongues when Janet touched me, for Bob's sake.**

He pulls to a stop shortly after that awkward moment and I thank him while dashing into the 7-Eleven. I spot the clerk perusing the latest issue of "O" standing behind the counter.

"Excuse me?" Prick won't even look up. "Excuse me, sir, do you have a phone I can use? It's an emergency!" I huff, all out of breath from my hasty entrance.

"Yeah. Go outside. It's between the restrooms," he answers in a bored monotone. Sprinting around the decrepit convenience store, I check once more for any signs of my shopping buddies. I know my time is short. My hand dives into my pocket, quickly fishing out the change needed. I take a calming breath and dial.

**Phase Three,** **complete.**

A couple of rings later and a gruff voice I'd know anywhere answers. "Forks Police Department, Sherriff Swan."

"Dad?" I can't believe I'm talking to him again. It's so good just to hear his voice. For that moment alone, the last year was worth it. "Dad, it's me."

"Bella?" he asks with disbelief coloring his tone.

"Yeah Cha-Dad, how many daughters do you have?"

"Isabella! Where are you? We heard what happened at the hospital." _Surely, he doesn't mean-_

"_We?_" _No. This cannot be happening._

He huffs."Yes, _we_. Jake's your best friend. Of course he'd be concerned. If you turn yourself in now, we can get you the help you need." There was not enough time left on the call or in the day to mention everything that was wrong with that statement.

_Moving on…_

"Dad, I can't do that. I was calling to warn-" But Charlie interrupts me.

"Stop. I can't help you if you don't want it. It's time for tough love. I have let this go on too long."

**What the hell?**

_No time. Vampires are on their way and I have to warn him._

Attempting to calm myself and re-focus, I lean toward the building and close my eyes. This phone call is all that matters.

"Sure, sure. Whatever you say, Dad. I don't want anything from you. I called to warn you about J-Ja-Jacob." I can't believe I said the name.

_I said the dog-who-must-not-be-named's name._

**Hello, breakthrough.**

"What about Jake?" he asks roughly before whispering, "If this is about the werewolf thing, I already know."

**What the…? There's no way he knows the truth. No way.**

I gasp. "You know-you know he attacked me?"

"Attacked?" He heaves a weary sigh and I'm willing to bet he's rubbing his aged, calloused hands across his wrinkled forehead."Bella, I'm ashamed of you. He's your best friend, the same one that put you back together when that leech and his family left you like garbage on the forest floor. How could you try to drag his name through the mud?"

**Charlie knows about the boy? And his family?**

_No! This is not supposed to happen this way. No._

"No! Dad, he-" _He __hurt me._ The tears are pouring and I make no effort wipe them away; new ones would just replace them.

"He said you might make accusations, but I never believed it. Not _my_ daughter_._ Jake already told me what you did, Isabella, so there's no use in lying." The way he sneers my name breaks my heart all over again. I was his _daughter_.

**I **_**AM**_** HIS DAUGTER!**

"What did he say?" I ask in a small voice. It's the best I can do. I didn't want to know, but I needed to know.

"He told me about the voices and the suicide attempts."

"Attempts?" I'm too tired to keep fighting this.

"Yes, everything. He told me that when he told you he was going to take care of Emily after Sam's death that you threw yourself at him. When he turned you down, you needled him until he lost his temper. It was an accident, nothing more."

_When…I…accident…_

**Holy SHIT!**

"Dad! I went to that place for _you_. To protect you-" He has to believe me. He just has to. I am his! His daughter!

"Isabella! I will _not_ listen to you sully the name of a good young man just to justify your inexcusable behavior. You went there voluntarily to get the help you need and now I suggest you go back." _Click_.

He hung up...? He hung up...! He hung up!

I don't know how long I stood there with only that thought echoing in my head.  
Doesn't really matter.  
I listened to the dial tone. It was screaming that he'd hung up on me.  
Taunting me.  
The receiver slid from my sweaty grasp eventually.  
With that, the other thoughts vying to be thought rushed forward.

My father believed him.  
My father believed him over me.  
My father doesn't care what happens to me anymore.  
My father listened to him but wouldn't give me a chance to defend myself.  
My father is protecting the worst monster I'd ever encountered.  
My father isn't my dad anymore.

My father isn't my father... My mother isn't my mother... My love isn't my love... My name isn't my name... My body isn't my body.

Everything I touch, I destroy.  
I shroud all in death and destruction.  
I'm the pale horseman of the Apocalypse.  
Does the bringer of death get to experience death's sweet release?  
No deal means I can-

I'm startled out of my morbidity by someone lifting me. Was I sitting? I don't have the will in my body to care. I sink into what I assume is a Red and enjoy the small comfort the cold, hard hold brings without thinking of why it does. In the arms of my concrete angel, I do the only thing there is to do at the moment; I weep.

I awake in the dark with my eyes burning and puffy, my stomach growling loudly, and my ears hurting.

**Easily explained between the crying jag, not eating for a couple of days, and the country music coming through the speaker by your head.**

_I think I'll start singing again…_

"No!" three voices shout in unison.

"Fine. Change the station then."

Garrett reaches over and turns it off. "Somebody has trouble following directions," I mumble. He smirks, but it's not up to par with his usual happy, care-free confidence. A serious G-Red can't be good for anyone.

"Little One, we need to talk," he says gently. Red watches me from the rearview mirror, his eyes holding too much knowledge for my liking. Ignoring him, I turn to Garrett.

"Breakfast first." My voice is raspy like an eighty year old chain smoker, so he lets it go with a small nod from Peter.

A quick trek through McDonald's and a sausage biscuit later, and they're staring at me expectantly. I'd hoped to drag this out more. Apparently, they didn't trust me enough to go in anywhere.

**I don't know why.**

"What?" I roll my eyes. "I don't read minds. I need you to use your big boy words."

"You know a werewolf?" Garrett asks in a slightly awed voice.

"A pack," I answer shortly.

"What-"

"Uh, no, mother fuckers. We're doing this little game 'quid pro quo'. Answer for answer. So it's my go. Hmmm…"

Originally, this was just to stall, but I figure I could get some valuable intel from this. "Gifted?"

They glanced at each other before G-Red admits, "I do not have a gift, but Peter..." and he trails off. I just turn my gaze to Red, who is now watching the road like it's a twirling titty show on the strip.

"Well?"

"I don't consider it a gift and it's not always reliable… I just know shit."

"Like a walking encyclopedia? A crystal ball…? What?" He narrows his eyes slightly before his cocky smirk reappears on his face.

"Quid pro quo, honey. Explain this pack of werewolves."

"Question form, please!" I was expecting the growl, so I'm not surprised when I hear it. "Fine. On the La Push Indian Res, the teenage boys have a flea problem. Whenever vamps are in the area, it triggers a gene passed down from their fathers and their fathers before them. They're the protectors of their people." I can't refrain from snorting as I say that last bit.

"Red, would you explain the knowing shit thing?" I ask.

_Yep, question form. Suck it._

Garrett snickers and I'm willing to bet that I'd said that aloud. He chuckles some more. I wonder if he's been exposed to HBO - it's way more entertaining and there's a chance of seeing something naked.

Red actually explains the intuition thing fully this time, and I get the notion he was being vague before on purpose. He was wasting my turn.

**Ass.**

G-Red kicks off Round Three. "Why did you want to go back to that place?"

_Well, I do owe them one imprecise, unfulfilling answer._

"I didn't want to." They both narrow their eyes. "My turn. Do you guys have mates or are you friends with benefits?"

"NO!" they both say, appalled.

_I guess they don't swing that way._

**Pity, really.**

"I have no mate nor do I wish for one," Garrett answers in a clipped tone.

_I think I offended his delicate sensibilities._

The slight snarl confirms it. "Sorry, precious. Original Red?"

"Yes, I have a mate."

_Seriously, I have all day to play this._

**So does he.**

"What were you trying to tell your father?" Red asks, staring at the road again. I think he knows it's easier for me to answer that way. No eye contact is less personal. Hell, I'd been so distracted by our 'vague and vaguer' pissing contest that I hadn't had time to worry about these questions I knew were coming.

**Did he do that on purpose?**

_But how would he…know?_ His smirk turns into a full blown smile as I uncover that nugget of knowledge.

"I just know sometimes."

_You suck big, smelly ball sac._

After G-Red quiets down from his latest machine-gun chuckle spurt, I reluctantly answer the question. This is one part of our game I really don't want to draw out, but I'm unsure how to give enough of an explanation without giving away too much.

"That he was in danger since I was no longer in the asylum." They both exchange a troubled glance, but before they can spout off another question, I blurt out, "What is your mate's name?" I figure it's better to ask more specific questions.

"Charlotte Whitlock," he says in a proud, strong voice. "Now, how were you protectin' him?"

"I made a deal with the new Alpha of the pack. Satan, I like to call him." Finally, they lose their patience.

**I'm surprised they lasted this long.**

"Fine, I will tell you the abridged version of the deal and the whys behind it. In return, you answer any of my questions for the rest of the trip. Deal?"

"Deal," they say eagerly.

_They don't understand what they just agreed to._

**Make this quick, like ripping off a band-aid.**

"It's the classic boy-meets-girl story. Girl finds out boy is a vampire. Rogue vampire tries to kill girl. Boy's vamp family protects girl and kills rogue vampire. Boy decides he doesn't love girl and leaves, along with his family. This is where it gets complicated. See, silly girl falls apart. A childhood friend patches girl up a little, becomes her best friend - m_y_ best friend." I stop and tried to refocus, squashing those pesky feelings that are bubbling. This is just telling a story. I can do this. I'm just telling a story. "Then, because I have the worst luck ever, friend becomes giant wolf."

"You were friends with a young werewolf? They are dan-" One look into my eyes and Garrett stops.

"If it weren't for the wolves, I would have died two years ago." Trying to relax back into the summary of my fucked up past was impossible, so I just muscle my way through the rest and hope to God they understand because there is no way I would repeat it. "Rogue vamp's mate comes for revenge. 'A mate for a mate, blah, blah, blah'. My friend wanted to be more than a friend and became very…_persistent_. He wanted more than I had to offer. So, I started trying to distance myself. I had to go to the Alpha for help. The wolves have a hierarchy, and if the Alpha gives a command, they have to obey. It worked, but they were my family and they were protecting me, so I was always on the res.

"One day, the red-headed bitch came to the beach with an army of blood-crazed, bright-eyed vampires in her wake. She came for me. She killed the Alpha and five others. My friend was next in line to be Alpha, and with his newfound power came new responsibilities. He struck a deal with the bitch. Her army was decimated but could have taken out a few more wolves. He let her go after explaining I wasn't good enough for my mate, that he'd left me, I had been miserable ever since, and I would remain that way. 'Surely her living in the hell she created is the best vengeance,' he'd said.

"After…after other drama, he decided that if he couldn't have me, no one would. I agreed to go into the center in exchange for Charlie's safety and the rest of my family as well. He and Victoria had formed an unlikely alliance, forged by their hatred towards me and my mate's family. The wolves are truly crazed and are only bound to protect their people. And as you can see, I'm neither Native American nor canine."

They were speechless for about ten minutes and I continued my study of the back of the seat until Peter asked, "What changed? I doubt your friend was always this way." I'd thought about this aspect many times. It was a clinical observation.

"I don't think it was any one thing. The major change happened during the battle. The wolves are linked in mystical and many physical ways. It allows them to be effective as a group. But when one dies, it's beyond traumatic, losing your arm and your brother in one swoop. They lost six that day, half of their pack. Almost all were just young teenagers, boys really, which is what I believe is the next factor. Going through the change is like ingesting ten years worth of steroids at once, plus the anger issues that come naturally with the power, and the result is a severe hormonal imbalance. The last factor, I believe, comes from the Alpha's mind itself. A strong Alpha equals a strong pack. But a sick, demented psychopath for an Alpha, with as strong as the mind link is between them, and you get….well…"

Coughing to clear my throat and get rid of the Ben Stein-ish tone I'd adopted somewhere through the retelling, I push away all thoughts of that.

**Lock that shit up tight!**

"My turn." They both turn around with their brows raised. "Tightie whities or boxers?"

Accepting the end of the animal corner portion of our chat, they answer my non-stop flux of questions for the following hour or two.

The boy I thought was my forever stands before me encompassed by green and brown blurs. They're probably trees, but I can't say for sure. He is my focus, my heart. Why would I look elsewhere when he is in front of me?

His lips that I have not kissed nearly enough part and he speaks words that I don't understand.  
They are English and strung together properly.  
But I still don't understand.

Not good enough for me? Nonsense.

Time to move along? Let's go.

I'm not good enough for you? I have always known that.

You don't want me? Oh...

You don't want me.  
My body quakes as a fault line rips open down the center of my chest.  
You don't want me.  
Physical pain. I grasp my chest.

You don't want me.

I can't breathe.

I don't want to breathe. I don't want to believe.

I blink and the boy is gone. I feel his absence sharply. I'm curled on the ground beneath the familiar forest canopy. I know I should stand and go home, but I can't. No, I _won't_. I won't get up. I will stay in this ancient place and weep - weep for my eternal love, whose love did not outlast a year. I'll mourn for my tattered heart, whose love will remain strong, the rest of my insubstantial, natural life.

I blink and gone are the trees, but the vast sea is stretched before me. I stand on the precipice and watch the white-capped waves batter the rocks below. My hair whips around my face furiously in the strengthening winds. And my love's velvety tenor resonates in my mind as I leap.

I blink and in my kitchen I stand, waterlogged, looking how I feel. My current savior leans toward me, looming over me. Dwarfing my small frame in comparison, his hands are strategically placed on either side of my body to block my escape. His intentions are plain. He looks at my dry, cracked lips and then back to my eyes, leaning further still.

My heart begins racing and screaming at the betrayal this will be - a betrayal to no one but me. I _owe_ him. I can give him this one kiss. He closes the distance fast and hard. His lips are too warm and unfamiliarly unpleasant on my own. His thick tongue trespasses into my virgin mouth forcefully. I'm thankful when he moves back, but I see the satisfied smirk of victory. He thinks his conquest is finally sure. I offer a small, sad smile and say the only thing I can. "I'm sorry."

Once more I blink and my surroundings are changed. I stand on the beach surrounded by my surrogate family, my protection for the past year, once again standing between me and certain death.

A dozen horse-sized wolves; my last line of defense.

An army of twenty-five blood crazed vampires; her last stand.

Fierce growling drowns out the crash of the waves and the deep rolling thunder. With no sign my puny human eyes can see, this epic battle of mythical creatures commences. I see nothing but blurs of color and fur. I hear nothing but my heart pounding in my ears and the screech of metal and the howls of pain. As suddenly as it had begun, everything stops.

Everything freezes.

Our beloved Alpha has fallen.  
Splayed naked face down in the sand.  
Crimson flows in rivers back to the sea.

The mournful cry of the beasts still standing reverberates across the land and off of the cliff faces. My brothers died this day for me. As my guilt and horror at the scene on the beach swells up, I gladly succumb to unconsciousness, passing out like a heroine of old instead of the monster of destruction I am.

I awake, shaken from the barrage of battle images ingrained behind my lids from this afternoon. I feel a chill rush down my body that has nothing to do with the temperature as I recognize my surroundings. This garage that was comforting, a safe haven from haunting memories, now is terror incarnate. I had missed this home away from home lately, keeping my distance from its inhabitant. As I inhale the manly musk of sweat, dirt, and motor oil, a door slams closed.

A violent tremor surges through me as I scurry off the old couch. My breath is coming in shallow pants.

Around the car. I have to get around the fucking car. I see the light coming through the small window in the door. My light at the end of this horror. If I can just-

A large, calloused hand roughly grabs my arms from behind and jerks me back, pressing me against his bare, scorching chest. I struggle. Oh God, how I struggle and scream. But I know no help is coming.

_NOOOOOOO!_

**Where's the fire-**

"Little One!" Garrett shouts over the screeching sirens.

_Oh, that's me._

**Damn it!**

Closing my mouth and opening my heavy eyes, I notice we're on the side of the highway. I cover my eyes with my hands as a few more tears escape.

_I can't do that again. I just can't-_

**I know. Shhhh… It **_**will**_** be okay.**

_I can't._

**Unfortunately, I think that's just a preview. It didn't have the full effect because you still have some drugs in your blood.**

Both Reds are standing outside of the truck, peering into my open door. I'm glad I don't have to explain my need for a large personal bubble at the moment. It seems they know. I nod at Red in appreciation and he returns it with a look of intense concentration and more than a little concern. "Pumpkin?" Peter whispers softly.

**Look what you did now! You scared the sparkly-peckered-people-eaters.**

I snort like any normal person would at the absurdity once again surrounding me and they resume breathing, slightly relieved. Pulling myself into an upright position, I feel all icky. My ill-fitting clothes are clinging to me with sweat. My shaking had slowed, but not stopped, and my stomach was rolling. My heart was settling down though. I feel like shit, but there is no way I was going back to sleep again, not until I have no other choice.

Deciding it was once again safe to begin our travel, the guys hop in and we take off yet again down the darkening road.

"Can we stop soon? Humans have needs."

"Planning another great escape?" G-Red asks cheekily with one brow arched.

"No, but my urine is, and unless you want it…" I trail off, shrugging my shoulders. They got the idea. "Also, I could use a shot of Jack, but since I doubt you guys are up for bar hopping, I'd settle for something with a high concentration of caffeine."

Red reached down to the floor board and tossed a bag to me over his shoulder. "Here, we'll stop soon."

**What the…OH!**

Glancing into the sack I was now holding, I struggle to maintain my cool and contain my thoughts. "So, we'll be stopping soon?"

My face must be showing something, though, because they look confused at my reaction to the contents of the bag. "Yeah." The way he draws the word out sounds suspicious. "We will stop at the next rest stop. Less witnesses if I have to fetch your ass."

I just hum in agreement, trying not to laugh. As we park at the dark, creepy rest area, I feel an amazing lack of fear.

**Not really **_**that**_** amazing. You're traveling with the most dangerous things on this road.**

_True._

I hop out of the back seat and turn to see the impervious vampires getting out to 'stretch their legs' nonchalantly.

_Smooth._

I turned back to them, gasp, and feign shock."Oops! I totally forgot." Cue palm to forehead. "I don't even _have_ a uterus anymore!" Winking, I toss the bag of tampons back at them, which bounce off of Peter's chest and then fall to the ground, and skip away cackling like a maniac, leaving two surprised and more than slightly irate Reds in my wake.

Classic rock, a shit ton of coffee, and a half dozen rest stops later bring us bouncing down an overgrown path in the shadow of a mountain as the sun rises orange in the sky. The bouncing is not helping the nausea. It does give a nice cover for my jitters though. I was doing a great impression of a jackhammer. I still couldn't decide if they were from the lack of meds or the overdose of caffeine.

_Doesn't matter right now._

**Just don't spew that greasy burger they practically force fed you all over the back of G-Red.**

Both heads whip around in alarm, Peter worrying about his truck and Garrett worrying about his hair.

**Looks like they caught that thought.**

"Hold on just a little longer, Sweat Pea. About five more miles." Red is trying to reassure me, but it isn't working. He comes to an abrupt stop and I am yanked from my seat and out the door as dinner makes a violent reappearance.

After rinsing my mouth with the last of my latte, I feel loads better. Relishing in my after-vomit bliss, I close my eyes and lie back on the dirt road for just a moment. I quickly get to my feet again when I hear a harsh roar coming from the trees behind me. A small rumbling is growing in Garrett's chest as he suddenly relocates in a crouch between me and the newest threat. Slowly turning around, I see a beautiful petite woman emerge from the trees. I don't have long to dwell on her because another figure steps into my line of sight and I peek around the vibrating guard-me vamp, shocked.

I honestly don't know who is more surprised. My eyes begin where his feet would have been visible if not for the tall grass and travel upward, drinking in every inch of him - mile long legs sheathed in loose, dark denim and a plaid shirt that looked like it should've belonged to a lumber jack, not _this_ God. I finally make it to his face, noting the strong jaw line and other masculine features, before my exploration ends at the eyes - intense, wide, black eyes, with me as their sole focus.

"Does everyone else see him?" I breathe out, unable to think anything else and unwilling to do anything that could break this moment.

"Yes, Isabella," Peter says from my right. I know he's serious because he uses my given name.

**Holy shit-on-a-stick.**

This seems to break our audience out of their stupor. Garrett chuckles and the woman makes her way over to Red. My staring buddy moved- floated forward like in a dream. He's yet to release me from his gaze, but I'm okay with that.

Stopping about five feet in front of me, he speaks for the first time.

"Bella?" he whispers, awe coloring his tone and confusion shining in his dark eyes. I just nod slightly in confirmation. After what seems like forever, he adds, "I thought you were dead."

"Apparently I got better, Jasper," I whisper, matching his tone.

And then all I see is black.

* * *

**A/N again: Giving credit where it's due.****All Peter-y goodness credit goes to IdreamofEddy, who gave him life, and I just realized today while reading a new chapter of one of my faves that "Little One" was picked up from Insecurities by JamesRamsey.**


	11. Cursed

**WARNING: It gets a little dark in here. Beware! If you're not an adult, thanks for checking out this story now go away. Please. For everyone else, there is a _teeny_ lemon (*it's marked*) please skip it if it makes you uncomfortable. I write for fun NOT to permanently scar folks. Mmkay?**

Thanks for all who have reviewed! As a first time writer, it's encouraging. Ya'll be sure to let me know what ya think…

**DISCLAIMER: **The Twilight world and peeps belong to S. Meyer. Many thanks to her for sharing.

**Chapter 11: Jasper's POV**

Since that girl entered our lives, she'd been nothing but trouble. I let her live against my better judgment and we all had suffered for my wavering. I was only too happy to dispose of the prick, James, for Edward but what about the rest of his coven and the revenge they would be after? What if one decided to go runnin' to the Volturi? Then we'd have been fucked up the ass all sideways.

Really I should be thankful to the little human who stumbled stupidly into our world. While observing her interactions with my 'family', I was able to notice things I'd conveniently overlooked before about my own place here. I smirked as I heard her putting up a weak fight over the clothes Alice was forcing her into today, only to have the cocky slide right off of my face as I looked down at my new, spiffy sweater vest. And loafers, what the fuck? Anything to make Alice happy, I thought begrudgingly. Then a wave of acceptance and unworthiness floated down stairs and I could tell by the tenor and strength of the emotions it was from the girl.

We had more in common than a warrior and high school girl ever should. She was babysat anytime she left her home, so was I. She was weak physically and I was too weak to resist my bloodlust. She was forced to go shopping and I was drug along to carry the bags. Both of us did so out of love for Alice. She was primped and prodded against her will, so was I. If my wife teased my fucking hair one more time….never mind. I was unworthy of someone as truly good as Alice. I should be more tolerant.

It never failed. As soon as I called bullshit on Bella letting them push her around, I'd draw a parallel to some shit I'd just allowed. She was a member of this coven to the degree any human could be a part of a coven and I was a part of this family as much as a war hardened man can fit in with high school children. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated them and the life they had built and I was grateful they allowed me to stay but they couldn't understand the hell I'd come from. I didn't belong there but anywhere Alice went, I followed like the pitiful fucker I was.

Ah, Alice. When she found me that day in the diner, I never once questioned anything she had said. She had so much hope and excitement flowing from her body for the future. It was a welcome respite from my deepening depression. She said that I would love her and I did. She said we would go to the Cullens to start a new life and we did. Alice said we would drink from animals and though they tasted like shit, we did. My free will packed up and fucked off taking my brain along for the ride.

Then the night that changed my life, that fucking birthday party that the girl didn't even want, I stood back and smiled indulgently as my wife went overboard arranging roses on any surface that would hold them. Excitement and joy flowed from her but I picked up on some guilt and impatience Alice was trying to cover up. Before I had too long to ponder that, the guest of honor and the century old virgin arrived.

"Why don't you give her what she really wants for her birthday Ed?" I whispered as they opened the door much to Em's delight. Before he could respond with more than a wave of anger and embarrassment, we shouted,"Happy Birthday Bella." While the party flowed, I feasted on the positive emotional buffet filling the room; leaving myself wide open for the lust that took me under when that mouth watering drop of life pooled on her finger.

The fear and panic that flooded the room only encouraged my inner demon, cheering the fucker on. When Edward shoved her into the pile of glass. I lost my hold and charged. No thought entered my brain besides the need to capture every ounce of her delicious blood. Venom was filling my mouth in anticipation.

The fresh air brought some sense back to me and I dropped to my knees under the burden of my guilt and shame. Emmett and Rosalie stood to the side as unobtrusive witnesses to my moment of weakness. After literally being dragged hunting by a very smug Rose, we returned to the house to find out the damage.

* * *

Months passed by excruciatingly slow in the Alaskan glacier park. Emmett mourned the loss of the girl he viewed as his sister and his moron brother that was probably moping in a cave somewhere. Rose was as content as she ever was and busy planning their fifteenth wedding and honeymoon. Esme had thrown herself into the remodel of the new house and Carlisle stayed busy doing his saintly duties. Both of our 'parental figures' were saddened by leaving Bella but mostly their pain came from the absence of the family's golden boy.

Much to the disappointment of everyone, I was starting over in my struggle to reign in my bloodlust. My hunger ruled me and no matter how many bears or wolves I drained, they never quenched my thirst. The scent of Bella had been engrained in my senses and nothing but the sweetest of human blood could wash away the desire to go back and finish the job. What's one more sin in the life of the damned?

On the morning of the move, Alice and I went to hunt before traveling. Our relationship had been strained since we left Forks; no love, no sex, no long wordless conversation gazing into each other's eyes. No contact at all for months. To the others, she appeared to be adjusting to life without her brother and her best friend but you can't fool the empath.

She wasn't the least bit upset by the abandonment of her supposed best friend; she'd even supported the decision. I had not been in a position to make a compelling argument for staying but it didn't sit right that we were leaving a scorned human with too much knowledge in our wake. From a family stand point, we were liars to adopt her and make promises of a future everyone knew Edward would never allow. From a vampire view, we were idiots to risk so much exposure but of course no one listened to me. Every 'family' has a fuck up and that position had always been held by me.

Alice grasped my hand."Jazzy, we need to talk." Nothing good ever started with those words but since her emotions were not alarming, I nodded for her to begin.

"We're having a family meeting tonight and I wanted to let you know you're going to be voted out of the coven. It's nothing personal but with us no longer together, it makes the most sense." Her little beady eyes glazed over as she finished her chipper announcement.

"Alice?" I asked slowly because I was certain she'd lost her goddamn mind." What do mean that we're no longer together?" Snapping out of her latest vision, she continued.

"Jazz, you know we haven't worked well in a while. We both knew this was temporary."She gestures between us with her hand not in my iron grasp.

"The hell we did! You told me-"I shouted before I was interrupted by her high-pitched squeak.

"I told you what you needed to hear at the time. Just like I told Edward Bella was his mate and just like I told her she was destined to be one of us." She says rolling her eyes at that preposterous thought. I promptly flung her hand away from me like it was going up in flames." I told you all what you needed to hear at that moment."

I stood still staring at my wife who I believe I'd never once seen clearly in all our decades together. No love, no sadness, no regret came from her. All I could pick up was hope and apathy. Fuck! Guess you can fool an empath.

"Since you went after Bella, the rest of the family will side with me and you know it. This life was never meant for you. Edward may whine about being a monster but we all know who the true villain in this story always is. Now that he left the human, we 're not in danger from the Volturi anymore and I'll meet a new man in Paris at fashion week, so your services are no longer required." She bounced on her toes, kissed my cheek, and left me discarded in the forest where we'd just buried the corpses of our kills.

A roar of fury ripped from my chest and I took off in the direction of the nearest village. The manipulative bitch was right. I was a nightmare only dreamed in the darkest of minds and it was high time I stopped fighting it.

* * *

Using the pay phone at the back in the back of the bar, I made my bi-monthly call.

"Hey Fucker, you comin' home yet?" Peter answered the same way every fucking time.

"Nah, I'm just checkin' in."

"You know, if you'd just quit fucking them _and_ draining them Char wouldn't give a shit. You can fuck'em. And you can drain'em. She doesn't care. But she just doesn't think this one stop shopping is helping your _fragile_ emo state."

"Yeah, I know. I'll call in a few weeks." Having fulfilled my only obligation, I got back to my business of the night. Why they gave a damn, I didn't know, but I did know they'd come after me if they got worried enough and that was something I didn't want. I crossed paths with my brother and his mate about three weeks after I'd jumped off of the fucking veggie-wagon. A few days were enough for them to know something was wrong and I wasn't ready quite ready to share. Another couple of days were enough for their patience to run out and I told them the highlights. They were understanding and sympathetic and all the things real family always should be but after Charlotte made her opinion on my new hunting practices known, I left with promises to keep in touch and threats of violence if I didn't.

Walking across the dance floor, I monitored the drunken humans around me and looked for something suitable for the night. I' m thinking a chesty blonde. Nothing like making love to a rock with the figure of a prepubescent boy to make a man appreciate modest curves and a nice rack.

Spotting my target by the bar, I smirked and began to close in. Her lust sky rocketed when she saw me and my smirk grow a little more. My method gave a nice ego boost and my victims died very satisfied. I never used my gift besides to take away the pain of the bite and I never forced a woman; no need when there were so many willing. Even monsters have limits for fuck's sake.

"Hello mam," I said laying on the southern charm. I'm bettin' this wasn't what my Momma had in mind when she taught me all those manners.

"Hey Stud, what can I do for you?" She croaked in what I'm guessin' was her sexy voice. Maybe I could find something else to keep her mouth busy so she didn't feel the need to talk. My cock should work nicely.

"Oh, I'm sure you'll find something. Let's go" No use wasting time on preliminaries when she's already primed and ready. As I went to put my arm around her, I glanced around to make sure no one was paying special attention and I made eye contact with a small brunette at the bar. Her brown eyes reminded me of the _human_ I'd tried to forget. The one who had ruined my life. I held her gaze and the blood rushed under her skin and pooled in her cheeks and her embarrassment at my attention hit me. Thinking of that albatross ruined my appetite and I walked out of the bar without a backward glance.

It'd been a week and I still couldn't think of any fucking human without _her_ popping in my mind. I knew rationally she wasn't the one to blame, if there even was just one person responsible for my life going to shit. Rationally, I understood but damn if that stopped the anger that boiled in my soulless chest every time I thought of_ her_. She was a walking curse. Bringer of bad luck and shit. Since I'd tried to grab a taste, her bad voodoo-luck destroyed my life that ,at the time, I was delusional enough to think was perfect. All of it. _Her_ fault.

Until now, I hadn't tried to bypass Alice's visions. In fact, anytime I was fucking someone, I tried to make as many decisions as possible so she would get a play by play. This time, I kept my mind clear of my intentions and just headed north coincidently toward our former home.

It had been over two years since we'd seen her and I wondered how much she'd changed. Was she still the self-less, naïve push-over that had wormed her way into the dead hearts of the Cullens? Would she still even be here? She was smart enough for a human, maybe she went to college. She was always pretty, did she start dating 'normal' guys? Get depressed and let herself go? Of course, if she got fat, she'd have more blood pumping through her veins. My tongue darts out to moisten my lips at the thought of sucking on her jugular.

Thanks to that thought, I made a stop at a meat market in Los Angles. Strutting through the door, I found my victim immediately. Copper colored hair, slim but muscular build, and eyes the color of emeralds when they met my dark gaze. Perfect for tonight. I watched him from my place by the bar and as the next song began, I smirked and cocked my head toward the door. I couldn't stay in this atmosphere without a release for long, the lust and passion would overwhelm me. He followed just like I knew he would, leaving his dance partner pissed off in the sea of writhing bodies.

****Alert: Cover your eyes!******

There never seems to be a question of the roles on nights like this. Even drunk man-whores know instinctually that I don't play bitch. The best thing about dark alley sex with a stranger is no foreplay. Five minutes after introductions, I'm balls deep in his beautiful ass. His groans off pleasure only increase as I reach around and spread his pre-cum down his thick shaft. As his legs start to give out from the overwhelming sensations bombarding him, I strengthen my grip on his hip, pushing his upper body against the building and continue working his dick to the rhythm of the slapping of his flesh against my marble.

As I near my release, I'm mindful of the strength of my hands but too lost in my pleasure, I feel pain begin to creep into his emotions. Replacing that with more lust and ecstasy, I thrust hard in his tight, puckered hole once more before shooting my load and sinking my teeth into the back of his exposed neck. Never a selfish partner, I share my blissful emotions and he quickly follows my lead exploding on the brick of the nightclub. Still ridin' his orgasm high as his heart beats its last beat.

****End of Alert: It's safe to come out now.*******

A day and a half later found me passing into the boundaries of Forks. The small town usually buzzing with life was eerily quiet for the middle of a weekday afternoon. I stopped by the old house just long enough to shower and change. Lucky for me, Alice always 'forgot' to pack _my_ things when we moved and I, still distraught from acting like a vampire in my own home, didn't give a fuck what we took when we left town. I took off through the woods with my senses on high alert.

My curiosity got the best of me when I noticed all of the one way traffic heading to the old church and I followed the cars staying hidden in the trees. They were headed to the old church. Since it wasn't Sunday, this was a funeral. I wondered who in this podunk town earned such a large send off. I was moving to get a better look when I caught the scent of someone familiar above the nasty stench dense in this stretch of woods.

"I don't think you're going to like what you find if you stay Jazzy." She chirped from behind me. Her voice was chipper but her emotions were tinged with sorrow and laced in regret.

"I don't give a fuck what you think. What are you doing here _Alice_?" Injecting as much venom in my tone as possible.

"Keeping you from starting a war that we want no part of. And you're welcome."

"What the fuck are you talkin' about?" I was completely lost.

"You don't know whose funeral you're spying on?" I just shook my head minutely." Isabella Marie Swan. Beloved daughter of Renee and Charlie."

I had no idea what to think about the girl dying. She was the first human I'd bothered to get to know since becoming immortal. "How?"

"Not sure of the details but it was Victoria. There weren't enough dogs to protect Bella." She said quietly. Werewolves would explain the stink.

"You knew?" I asked but I already knew the answer. Of course she knew. Her emotions were acceptance and peace. All traces sadness or regret had vanished.

"Honestly, I thought she was already dead. I had a vision of her jumping from a cliff right before you left. I knew that you had to leave so I could get Edward to come home. You're not his favorite all those disappearances and murders cropped up in Seattle, Carlisle started keeping a watch on the situation. He even contacted one of the Elders of the tribe because he knew one of the boys had phased and he wanted them to be prepared in case of the worst. The pack is much larger than we knew but not big enough to fight an army of newborns."She perked up suddenly."But it's over now. And it will stay over as long as you don't go after Victoria."

"She died because of us. We left her unprotected to danger we introduced her to." I dropped to my knees under the weight of my guilt and horror at this fucked up tragedy.

Alice, my wife of over sixty years, leaned down and patted my head as she replied cheerfully, "No, she died because of you. You were weak and she paid the price. It'll take Edward a while to get over this but we both know that relationship was more an obsession with her silent mind than anything else. He'll enjoy Milan in the fall. And I'm sure you'll bounce back soon. After all, what's one more human?" I snarled at her heartlessness and she took a few steps back.

"You listen to me Jasper Whitlock! We don't want a fight. We killed Victoria's mate. She killed Bella. We're even. Don't start a war that some of us would not survive."And with that she danced back to whatever gumdrop land she'd come from.

I couldn't even avenge the girl's death. As much as I hated the pixie bitch at the moment, my love for her was equally as strong. And the family that had been my family for the better part of the last century, could I condemn one of them for my selfish need for vengeance? Maybe Edward. But the rest of them, I couldn't.

I knelt in those trees for hours with no thoughts except of the human girl who had brought me to my knees yet again. Her death opened my eyes to the truth much like her life had. None of this was ever her fault. I bore the heavy burden of the destruction of this innocent one whose only crime had been to be foolish enough to love a selfish boy.

My grief and guilt became a tangible force as they swirled around me. My anger and helplessness added more energy as they continued to circle and build strength. This violent dance peaked as the self-loathing I had been clinging to became too much. With a roar from the eye of this dark storm, I stood and released my tenuous hold on my power. Crackling resonated through the forest as the ancient trees tried to withstand the heavy blow and I walked away from the girl fresh in the ground and the biggest regret in my incredibly long life.

* * *

I tried for the next few months to block all emotion, especially my own. This proved a little challenging after my first hunt. I found a woman. I didn't give a shit what she looked like. I was drained, physically and emotionally, and I just needed to feed. Things were going fine until I pushed the doll against the wall in the alley and I realized that while I might be made of stone; I was not hard. After a moment of uncertainty, I opened myself up to her hoping to feel the effects of her lust. Only to be nearly drowned by my own emotions. I finally said fuck it and was going to sink my razor sharp teeth into her tan throat, when _her _face appeared behind my lids.

In death_ her_ curse continued to haunt me. Every subsequent hunt finished the same. I'd mumble an awkward apology about my inability to perform and walk away. I was so desperate that I lifted a drug addict out of his own piss and pushed him against the wall growling; only to send him on his way with some extra cash in his pocket, a tale no one would believe, and all his fucking blood still flowing through his cracked out veins.

I thought I was finally goin' nuts but as I paced in the forest that was my shelter from the sun's rays, I picked up the scent of a herd of white-tails to the south and took off. I was famished and I wasted no time breaking their little Bambi necks and drinking every drop of their blood with strong, desperate pulls. Never before had I drained an animal without hesitation. But this day I did.

Some higher fucking power was sure getting his rocks off fucking with me. I'd tried for decades to have even an ounce of Carlisle's discipline and now that I'd rather just fuck and drain a girl in every town for the next few states, I'm hit with the self-control stick. _Damn albatross._

**AN again:** Lots of hugs and love to LuckyInKentucky for being my sounding board and giving me the reassurance I needed to actually publish this chapter!

Hit the button! Tell me what you think....


	12. Goin' Home

**WARNING: It gets a little dark in here, so if you're not legally an adult, go away and come back in a few years. This story is rated M for language, violence, and future lemons. Beware!**

**AN: **The Quiet Room reached 300 reviews! I heart ya'll so much! As a newbie author, I'm still skittish about my writing(and lack'o'skill), so I appreciate the love.

In celebration of the reviews, Mother's day (which allowed me to do a whole lot of nothing; uninterrupted), and a damn volcano in Iceland delaying my hubs return; I bring ya'll the next chap early. As always, tell me what you think, even if it's not all rainbows and bunnies ;)

**Disclaimer:** The wonderful S. Meyer owns them. I just like to mess with them.

When we last left our hot, crimson eyed vamp:

_In death__ her__ curse continued to haunt me. Every subsequent hunt finished the same. I'd mumble an awkward apology about my inability to perform and walk away. I was so desperate that I lifted a drug addict out of his own piss and pushed him against the wall growling; only to send him on his way with some extra cash in his pocket, a tale no one would believe, and all his fucking blood still flowing through his cracked out veins._

_I thought I was finally goin' nuts but as I paced in the forest that was my shelter from the sun's rays, I picked up the scent of a herd of white-tails to the south and took off. I was famished and I wasted no time breaking their little Bambi necks and drinking every drop of their blood with strong, desperate pulls. Never before had I drained an animal without hesitation. But this day I did._

_Some higher fucking power was sure getting his rocks off fucking with me. I'd tried for decades to have even an ounce of Carlisle's discipline and now that I'd rather just fuck and drain a girl in every town for the next few states, I'm hit with the self-control stick. __Damn albatross._

**Chapter 12: Jasper's POV**

I was sure that I was on the verge of insanity. That's where I lived now. With Bella's death hanging heavy around my neck, I was losing my fucking mind. Why did this one girl's fate bother me when I'd been personally responsible for so many thousands of others? No matter how long I spent ponderin' this, it always ended the same; no answers and no solutions.

Walking into a new town every night, I repeat the same torturous experiment. I find a human. I woo said human. I go to fuck and eat said human but neither my dick nor my mouth will cooperate. I walk away impotently which is word that has never been used in conjunction with my, well, anything before. Do we have a shrink for these problems? Not that'd I'd ever heard of someone experiencing these problems before but Carlisle is a doctor, for fuck's sake, surely there's a vamp psychiatrist.

Blood, blood everywhere but not any a drop that I could drink flowed in their veins. But, oh, how I wanted to drink it, to revel in it, fuck I'd bathe in it. To feel that vein pulsating against my lips as my cock surged in their body. To feel the cool satisfaction of the continuous burn in my throat that only human blood can quench. But I couldn't. And I wouldn't accept this simple fact which lead me to this point.

My sole goal in life had become avoiding _Alice's_ visions. I didn't know what to do. I had no master plan. For all intent and purposes, I was lost. But I'll be damned if I let her see me floundering around.

It wasn't her apathy or her callousness that irked me. No, it was all of the manipulation and lying. If you want to be a bitch then own it; be a bitch. Don't try to make everyone else think you're cute and harmless and then stab them in the back with your 4 inch hooker heels. Be honest if nothing else and add loyalty to that if you possibly can. For fuck's sake, my mate of the last fifty years had more devotion to Jimmy Cho than me.

I will never forget the response to my most recently asked why. I purchased a prepaid cell just to call and ask. Yeah. I'm an idiot.

"I was so bored!"I could just picture the pout that accompanied that statement." Shopping is very limited in Forks you know. I saw myself and my new mate in Paris and I couldn't leave my favorite brother alone. This way everything works out!" And on that happy note, the phone in my hand spontaneously bursts into a million pieces.

I briefly considered returning to Maria but having just been released from the talons of one manipulative midget, I was not willing to voluntarily ensnare my balls again so soon, especially to that sadistic whore. Maybe there's hope for my sanity yet.

I had been running aimlessly since I finally surrendered to my unnatural diet; trying my damnedest to not make any decisions Alice would see. If I just happened across the red-headed bitch, well I'd deal with our business. Until then I'd continue my roaming unless something better popped up.

I felt her before I saw her. She was emitting wrath and righteous indignation; a unique blend when combined with the overwhelming relief and brotherly love. Taking in her scent, I stopped and turned in the direction she should be coming from. I braced myself as I felt her determination and a second later she plowed into me at full speed with a hard uppercut.

My head snapped back with the force and though it really wasn't painful, I wouldn't call it pleasant either. An instinctual growl vibrated in my chest but she just cocked an eyebrow while I reined that shit in. She continued her kickin' my ass all over and through the woods uninterrupted by me until she went for a knee to the groin. That inspired me to be a bit more proactive and I made quick with the calm. Hell, I practically sedated her. I'm sure I deserved this for whatever the hell I did wrong but the Lil'General was just an innocent by-stander. Hell, lately he was missin' in action.

I eased up on the chill-the-fuck-out vibes a little prematurely but my realization was a bit late. By the time I felt her mischief, she had grasped my arm right above the elbow in her she-devil claws painted blood red. Pulling on my arm she administered a swift kick straight to my chest and she effectively rid me of one arm and ends her greeting.

" Fuck Char! No, "Hi. How ya doin'?" No peck on the cheek. Damn woman!" As I continue my grumbling, she tosses me my arm which I catch before sitting on a newly felled tree."This is gonna hurt like a bitch. You know that don't you?"

"Maybe next time you'll remember to call."She smirks as she examines her flawless nails.

"Well shit, I would apologize but I think we're even now. Besides, I've had a lot going on."I cringed slightly as I felt her irritation amp up.

"Newsflash, Jasper, we all have a_ lot goin' on _and mine did not include chasin' you all around the boondocks. But we still manage because that's life, you Ass! Now you will apologize and you won't disappear without notice from us again." I narrowed my eyes at the little five-foot-nothing woman bossin' me around. "What was that?" She snaps.

"Yes mam," I answer tersely, pouting like a child from the dressin' down she just gave me.

" Good," Charlotte says pleasantly as she takes my arm from me and begins the painful reattachment process."So, what's new with you Sunshine?"And just like that, everything is fine.

"It's nothing. Just some private shit." I mumble.

"Private, Jasper, really? I've fought beside you in hell at your meanest and I've held you when sobs racked your body during your lowest AND I'm currently using my spit to glue your arm back on; Private? That's the lamest-"I cut her off seeing as how this could go on for a while.

"Damn it, woman! I meant that I haven't exactly figured out what's goin' on. I can't hunt humans anymore." I tacked on quietly.

"Jazz," She begins slowly,"This isn't new. So you fell off the wagon, just hop back on. I don't care what you hunt as long as YOU are okay with it. As long as you can live with it."

"That's just it! I CAN'T! Not I don't want to, I can't!" I'm desperate to make her understand but all I feel is confusion and concern from her so I tell the story of my last few months. She cracks up a few times but reigns that shit in quick when she sees how much this is fuckin' with me.

"Honestly, I think this is a good thing and you would think so too if you had chosen it. You need to be in control and you're not. Well, you really haven't been in a long time but that's neither here nor there."

Groaning, I throw my hands over my face.

"Look. Come home with me and we'll figure it out." She says soothingly."We miss you and I think Peter needs some guy time." She adds wryly.

* * *

Even taking our time, we beat Peter and his guest to the mountains by a day. He texted Charlotte when they were near. She was anxious to meet this new addition to our dysfunctional little coven and I admit I was mighty curious to see the girl who caught my brother's attention in a non-fuck-me way.

I decided now would not be the best time to test my new found control and she was more than happy to accompany me on my hunt. She and Pete thought my diet was hilarious. They were supportive because it eased the burden from my gift but that didn't lessen the teasing.

Char was still laughing as we made back to the cabin and then I caught their scent. I must have finally lost it because that's _her_ scent mixed in with Peter and Garrett. No two humans smell exactly the same and I would recognize that scent anywhere.

Frozen. I was frozen in my shock.

Had I not suffered enough for my sins? Had I not lost everything I thought I had and everything I thought I'd wanted? What debt could I pay to remove this damn cursed albatross from about my neck? This shadow of death stalking me would be satiated with no less than my life and if this was what I had to look forward to for the rest of my gods forsaken days, she could fucking have it. Whatever was left of my miserable life. Whatever was left of my blackened soul. She could have it all to end this madness!

A movement from my left startled me from my thoughts and I let loose a frustrated roar. Charlotte stilled quickly and took a submissive stance. I stopped breathing and stopped that trail of thought trying to gain some semblance of control.

"Jasper, it's just me. Calm down. It's ok." Charlotte mustered as much calm as she could to try to push back at me. It wasn't much but it was enough to take me down a notch. I gave a nod and she let loose a sigh of relief." The human does smell good though, doesn't she?" She tacks on.

I can't stop the low growl from my chest and I hear it echoed from their position. Had to be Garrett because Peter knows better. Char seemed to recognize that I was close to losin' it again and let me off with just a quirk of her perfectly arched brow. "Knock it off." Charlotte warns both of us before stepping out of the trees at human pace into their line of vision.

Beyond rational thought, I just followed her lead only to stop as soon as I was in the open. Because there _she _was. The girl I had watched them bury. Alice had been sure she was dead. Twice. She appears quite alive stepping out from behind Garrett's protection. Surely she should have stayed behind him. Last time I saw her before the funeral, I was actively trying to bite her. She has to be afraid. She should be afraid.

Gee, if only I had a power that could tell me if she was afraid. Yeah, I'm an idiot. I finally open myself up to only register shock from her. Concentrating, I can feel a very small thread of admiration, maybe lust, woven throughout but mostly overwhelming, all consuming shock. And no trace of fear. Fear any rational person would experience lookin' into the black eyes of the vampire who'd tried to kill her. Yep, it's definitely her.

Confusion is lacing Garrett's perpetual state of curiosity, mischief and joy. Peter is all lust, love, and joy from seeing his mate plus radiating more than his normal amount of arrogance. Char mirrors his feelings almost exactly minus the pride.

And I am just plain shocked.

"Does everyone else see him?" She whispers. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who thought this could be a delusion.

"Holy shit on a stick." I know she talked but only because I heard it. That's just bizarre. Yes because we needed to add something else to this freaky ass situation. Whatever the reason, this seemed to reanimate everyone else and since she still wasn't giving off any fear, I took this as my cue to walk forward slowly.

If I could dream, I imagine it would feel something like this. Surreal.

I'm vaguely aware of the audience to our reunion but I didn't give a shit. The only thing that mattered right now was the woman in front of me. I can't help but compare her to the last time I'd seen her, just a normal girl who was basking in the glow of her first love. Her body had matured nicely but she was so thin. Her cheeks gaunt under her protruding cheek bones. The shadows beneath her eyes darker than mine had ever been.

The biggest difference wasn't anything that I could see in my periphery. I was staring at the largest and most disturbing change. Her eyes. Her haunted chocolate orbs. She was broken; fractured. I wasn't sure what she had been through in the last couple of years but I knew that look. Hell, I wore that look for a century. Looking into her eyes I knew that she had lived a nightmare, her own personal hell. And had the demons to prove what she had survived.

I need to know what happened to the girl I knew. I didn't know her well but enough to know _this_ was not that Bella. Maybe killing her when she first came into our world would have been merciful. What had I done to this girl? What had I done?

This thought brings me to a stop and I whisper her name to reassure myself this is her."Bella?" A nod is the only reaction she gives and that's not gonna be good enough."I thought you were dead."

I feel confusion color her shock before she responds,"Apparently, I got better, Jasper."

Her lids flutter closed, her heart stutters, and I watch mesmerized as her body crumples in on itself. As she continues her fall, I continue watching the morbid grace of the moment.

Garrett swoops in with the save at the last moment to prevent her impending contact with the ground.

"Lightening fast reflexes." Peter smacks the back of my head. I can't say I didn't deserve it so I settle for a half-hearted glare at him as we all take off in the direction of the cabin.

"Welcome home Fucker."

* * *

**AN:** Reviews are love people! Review!  
Next chap we'll see some interaction...

**FYI: **I put in an entry for the We Don't Need No Stinkin' Coven Contest that is being hosted by the ladies from the Altered Lions and Sacrificial Lambs blog. Go read and review! It's a lot different than this story so please let me know what you think! Plus there's some REALLY good entries that are totally worth your time; so go take a peek;)


	13. Beginning the Journey

**WARNING: It gets a little dark in here, so if you're not legally an adult, go away and come back in a few years. This story is rated M for language, violence, and future lemons. Beware!**

**AN**: Thanks for all of the love and the reviews!  
Special thanks to Stitchcat for pimping out this story and for introducing me to the wonderful world of Twitter.  
FYI: Real life has stepped up and demanded attention, so chapters won't be coming as often. I'm going to shoot for once a week updates. If it changes, I'll let ya'll know.

**DISCLAIMER:** Still don't own anything Twilight except a battered set of books and a lunch box.

**Chapter 13- Jasper's POV**

"Can't go to sleep…Won't-"She was rubbing her head weakly back and forth on the couch. I dosed her with another heavy wave of lethargy. "No…Can't."

"Why is she still awake, Fucker? Knock her ass out!" Apparently Pete was gettin' impatient.

"I'm tryin'. She's fighting it."

"How is she resisting? She is just a human." I felt small waves of anger and growls came from all directions at Garrett's innocent yet poorly worded question.

"Just a human! She's-"

"A shield." I said loudly interrupting what I'm sure would have been a beautiful speech on all of Bella's merits from Peter. Now the three of them were looking at me like I'd announced I was goin' drag and my story would soon be featured on Lifetime television for women. Hell that might have actually got a response.

"Edward can read anyone he's ever come across except her, and she's always been a bit resistant to my power. Alice's visions weren't reliable concerning her. It's the only thing that makes sense. She's a shield." Like a fuckin' cartoon, three pairs of bugging out eyes turned to look at the girl still shaking and mumbling on my couch. Their emotions matched their silly expressions perfectly, and I would have been laughin' my ass off if I wasn't still processing all of this shit.

"A shield? Not a physical one, that's for sure, but a mental shield. Hmm…a damn strong one, at that." I felt Peter's realization and excitement.

"Extreme trauma and torture have been known to strengthen dormant gifts in humans."Garrett added thoughtfully.

"Is that why she's already displaying it as a human?" Char asked.

"It is definitely a possibility. The witch twins in Volterra are a shining example of how it works."

"Good thing Maria didn't know this." Charlotte shivered as she spoke. Memories of the war and our whore of a mistress were unpleasant to say the least; the very least. I didn't have a strong desire to talk about her at the moment, but I agreed with G. I. Joe on at least one point: Knowing is half the battle.

"She did. Even sadistic cunts bent on continental domination know better than to torture someone, a someone gifted at that, and then change them. Newborns are unstable under the best of situations. No, not even Maria was that crazy."I explained while Peter just nodded in agreement.

"The ancient ones were not responsible for the twin's torment but their rescue. That worked in their favor. Still I believe the ancients lost quite a few powerful members of the guard to the twin's in their first few years of new life." Garrett was always good for laying down some obscure vampire facts. He should be. The bastard was twice our age and nosy to boot.

"Look, it's time ya'll fill me in."

* * *

She had passed out but awoke quickly once we got home due to her intense throwin' up and then Peter's Jedi skills kicked in."She is goin' through withdrawals. What do we do? What do we do?" He was starting to get frantic as he stopped pacing and turned toward me. Meanwhile, she continued heaving so much her lips had turned blue, and her face was lookin' increasingly pale.

"Why are you lookin' at me?" Of course, as I said this, I picked her up and blew in her face causing her to inhale sharply. Since nothing was actually comin' up, there wasn't any danger of anything goin' into her lungs.

When she gasped for breath, everyone else did too. I could feel her stomach muscles still spasming and she was shaking so severely her teeth began chattering as I placed her gently on the couch. She laid back with her eyes closed, holding her stomach like she was holding herself together.

"You lived with Dr. Fang for half a century! I know you took at least one jaunt around his library. Use that fucking perfect recall, you dense mother fucker!" Well, it was nice to see he was calming down.

"Listen here, Ass-clown. Reading a book doesn't make me a doctor anymore than standing in a garage makes you a fuckin' Volvo. Plus, what little help I could offer would just be in general information since I doubt either of you two idiots who broke out a _medicated_ patient from a _hospital_ had the foresight to grab her fucking chart!"I finished a little on the loud side, but I didn't like standin' here useless anymore than he did.

Garrett just rolled his eyes. He was concerned about Bella, but it took a lot more to shake his calm. Charlotte had taken up station next to the girl, and was mopping her forehead with a damp rag. At least someone was being helpful. Since I could feel Bella's gratitude for her kindness, I passed it on to my sister. My brother, however, was fixin' to take a swing at me. At least this was something I could handle.

"Let's go Fuc-"I was interrupted by a raspy, trembling voice.

"No Red. Don't. He's just pissed because this is all his fault." As the wave of guilt flooded the room, I wasn't sure what was mine and what was hers. Both were overwhelming. So everyone got a sample before I pulled it together. I had forgotten how strong her emotions could get, and how fast she tended to she cycle through one to the next.

"**You know it's not his fault. The boy is responsible if anyone**…._Well. The boy is not here; Jasper is so he'll have to do_…**That's not really fair, you know**…_Whose head are you living in? None of my fucking life is fair_…**Touché**."

"All…..distraction….left…..fuck-off….dogs-"And it kept going. Some words incomprehensible between her fatigue and her vibrating, but it still came in a steady stream of absurdity.

My confusion temporarily consumed my guilt as I turned to my brother who was staring at the girl. He was slightly creped out, while Garrett's ever present humor took a leap mixed along with some anticipation, but neither were surprised which lead me to believe this was not a new development. To them.

I shot some aggravation and impatience his way, and he took my not-so-subtle hint to clue me into The Muppet Show happening in my living room.

"We think the first, stronger voice and the second, more childish voice are her actual conversations with herself. From what I can gather, she never talked in that_ place_. "Hatred briefly flowed from him at the mention of the facility they'd retrieved her from."I've been assumin' the rest of the random mumbles are her thoughts."

"Yes, they are great. She is very entertaining." Garrett added fondly.

"_You know I have always had a hard time telling Charlie Chaplin and Hitler apart_…**Yeah. It's the mustache**…"

And they chuckle. Everyone, with the exception of me and her, chuckles. They laugh, and I'm freakin' out some more. Am I the only one weirded out by this?

I wasn't sure if I was more disturbed at her not moving her mouth to speak, her arguments with herself, or the fact that her 'voice of reason' just agreed with her last statement. Or it could be the war hardened vampires looking at her with admiration and humor like she was a cute tot who just said her first swear word. Fuck my life.

"She wasn't like this when we left."I rubbed my eyes and shook my head trying to clear my dysfunctional thought processes. Peter narrowed his eyes but I knew from the vibes he threw off, he wasn't surprised by my admission. And I could almost feel the light bulb flicker on above my head.

"You knew! You knew who she was, you dickhead with your fortune cookie shit; you knew and you still brought her here! What the fuck did Confucius say this time? 'Man who scratches ass should not bite nails'. Or were you just bored and tryin' to fuck with me?"

I knew I crossed the line with that last one, I had felt his admiration and witnessed his tenderness for the girl, but I didn't give a shit. I don't like having my weaknesses on display to the world, and my biggest failure was spasming on my fucking couch.

"No! I didn't know until after she woke up at my house and I still don't know as much as I'd like. Would you rather I left her there surrounded by the worst kind of scum! And crazy-ass humans! Is that what you would have done, All-powerful Goat Groper? Tell me I should have just turned away and ignored her suffering! Tell me-"

"Ten….Nine…Eight…" What the fuck? Char closed her eyes and began counting loudly backwards, even Bella's mumbling's stopped. Peter backed down; he and Garrett were both a little wary, so I figured I'd follow their lead on this one and shut the fuck up.

When the countdown concluded, I half expected an explosion or something, but it was a bit anti-climatic. She took a deep breath and said in a deadly calm, quiet, and steady voice," Listen to me well. If you two don't stop this right now, and answer my damn questions, I will not hesitate to reach in between your legs and remove any dangling participles I happen to stumble across. Do you understand?"

I could tell by her emotions that she wasn't fuckin' around, but since all the males in the room winced and took a step back shielding their junk, I think everyone already comprehended that she meant business."Yes Ma'am," came three awkward replies. I don't think she was talkin' to Garrett, but like a smart male who wanted to stay firmly in the male category; he wasn't taking any chances.

"Now that we're all gonna act like adults again, would someone please fill me in. Jasper, how do you know Pumpkin?" She asked sweetly, utilizing her full southern charm. I didn't know where to start so I gave them a quick rundown of everything that had happened from the first time Edward freaked out, running to Alaska after merely catching a whiff of her blood, through the fight with the nomads, then finishing up with the birthday party that never should have been.

"Edward said we needed to leave. He said she'd have a normal life and be safe, and Alice agreed. I have no idea what happened after the family vote. Alice and I left right away." Everyone was processing the shit load of data I'd just given on the girl, and I tried not to focus on their cycling emotions as they did so. My gift could be intrusive, so I tried to allow privacy when possible but when Garrett settled on humor, I had to ask." What part of this shit could you possibly find funny?"

"It is just that our little human is quite the escape artist. I thought it was a miracle she had escaped us, but to know she has evaded our kind twice is most impressive, and not just any vampires, feared soldiers from the Southern Wars. Like I said before; so worth it." I nodded and smiled wistfully for a second, recalling when I had said the same thing and meant it. Not sure I meant it any more….Holy shit! Did that bastard say twice?

"Wait! She escaped you two? You couldn't keep hold of a weak, human girl for a few days!" I fumed.

"Didn't you just tell a story of her escapin' you in Phoenix? I-"My brother closed his mouth quick as Char stood up. Hell, we all did.

"Let's continue with our little chat, shall we? We need to finish comparing notes on Pumpkin so we're all on the same page, and then we can try to help her. Peter, it's your turn." She was using that patiently condescending tone that all women seem to come equipped with to make men feel about an inch tall and stupid as fuck. But since she wasn't ripping anything off yet, I was could deal with the tone.

Before the next round of story tellin' could commence, Bella began to seize and we proceeded to freak the fuck out.

"Char! Turn her on her side! Garrett grab her arms and I'll get her legs." As soon as we grabbed a hold of her, I felt a swell of pain and fear that knocked me flat on my ass, and had me resisting the urge to curl into the fetal position. "Get away from her now! Everyone but Charlotte!Far away! Now!" The urgency of my shaking voice seemed to worry them more and they quickly obeyed my command. All I could do was stare at the broken human on my couch, and my ice cold heart was breaking for her as I blocked her emotions from myself.

Her seizure had long passed, but Bella was still shaking violently and mumbling frantically between broken sobs. Getting to my feet and breathing deeply, I pushed out as much calm and security as I could, but it barely penetrated her.

"**Isabella, calm down**…._I can't live through that. I just can't. I won't_."

"Isabella?" She wasn't even acknowledging Peter, physically or emotionally. I doubted she could hear him at this point. She was beyond panicked and her mind was trying to protect itself. What the hell had she been through to cause this reaction? My immense vampire mind began compiling theories that I couldn't and didn't want to deal with at the moment. When she couldn't calm her breathing, and her heart was pounding at a dangerous pace, we began to get a little more concerned.

"Jasper, can you try to put her to sleep for a little while? Maybe she'll wake up calmer." Char, like everyone else in the room, desperately wanted to help the girl, but there really weren't a lot of feasible options at this time.

"I do not think she will wake more calm, but sedation would at least give her body some rest. And she could definitely use some rest." Garrett chimed in from our place in the farthest corner of the room.

Of course, Char and Garrett were right. And I could use a break from constant her fear, panic, pain and worthlessness. Now that I was prepared for the onslaught, I could deal, but it was wearing on me. I would need to hunt soon.

I moved slowly across the room to stand behind the couch, and blanketed her in exhaustion, laziness, contentedness, peace, and security. I also wove in some threads of agape love because no one should ever feel like she did. Here she was cared for, and she should know it.

Instead of embracing the feel good mix I was sending her way, she started screamin'. I increased the flow, and at least it quieted her banshee impersonation.

* * *

"Major, is she going to be all right?" Peter's subdued voice alarmed me far more than anything else had done today.

"I think she will. We'll just have to do our best and hopefully this will only last a few days. I'm gonna assume at this point that she was takin' a shitload of pharmaceuticals to deal with whatever the fuck happened after we abandoned her." I leveled my gaze at my brother and he nodded affirmation."So, we're probably dealin' with SSRI/ Discontinuation Syndrome. Basically, common prescription drug withdrawal. The severity and length of recovery vary from person to person and depend on the the load of scripts they have taken."

"Do you know what we should expect?" Char asks quietly, as she continued shushing Bella, and wiping her brow with a cool cloth.

"Pretty much more of this." I explained pointing to Bella."Sweating, vomiting, tremors, confusion, and electric like sensations like brain shivers." I tried to mention anything that might be relevant from a text I read a few years back. One of Carlisle's aversion therapy efforts to force me to see humans as something other than dinner had been reading his medical school journals. I would hardly call it a success. Emmett got a kick out of teasin' me about being grounded though. It did remind me of a child being forced to write lines in school, but instead of writing "I will not eat the humans" a hundred times; I read a hundred different texts on the internal workings of our natural prey.

"What can we do?" Char didn't like feelin' helpless anymore than the rest of us, but there really weren't anything we could do and I was getting frustrated. Pete sent some sympathy my way, and answered his wife with the patience she deserved at the moment; which I was sadly lacking.

"Babe, I think we're gonna have to just wait it out. We can't take her to a hospital to get help. She'll have warrants out for murder by now." Upon hearing that, it seemed my brain finally made the connection that I'd known all along, but hadn't dealt with; the Cullen's Bella was Peter's Pumpkin.

Bella, the girl who loved us all with all she had, is Pumpkin, the girl in the mental ward.  
Bella, the girl I'd attacked over a paper cut, is Pumpkin, the girl who offered herself up to Peter like a fuckin' buffet.  
Bella, the girl we left so she could live a 'normal' human life, is Pumpkin, the girl who they had to rescue from a human monster and an institute of insanity.

The girl gasped as my shock and fury leaked into the cocoon of comfort I'd wrapped her in, and once again I fought for control against the power of another realization surrounding this human. I knew my eyes were as black as my soul when I made eye contact with my brother across the room. Pushing every bit of calm and lethargy I could muster her way, I took off through the back door before I lost control and hurt someone.

Hunting wasn't for nutrition this time, but for the satisfaction of the kill. I worked out some of my aggression in the forest with the assistance of a couple of Elk and a bear, but I wasn't ready to go back quite yet. There was just too much shit for me to shift through with an audience; an audience that was feeling much of the same.

I needed to figure out what I felt about all this. Frustrated, confused, guilty, and mad as hell; topped my list. On the plus side, I had decided months ago at her funeral that I no longer wanted to kill her, and I no longer blamed her for my fucked-up afterlife. It was ridiculous; I had no intention on blaming a human girl for things she had less control over than I did.

But this was not the same girl we had left, and I feared the damage I had done was irreversible. For some reason, seeing her hurting, hurt me. Maybe it was her bond with Peter extending to include me, or maybe it was just my relief at seeing her alive and not having been the cause of her death; whatever it was, I needed to help her.

I felt him before I saw him. I could tell by his emotions that he needed this as bad as I did, so I felt no need to hold back."Bring it, Fucker." And he did.

We crashed through the trees in a blurring tangle of legs and arms; just brawling. There was no strategy. No desire to one up the other, and come out victorious. This was just about the release of pent up frustration and anger and helplessness.

As vampires we feel things deeply, and with that our animalistic instincts are too strong to ignore for long. Just like human males, we have the basic need of release. Unlike human males, if we didn't find a release, our monster roars to life with a vengeance and destroys all in its path until it is satisfied. Since fucking the shit out of someone wasn't an option at the moment, I'd settle for beating the shit out of my brother.

An hour later found the forest thinned, and us laid back to watch the last of the sun's rays sink behind the mountains. Tranquility and peace settled in, and I took a moment to absorb it and center myself before I began with the necessary questions. Questions I wasn't sure I could handle the answers to, but that I needed to ask none the less.

"You know you're better off without that lying, magic eight-ball who reduced you to nothing more than a Prada-toting pussypire." I shrugged my sholders half-heartedly.

"You never did tell me why you hate her."

"No, I didn't." And apparently that wasn't going to change now.

"Is Bella still sleeping?"He laughed loudly.

"Yeah. I reckon she'll be out for a while. Fuck, that Mr. Sandman vibe you shot out, before you high-tailed it out of there, almost knocked Char out for fuck's sake."

"She could use the nap." I deadpanned and he snorted in agreement."Now tell me what you know, and don't leave anything out Fucker."

"I'll tell you about our little adventure on the road and everything she told us, but I doubt you'll be satisfied with her editing."

Char had already given me the rundown on how Peter had found Bella, and I listened with rapt attention to how they had got here. It was strange hearing and feeling the emotion from Peter about anything 'Pumpkin' related. He was a bad ass soldier; my second in command, and he was devoted to her in such a way that placed Bella right below his own mate. Once again, the human had found herself a coven. The difference is Whitlock's keep what's ours.

"She wanted to go back? Do we need to worry about her escaping?"

"No, I don't think so. First off, I underestimated her. I won't be doing that again." I nodded my head in agreement."And secondly, she believed she was keepin' her father, and God knows who else safe by stayin' in that place, but now that he knows about the wolves, and he turned his back on Pumpkin completely, I think he's as safe as anyone else in that town for the time being. His life is of more value to her than his opinion of her, so I'm positive she won't be contacting him again. Everyone else from her life believes her dead."

"There are still too many unknowns in this situation for my liking, but once I find out the truth, all of it, I will be taking care of the mutts."

"We will be takin' care of them, Fucker. Don't think that you're gonna go all lone ranger on me. She's ours now, and we take care of ours." He must have felt the burst of guilt, or it could have just been his spidey-senses tingling because his fist was swift as lightening, and his blow to my chest planted me a few inches in the ground.

"You know she didn't mean what she said. She's hurtin' and scared. And we _all_ are going to have to be patient, and just deal with what comes. Brooding never fixed a damn thing. One moody, unstable bitch at a time 'round here, and it's not your turn, Princess."

"I never should've left her."

"No, ya'll shouldn't have." He said matter-of-factly."But you had a world of shit going on at the time, and you wouldn't have done her any good anyway. Plus, you didn't claim her as part of your coven then. She was just Douchward's 'mate'." He paused to shake his head at that. Fixing me in his gaze, he sternly added, "I know you already know this, but I'm gonna say it so there's no mistakin' it later; Isabella is a Whitlock now."

I sent him a wave of acceptance, responding simply," I reckon she is."

I could sense the bastard something back as we got up to make our way back to the cabin."Anything else happen that I need to know? Now is not the time for secrets."

"No, it's not somethin' that happened; it's just I think you need to be prepared before you notice them on your own." He stated cautiously.

"Talk straight. I don't have the patience for your cryptic shit, and I left my decoder ring in my other jeans."

"She has some scars." He said looking at his feet. His emotions were all embarrassment and sadness, but I felt the tread of anger and remorse he was tryin' to stifle for my benefit. I appreciated the thought because I didn't need any more guilt, but I could handle this shit.

"Fuck, she trips over nothin' and has supernatural play mates." He winced," Of course she has some scars. You talkin' about the bite mark she's sporting, or the nice array she got from her run in with the nomads?" He was tryin' his damnedest to cover his emotions as he replied calmly.

"Yeah, I saw some of those, but that's not what I'm talkin' about. When Garrett and I pulled that perv off of her in her room, she was naked."And just like that I had him by the throat and up against a tree. I knew my eyes were the color of ink; the only reason he still had his head was that I was fighting my instincts something fierce. I growled with venom dripping from my teeth, making a trail down my chin before continuing to the forest floor. My inner demon demanded retribution.

"I covered her immediately and we didn't touch her." He wheezed out solemnly. Despite his position, he made no move to defend himself, and all that I felt from him was trust and sadness. His submission and lack of fear allowed me to breathe, and loosen my grip marginally for him to finish.

"Major, you need to release my neck before I say any more." I growled, and he chose to rephrase. "Major, I'd like very much to keep my fuckin' head. Brother, I'll tell you what I know as soon as you release me."His words were pleading but his voice was quiet, while the calmness he excreted gave me something positive to absorb.

I backed away from him, and kneeled on the ground frozen; not breathing with locked joints. I didn't want to hurt Peter, and as out of control as I felt; that was a serious possibility.

"You need to remember that right now, she's fine. She's here, and in your cabin."

I sent a small shot of acceptance. We'd been together enough years that he was well versed in my non-verbal communication. It had proved useful in battle.

"I'm not sure what happened, but I think it's from that _dog;_ the one who wanted her for a mate. The scars are deep and jagged; from the hollow of her throat past her navel." His voice was soft and low. I knew he felt like this was a betrayal to Bella but he's right; this was something I needed to deal with away from the fragile girl.

Peter's POV

I had never had any use for pity, but I couldn't help but feel sympathy for my sire, my BFF and all that shit, while he sat still and fearsome as death itself, trying to control his reactions to the latest knowledge bomb dropped on him. But this was the way it had to be. It would be a hundred times worse for him and Pumpkin if he discovered this on his own; without time to get accustomed to the fact that she had been severely hurt in his absence. He could kill us in his rage easily, and hurting any of us, but especially her, would kill him.

I fucking shivered, actually fucking shivered, as the cool wave of malice and wrath reached my position. I backed up about a mile as quietly as I could hoping not to trigger his defenses. It looked like the Major was comin' out of retirement and I couldn't fucking wait until we handled the strays. I was giddy with anticipation of this fight. He would bring them a hurtin' like you read about.

Watching the Major in battle was a thing of beauty to behold. He stood tall in the middle of the chaos; surrounded on all sides by vampires bowed in pain and cowering in fear. The wails of agony and cries for mercy rise up in accord with the screech of the dismemberment of the dead and the wails of the unfortunate living in a symphony of anguish that was music to my ears.

I've never been a religious man, but if I had served a god in my undead life, it would be every time I stepped onto a field of battle; it would be my sire. I listened to his roar of anger, and I felt the brushing of shrapnel from the trees that had splintered under the force from his emo-splosion. My God of War. I had a feeling he was back.

I knew he still couldn't or wouldn't connect all of the dots of Pumpkin's past but that was something between her and him alone. I know he'll figure it out before she will tell him. I know he didn't know why he cared so much about all of this or why her 'death' had affected him the way it had. I know all of this and I guess I could tell him, but that could change the outcome and I refuse for them to have overcome all this shit and not get their fucking happily-ever-after.

Besides there are some things a man needs to find out on his own; it's better that way. Any nomad will tell you it's the journey, not the destination that makes the trip worth its while.

* * *

**AN(yeah, again): **We should be back in B's head by Chapter 15(sorry, it took longer than I thought) Ya'll be sure to tell me what ya think….

And don't forget to go check out the 'We Don't Need No Stinkin' Coven' contest page. I have a small entry and there is some pure awesomeness from Lifelesslyndsey, cullen818, Corrupted Desires, and more…Go check it out;)

FYI: All credit for any Petery goodness and the title of 'God of War' belong to IdreamofEddy who gave them life.


	14. And Our Options Are

**WARNING: It get dark in here so if you're not legally an adult( I'm not talking about your maturity level but actual age) please go away. Thanks and Come back again in a few years. This story is rated M for violence, language, dealing with rape, and lemons. You've been warned!**

Once again, thanks for all of the love and reviews people! And to those who've put this story on your alerts or favs list, I heart you guys too. It helps me justify my 'hobby' to my husband, so thanks for being my enablers ;-)

I asked on Twitter and got no answers, so help! I'm in need of a Beta, but not sure how to go about finding one…Any tips? PM me PLEASE!

**DISCLAIMER:** S. Meyer owns the Twilight world. I just like to twist it to do my bidding.

**And Our Options Are**

**Chapter 14: Jasper's POV**

"You good now, Fucker? We still have ground to cover and I'd like to finish this shit up, so I can welcome my wife back properly."

"Yeah, let's go. And Peter?" He smacked my back, taking off in the direction of the cabin. I guess he knew I appreciated the heads up about Bella. I didn't want to do any more damage than I'd already done to the girl, and as I'd demonstrated plenty of times today, I don't like surprises.

Maybe that's one of the reasons Alice and I had been a good fit. She knew if anything was coming and gave plenty of fair warning. She told me what to expect and how I would handle it, and that's how everything happened. She ordered me about, and I followed like a mindless peon. Damn it, Pete was right. I was a fuckin' pussy. I did draw the line at carrying her purse, so that's a punch on my mancard…. But I_ had_ held her purse while she was in various changing rooms on more than one occasion.

Fuck my life.

I heard his hooting laughter ring out from ahead, I assumed he knew the conclusion I'd just drawn. "Shut up, you ball licking wanktard." He just laughed harder, calling me a 'grape-smuggling ass bandit' so naturally, we spent a few minutes wrestling and crashing around the forest.

Being with the Cullens was like being on vacation. For the most part, it was nice and quiet with only small bits of teenage drama and puberty-ridden angst. I appreciated all that Carlisle had done to make me feel welcome, but we both knew you just can't have two leaders in a coven, and that's what I was; a leader. So I sat on the sidelines and observed. Never challenging; only offering my opinion when asked or when I felt exposure was a risk which was often considerin' most of the coven was made up of spoiled children.

I liked my place on the sidelines though. Alice and Edward had hit it off between their love of shopping and their gifts. Their bond was instant and strong. They were always the center of attention, their mutual drama-queen natures feeding off of one another but I never complained; as long as she was happy, I was happy. I bonded with Rose, after her initial decade of Bitch-fest came to a close and with Emmett immediately. He was fun to hang with, could hold an intelligent conversation, and his emotions were honest and childlike. Esme was sweet and caring, but she needed to be needed, while I am a grown-ass man who doesn't like to be smothered. Still all in all, it was a nice place to do nothing.

I still care for them, and I admire the strong coven they have built. But it was never home; it was a visit with the in-laws. I did what I was told because it was easy. I enjoyed the respite from the violence and agony my existence had consisted of, but with that coven was never where I belonged. Here, crashing through the woods with my brother, here having my junk threatened by Charlotte; here I am home. And it feels damn good, despite all of the current insanity.

Tossing him across the freshly made clearing, I hit him with a strong dose of lust and urgency. When he stopped startled, I broke out in gut busting laughter at the deer-in-the-headlights look he was sporting. I just pointed in the right direction and we took off again, racing home.

I felt it at the same instant Peter stiffened beside me and then picked up his speed. We were still about nine miles out, well out of the range of my empathic abilities, but it was like I was sitting next to her. Her fear and pain were almost crippling. I actually stumbled under the unexpected onslaught, but I caught myself before I hit the ground and took off faster than before.

I could hear her screams. I could hear Garrett and Charlotte shouting trying to wake her up, but she couldn't hear them in her panicked state. It was devastating to listen to, but far worse to experience. I never would have believed a human could survive such emotions if I hadn't felt them for myself. I stopped absorbing her emotions, but I could register enough to know that death would be sweet release in comparison to whatever had caused this shitload of agony.

As soon as we were in range, I began trying to calm her but nothing was gettin' through to her. I'd have to touch her, and at this point, I wasn't sure if that was a good option. However, after we crashed through the front door, I didn't have any other choice. Her heart was workin' too hard and she wasn't gettin' enough air. The others cleared out of the room quickly as I made my way to the couch. I kneeled in front the girl who was curled in on herself as tight as possible. I focused solely on her as I paused for a second to weigh the options. It didn't take long since there weren't many.

As I drew a deep breath, I slowly moved her head up a fraction from where her face was hidden by her knees, which her slender arms had wrenched up to her chest. Gently cupping her tear streaked cheeks in my hands, I blew a slow breath across her face. Feeling her notice my presence, I channeled as much calm, security, and lethargy as I could through my hands. I felt her resistance and knew she was terrified of going back to the hell in her dreams.

"Shhh. It'll be okay, Darlin'. I'll keep the bad away. Shhh. I'm here. You're safe." I kept up my whispered promises until I felt a small flicker of acceptance and she succumbed to my power. I kept up the flow until her chest stopped heaving; her shaking lessoned. Slowly, I became aware of the other vampires in the room and it struck me as odd, once again, the tunnel vision affect this human female had on me. When she was my focus, everything else just faded away.

I felt their relief and the easing of their panic but the combined worry in the room was still goin' strong. "Char, will you bring me one of those cool rags you've been using. Peter, has this happened before?"

"Once, on the way here. I didn't know if it was just from the incident a few days ago or something else entirely." I felt his remorse, but I still shot him a wave of my anger at his editing this vital fucking information.

"This time was much worse than before. I fear I made it worse by grabbing her." As the hiss rushed from between my lips, Garrett moved back, putting his head down and his arms behind his back in a respectful, submissive stance. He reported quietly,"She was thrashing around. When the screaming began, I carefully grabbed her shoulder and shook her, utilizing the utmost caution. I would not knowingly hurt your Little One. You have my word. I only meant to help, my Friend."

Taking the cloth from Char, I turned my attention once again to the girl and began wiping the clammy moisture from her forehead and the tears from her cheeks. I felt the others settle around the room to wait for whatever would come next as I continued my ministrations to the newest member of our dysfunctional little band.

I debated on whether or not to call Carlisle. If I did, there would be no keeping it from Eddie; not that I was deluded enough to think he would even try. We were the heathen vampires; therefore a danger to any human; much less their precious Bella. Yeah. They would be at the foot of my mountain by the end of the next day. On the other hand, I didn't know any other doctors, and I wasn't lying about my lack of knowledge in this area. Med school had never been a realistic option for me, what with the blood and people. I had majored in things like History, Philosophy, and more shit that was equally useless right now. On the plus side, I could eloquently wax on and on about the meaning of life while she died. Fan-fucking-tastic.

I stayed in my position, kneeling with her face in my hands, while I debated our few options, and monitored her rapid emotions trying to quell anything negative the moment it reared its ugly head, which unfortunately was often.

I had just come to the conclusion that I couldn't make a decision when Peter spoke up."What are you thinkin' we should do, Fucker?" I snorted at his show of his freak flag. He may not like it, but the force was strong with that one.

"The way I figure it we have four options, but none are without risks, and I don't know which we should choose."

"This is America, why not discuss it and then we will vote. You know, when in Rome…" Charlotte and Peter found this hilarious as Garrett trailed off. I wouldn't justify that with a remark so Peter felt it necessary to shed some light on the joke for him.

"This is no democracy. More like a hierarchy and the Major's at the top of this here peckin' order. We haven't lived together in a while, but that doesn't change what we are. We are a coven, not nomads, and Major Jasper Whitlock is the head. Behold our king!"He finished with pomp. I moved my hand from the girl's face only to flip them off as they executed mock bows; Char even offered up a little curtsey. When the jackasses quieted down again, I continued.

"First, don't ever call me that again. Now, if ya'll are done jerkin' around, we can go over our choices."When I knew I had their attention, I continued." The way I see it option one is to just wait it out and see what happens."

"Sugar, she needs a doctor. I haven't been around humans as much as you, but I've eaten people a lot healthier than her fresh from the ICU. I'm just sayin'." I think she might have been exaggerating a bit, but she made her point. I nodded, and continued on to the next choice.

"Option two: we change her. " It was the emotional census that this was a bad fucking idea, and I concurred. Of course, Peter being Peter, he felt the need to elaborate.

"I fucking veto that!" Me being me, I growled and he wisely chose to rephrase." I don't know what the right thing is right now, but I do know that now is not the time to change her. There are not enough of us to deal with a bat-shit crazy newborn. I'd hate to save her from her human body, only to have her afterlife cut short because she was uncontrollable." I nodded, moving along to the next choice.

"Option three: I make a call to the Cullens." Rushing to explain my reasoning before their shock wore off, I added," Carlisle is a practicing physician, so he could prescribe her meds and take care of her physically. But it would, undoubtedly, bring _the entire_ coven to our door." I paused and waited to hear their opinions.

"The boy too? I do not have any ill will toward any of them, in fact, Carlisle is an old friend, but I am worried what effect this would have on Little One. It is obvious to all that she's been through some ….stuff."

Peter snorted and Char added rolled her eyes at both of the fuckers, "_Males_. You," She paused to point accusingly at Garrett," can deliver a revolutionary address so passionate and all-inspiring that it bring tears to women's eyes and ignites the fight in the hearts of peace-lovin' men, but when it comes time to describe what she's been through you trail off with '_stuff'_. Really?" Both of them suddenly found something mighty interesting about their feet. Peter bounced back first, choosing wisely to move right along.

"Garrett's right. You know that, although I loathe the midget, I could tolerate the rest of them but I don't know if Pumpkin can. Right now, I'm not sure if the benefit to her health is worth the risk to her mind. She's the strongest human I've ever met, but it would be foolish of us to assume she doesn't have a breaking point. And the Cullen coven showing up out of the blue might just be it." I nodded, and mulled over his words.

He was right; hell, they all were. Nothing they had said was any different from what I'd already thought, but I had to make a choice, and doing nothing wasn't one I could stomach. I wish I could ask for the girl's input, but right now, that just wasn't realistic.

"My friend, what is option four?"

"Option four, my Hail Mary pass, is that we pick-up a human physician. We'd probably have to kill them after they outlive their use." Strangely enough, this was met with only hope and relief; definitely not in Cullen country anymore. I guess option four it is."I don't think she's going to like this, but it's the best choice for now. If all goes well, she'll be strong enough to hate me for it in a few days. She can add it to her running list. Now who's gonna go find a doc to make this house call?"

"I will. I need to hunt as it is. I am not use to being in the presence of a human constantly."

"Char and I are gonna go too." I whipped my head around frantically, only to find that fucker smirking at me."We need to hunt. Pumpkin is gonna need clothes that fit, food to eat, and other human shit."

"What if something happens?" I hated how panicked I sounded.

"Sugar, we'll have our cells on. She needs you right now. Besides, not all of us have your new found control." Char patted my cheek, sauntering out the front door with Peter following hot on her heels; the lust between them increasing with every step. Obviously, they were reassured enough about our predicament to go have a romp in the fuckin' woods.

The fucker stopped long enough to pass a blind fold to Garrett. "Make sure Char gets this back. Oh and have fun."He winked. I guess everyone would be getting some ass tonight except me.

Garrett watched them go with a chuckle, following behind not long after, but he headed in the opposite direction. Apparently, he had no desire to cross their path. I didn't blame him. I mean, Char had a nice body with a fuck awesome rack, and they were freaks, so it was guaranteed to be a good show, but males could get territorial about their mates; especially when surprised. And we really didn't need any more drama to exacerbate our fucked up situation.

I looked at the girl, whose face was still dwarfed by my large hands, as she whimpered and I squashed another surge of her fear. I tried to keep her sedated too deeply to dream, but every now and then, she would block my gift long enough for her consciousness to rise and it didn't take long after that for her nightmare to start. Judging by her emotions, the dream seemed to always follow the same lines.

I couldn't help, but once again, notice all of the changes physically in Bella since I'd last seen her. She'd gained a few inches in height, and even as thin as she was, she had an hour glass figure. Her face was the same heart shape, framed with her Chestnut hair. It was so easy to think of her as a girl when she lay shivering and helpless on the couch, but it was equally as easy to see that her body was all women now.

I found myself wondering what expression would be on her face as I hovered above her and brought her to the brink of ecstasy. Would her plump lips form that little 'o' of surprise? Would she be meek and quiet or would she scream my name? Oh, she would definitely scream my name. How would her full chest look as she rode- Holy Fuck! Where the hell did that shit come from? Never before had I fantasized about the human in a non-dietary way. I'll admit I never had the philia love for her like Emmett displayed, and now Pete, because I couldn't see her in a brotherly way. It just felt wrong, but I had never lusted after her body.

Well, almost never; I am a man after all.

Damn it! It felt wrong to think of her this way while she was unconscious, her face in my hands. It should be wrong to think of her like this anytime, but I was drawn to her and I had no fucking clue why. She was a natural beauty, even in sickness, but nothing compared to the ethereal beauty of Rose or Char. But then why did even thinkin' that make me feel the need to repent for my blasphemy against the woman in my hands?

I kept goin' round and round with more questions than answers. Fucking circle jerk of thoughts that showed no sign of slowin'down.

Noticing her increased shivering and hearing the tightening of her stomach, broke me out of my intellectual masturbation. Just in time to dodge the projectile stomach acid that spewed from her mouth but not before my shoes took a direct fuckin' hit.

I slowly brought her out of her sleep, so we could both get cleaned up. Humans complain about disgusting bodily functions and shit, but they can't even see the half of the nasty, not to mention those heightened vampire olfactory senses. Luckily, I don't have to keep breathin'.

"It's time to wake up Bella." I retreated a few steps to allow her some space, but I didn't want to go any further because each step was spreading the mess, and I was pretty sure that I was the one that would be cleaning this shit up. Her swollen lids lifted minutely before she squeezed them closed tightly again.

"Bella?" She covered her face with her hands, curling back into the human cannonball that she had relaxed out of in her slumber.

"_It's not real. Just a dream_…… **Isabella**. **Don't you remember Red and G-Red? Not a dream**_….. They're_ _not here. He is and he can't be because they left."_ She continued with the disjointed mumble speak,"not real….sheep….left….distractions….my plain ass… nom-nom…." And on and on she stuttered as I slowly approached her. Repeating the process that Peter and Garrett had done before me.

"Bella? Darlin', I'm gonna prove to you that I am here and I am as real as it gets. "Her head popped up and she stared bleary eyed and skeptical as I held out my hand to her and waited. After a marihuana minute, she extended her shaking hand, making contact. The heat of her touch was shocking, and I realized she was runnin' a pretty high fever.

As she started mumbling and talkin' to herself, and maybe she was talkin' to me too; hell, I don't know, I made my way quickly to the outdated bathroom; thankful that I had at least updated the cabin to include a hot water heater. I started a luke warm bath for her and went back to fetch the weak, ever-trembling girl.

"I'm gonna carry you to the bath now. You have a fever. Until Garrett gets back with the town doc, this is the only way we have to bring it down some." She started shakin' her head back and forth until her dizziness required her to still. I could feel how much she dreaded this contact but we were low on options here. In fact, that seemed to be a theme for today. Regardless of how either of us felt about it, she was burnin' up and covered in puke. Facts being what they were, her ass was goin' in the tub. Now.

"I-I'll w-w-walk." Letting her have her way, I stayed close by as she stood as shaky as a newborn colt. When her legs gave out, I swooped her up in my arms, dosed her with some heavy peace, and carried her swiftly into the bathroom. I paused for a mere sixteenth of a second to consider undressing her, but realizing what a disaster that would be; I sat her carefully in the tub still fully clothed. As she gasped in surprise at now being submersed in tepid water, when a second ago she was well on her way to the floor, I turned off the water and walked out.

"Holler if you need me." I heard her heart skip slightly when I spoke, so I knew she had heard me. I made quick with the clean up and the disposal of my Italian leather loafers. I hated those damn shoes anyway. I'm not even sure why I still wore them; they were worn out but I'd never bothered replacin' them. Probably just because my _wife _bought them for me. I'd like to think it wasn't something so pathetic, but then I'd never been big on lying; even to myself.

While I continued my clean up, I monitored her vitals carefully. I'd hate to have gone through all this drama, just for her to drown in the tub or some such shit.

"Jasper?" Her voice was as weak as her body seemed to be. I quickly made my way back in, only to find her dripping upper body hanging half-way out of the tub. As I chuckled, she shot me a glare," Glad I amuse you. Are you just going to stand there? Help me out." I smirked at her stuttering yet commanding tone.

"I'm gonna lift you out." I said soothingly as I reached for her. She huffed and mumbled; seemingly annoyed with my warning. There was no use in ponderin' it. If I didn't understand women before, I doubted I'd suddenly get an insight into understanding _this_ one. I lifted her out of the old, clawed-foot tub and propped her trembling form beside the counter to wrap her in a towel. She tensed up at the contact but at least there was no screaming.

I left her for a second to go fetch her something dry to change into until Peter and Charlotte got back home. Handing her the fresh clothes, I took a second to check her emotions. I had been blocking her to prevent being surprised and overloaded, but as I opened up to her, I only registered things that could easily be attributed to her illness, and then, there was acceptance. I was a bit puzzled by that last one.

"I'll help you back to the living room when you're done." She just jerked her head in affirmation with her lips pressed tightly together. It took a few minutes for her to get changed but since I could hear her shuffling about, I wasn't worried. She simply called my name once more and I carried her back to take up her post on my couch.

She hadn't spoke more than two lines (actually to me) since she'd woke up, and I was startin' to feel a little awkward. What exactly is the etiquette protocol for someone you tried to eat during your last get together? Bella looked so frail and tiny huddled on the couch that I didn't want to do or say anything that could send her over the edge. I continued pondering this, enjoying the quiet that had descended on the room, even if it was awkward.

Her fear and anxiety suddenly amping up caught me off guard. Of course she picks now to be afraid of me. I sighed,"I guess your self-preservation is there after all, it's just a little delayed. Bella, I just need to say that I'm so-"

"If the next word out of your mouth is 'sorry', I swear to Bob or to whoever the fuck is hovering in the clouds orchestrating this freak show that is my reality, I will don some steel toed boots and unleash all of my puny human strength directly to your iron sac; praying to afore mentioned deity that you feel even a tenth of the force. And, for the record; it's Isabella, Little One, Pumpkin, or any fucking food you can think of but not Bella. Never Bella. Bella's dead. Been dead for a while, umkay?"

Her voice was as weak as her trembling body but her words were strong and forceful. I didn't know what to say. Obviously, she's sick and my Momma taught me how to treat a lady but I'll be damned if this little human is gonna order me about in my own fuckin' home.

"You know what. I'm not sorry. I'm a fuckin' vampire and you're a happy meal. I know you've had it hard-"and she interrupts again. What the fuck? I'm a vampire. And little humans-

"You don't know shit." Her tone mirrored her emotions; lifeless. The calm before hurricane Bella blew in. Because I was irritated, the stupid flippantly flew from my mouth.

"You're right. And I won't until you tell me." Before the phrase was out of my mouth, she was shakin' her head and began rocking' back and forth. Yep, I am a fuckin' idiot.

"_Can't remember_….**You know you're safe**…_Never safe. Don't ask me to do this. I can't_….**Shh-**"

I shushed her as well, quietly, and made quick with tryin' to wrap her in the same security blanket of peace I had woven earlier. "You don't have to tell me anything. You're safe, Darlin'. You're safe. Shhh." She seemed to hear my words, which was good, but she was fighting' the calm I was dishin' out with all her might. "Stop fightin' me. You need rest." We'd have to deal with all of this shit eventually but on her time only, and only after she was physically healthy; not a minute before.

"No! Please don't make me sleep! I can't keep doing this. Please Jasper."Her bloodshot, doe eyes were filled with tears just waitin' to fall. Her brash confidence seemed to have expired with the change of topics. Where before I saw a kickass, albeit sickly woman; now there was a scared little girl. In this moment, I'd have promised her the moon as long as she never said my name in that pitiful, pleading way again. I had caught a tiny glimpse of the Pumpkin that my brother and my friend had been fawnin' over since they met her, and I liked her. I wanted her back.

"Bella," I smirked, layin' on my thick, lazy drawl. I tasted the atmosphere. I felt the heat of her temper and her flare of irritation. Bingo." I could stay with you if you'd like or….I could get you a night light. Who do you prefer; Winnie the Pooh or Tinker Bell?" I'd take pissed off woman over terrified girl every time.

"Speaking of Tinker Bell, Jazzy," she chirped in an extremely high pitched tone. Sounding like an old blade sharpening on a wet stone. Returning to a pitch that didn't have me wanting to dig out my ear drums with every syllable squeaked, she continued. " You remind me of a guy, you know without the balls. I'm assuming they're still in your wife's purse along with all the other 'family jewels'." That stung the pride a bit, but my smirk stayed firmly in place. Truthfully, I didn't care what she said. To see the spark in her eye when she got fired up, I'd take the quick lashing of her tongue. Hell, I looked forward to instigating her every chance I could get.

Her lips were closed tight in an effort to keep her thoughts to herself, I assume. Yet again as our 'conversation' lulled, I felt her fear and anxiety amp up unexpectedly but this time, I picked out what I over looked the last; exhaustion._ I am a fucking idiot_. She wasn't afraid of me, the blood sucking vampire in the room, oh no; she was afraid to close her eyes. Afraid of what awaited her in sleep.

I noticed the flush of her cheeks, and I could feel her physical discomfort though she didn't complain. There was still a lot of ground we needed to cover about the past but it could wait. It would have to. She needed rest, whether she wanted it or not.

"Bella, you afraid of me?" I needed to get her to focus on me. Not what was comin'.

"Why even ask? Aren't you the empath?"

I chuckled at her evasion, "I feel emotions but not the reasoning behind them. I'm not a-"I stopped before I could make an ass of myself again.

"A mind reader. You don't have to handle me with kiddie gloves, you know. I'm not going to fall apart again over that boy." I refrained from mentioning the fact that she couldn't even say his name; any of their names. I had a feelin' though that she had bigger issues, so I let that slide and got back to my original question.

"You didn't answer my question. Are you afraid of me?"

"No. I-"She paused and I finished her stammering statement for her.

"So you have nightmares." She seemed a bit alarmed at my stating the obvious."You need sleep." She began shakin' her head but I didn't stop long enough for her to protest." Your body needs time to recuperate, and I'm going to see to it that you get what you need. That's not up for debate. Now, do you want me to stay?" She was panicked but, at least, she was still with me. She hadn't retreated into herself again.

"I really don't like you right now." She gritted her chattering teeth in annoyance.

"I really don't care." It was a lie. I didn't want to care but I did, which just chaffed the fuck out of me. "How about you answer my question; do you want me to stay in here or step out while you rest?" Feeling her panic rising, my non-existent sympathy chose now to appear."I can keep the nightmares at bay, if you let me." I added. I wanted to help her but this was her choice, at least while she was awake.

"Fine." I was taken aback by her compliance. Well that was much simpler than I had imagined.

* * *

She was still resting semi-peacefully under my influence when Garrett came through the door toting a blind folded woman. "Take out?" I asked at vampire speed. He smirked and set our visitor down by the door, removing the mask. "Where'd you pick her up?"

"County General; about a hundred miles south-east." He answered in the same tone. The human got tired of us starin' at her while we had our private conversation.

"You've kidnapped me, blind folded me, and carried me; yet I don't even know your name."She said coolly lookin' Garret square in his crimson eyes. She was startled but kept her unaffected demeanor. I was prepared to help her and make her more compliant, but her emotions were calmer than I would expect for someone in this situation. Her instincts told her she was in danger, but her practiced clinical detachment seemed to over-rule her fear. It was really workin' wonders for her; I was impressed. Peter and Charlotte decided now was a good time to grace us with their presence.

"Hey Fucker, you got my blindfold? Me and the wifey have plans later." The attention seekin' ass always had to make an entrance. Ignoring the jackass, I made the necessary introductions.

"My name is Jasper, ma'am. This is my family." I pointed them out as I said their names and they all offered polite but wary smiles in greeting."That's my brother, Peter, and his wife, Charlotte, and your abductor would be Garrett." He was enjoying this way too much."I'm sorry to bring you here like this, but we didn't have any choice." I moved aside from my place in front of Bella and the doc gasped.

"What did you do to her?" I held my hands up innocently and quickly explained.

"This is not our doing, but she is sick. We didn't have another choice." She was still angry and skeptical when Garrett stepped forward; his constant smile slide from his face as he pleaded for her help and understanding.

"We saved her from an evil place full of vile men. She is a part of our family. None here would ever harm her, but there are people looking for her, people who most certainly would hurt her. Others would take her away without reservations, and because of this, she cannot go to the hospital. We cannot help her, but you; you can. Please Miss, you can ease her suffering. Help our Little One; please help us." The doc's reservations melted away at the sincerity that dripped from every word he spoke. Hell, I had to swallow the chunk of emotions blockin' my throat that he provoked in even me.

Clearing my throat, I gave her a rundown of Bella's symptoms. I hated giving her this much information but if she was going to help, these were things she needed to know." Bella was hospitalized and was on a lot of unknown medications. It's been four days since her last dose. She's exhibiting nausea, vomiting, tremors, and now a fever. Also, she had a mild seizure yesterday."

I could tell the doc was processing the information and formulating a diagnosis as she made her way toward Bella. Before she had taken more than a few steps, she was stopped by Peter's arm on her shoulder. Broken out of her thoughts, she looked at him questioningly.

"You should also know that she has been severely traumatized, and she doesn't like to be touched. Cold hands are better though and always make sure she knows you're comin'. This is important." The doc nodded solemnly before proceeding toward Bella again, seemingly reevaluating the conclusions she'd previously drawn.

Something had just passed between the two of them, an understanding of sorts. Judging by the sorrow and anger being felt around the room, everyone understood except me. Just one more thing to mull over later.

But right now, it was time for Bella to wake up and meet her new doctor.

* * *

**AN again:** Feel free to tell me my mistakes but if you don't mind, please tell me where they are, so I can correct them.

Reviews make me write faster, so click the button!


	15. It's My Party

**WARNING: It gets dark in here so if you're not legally an adult, not talking about your maturity level but actual age, please go away. Come back again in a few years. This story is rated M for violence, language, dealing with rape and futuristic lemons. You've been warned!**

**Thanks again for reading and reviewing! **

**Special thanks to my new Beta, Stitchcat, who helped make this readable for the people not inside my head.**

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns it all. I love her for letting me play in her world.**

**It's My Party**

**Chapter 15: Bella's POV (remember this!)**

Well, this had just been a shit-tastic week. Beginning with being deposited on a dusty couch older than I was, trucking right along to a semi-delusional fevered state, and continuing my ride with some wicked mood swings. Once Dr. Kevorkian showed up, it sure didn't get any better.

I just resigned myself to dying. There was no reason to keep on keepin' on. The vamps acted like it was just an attitude problem. G-Red seemed to be a big believer in the power of positive thinking.

You know that book "The little engine that could"? Well, what if he couldn't? I mean, the little guy struggled valiantly up that mountain chugging his little tin heart out but what if just half-way up, he just said "screw it" _(He couldn't say fuck because it's a children's book, and all)_ and he just rolled his depressed caboose back to the station.

Would his effort be less impressive because the results weren't what everyone wanted? Why don't they have a book called "The little engine that knew when to quit"? That's a book I could really get behind.

**Swan; paging Swan, table of one. Your pity-party is now ready. Balloons will arrive shortly.**

_Really? Balloons!_

**No. Not really.**

_Good. I didn't want any anyway. _  
_And I'm not having a pity party._

**What do you call it?**

_Having a firm grip on reality._

Maniacal laughter echoed through my head. I had to wait a surprisingly long amount of time for an understandable response.

**You**-more laughter-**Reality!** And yet more laughter….**I'm sorry it's just**- a machine gun burst of giggles-**I'm done now. But really, is it so bad here?**

_Yep._

**Way to give it some thought.**

_What can I say, I try._

**Well, try again genius; this time actually stopping to think. Is death really preferable to staying here with all the friendly neighborhood vamps…. and Doczilla?**

_Don't think you're being sneaky. Just because you tack her on quietly, doesn't mean she's not very much here._

Begrudgingly, I began to reminisce about my brief but memorable stay here at Casa Whitlock.

* * *

I felt like shit.  
Shit.  
Shit.  
More shit.

I couldn't stop trembling. My stomach had been set on the spin cycle and my head was pounding a different tune than my pulse.

One moment, I was so cold I thought my nipples were going to fall off; the next, it felt as though lava flowed in my veins replacing my poisoned blood.

I was floating in and out of consciousness, only to be shocked awake by a zap of current running a course through my skull.

_This sucks big, hairy balls._

_I've always hated being sick._

**Could you whine more? It's not like anyone particularly enjoys it.**

But I _really_ hate being sick. Way more than your average bear.  
I hated the attention. I hated to be dependent on someone else for my care.  
For someone else to have to make my needs a priority and disrupt their busy lives to come to my aide made me feel guilty, I hated it.  
And I really hated the disappointment I felt when no one did.

**You are a walking contradiction-**

_Yep but it is truth._

Raised voices caught my attention; I pried my lids open to see Jasper ranting with a pronounced southern drawl I'd never noticed before. Across from him was an unbothered G-Red and a very angry Peter.

"Listen here, Ass-clown." And I'm filing that away for future use. "Reading a book doesn't make me a doctor anymore than standing in a garage makes you a fuckin' Volvo. Plus, what little help I could offer would just be in general information since I doubt either of you two idiots who broke out a _medicated_ patient from a _hospital_ had the foresight to grab her fucking chart!"

_Oh Hell no! I know he didn't-_

**Yeah. He did. Now it looks like Red's seeing red. **

_...And a better sense of humor._

**What are you talking about?**

_I'm just adding to my dream sheet for your replacement… but back to these drama-mammas._

I can't believe those words just came out of his mouth. How dare he judge Red for saving me! I wouldn't have needed saving anyway if it wasn't for Mr. Snappy McBiterson over there.

If Jasper never would have attacked me, the boy wouldn't have realized I didn't belong. I could have had more time with _him_; with them all.

Maybe…well, maybe a lot of things would have been different but one thing's for sure right now; I can't let them fight over me. They are brothers and after all, I'm just a pathetic human.

_Bros before hoes is an ancient, time-honored tradition. I think Jesus initiated it back in the day. _

**The Disciples?**

_Yep._

**Don't know why I bother to ask.**

_Me either._

Now, if circumstances were different, I'd reconsider.  
You know; me not sick and them wearing less clothing.  
Add a vat of lime jello and I think we could have something special.

**Focus.**

_Oh right…_

"Let's go Fuc-" Oh hell no. He's not going to challenge my…_my what?_

**Friend?**

_I don't think we're to the matching bracelets and braiding hair stage yet…_

**Savior?**

I snort. _That's a little dramatic don't ya think. A helluva pedestal to fall from too. Nah, I think Garrett and him just prolonged my inevitable destruction. _

**Nice to see you're staying positive. If you're going to step into a fight you have no place in, now is the time.**

"No Red. Don't. He's just pissed because this is all his fault." I probably should have put more thought in to what to say before I opened my mouth and let that spew forth.

As every vamp in the room turned to stare at me in shock, my guilt increased. Everything I touch turns to ash. Only the ones that run away live.

Damn him! Why'd he have to come back? They had abandoned me because of _him_.

All because of Jasper.

**You know it's not his fault. The boy is responsible if anyone.**

_Well. The boy is not here; Jasper is so he'll have to do._

**That's not really fair, you know.**

_Whose head are you living in? None of my fucking life is fair._

**Touché.**

All of_ them_ were the smart ones. The boy was right. I was nothing but a distraction. Before they left that would have been enough for me. I would be their distraction; their toy. Anything they wanted. I would take any role in their lives they were willing to give. How pathetic can a girl get for tit's sake? Now, I would happily tell them to fuck-off. The dogs too.

I was nothing to them.

They welcomed me into their perfect home and into their perfect family and into their super world with smiles on their lying faces and promises of a perfect future dripping from their deceitful tongues. Only to jump town the first chance they got. Cowards couldn't even face me. The lowly human.

**Bitter much?**

_If that's their version of family, they can keep it. I know I'm no expert on family matters. Actually, pretty sure I could be the poster child for the All-American dysfunctional family-_

**Better that than the milk carton kid.**

_Luckily, I now possess a working bullshit-o-meter. Red lights flash, sirens whirl; the whole enchilada. _

_So if someone takes you in and calls you daughter, friend, or love and then they leave you weeping and shattered in the middle of the mythical beast's playground of the northwest; I call bullshit._

***clears throat to quote greatness* "This is a ruthless world and one must be ruthless to cope." The great Charlie Chaplin.**

_You know I have always had a hard time telling Charlie Chaplin and Hitler apart._

**It's the mustache. A lot of people make that mistake.**

_Really?_

**No.**

_I don't feel good and you're being so mean._  
_I'm not talking to you anymore._

**That's fine. The whining of your 'voice' is grating on my nerves. Like cheddar.**

I kept my mind busy and alert as long as I could but there really wasn't a lot that could take my thoughts away from my upset, rolling stomach and my aching skin.

The vampires of the house were conducting another 'super peeps only' meeting right in front of my place on this ugly-ass couch. If I lived through this and they didn't eat me, we would be discussing that.

However as annoying as that was, it didn't provide sufficient distraction. Everything on me hurt and just as I was about to yell at someone for something, time seemed to slow down.

My heart began to speed up.  
My chest felt like it was in the grasp of a giant.  
So much pressure, I felt my back arch toward the sky as the giant squeezed again.

My breath hitched.  
I didn't like the idea of being in even an invisible person's clutches. He was shaking me.  
My body jerking to and fro violently.

_No touching me!_

My eyes rolled back in my skull till blackness took over my sight.  
It was so hot in here.  
I couldn't ….breathe.

I couldn't breathe...

Smaller, cool hands gripped my shoulders and my fear consumed me.  
My body cried in pain, my soul in fear as still images played of the horror I'd survived.  
Survived but not overcome.

A cheek pressed by the neck down to the greasy, blood stained concrete.

Small pale arms extended and pinned by a giant, dark palm.

A knee as thick as a birch branch pressed between shoulder blades.

A streak of moonlight almost touching a petite nose before the world stills to the sound of a zipper being lowered.

Metallic tooth by metallic tooth.

**Isabella, calm down.**

_I can't live through that. _

Trembling, filthy jean clad knees spread by a thick, solid thigh.

_I just can't._

Screaming echoes through my mind.  
And I'm unsure if it's from then or from now but it doesn't matter.  
Neither does any good.  
No one hears.  
No one ever hears.

_I won't._

_I won't remember anymore. No one can make me. Make it stop. I can't…. I just can't remember. I-_

**Hey! You ever wonder how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?**

_Huh? Random much._

**Just answer the question.**

_I guess I have to say nope. But I am now….Did the bird ever get past three?_

**Feeling better?**

_Now that you mention it, I feel like shit. _

Typically, I'd curl up with a book I'd already read a thousand times over, a bottle of Nyquil to serve as my nourishment and my medication, and burrow into a fortress of quilts until I had enough energy to dig myself out.

I do remember this one time, I was six. I'd fallen out of a tree and shattered my ulna. Pierced right through my skin. I'm not even sure why I was in the tree. But I had a minor surgery before they set my arm into my neon purple cast. I remember having a bad reaction to the anesthetic they had used, retching for hours after I'd awoke, but it was one of my fondest memories growing up.

I was miserable but Renee had sat beside me all night long, running her fingers gently through my ratty hair and singing lowly; songs that made no sense but were lovely just because she was crooning them to me. It was one of the few times our lives weren't about her: her needs and her goals.

And I felt….I felt loved.

**Kinda like now?**

_Ohhhh. Yeah. I feel at peace with the world. I wonder where I could find some woodland creatures to commune with. Maybe they'd make me something pretty to wear out of fig leaves and berries while I frolic with the wood nymphs. _

**No frolicking now…..too tired.**

_No! Can't. Go. To. Sleep._

**Come on….Won't you feel better after a little siesta? **

_Yes. Sooooooo sleepy. _

_Wait! _

_No!_

_I can't go to sleep! _

**What are you going to do to stop it?**

That damn Emo with his happy-sappy juju was trying to knock my ass out. I responded with the only thing I could think of. Like children from the beginning of time who didn't get their fucking BubbleYum in the checkout line; I screamed.

I could feel myself floating in and out of consciousness as the room full of vamps talked at super speed among themselves. Wrapped around me was a sea of fluffy goodness, hard to stay awake with all of the downy soft feelings I was floating in.

It was hard to remember why I shouldn't just float along. This was a thousand times better than my quilt haven.

Then my river ran through with red and I gasped out in surprise before I was plunged inside the depths of my comfort; the strong current of peace pulled me under.

* * *

The boy, the bronze-haired Adonis, is standing proud like the god I've made him, surrounded by the familiar green and brown blurs.  
His beautiful lips shape that crooked smile that melts my senses.  
Igniting unknown passions deep within.

But this time it's wrong.  
All wrong.  
Not a smile, a cruel sneer.  
Sinister.

Cold and unforgiving.

I fall to the forest floor as the boy turns and walks away.  
Ignoring my pleas.  
Ignoring my tears.

He walks away and I curl in on myself.  
Wishing I could keep going until the hole in my chest consumes my body as it has my soul.  
Like it has my spirit; only engulfing and encompassing grief remains.

Darkness falls on my prone form but I take no notice.

Why should I?

The world can move around me.  
My world, my heart are frozen.  
My eyes stare not seeing.  
Until one ray breaks through the overhead canopy.  
Illuminating the man next to me.

I'm not alone after all.

The small flicker of hope fades quickly as I see who is lying beside me.  
Mirroring my position, clothed only in the black of his bruises and the crimson of his wounds.  
Dead eyes frozen forever in their state of shock bore into mine. Rightly accusing me of murder and betrayal.

This is not how it happened.  
My eyes slam shut; trying to will away the burden of my Alpha's death.  
_Sam  
_My brother's useless sacrifice.

I am not worth it.

Never was.

I no longer smell the musky, humid scents of the forest floor.  
The ground beneath me is too solid, too ungiving.  
No longer a giving bed of mud and leaves.

My mourning grief makes way for the imposing terror taking over.  
Once again, I try to melt into myself.  
If I could just close in and never come out.

I don't want to smell what I know I'll smell.  
I don't want to see what I know I'll see.  
To feel what I know will be felt.  
My pain before was nothing.

I was a child losing her first and only love.  
And yes it hurt.

But _this, this_ pain cannot be compared to that.  
This destruction is of another realm.  
One I never thought I'd inhabit.  
I can't live through this again.

I don't want to.

I hear screaming, I know what comes next.  
No noise will prevent it.  
No fight in me is strong enough.  
No fight in me is left.

A cool breeze scented with sandalwood and rich tobacco drifts across my face. Instead of the suffocating heated touch that scorches my skin, my face is nestled in a cooling calm. Reminiscent of flipping my pillow on a warm summer night in Phoenix and finding relief in the refreshing chill of the unused side.

**This is new…**

_I can't go back there. I….can't. Please help me stay awake._

**Calm down. It will be alright.**

"Shhh. It'll be okay, Darlin'."

_How? How does anyone make this okay? For Christ's sake, tell me how…..tell me HOW! _

"I'll keep the bad away." His quiet drawl was comforting all on its own. And I wanted to believe him. I'm just so tired…..so very tired.

_Why should I believe him? He's given me no reason to trust him._

**He's given you no reason not to. Sleep is coming and if Jasper can help, I say we give him a shot.**

_I'm scared._ I whimpered feeling very small and sounding the same.

**I know. Shh…. **One voice shushing melded into the next seamlessly.

" Shhh. I'm here. You're safe." Tentatively nuzzling into his emo-spun haven of rest, I let myself drift under his cooling comfort once more.

I faded in and out for only God knows how long. Every time I'd begin to dig myself out of my stupor, I'd emerge in the forest and it would go to hell quickly from there. Then I would feel a surge of southern comfort and I'd dive back into my haven.

Nothing seemed real. Even when I awoke with bile dripping from my chin, my mind couldn't focus. Couldn't process. The pain of my body shifted and I was confused. My skin was smoldering fire and his touch, dry ice; oddly soothing in my disoriented state. Which wasn't soothing in the least.

"It's time to wake up Bella." I hefted up heavy lids just enough to take a peek at the ass that disturbed my slumber. When I saw him, it was sure he was a dream.

He was beautiful. Men aren't supposed to be beautiful, I know, but there he stood. A halo of wild curly hair surrounding his face and he appeared to glow. Crazy; I know. None the less, light surrounded him and he simply was beautiful.

"Bella?" I covered my face and tried to forget the image burning into my brain.

_It's not real. Just a dream_.

**Isabella**. **Don't you remember Red and G-Red? Not a dream**_._

_They're_ _not here. He is and he can't be because they left._

It was not real. Maybe Jasper was a delusion. There was that one with the sheep last time the meds mix-up occurred. Nothing could prove stranger than that. All of _them_ left to play with their new distractions and my plain ass was tossed aside.

They traded up, proving I've outlived my usefulness. Course, there was the part where he got the wicked munchies and went all kinds of nom-nom at the sight of my blood. I wonder if I dropped a perfectly cooked steak, fresh off the grill, in the middle of a group of Vegans if it would have them same effect.

Maybe a better comparison study would be Girl Scout Cookies at a Weight Watchers meeting. I'm sure they could resist the temptation for a while, but sooner or later, those thin mints would be stashed in someone's overweight folds-

I lost my trail of thought as the pretty one spoke.

"Bella? Darlin', I'm gonna prove to you that I am here and I am as real as it gets." After staring wearily at his out stretched hand, I braced myself for contact and manned up.

He seemed more upset by my touch than I was his. I wasn't sure why though. I'm fairly sure I'm the only one here having trouble differentiating between sheep delusions and sharp toothed vamps.

**Anyone could make that mistake. Oh look. He's back.**

_When did he leave?_

"I'm gonna carry you to the bath now. You have a fever. Until Garrett gets back with the town doc, this is the only way we have to bring it down some."

_Negative, Ghost Rider. _

My head was shaking of its own accord but the rest of me agreed.

**Abort. Unless you want more stomach acid doubling as drool.**

The rest of me except my stomach; that is.

_Okay, Plan B. I could use a bath after all. I'm starting to offend myself._

**Yes, you are.**

_You pick now to agree with me?_

**What can I say; when you're right, you're right.**

As he took a step forward, I stuttered, "I-I'll w-w-walk." He backed away slightly so I could stand and I was surprised he let me do this.

Why I'm surprised; I'm not sure. My shaky legs lasted less than a minute before they collapsed and I closed my eyes, prepared to become acquainted with the floor.

Only instead of the intro of ass-to-floor, I was in a tub of cold water. My hands automatically clutched my chest and I was relieved to feel my shirt in my grasp.

Without any explanation, he turned and left. Shouting from the next room, "Holler if you need me."

* * *

My head was spinning, body trembling and aching. The only respite to be found would be found in sleep which held its own version of sickness that left me trembling body and soul. But Jasper kept his word.

He stayed by my side and when I submitted to his influence, I floated along dreamlessly; granting true rest to my weary self. That would have earned him some brownie points if the next time I woke up, there wasn't a_ doctor_ waiting to poke and prod me.

She stood about a head taller than Mrs. Vampire holding up that wall, who I assumed was Charlotte, and, even in this room surrounded by vampires who could suck her dry in a blink of her crystal blue eyes, the doctor emitted this cool confidence.

_I don't like her. _

**Give her a chance. Maybe she can help.  
I'm really tired of feeling cracked out.**

Still wearing her pristine lab coat, the woman moved forward. "Hello, Isabella. I'm Dr. Seamen, but you can call me Linda."

_You've got to be shitting me!_

**Isabella, don't you dare-**

"Come again?" I asked as innocently as I could manage. Since my throat was dry and my raspy voice trembled like the rest of my body, I might have pulled it off.

I struggled to not laugh at my juvenile joke but the vamp guys who had just been observing busted up in loud, hooting laughter.

Charlotte even offered up a raised eyebrow and small chuckle before covering her mouth with her hand. Dr. Jizz, on the other hand, didn't seem amused.

From there on out, we had a rocky relationship. Even if she had shit rainbows and bought me a pretty, pretty pony, she already had three strikes against her. According to our national pastime, she was out.

She was a doctor. **Strike One!**

Then there was the name for which the jokes were endless but she had no sense of humor about it. **Strike Two!**

And last, but certainly not least, she was always touching me. **Strike Three! You are out of there!**

* * *

Every move I made was scrutinized which was saying a lot because for the first few days, there wasn't much happening in that department.

I have to admit I did get a perverse pleasure out of her telling off the supernatural beings for not 'feeding and watering' me regularly. Watching their faces was almost worth all of this shit.

G-Red shuffled his feet and offered a small smile like a boy caught dipping his hand in the cookie jar and an apologetic shrug. What was he going to say, "I am not accustomed to caring for a human. Just eating them." Yeah.

**He should definitely stick with the shoulder shrug.**

Jasper just cocked an eyebrow and offered a half assed excuse about ruined shoes and waiting for a professional laying on that damned accent thicker than molasses. I'm pretty sure he was cheating too because she swayed a little and lost her train of thought through her giggling.

This pissed me off to no end. Though I probably would have left it alone if I hadn't looked at Red.

His shoulders slumped in his guilt and his normal cocky, carefree mask had slipped in his worried state.

_Huh. He might actually care. _

**You think.**

And on that happy note, I flipped my shit.

"Who the hell do you think you are, Dr. Spooge? Don't pretend like you know anything about these people. And while we're on that subject, don't talk about me like I'm not fucking sitting right here. My brand of crazy doesn't affect the hearing or the motor skills.

"And if I have the munchies, I'll drag myself to the fridge. If I can't, I have a mouth, as you can hear; I know how to use it. This may surprise you but I wipe my own ass too."

I took a moment to glance around to see the reception to my 'outburst'. The doc seemed mildly surprised but beyond that I wasn't sure. Nor did I care.

Jasper was smirking with that damned eyebrow quirked, Garrett kept his 'I'm a bad, bad boy' pose, but Peter had straightened up with his nonchalant mask firmly back in place and there was a twinkle in his crimson eyes.

Charlotte had made a run to the store which is probably why_ Linda_ chose now to rake the men folk over the coals. I hadn't been formally introduced to Charlotte yet but I had a feeling she was a good woman with a healthy streak of bitch. She'd have to be to keep this group in line.

**I hope she's not fetching snacks for the vamps. **

_Cue icky shiver.  
But I guess they do have to eat someone…_

**Hey. I judge not. But that doesn't mean I want to get to know breakfast.**

I may not be sure what Red or any of them, for that matter, are to me but I do know that they're all I've got. And I haven't exactly made caring for me easy. They deserve better.

So I'll be damned if this cum doctor was going to tear them down in my presence. I stood to make my grand exit and had to sit back down for a second. It was that or lights out again.

But after a deep breath and a mysterious sudden boost of energy, I took a second pass at that fucker and nailed it, slammed door and all.

_And the crowd goes wild._

**It was a solid performance. I give it a seven.**

All thoughts exited my brain as I took my first glimpse of the great outdoors in days. As I filled my lungs with the crisp, mountain air, my burst of strength gave way and I sagged to the wooden boards of what appeared to be a wraparound porch; content just to take in my surroundings. It was simply breathtaking here. Peaceful.

The cabin sat in a large clearing filled with tall grass and wildflowers right across from a sparkling lake. Trees closed in the clearing but rising up directly behind them was a mountain reaching straight toward the sky, its peak hidden in the thick stratus clouds above. I sighed at the majestic sight before me.

It wasn't long before Red and G-Red made their way to out. Guess they needed fresh air as well. Garrett sat on the railing swinging his legs back and forth, whistling 'Yankee Doodle' quietly.

"594," Red blurted out like that should mean something.

"Minutes left on your cell phone plan? Eighth grade locker combination? Mine was 666. I liked the expression on the rent-a-cops faces on locker search days."

"No, my little honey dew, it's the answer to your question from earlier." A smile began to creep on my face because I thought I knew where he was going here, but he couldn't know that, right?

"'How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?' The world may not know but I sure as hell do; 594. Even precise strokes with the same amount of pressure and moisture applied with each flicker of my tongue. You try watchin' that little snot-nosed fucker askin' that same damned question for a couple of decades; 1,863 times to be exact. Someone had to find out."

I was speechless.

Mentally and physically without words.

What do you say to that?

With his chuckles dying down, G-Red gained his ability to speak first. "Of all the things to do with your eternity, you waste time solving children's riddles? Only you, my friend."

"Waste of time, my ass. Hell, it was scientific exploration. What can I say, some years pass more quickly than others."

"Charlotte had cut you off, huh?" The only response I got was a deep sigh and a defeated shrug of his shoulders.

I didn't know how to describe the peaceful moment we settled into. Garrett still whistling lowly, Peter and me sitting side by side though he left a good buffer zone between us. This feeling felt familiar but not.

I struggled in vain to crack this conundrum until I had my Eureka moment. Slowly I let this realization seep through my body.

_It almost feels like…._

**Home.**

It feels like home.

**

* * *

****AN Again: This chapter is a two-parter, so next one will pick up right around here. And we all know I write faster with reviews, so what are you waiting for? Hit the button!**


	16. And I'll Cry If I Want To

**WARNING: It gets dark in here so if you're not legally an adult, not talking about your maturity level but actual age, please go away. Come back again in a few years. This story is rated M for violence, language, dealing with rape and futuristic lemons. You've been warned!**

**Thanks to my beta, Stitchcat, for making sure this is readable, and thanks to her super speed, ya'll are getting this early! Whoop!**

**And to LuckyInKentucky for reassurance that I need every few chaps or so ;-)**

**FYI: This chapter is the second half of Chap15 - It's my party. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Previously in B's world**

I didn't know how to describe the peaceful moment we settled into. Garrett still whistling lowly, Peter and me sitting side-by-side though he left a good buffer zone between us. This feeling felt familiar but not.

I struggled in vain to crack this conundrum until I had my Eureka moment. Slowly I let this realization seep through my body.

_It almost feels like…._

**Home.**

It feels like home.

**Chapter 16: And I'll Cry If I Want To**

**Bella's POV**

It feels like home…

_Oh Hell no! I don't want a home. I don't need a home._

**Hate to disagree but ya do. **

_I do NOT want a home._

**But you need one, oh-homeless-one. And they seem want you here.**

_Well, someone needs to explain to them that an asylum is not the vampire equivalent to an animal shelter. They can't just take home the first one who doesn't piss on their shoes._

**You did puke on Jasper's... **

_Not the point._

**They didn't go after you with a rolled up paper, so I think we're good on that front.**

_The __**point**__ is I don't need them._

_I don't need anyone._

**Island unto yourself and shit. How's that been going for you?**

"You seem to be feeling better, Little One. We got lucky with our choice of physician. Linda is a fine female, is she not?" I quirked an eyebrow and considered my options for response.

_I could go with a) sarcasm and an inappropriate dig on the doc b) ignore him completely or c) answer him honestly thus encouraging this conversation. Hmmmm. What to choose?_

**You know damn well option c will be heavily lined with sarcastic remarks anyway, and it'll be no small miracle if you manage to last a whole conversation without insulting the doctor. So I think B.**

_Option C it is then. _

**SIGH…**

_And shame on you. You know I prefer to make fun of people to their face._

"If you must know, G-Red, I feel like shit. I look like shit which really doesn't matter, but it sinks me in that steaming pile a little more. Since you asked, she may be a 'fine female' but I don't like her. And luck? Luck lost my address a couple years back."

Garrett continued swinging his legs, sighing wistfully, "Little One, you need to look at the good. You should view the cup as half full."

_Option c sucks big, hairy ball sac._

**I told you so. **

_Nice. I'm busy at the moment but we'll get back to this._

"But I don't play sports." I deadpanned. He looked confused so I kept going. " Even if I did, I doubt I could fill up half a cup. What kind-of girl do you think I am?"

**The hermaphrodite kind**-**of girl obviously.**

The happy-happy-joy-joy vamp just continued his whistling.

"Cookie, it's time for your daily check-up." Red said smirking. The ass-clown _(Oh, I do like that)_ knew how much I hated this. Check-ups definitely involved popping my personal bubble.

_I'm sure everyone knows how much I hate this._

**It's a necessary evil.**

_You called that fine woman evil! I'm shocked._

**NO! **

_Yes you did. I heard you._

**No, I - you know what? I'm not in the mood. I'll get back to you when you reach at least high school level maturity.**

It didn't increase my warm fuzzies toward the doc either but it wasn't as bad as skin contact normally felt. I still automatically tensed but the panic that normally preceded initial contact was almost non-existent as she administered her clinical physicals.

Her small hands were always freezing cold to the touch and I wondered if it was just a doc thing. Or maybe she just had the circulation of a corpse. Either way, I think it helped stave off the freak out.

_But I still don't like her. _

"How did you get mixed up with this group again?" I barely resist the urge to roll my eyes at her lame attempt at gaining information through chit-chat while she checked my vitals. Like I'm just going to spill a big secret then cover my mouth in embarrassment at my slip-up.

_Oops. *_valley girl giggle*

_Crazy doesn't equal stupid._

**Yeah…**

She continued her fishing quietly, unfazed by my lack of response. "I know they're different." This time I couldn't contain my reaction, a loud (and may I say, very lady-like) snort escaped.

_Yeah different._

**She's an observant one, huh?**

And I snorted again. I had to hand it to the doc; she was excellent at hiding her annoyance at my habitual non-compliance. She wore that damn mask.

**She'd make a good vamp. She could even skip a few lessons.**

_There's no reason for her to be changed._

**You think they can just let her go?**

_She doesn't know what they are._

**She knows enough; too much.**

_I was left behind much more in the know._

**When will you understand that you were an exception to the rule?**

_I can't be responsible for her death-_

**I highly doubt you'll be the one to sink your teeth in her-**

_STOP! I just can't… _

_No more blood on my hands._

"Isabella! Isabella, are you all right?" Until now, I hadn't noticed the tears streaming from my eyes.

"Why do you try to talk to me? I don't like you and I'm sure as hell not jockeying to fill your vacant BFF slot, so why do you act like you care? Why are you here?"

Dr. L looked slightly taken back.

**It**_** is **_**the first time you've spoken to her without taking a shot at her name.**

_True._

She pulled it together quickly. I, on the other hand, was still crying. Not even sure why. That didn't prevent the tears falling.

**Knowledge is not a requirement for mood swings.**

"Concerning my presence here, that really wasn't discussed. Garrett asked me if I was indeed a physician, I said yes. He apologized in a very gentleman like manner then proceeded to blind fold me, kidnap me, and here I am. As for why I care, I take my Hippocratic Oath seriously."

'**And may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.' **

_I doubt she honors her archaic pledge THAT much. _

"It seems more personal than that, but then again, I'm insane."

"I don't think you are insane."

**For a smart woman, she's displaying some stupid here.**

"You've just been through something traumatic; everyone copes in their own way. In fact, you remind me of someone I loved very much. My older sister."

"You said 'loved' as in once did but not anymore."

"Yes, she passed away. Actually, she killed herself after an attack fourteen years ago. I didn't see the signs. Maybe I didn't want to see the signs. Whatever the reason, I wasn't there for her and now she's not here for anyone else."

My curiosity died along with my tears as she talked. My spidey-senses told me that I didn't want to know any more about the doc's past.

**At least warn her.**

_Sure… I'll give her a choker of garlic, a flask of holy water, and tell her to make a run for it._

**Warn her! Say something. Don't you wish someone had warned you?**

_I wouldn't have listened. A dangerous mix of naivety and ignorance. I'm sure it's my God-given constitutional right… _

**The right to be stupid? I think not…**

_Are you sure?_

**Yes. And no more one-on-one time with G-Red. Now on with the warning-**

_Ok. Ok. Flashing yellow light ahead…._

"You should stop asking questions. Answers around here are dangerous."

_Direct enough for you?_

**Roger that.**

She considered my thinly veiled threat for a whole second, finishing her exam before responding seriously, "I'm not afraid of haunted houses or ghouls or vampires. I don't believe in fearing make-believe monsters. I fear what real human beings do to other real human beings. Those are the monsters that I fear."

It took me a moment to clear the lump that formed without permission in my throat. "You just might want to reconsider that oh-so-noble philosophy." I walked out of the mini-clinic bedroom in search of food, satisfied with my good deed for the year.

And right behind me stalked in the most recent bane of my existence, looking like pure sin. I think it makes people feel better to put a red faced devil complete with horns and a nifty pitchfork on the face of naughty, but not me.

Sin is decadent.  
Triple layer devil's food cake.  
Or Jasper's ass in those jeans.  
Sin.

But then he opens his mouth, and though his twang inspires the ghost of a flutter in my long broken nethers, his words still it, overridden by annoyance, before I can convince myself it's anything but the burritos I had for dinner.

"Hungry Bella?" He asked leaning against the counter across from me, eye-balling my newly assembled sandwich that I was fixing to slice horizontally, because that's how I roll** (Because that's how your mom did it.)** with disgust and a wrinkled nose.

"Yeah. You?" He smirked, unbothered by my snark, and fixed me with his dark eyes.

Our first conversation since we reunited; hell, our first unsupervised conversation ever had been fucked up.

**Like a football bat.**

* * *

I had curled up on the couch trying not to think about the future or the past. And the present wasn't looking much better. Standing propped up against the sink in the bathroom in my sopping wet clothes, I examined my options and made the only choice I could live with; I chose death. Somehow by the end of the week, I would finally feel that sweet relief that death was rumored to posses.

I felt like shit. Sleep was a living hell. Everything hurt. I had nothing to live for anymore. Death looked sweeter with every clank of my teeth and shudder of my limbs.

_Death it is then. _

**I am so not liking this idea.**

_I have nowhere to go. I have nothing to return to. Charlie and everyone else for that matter are safer with me out of the way. Better off._

**You hear that? Sounds like crickets gearing up to play you a sad, sad song to go along with your sad, sad story.**

_I feel like I'm dying anyway. Why not make it official? _

**I hereby dub thee the drama queen of the cabin realm!**

_And I just can't go back to sleep. Fevered dreams or accurate play-by-plays; either way, I know I can't keep reliving this._

…**..**

_Once was enough._

…**.**

_Once was too many._

I had forgotten Emosper was in the room with me as I continued pondering my exit strategy and began to dread the coming sleep, "I guess your self-preservation is there after all, it's just a little delayed. Bella, I just need to say that I'm so-"

_Oh hell noes. I don't want his pity or his little 'Sorry' . It's not going to change a damn thing._

**This is your fault. You made the **_**wittle**_** bite-me vamp feel guilty.**

_It's okay. I got this._

"If the next word out of your mouth is 'sorry', I swear to Bob or to whoever the fuck is hovering in the clouds orchestrating this freak show that is my reality, I will don some steel-toed boots and unleash all of my puny human strength directly to your iron sac; praying to afore-mentioned deity that you feel even a tenth of the force. And, for the record; it's Isabella, Little One, Pumpkin, or any fucking food you can think of but not Bella. Never Bella. Bella's dead. Been dead for a while, umkay?"

**You do realize you just gave him permission to call you food, right?**

_I also threatened his man parts, your point?_

**I see you're in a 'mood', so I'll come back later Pork chop.**"

"You know what. I'm not sorry. I'm a fuckin' vampire and you're a happy meal. I know you've had it hard-"

_OH HELL NO. He did NOT just say I've had it hard. HARD!_

**That's an affirmative. He also said you're a child-sized fatty meal that comes boxed with cheap ass toys.**

_He couldn't even begin to understand._

**OH! Remember to use your inside voice.**

"You don't know shit." I responded on autopilot. But it was truth.

"You're right." I shake my head trying to clear the images cropping up behind my lids. "And I won't until you tell me."

_Can't remember-_

**You know you're safe.**

_Never safe… _

_Don't ask me to do this... _

_I can't_-

**Shhhhh**

Suddenly I was being shushed in surround sound. What the fuck?

"You don't have to tell me anything."

**Damn right I don't.**

_I just can't-_

"You're safe, Darlin'."

_Never safe_

"You're safe. Shhh."

_No, I'm not. I won't sleep-_

**Calm down. Find your happy place, Isabella.**

"Stop fightin' me. You need rest."

"No! Please don't make me sleep! I can't keep doing this. Please Jasper." Later, I'd hate my pitiful frailty; my blatantly exposed weakness. But for now, I just wanted to not live the nightmare again.

Not again.

"Bella," Didn't I just tell him not to call me that?

_Monkey sucking wanktard-_

**Maybe that accent automatically lowers the IQ.**

"I could stay with you if you'd like or…. I could get you a night light. Who do you prefer; Winnie the Pooh or Tinker Bell?"

**Where's my fucking Zippo?**

_Or those ever helpful villagers with anger management issues toting pitchforks and torches._

**Fine, he wants to play. **

"Speaking of Tinker Bell, Jazzy," doing my best impersonation of his shorter half. I could only hack it for a second before the throbbing in my head increased exponentially, making it not worth it. "You remind me of a guy, you know without the balls."

**Burn.**

_Not done yet..._

"I'm assuming they're still in your wife's purse along with all the other 'family jewels'."

**Ohhhhhhh. Sick burn.**

_Now I'm done._

**Remember to keep your mouth closed.**

A sing-song voice rang out in my head. **Loose lips sink ships.**

_Aye mate…..I'm just so tired. _

**Even I feel like road kill.**

_Too bad damn it. I can't go to sleep._

"Bella, you afraid of me?"

**Did I miss something? **

_Nope._

**Where the hell did that come from?**

_Don't know…but I don't think I want to answer._

"Why even ask? Aren't you the empath?"

"I feel emotions but not the reasoning behind them. I'm not a-" and he stops short.

_Afraid of breaking the broken girl._

**How sweet.**

_How pathetic. I don't need to be babied. I'm an island on my own. I'm fucking Cuba, bitches. I have bitchin' cigars. I don't need anyone. _

**Ambitious, aren't we?**

_You-_

**Should not finish that thought…but feel free to finish his.**

"A mind reader. You don't have to handle me with kiddie gloves, you know. I'm not going to fall apart again over that boy."

"You didn't answer my question. Are you afraid of me?"

"No. I-" 'm not afraid of you.

_The most Jasper would do is drain me. There are worse things._

**There are.**

"So you have nightmares." He states like he's talking about the weather.

_What the fuck._

"You need sleep." My head once again disagreed immediately but due to the desire not to puke and/or pass out, I paused that shit. "Your body needs time to recuperate, and I'm going to see to it that you get what you need. That's not up for debate. Now, do you want me to stay?"

_I don't know… I don't want to sleep._

**That's not up to you. It's going to happen whether he's here or not. The question was do you want him to stay?**

_I just don't know._

**I think he actually wants an answer.**

"I really don't like you right now." And yes, I meant both of them.

"I really don't care."

**Me either.**

_Good._

**Liar.**

"How about you answer my question; do you want me to stay in here or step out while you rest?"

My heart began to pick up its beat, breathing getting more shallow at the reminder of the inevitable."I can keep the nightmares at bay, if you let me."

He was leaving it up to me and I was shocked, yet again, by the gift of a choice. I had already made the choice to die but since that wasn't happening yet; why not give him a shot?

_It's not like I can just stay awake forever. _

**He could have over-powered you at any moment he pleased, yet he's been nothing but helpful. An ass, of course; but so far, harmless. **

_I don't want to sleep._

**He said he'd keep the nightmare away.**

"Fine."

* * *

And he did as he said he would, which earned him about two point five seconds of gratitude before I made eye contact with Dr. Shooter in her freshly pressed lab coat.

Jasper had kept my Krueger-esk dreams away. But what happens when he goes back to _them_? Or this set of lovely vamps chase after the next shiny freak show to catch their attention?

My hand curled itself into a fist around the knife still embedded in my turkey and avocado sandwich. I'd rather die by my hand or by their teeth than live in fear of a past I can't change nor bear.

**I wonder how they knew you liked avocado…**

_Not important. If_ _I can just get my hand under the knife. All it should take is one little nick._

**It's not like everyone likes avocado slices on their sandwiches, freak.**

I slowly slide my left hand along the counter toward the tip of the blade. I was still staring into Jasper's eyes, so I noticed the darkening and the now narrowing.

**ABORT.**

_I need this-_

Looking down, sliding my hand faster, ever closer to my release, I saw a white blur before coming in contact with….with the wooden handle of my now bladeless knife.

**What the f-**

I really didn't want to look up into the eyes that were boring into the top of my bowed head. The low rumble resonating from across from me, the brush of red hot anger that sparkled against my skin - both signs that this plan wasn't going, well, according to the plan.

**The lack of deadness didn't tip you off.**

"What the hell were you thinkin'?" His voice was barely distinguishable, but none the less frightening. I doubted he actually wanted an answer.

"Well?"

_So not a rhetorical question then._

**Apparently not.**

"If you have enough moxie to try to execute yourself by vampire, then you can buck the fuck up and answer my fucking questions." His voice was quiet, his tone harsh.

"Why? Have you answered any of mine?" I was mad. Not mad like crazy; the other kind.

**I really think both are applicable here.**

I was overcome by this righteous indignation that overwhelmed my shame at my cowardliness, my hopelessness from my failure. Add that to my newly acquired stupidity and death wish, you have me raising my head to defiantly glare at the pissed-off vampire in front of me.

**Might get that wish after all.**

_He's a huffing and a puffing; I don't think the food is winning this one._

"What have you asked me that I've not answered,_ Isabella_?"

My fake balls retreated as quickly as they'd dropped as I cringed in response to his cold tone. My head bowed.

_I don't like the way he sneered my name._

**I don't think he cares, Piggy.**

"Nothing yet. But _your_ kind aren't really known for honesty." I couldn't see what his reaction was to that lame ass answer, so I babbled on.

_More time to cool down couldn't hurt, right?_

**Whatever you think. At least stall till help arrives.**

_I don't need help._

_Why the hell does he even care?_

**Better question; why do you care that he's upset? **

"I have lots of questions. I've just been preoccupied. That's all. Like why are you even here?" I finally looked up to witness his internal debate.

_Looks like when it's about him, he's not so eager to dish out the answers._

**I wouldn't get too cocky. He's not the one who just tried to off himself randomly over a weird sandwich. **

_You sound like you're taking his side._

**That would be because I am.**

_Traitor._

"Let's play, _Isabella._" He smirked as I cringed again. I really did not like it when he said my name like that. "Twenty questions. You go first."

"Fine." I can do this. "Why are you here?"

"It's my house. My turn-" The bastard smirked again, but like before, it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"That didn't answer my question!"

"Yeah, it did." He held up his hand to stop my objection. "You give me complete answers, I'll do the same. Now, were you tryin' to kill yourself?"

**Yes **

"No." The lie barely made it off my tongue when his palm came crashing down onto the granite counter top. Sinking several inches in the dust that was all that remained.

"Try again." Though his hand was still resting inside the counter top, his voice was that eerie calm. That calm that lulls stupid people into a false sense of security; therfore, they decide to collect shells on the beach since the hurricane's not here yet.

**So you're the stupid here? **

"Why ask a question you know the answer to!"

"Because I can't read your thoughts. It was only an educated guess before now."

"So you just assumed I was going to cut myself. You know what they say happens when you assume…"

**He doesn't look amused.**

_I see that, Captain Obvious. _

"No, I don't." He stated dismissively. "My turn-"

"Wait; it makes an ass out of 'u' and me."

**Still nothing….I think this time it just made an ass out of 'me'. Meaning you.**

"My next question is why? Why Bella?" His eyes softened and his voice lost some of its razor edge.

"Oh, it's a play on the word-" Again with the growling. "Fine." I took a deep breath, hiding my face once more from his eyes. The tenderness cut deeper than the fire. "I don't want to live anymore. I have nothing to live for anymore." I admitted quietly.

"That's the craziest shit I've ever heard spew from your mouth. That includes the hour you spent ponderin' if we'd still pick flowers if they could scream and holler, before you finally concluded that it depended on if they cried all night long or not.

"And let's not forget the great fuzzy-wuzzy debate of Tuesday mornin'. And I'm telling you_ this, this_ insane fucking squirrel logic, _this _is undoubtedly the most crazy ever to flow, purposefully or not, off of your tongue."

He wasn't finished but I really wanted him to be. I needed him to be. I felt like I was shrinking under his gaze.

**He's not even yelling, which you so deserve.**

_I think that makes it worse._

"How do you figure you have nothing to live for? You're young, intelligent despite your quirks," I couldn't hold in my congested snort. Until then, I don't think either of us had noticed my silent sobbing.

_Damn it! Not again! Add tear ducts on the list of shit that's broke._

**Check.**

"Isabella," he said softly.

_Okaaay….I liked it that time._

I felt a small sprinkle of fear and more than a dash of shock as one finger hovered below my chin, close enough to feel his chill but not actually touching, and as he moved his finger; my head followed on its upward course. Only to meet his confused, but still softened, eyes.

His hand moved slowly out from under my chin, ghosting along my cheek collecting the tears still flowing without touching my face. All the while, I stared into his eyes and wondered why? Why was he bothering, more would just fall? Didn't he just call me crazy? I'm confused. Why did he treat me like porcelain when I was already shattered? Didn't he get the memo-?

_I'm not worth it._

"Don't say that, Darlin', it's a damned lie. Now you're in pain; I know, I can feel it. But you've gotta start dealin' with it; whatever _it_ is, it's killin' you. Slower than your preferred method but too fast for my likin'. We are all here for you, whether you like it or not, but this is a battle you have to fight yourself, I can't do it for you.

"So you get mad, you scream and holler, you haze the doc all you want; hell, Pete's even jotted down a few more euphemisms for you. Embrace all this shit something fierce, deal with it; spank your inner-Muppet. Whatever you need to do, but don't you quit. _We _don't quit."

Guess I was having a blonde week because I just now saw how selfish I'd been the last few days. When did I start to believe the world revolved around me? I honestly had not considered that something had happened to put Jasper here. Where was the rest of his family?

And what about exposure with the Reds? They went through so much to rescue me. And to keep me with them. I don't know why. I know no-one does something for nothing, so there has to be a reason, but was I honestly so wrapped up in my own drama that I hadn't even thought about the risk of their exposure from our jailbreak?

They had kidnapped another human for me; had grocery shopped for me. Now that I think about it, there's probably much more I hadn't even considered that they did for me; my benefit. How ungrateful was I that I would put my death on their hands; my poisoned blood in their veins?

Or that a rabid pack of wolves, in addition to the red-haired skank and her chia pet army, were searching for me as I stood here? Those fuckers sprout quick and fierce. I hadn't even taken the time to make sure my vamps knew that. When did I become my only focus?

_Maybe my dream wasn't far off. _

Curled on that forest bracken, I wished the world to keep going and leave me alone.  
I remained still and the Earth kept turning around me.  
In my mind, I guess it never stopped.

I still hadn't even met Charlotte yet. I'd seen her, but between the doc and tweaking out; we hadn't been formally introduced. I really hadn't seen everyone around a whole lot.

**Besides Linda. **

_Oh. I can hardly contain the joy. Note the sarcasm._

**Noted.**

Had I always been so self-absorbed? Oblivious to the world not in my immediate gravitational field?

"I don't know what's goin' on in that pretty little head but stop it. Now."

_Stop what? Knowing I'm a total fail. _  
_Black hole of all good men. _  
_Destroyer of tribes. _  
_Of families; of lives._

"You really think a lot of yourself, don't you Isabella? To think you had the power to single-handedly ruin- what was it? A tribe, a whole tribe?" He whistled lowly, "I thought Peter said that was an army of newborns. Hmm."

"But I -"

"I wasn't done yet. It's your turn to listen." And my mouth snapped closed on his command. "You're awful small to think you wield so much control. Much too small to bear the brunt of that kind of burden. The only things you have control of are your choices; not the choices of others and the mess they make. From what my brother says, you're guilty of nothing but poor taste in boys." He quirked an eyebrow as I fought to contain the shudder making its way down my spine from his poor choice of words. "Is he right?"

"Yes, but-" and again he interrupts.

**Now you know how rude that is.**

"Until you can tell me different," my head shook as he paused.

_Never telling him that story._

"Never's an awfully long time, Bella." He smirked. At least, I'm not Isabella anymore. "You need to start workin' through this shit but if not; that's up to you. But you will not try to kill yourself again." His voice got serious again quick like.

_Bi-polar vamp._

**He's using his angry face to show you how serious he is. So pay attention.**

"By vampire or other means. You'll also be watched more closely from now on." A small sigh escaped as I pondered how much closer they could actually get to me without just wearing me as a Bella suit. My arms crossed petulantly all on their own. "You don't like that, _Isabella_?" I just glared at him. And of course, he smirked. It was the first one to reach his eyes since we'd started this lunch time soap.

Leaning closer, in a conspiratorial whisper, he said, "You want to act like a spoiled child?" As he straightened up, I barely refrained from stomping my foot in true hissy-fashion. "You handle yourself as a woman; I'll treat you as such. You want to behave like a child; I'll bend you over my knee and give your ass a nice glow to go along with the one on your cheeks."

"You wouldn't dare!" I could feel the heat radiating off of me, so I knew he could but he seemed unfazed by my anger.

"I would and I will. You try to take the easy way out again and that's what's gonna happen. Not to mention, my control has...improved since your birthday party. Something you should think about. You don't know much about me, but I'm a man of my word. Don't test me."

He spoke so casually but nothing in his words or face was wavering. I didn't exactly know how to respond to that, so I didn't. I made my way back out to the porch and plopped my ass on the top step; just enjoying the view. The cool fall breeze against my over-heated face.

* * *

**Is death really preferable to staying here with all the friendly neighborhood vamps…. and Doczilla?**

_Shit. I forgot to ask about her future here. Oh well. Laters._

**So….**

_I guess not for now but when he leaves; all bets are off._

**Three hot vamps not enough for you? **

_No, that's not-_

**Oh, I get it. You want the complete set. Your OCD is showing through.**

_ERG! Would everyone stop interrupt-_

"Look Pumpkin! I brought you some balloons." Red and Mrs. Red were suddenly on the porch and I briefly wondered how long they'd been there.

_Huh. Balloons?_

**For your party.**

Judging by the huge smile on the stalk-me-pire's face, I'd say this was correct.

**Score one for deductive reasoning.**

Holding my large grouping of red balloons, I decided it was time to get to know Mrs. Red, "Tell me the truth, Char. I judge not. You married the first vamp to slip you some tongue, didn't you?"

She smirked, parking her ass next to mine on my step, as Peter continued on into the cabin leaving a trail of howling laughter echoing behind him.

"Sugar, you and I are gonna be just fine. I think this is the beginning of something great." And I believed her.

As we continued to sit, the others all trickled out to join us. In the peace, surrounded by these amazing beings, I once again felt the settling of that feeling.

This time I didn't fight it. As much as anywhere could be, this was where I belonged. I don't know why they chose me, but I was done fighting it.

**At least for the night.**

It feels like home.

On that happy note, my eyes sprang a leak yet again, drawing the attention of all of my vamps.

"It's her party," Red announced waving dismissively in the direction of my balloons, "She can cry if she wants to." Turning toward me with a thousand-watt smile, he continued happily, "Welcome home, Pumpkin."

* * *

**AN: REVIEW PLEASE! You know you want to, go ahead…. Hit the button!**

**FYI: My O/S The Birth of a Legend won Lamb's choice in the 'We Don't Need No Stinkin' Coven' Contest! Thanks to the ladies over at the Altered Lions and Sacrificial Lambs blog. The banner is fuck awesome;)**


	17. Revelations

**WARNING! Rated M people! **

**Thanks to my fabulous beta, stitchcat, for polishing up this chapter; so those of you not in my head can read it. She has her own Alistair fic now entitled 'Betrayal' that's so well written and delightfully disturbing. Ya'll go check it out and leave her some love ;-)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight saga. I just enjoy twisting the peeps into doing my bidding.**

**Chapter 17- Revelations**

**Bella's POV**

The next couple of weeks passed by without any major drama. The biggest thorn in my ass, besides Jasper himself, was his indecision on the doc's lifespan. I was back to full physical health. In fact, between the lack of pharmaceuticals running rampant in my veins and actually eating my food, I felt better than I had in years.

**Years? Really Gran?**

_You know what I meant. Anyway, more than one equals a plural-_

**Really. You don't say.**

_Yes really. So, it was an accurate use of the term._

**Whatever.**

_Moving on-_

Since I was no longer in immediate danger of becoming extinct, her stay with us was coming to an end. I can't honestly say I'm not as thrilled as Michael Jackson in a kiddy land at the prospect of her not being here; nevertheless, that did not mean that I no longer wanted her anywhere. My convo with the Great Emo of the Cabin Realm hadn't exactly been helpful in assuaging my doubts. In fact, it went a little something like this:

"You going to kill Dr. Cummings?"

"Seaman." He drawled slowly.

"You say potato; I say, well, whatever the hell I want. So?"

"She knows too much about our world."

"She hasn't figured_ it_ out yet."

"She's close and she's seen our faces."

"She going to pick out your mug shot? You're afraid of the police? For real. " A snort may have escaped at this juncture.

" Not _your _wimpy-ass authorities. No."

**Fine then Precious.**

"Then who?"

"Our kind has our own 'authorities' who enforce our laws." _Oh for the love of cheese whiz and celery! _Why have I never heard of these 'laws'? No-one thought it important to enlighten me?

**Cheese whiz and what?**

_Shut it. You know the doc got me hooked._

"Vampires have laws?" He didn't seem to appreciate my hysterical laughter that followed, but I really couldn't help it.

Take a moment to picture this: Jas running through the forest at vamp speed with his hands on his imaginary steering wheel, just cruising along, humming something hick; then, all of a sudden, a poor imitation of a siren sounds and he looks back to see that a vamp (strongly resembling one of the village people) who happens to be straddling his own invisible moped, is right on his ass, asking him to pull over.

_I wouldn't pull over either for that dude._

As Peter's laughter rang out from somewhere in the back of this rustic little heaven, I felt fully validated for my snorts and giggles; however, adding the pointing and barely coherent mention of the Village People may have been over doing it a bit.

**Ya think?**

_Maybe._

**Maybe next time you should picture him in that uniform...**

_DAMN. Maybe now would be a good time to get back to the discussion at hand._

**Kill joy.**

"Yes, we do. Just one actually. Don't do anything that could risk exposure. And if you're accused, you're dead. Your life forfeit for the greater good."

"They must be pretty bad ass for you to cower from them." A low growl slid from between his lips before he answered.

"I don't cower." After a deep breath he continued, not speaking in a growl this time. "They have gifts at their disposal that you can't even begin to imagine. That type of power deserves cautious respect."

_Cautious respect my non-super-special ass! Sounds a lot like-_

"Pumpkin!" And I'm interrupted by an overly loud Red. "There you are." Where else would I be for Bob's sake? "My wifey was wondering if you wanted to take a walk with her. She's out back." He seemed to be trying to hold back a full-blown smile and his eyes were lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. I walked away quietly, but only after giving him my most impressive what-the-fuck facial scrunch.

My walks with Charlotte became a daily ritual that I actually enjoyed; I looked forward to them. I'd never really had an abundance of female friends in my life. Truthfully, I was a loner at heart anyway, but before I moved to the rainiest place in our country, I hung out with all guys. I was a tomboy without the coordination or inclination for sports. But this chick, I liked.

**I think she digs you too.**

_Really!_ _Wow_. _That had a little too much enthusiasm for my liking._

**Yeah really. And may I be the first to congratulate you on your full-blown girl crush.**

_It's not like-_

**Answer me this. Did she or did she not braid your hair?**

_It's not like… My hair was greasy from lack of shampoo and… She was just trying to... No. You know what. You can just go to-_

**And I rest my case.**

Anyway, my walks had helped build my strength and stamina again. I didn't realize the toll that being deathly ill for a week and institutionalized for a couple of years had on the body. Of course, I also learned a lot about this eclectic group of vamps.

For example: they had all been soldiers at one time or another in their lives. Garrett during the Revolutionary War, Jasper during the Civil War, and all three Whitlocks had been in the Southern Vampire Wars.

A _whole war without being exposed? Even in combat, the shiny fuckers display ninja stealth._

Now that last one, she had to shed some light on for me, because I was pretty sure that wasn't in my textbooks, and I have to say that it intrigued me. Char was reluctant to give any specifics on their time 'served' but I got the gist: evil Mexican whore hell-bent on conquering, well, Mexico made them to serve her and her quest for cattle.

_Can vamps get chunky? I mean, how much blood could one person suck?_

I understood her unspoken reluctance to relive it. She said her story from that time period was intertwined too closely to the Major's; therefore, I needed to wait for him to tell me his story. It was the truth, and I could respect that. But I also knew that there are some things you just don't want to go back to; don't want to remember. Due to her perfect vampire recall, I'm sure she couldn't help but remember, but I'll be damned if I make her relive it in the name of my curiosity. I'm not that kind of bitch.

Charlotte and I also spent time debating on the growing relationship between the doc and G-Red. He was spending an increasingly large amount of time with her and I wasn't exactly sure if I liked that.

**You don't have to like it.**

He actually seemed to _like _her company.

**Imagine that.**

Even though Char assured me it was nothing serious, I'd come to the conclusion that if she was who he wanted, I wouldn't throw a hissy. In fact, I'd try to be _pleasant._

**Well aren't you Mother freakin' Teresa. **

_I do feel pretty good about myself for that one._

Another example of gleaned knowledge would be the origin of the 'Major' nickname. Of course, I was quickly informed that it was not a nickname, but a title of respect. I had heard Peter and Garrett both use the term in reference to J-mo a few times, and I finally summoned up the 'give-a-damn' to ask on one of our walks.

"Why do you guys refer to him as the Major?" Charlotte smirked slightly and with a wistful and slightly devious look in her eyes continued to give a half-assed answer like only vamps can do.

"Well, it was his rank in the Civil War before he was turned."

**Makes perfect sense.**

"And he was the most feared vampire in the South for the century he fought. Known as The God of War and still is in some parts. Of course, now it's been reduced to mostly a legend."

_Feared? Legend? God of what? This does not compute._

"Why?" Was the only response I had to this A-bomb of knowledge.

**There's that eloquence you're known for.**

_Did I run over your puppy? Pee in your snow cone? Anything else? Because you're getting bitchier with each passing thought._

Luckily, Char broke up my internal cat fight, for the time being, by not answering my question. "Sugar, that's for him to tell you. But you should know he's one of the fiercest SOB's ever to walk this Earth. Every bit of fear and respect offered he's more than earned." And that ended that little chat, and I was left with more questions and just a general air of 'what-the-fuck-ness' heavier than before she'd explained.

I just couldn't meld all of my conflicting info, on the complex manpire that is Jasper, together. I mean he had a part of killing James, I guess, but they outnumbered the nomad. So that wasn't that impressive. I mean, the Jasper I thought I knew before was all decked out in designer Dockers, loafers, and sweater vests. The closest he came to 'fighting' was with Emmett.

_So, how does a guy go from feared God of War to Champion Thumb Wrestler of the veggie vamps? I don't get it._

**Or why is still not living in the vamp edition of My So-Called Life?**

Naturally, my next question subtly probed around this still unanswered question.

"You know, Char, I was really shocked to see Jasper here."

**Nice. Subtle like Rosie O'Donnell in booty shorts.**

But it turned out that as much as Char didn't want to overstep her bounds by telling J-mo's tale; she had no such qualms regarding Alice.

"That manipulating, pint-sized waste of venom threw him away; he was dismissed like last season's Gucci turquoise, bamboo strapped sandals. He'd outlived his usefulness as her guard dog and she made damn sure everyone else would side with her too. They knew it was over before he did. Of course, I think he knew, but didn't want to believe it. It takes a lot to fool an empath."

And on and on and on she spewed forth. Now that her verbal dam was breached, everything she'd held back for decades shot out. How badly Alice treated him, how she would pout and throw tantrums- the size of which has never been seen before, and how much his relationship with Peter and her had changed. To her credit, every now and then, she would pause and say a disclaimer such as "It's really not my place to say" not that it stopped her from saying 'it' or "I should let him tell you want he wants"; then she would continue her rant.

Truthfully, I didn't mind it a bit; we were bonding as women had in salons since the beginning of time. It was an eye opening experience for me, in fact. Looking back, all I had noticed was how sweet, how tolerant, Jasper always was with his wife. He kept giving in to her; anything to make her happy. And she kept taking until he had nothing else she wanted. The bitch.

Charlotte might have gotten over the fact that the gypsy midget had turned their coven leader and highly-respected brother into her glorified cabana-boy; likewise, she might have overcome Alice's undisguised disgust of their eating habits on one of their few visits and the same for her critique of their décor and out-of-style clothing. However, the mini-vamp made a crucial error when she tried to talk trash about Jasper to Char, trying to gain some sympathy as the good wife.

Gut-busting laughter scared birds for miles around us as she described the lengths Jasper went through to make sure there was no more 'girl time' that trip. Apparently, Alice was no help because she didn't think anyone could get the jump on her with her 'gift'.

**She always was a little too over-confident in something so fallible. **

Red hated the pixie even more, apparently, and so he kept trying to get Jasper away from the house long enough for Char to teach her a little lesson in self-defense. The visit ended with Jasper sedating Charlotte enough so that Peter could pry her fingers from Alice's twiggy neck. Even then, she made his life harder by making thinly-veiled threats as soon as she could draw a breath. That was Jasper's last visit home with his wife.

Charlotte, being the scrappy, well-trained bitch that she is, didn't come away from their last meeting empty handed though. Oh no, she got herself a small memento of their time together. Alice's hair had always been perfectly spiked anytime I'd seen her; evidently, that's because Char ripped a small chunk straight out of the back of her head. Apparently, she had to cover her bald spot.

_Forget crush, I'm in love. _

Raised voices from the living room drew my thoughts back to the present, and I pulled my ass up off the step to go in and investigate the source of the disruption.

**Nosy much?**

_It has to involve the doc or I wouldn't be able to hear this much._

Peeking around the corner, the sight I beheld was reminiscent of a stand-off at the OK Corral. On one side, Jasper and Charlotte stood tall facing the equally puffed up Doc-zilla standing beside a calm, but readily alert, Garrett. Pete was in the middle with his arms out in a traditional 'stop-in-the-name-of-love' maneuver, but his glaring was all reserved for the human. Whatever the reason for this pow-wow, she wasn't backing down.

"In my professional opinion, she needs help." From the way she ground that little recommendation out, I'm going to assume they've been having this 'talk' for a bit.

"She's makin' progress. I will not take her back to that _place_." Charlotte was working that deadly calm tone. I had a bad feeling about eavesdropping on this particular conversation.

_I don't think I want to hear any more._

**Come on, let's go back outside. **_**Pretty mountains….**_

You ever have one of those moments in life, where you know something bad is about to happen. You just feel it in every fiber of your being. Kicking into survival mode, your brain starts to process details at an increased speed which results in everything appearing to move in slow motion. This is normally to give you time to make that critical decision to get your ass out of the line of fire, or to slam on your breaks.

Obviously, I could add my get-up-and-go to my ever-growing repair list, because I was on the tracks waiting to see what would happen when these two unrelenting forces collided.

"She needs more than you all can give her. If you love her, you'll let her go." She was a credit to her profession with her clinical detachment. Very professional as she worked to destroy any ground I'd earned.

_They're going to leave me… Just like everyone else…_

"Lady, you're tryin' to sell me a bull with teats and I ain't buying it. I've heard that argument before. I left once under the banner of 'for her protection' and I'm not the kind-of man to make the same mistake twice."

**Settle down. Didn't you hear him? He's not leaving.**

_He lies. Just like the boy. Of course, they're going to leave… And I'll be alone again._

My panicked thoughts led to my hyperventilation which drew the eye of every being in the room.

"Don't" gasp "leave" gasp

I leaned against the wall with my eyes closed in a vain effort to ignore the last five minutes. I let the fresh wave of calm crash against my troubled mind and tried to regain control of myself.

"Darlin', I'm not goin' anywhere. Just breathe." My eyes shot open at hearing how close his voice suddenly seemed, and my pulse quickened in response as I backed away frantically into the corner. Hitting the dead end prompted more tears. Suddenly exhausted from all of this I slid down the wall, burying my head in my knees.

"Bella?" His quiet voice was heavy-laden with emotion and I knew I wouldn't be able to bear looking into his eyes right now. What I didn't know was why.

_Doesn't matter….They'll leave me... I'm-_

"This! This is what I'm talking about! She can't even cope with the smallest invasion of her personal space without a panic attack. Based on the data you have all provided, it's been three years since her attack and she's not coping well."

_No! No one's supposed to know!_

A sympathetic voice whispered- **I'm afraid it's too late.** **I'm-**

"What do you mean 'attack'?" Jasper's voice cut through any noise and silence reigned as the doctor answered.

"How can anyone not see the signs? You all need to accept that she was ra-"

A scream of pure agony ripped involuntarily from my throat.  
And now that it was out, there was no stopping it.  
My throat burned. My chest ached.  
But the screaming remained.

My head was thrown back toward the heavens.  
But my eyes were squeezed shut.  
Knowing there was nothing there for one tainted as I.

All else was silent and still in the world.  
My pain echoed around the room.  
Before giving way to the next tidal wave of anguish.  
The screams still ripping from my huddled form.

Until eventually, it was reduced to broken sobs.  
Broken sobs and desperate pulls of air were all that I was reduced to.  
Broken.

As my body finally gave in to the stress, I found myself curled on a familiar hard bed.  
One with straps dangling loosely from the sides.  
Surrounded by cushioned walls; pleathered in white.  
I had found my way back to the Quiet Room after all.

**Peter's POV**

As Pumpkin sagged, appearing completely boneless, in the corner, I knew _this_ was not going to be good. I also knew that was a huge fucking understatement for what we were facing. The shit storm currently brewing right in front of me was capable of making Armageddon just seem like a bad fucking day. It wasn't my gift that had clued me in, just common fuckin' sense.

She just _had_ to say the word. And I wasn't that fuckin' dense to notice that none of us used the word. Maybe we gave it more power than any one word should wield, but that wasn't our fuckin' decision. And it shouldn't have been Dr. Skeet-basket's either. It was Pumpkin's and once again, she had her choices taken away.

We had all assumed, based on her behavior and a few stray comments, that she had been raped. Well, we all had except Jazz. Since he wasn't short bus ready, I had to assume it was 'selective denial' that was the cause. His mind was protectin' itself against shit it wasn't ready to deal with. And she just shattered his wall of ignorance with all the finesse of a hippo at the fuckin' ballet.

The question now is who's going to protect _us_ from his realization?

Garrett slowly stuck his arm out and began using that to push the human back against the wall; bowing his head in grief as he settled in to wait. The blood drained from the doctor's face as she stood still and silent; waiting like the rest of us. Maybe she's not as stupid as she seemed. I mustered as much calm as I could and focused it toward my brother, but it was doing nothing.

He didn't acknowledge it, not that I expected him to. Hell, he didn't acknowledge anything. His eyes were still glued to the girl passed out in the corner. It was hard to bear witness to such a devastating moment; a moment that he should have had in private. Venom pooled in my eyes; useless tears that could never fall as I thought of the pain I would feel if she were my mate. If Charlotte had been the one violated and used.

My hand shot out to hers; seeking any comfort I could in this increasingly cold atmosphere. Vampires aren't affected by common temperature changes, but this was nothing normal. I struggled to hold in my reaction to the onslaught. And even more so, after hearing my mate's whimper. The lights darkened as our will to live was siphoned; fueling his wrath. Wrath like fire in the marrow leaked from his silent form into our bones; only to then be pierced by icy needles of anguish.

"Please! I'm sor-" As the Major's head angled the smallest fraction of an inch toward the human, Garrett's hand clamped firmly over her mouth. Her mouth was the damn problem in the first place.

The distraction did give me a chance to glance at Pumpkin, who appeared to be resting peacefully. Sleeping Beauty peacefully. Even his beast recognized her. Good to know.

I shivered again as a wave of displeasure rolled over me; suddenly I knew what we needed to do if we were going to survive this night. I just _knew_.

In the quietest voice I could manage, I relayed the message and as one, we sank slowly to the ground kneeling. Curling up like I'd wanted to do since this nightmare began.

Letting loose a quiet, but none-the-less fierce growl, he watched our submissive forms until he was satisfied. Then, thankfully, he headed toward the door. Though he made no sound, his wave of malice left one hell of a trail in his wake.

I gave it a full ten, before declaring it all clear. And now, for damage control.

Luck may be a fickle bitch, but she was with us tonight. He struggled to leave us alive, and he won that fight. But I _knew _many others this night would not be so fortunate. A sleeping beast bathed in hatred and baptized with vengeance awoke this night.

Blood will flow.


	18. A Red Sun This Day Rises

**WARNING! Under 18 - GO AWAY! This whole chapter is dark and a **_**tad**_** violent. Graphic in some parts as well. You can skip this and wait for the next if you want and you'll still get the ****gist of what has occurred here.**

**AN at bottom ;)**

**Disclaimer: As you can tell from the following chapter, I'm not S. Meyer. I own no Twilight rights.**

**Previously: Peter's POV**

Luck may be a fickle bitch, but she was with us tonight. He struggled to leave us alive, and he won that fight. But I _knew _many others this night would not be so fortunate. A sleeping beast bathed in hatred and baptized with vengeance awoke this night.

Blood will flow.

**A Red Sun This Day Rises - Chapter 18**

"And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him."

Yep. Garrett summed up our current fuckin' predicament pretty damned accurately with that bit of prophetic scripture. We still hadn't moved besides to stand and stare at the door like it held the answers to the meaning of life. Or in my case, at least, like it could rewind time. Back a few hours when we were laughin' and carryin' on and all was right in our little corner of the world. My brother would come back through that door my brother; not one completely surrendered to the monster within. And what a fucking beast it is.

My birth into this life had been at his hands and by his teeth. While I was tempted for a fraction of a second upon waking to hate him, my intuition, my gift, told me that I should kiss his boot-clad feet for being my sire instead of Maria. She hadn't taken a 'personal interest' in anyone since the Major; however, there were rumors, whispers passed down through generation after generation of newborns, of the fires of hell she'd put him through to forge him into her man, her trusted second-in-command. Resistance was as futile as surrender was inevitable to the Sadistic Cunt of the South.

They said she starved him till the brink of madness; then, she would bring him the sweetest smelling children you could imagine. When the guilt would eat away at him, she'd be there to ride him until he felt 'better'. Only then to punish him for the show of weakness; any signs of a conscience not based off of her will.

Whispers of werewolf teeth laced with venom being drawn over and over down upon his restrained, naked form. Hushed tales of a custom made branding iron that she had made just for him. Fun vampire fact - fire kills but smoldering iron burns like a motherfucker and takes longer to heal than even losing a limb.

She tortured him, fucked him, fed him and beat him down, only to build him back up. Nothing he suffered outside of battle came from anyone's orders but hers; no reward came by anyone's hand but hers. No praise fell from lips other than hers.

After months upon months of her psychological warfare, Maria was sure that she had broken his will and earned his undying allegiance. I'd never been happier to prove a bitch wrong.

The voice I wanted to hear least in the world right now broke through the silence, "Listen, I-" and I cut her off. This _human_ was greatly over-estimating my fuckin' control along with my fuckin' patience. I didn't have time to deal with her pitiful excuses and flawed, ignorant reasoning.

"Charlotte." No answer. I turned back toward her to find her still watchin' that damned door; her anguish clearly shown in her every feature. Moving closer, placing my hands on her face, I spoke once again to my beautiful mate, " Char?" Her eyes met mine, pleading for instruction. A way to be useful in this devastating aftermath of one carelessly spoken word. "Babe, take Pumpkin to the bed so she can be more comfortable when she comes back to us. She'll need you to stay with her. I think she'd like it if you'd talk to her; maybe run your fingers through her hair. That seems to soothe her."

She nodded and I watched as she made her way slowly to the crumpled girl still in the back corner of the room; so slowly it appeared as if she didn't want to spook the catatonic girl. As I watched her form retreat into the bedroom, I tried to get a handle on my own anger at the fubar'd, code-fucking-red we now found ourselves in. We needed to fix this. Like now. It'd not benefit us for me to lose my shit right now, but that was easier said than done.

As much as I hated this turn of events on the behalf of Pumpkin and the Major, and believe it when I say hate is a mild fuckin' term to express what flowed through my entire being right now; it was the look on Char's face that almost sent the doc home to meet her maker. My mate was not a dainty female who fainted at the first sign of trouble; no, she's as strong as they come and a fierce warrior. For that look to take up residence on her exquisite face was a crime punishable by death in my sight. And never had I not executed that sentence immediately once someone was found guilty. Never before now.

"Garrett, stay here." I could see the protest forming on his lips but one look into my eyes stopped it dead. Where the command of my voice had failed, the anger in my pitch black eyes succeeded. At least with him.

The doctor continued to showcase her stupidity, and lack of grasp of the situation she now found herself in, as she drew a breath to say something I had precisely zero interest in hearing. Cutting her off with a flick of my hand in her direction I continued.

"She needs to be somewhere else by the time I return." I commanded. He needed to understand this was not negotiable. At vampire speed, I finished all I was going to say on the matter of her fate. "If she's here when I get back she's dead. My respect for you has stayed my hand for the moment. Her fate is up to you - fuck her, kill her, take her back, dump her body; I don't give a fuck. But the next time I see her, my teeth will be slicing into her throat. Like butter."

He nodded his understanding and I made my way out of the cabin to try to track down the pissed-off vamp running rampant through this unsuspecting countryside. Reaching the edge of the trees, I realized that finding him was not going to be a difficult task; now, I was more concerned with catchin' up with him before he'd worked out enough of his…aggression.

Tracking the Major through the forest was as simple as following the path of devastation he left in his wake. Trees were shattered, animal carcasses destroyed and strewn in unpredictable patterns with all the force of a natural disaster. An idea struck and I sent Char a quick text to help begin the clean-up of this large fuckin' mess.

My massive vampire intelligence must have been knocked off-line by our most recent drama-express because it just dawned on me the direction his path was taking him. West. Oh fuck, this just got a whole lot more… well, more.

I could tell the exact point he stopped trying to harness his beast and just surrendered to the inevitable. The trail of destruction ended abruptly at what resembled the sight of an explosion; resembled because that's exactly what it was, a release of his power so fierce it left nothing but utter annihilation and a black scorch behind. The Major was runnin' at one-hundred percent bad-ass now, and I pitied the first being to cross his path while prayin' said being wouldn't be me. I can't rock the headless look. Where the fuck would my wide-brimmed sit?

I picked up the trail again, except instead of following the demolition of nature and dismembered furry little forest creatures; I followed in his blackened footprints. Marveling at the scope of his power as I ground the dead plants to ash beneath my feet; imagining the anguish and fury he was abiding in when he walked this path, so strong it drains the life from anything it comes in contact. My brother was walkin' encased in an aura of 'I-will fuck-you-up' wreaking a plague upon any living thing in his way; and my cold heart ached for him.

But my brother didn't need my pity when we fought side-by-side in battle, no matter the wounds. My sire would kick my ass for pitying anything he'd suffered at the hands of Maria. He didn't want my pity or condolences when his heart was crushed by that pre-pubescent circus freak. And he sure as fuck wouldn't want my pity now. Pity is a fuckin' useless emotion; not productive in any way, form, or fashion. My brother, my sire, had been through hell, had endured unspeakable evil, and had come out the other side feared and revered as the God of War. My God of War didn't need my fucking pity, but he was gettin' my help whether he liked it or not.

The screams reached me at the same moment as the heavy scent of blood floated on the breeze through the trees. A lot of blood. Looks like I'm not gonna be the first. Judging by the uproar, I wasn't gonna be the second, third, or fourth either. Quickening my pace, I exited the woods right into the gravel parking lot of what appeared to be a run-down biker bar.

I could feel the pure fear and agony seeping from the building. I knew from experience the crippling force of that cocktail he was serving, and I had to force myself to move one foot in front of the other toward the door. I paused, with my hand gripping the brass handle to center myself, to wrap myself in every lovey-dovey feelin' I could before I was bombarded by his power at its full strength.

I focused on my memories of the picnic we'd all shared down by the lake just a few short days, but yet an eternity, ago. My beautiful mate of almost a century giggling like a schoolgirl beside Pumpkin, whose cheeks held a lovely blush, a small smile gracing her lips. Jasper and Garrett mock-wrestlin' in the field covered with fall leaves. The look of joy in Pumpkin's eyes as the fucker stood lookin' like a vampire tree and Garrett's ringing laughter as she told him so. I surrounded myself with as much peace, contentment, and love as I could, took a deep breath, and opened the beaten wooden door.

The sight that I beheld was every fucking vampire's wet dream. My throat burned and my cock twitched as I stood mesmerized at the macabre beauty before me. Walls painted in blood; ceiling splattered with precious drops and proudly displaying quarters of flesh. A few severed limbs hung from the revolving fan blades overhead. The floor - that was covered with broken bodies bathed in their own blood - had already absorbed the new crimson stain. My brother: the fuckin' Picasso of death; an artist in a league of his own.

In the center of this red room of death, the Major stood tall with a human held firmly to his left side; while his head was turned to the right draining another. His low growl of satisfaction and the occasional drip from a nearby carcass were the only sounds aside from one other weak, fast heartbeat coming from behind the bar.

A thick, sickly slurp sounded as my boots disturbed the thickening blood with every step; I cut off my breathin' so that I didn't surrender to my blood lust as I made my way toward the last human still drawing breath in this ghastly picture of fatality. But as I got closer, the Major's head snapped in my direction glaring at me with his pitch black orbs while sinking slowly into his crouch. His lips turned up in a cruel smile as his growl turned heated.

"Damn it, Major. I think you just like to see me on my knees." I responded lightly as I did, in fact, return to my knees with my head bowed because, damn, I like my sweet fuckin' life and I'd like to be able to go on living it.

As he straightened quick as lightnin', allowing the corpses he was still cuddling to drop to the floor in a splash, I could sense the red veil slowly lifting from him. It showed in the fresh terror and guilt now flooding the room, and as I slowly lifted my gaze to meet his, it showed in the confusion I saw there in his almost glowing, crimson eyes.

"Did you forget one?" I asked smirking, trying to lighten the mood as I knelt in a pool of blood. Maybe now was not the best time for my particular brand of humor.

He didn't respond as he fixed his wide eyes on the drenched curls of his now-red hair hanging in front of his eyes. Drop after drop slid down the spirals he was fixated on and made their way home to swim in the sea of blood at his feet.

We needed to cover our tracks and get the fuck back home. That wasn't gonna happen with me stuck down here and him watchin' his rain. Plus, I couldn't afford for him to go full-blown Major on me again. Not yet.

"Permission to check out the left-overs, Major?" His slight nod was good enough for me as I rose slowly and went to investigate the one human who'd had the terrible misfortune to live through this massacre. Death would be a kindness.

As I turned to look around the bar, I saw the huddled form of a slender, young woman: mid-twenties, chestnut locks and when she looked at me, I saw fear shining in her deep brown eyes. So this is why she still lived.

Striking fast before she'd even know I had moved, I snapped her neck and pulled her to my mouth so that at least her death was not a complete waste. Finishing in minutes, I laid her down gently and slid her lids closed over her unfocused eyes; reminding myself that this was the price to keep my family safe and I had paid it. Truth be told, I would do it again without hesitation.

This was a fucking tragedy, yes, but so was what had spurred it. Guilt was as useless as pity; wouldn't change a damn thing. It was what it was - a tragedy.

Finally, he spoke. "Let's go." I knew the answer he wanted but it wasn't one I was able to give this time.

"No." As he snarled at my defiance, I continued quickly, "It's not time for revenge yet. Isabella needs you and you can't abandon her." The rest would have to wait, seeing as I was now against the wall with his hand crushing my throat.

I squashed my natural self-defense instincts and stayed still waitin' for him to release me. We'd been in this position many times over the years and he'd never yet killed me. I found comfort in this fact.

"Vengeance is mine!" growled my God, my brother. And I fuckin' shivered as an icy arrow of pure malice pierced my marble chest.

I continued tryin' to make my point when he finally loosened his grip. "We will not let this go, but Brother, don't you think she deserves to have some part in this decision. And she's not ready for that yet. Right now, _she needs you_. We've got time. We can give her that and help her recover; then, we will all go and avenge your mate." And what a fuckin' glorious day that would be.

"My _what_?" Damn it. I said the other fuckin' word I'd been avoiding since we brought Pumpkin home. Apparently a vampire's tongue can slip. How else would you explain the time I told Char her ass looked flat in those jeans? Fuck my life.

He dropped his hands from my throat only to plant them in his hair. Backing away from me as fast as possible, stumbling on the dead along his way back to his place in the center of the room.

As he tilted his head back and let loose a fierce roar that would cause anyone with sense to piss their pants, I made my way out of the bar to wait until he got this shit out of his system.

An hour later, he stumbled out of that bar lookin' as exhausted as I'd ever seen a vampire look. Dried blood caked on his clothes and streaked across his face like war paint.

As we stood and watched the scene of his crime against humanity being devoured by flames, my heart once again broke for him. He would come out of this trial the same as he had all the others; stronger. And this time he'd have a mate worthy of him, a mirror reflecting his strength, standin' by his side.

"At least it looks like you got over your, ahem, inability to perform. I thought you were gonna be the first vampire to ever need Viagra."

* * *

**AN: Thanks to my wonderful beta, stitchcat. Much love bb.**

**Sorry for my complete fail in responding to the reviews from last chap. What can I say? Ya'll inspired me to keep writing so this chapter is out almost a week early. Forgive me? *bats lashes and pouts***

**And a special thanks to Merina Green for pimpin' out this slice of crazy on the ALASL blog. I apologize for my ****reply/spaz to your e-mail. I****'ve now decided to wait ten minutes**** after receiving any 'good' news before responding.**** JS.**

**Review people! Let me know what ya think:-)**


	19. Family

**Still Rated M people. *glares at wee ones* Go Away.**

**Much love to my beta - the fab stitchcat. Go check-out her new Jasper/Bella fic "Not All Who Wander are Lost" and leave her some love.**

**And to the fuck-awesome KittyCullen 03 for pre-reading this bitch and giving it the thumbs up I needed, thank you. Much luv, bb*Mwah***

**AND I have to say that y'all are just amazing. Thanks for all the reviews and adding this story to your favs and alerts. It's so encouraging:-)**

**Disclaimer: Checked my bank account today; I definitely don't own Twilight.**

**When we last left B:**

Until eventually, it was reduced to broken sobs.  
Broken sobs and desperate pulls of air were all that I was reduced to.  
Broken.

As my body finally gave in to the stress, I found myself curled on a familiar hard bed.  
One with straps dangling loosely from the sides.  
Surrounded by cushioned walls; pleathered in white.  
I had found my way back to the Quiet Room after all.

**Family**

**Chapter 19 Bella's POV**

I don't know what to do.  
Maybe I should stay here.  
Who would want me anyway?  
And now they know.  
Oh God, they know.

They know I'm tainted; dirty.  
That word that feel from her mouth; only to be written on my soul.  
It leaves a stain none can wash away.  
And oh; how I've tried.  
I scoured and scrubbed; clawed and scalded.  
But it was still there.

As it always will be.

And now they know it.

**I was re-evaluating the pirate thing.**

_Oh really._

**Yeah, I think it has potential. An eye patch is a must and thanks to Johnny Depp eyeliner is in; I think you could totally rock that look. Then we can go around askin' "Where's the booty, Arrrg."**

_Told you, I can't pull off the feathered look._

**You're a pirate, not a parrot. Or a can-can dancer on the strip. I think you're safe.**

_I'm never safe._

**Damn. We were doing so good...**

I curl back up in my marshmallow safe haven and wait.  
Wait until I can once again function around the truth.  
Wait until every thought echoing in my mind doesn't revolve around them dumping me in the nearest loony bin.

**They wouldn't do that.**

Wait until I trust his promise not to leave.

**He's given you no reason not to trust him.**

Wait until I can resurface and pretend everyone doesn't know my darkest secret; my deepest shame.

I just have to wait.

… . .

… . .

I started to feel fingers running gently through my hair. Over and over and over the steady rhythm of the fingers through my hair relaxed my mind until it felt akin to mashed bananas.

_Puuuuurrrrrrrr_

**Are you purring?**

_Only on the inside. At least, I think._

**It counts. Stop it.**

_But someone's petting me. It's only polite to let them know you appreciate it._

**Seriously. Stop it.**

I tried to focus on the words the hands were saying, but it was hard to hear through my padded walls. I don't think I'm quite ready for reality. After all, I really do like it here.

**No you don't.**

_Uh huh._

**No. You just don't want to face the truth, but that's okay. It'll be there waiting when you're ready.**

The digits of delight kept working their wicked mojo and I focused enough to know these magic hands belonged to Char. I kept my ass on the bed in my Quiet Room; my fortress of solitude, and my attention on her as she chatted about random things.

Such as, we now had plans to go get my hair and nails done as soon as the drama died down; I believe she used the term 'nails of a lumber-jack'.

_I should probably be offended, but I'm not. Wait! Does that mean they're keeping me?_

**I think the Institute has a no-takes-back-sies policy.**

_Really?_

**No. When are you really going to accept that they want you here? This is getting ridiculous.**

**Even for you.**

_I heard the doc tell them I had to go back._

**And I heard everyone else say no.**

I continued to listen; soothed by her gentle strokes and the lilting cadence of her musical voice, deeper like wind chimes made of wooden reeds not tinkling brass, as she told some of her and Red's more notable escapades. My favorite was Woodstock. She described her Cher look, which I'm sure she pulled off flawlessly, actually looking like a woman, and Peter's Farrah Fawcett flybacks that he paired with a beaded-leather headband, which I'm sure he pulled off looking like a woman as well.

_I bet he was pretty._

As she talked, I felt like I was there; in the sea of humans watching the musical legends play; I wished I'd been there. Of course, when she began to tell what her and Peter were doing as Blood Sweat and Tears took the stage on Sunday night, I wished her descriptive powers were less, well, descriptive.

**I still don't know how she balanced like that on top of that van in that position.**

_Isn't Red a lucky guy? Now, let's never speak of this again. Ever._

**Agreed.**

Charlotte talked about everything; Red, roaming the country, their trip to Europe, Red, houses, clothes, shoes, Red, J-Mo, G-Red, and of course more Red.

**She really does love that assclown. It's sweet.**

_Like I said; he's a lucky guy._

She continued to talk about everything except what had happened earlier. And I was okay with that.

**No you're not. You don't want them tip-toeing around you. Remember you wipe your own ass too.**

_I sure as hell do if it means I don't have to talk about it. It makes it too real. I don't want it to be real; it's not my reality. I'm not claiming it._

_And leave my ass and its cleansing out of this._

**It is real though.**

_Aye, I see the flaw, but I works with what I gots._

**I think you just mixed a random pirate with Popeye the Sailor Man.**

'_I yam what I yam and that's all I yam. Yakyakyakyak'_

**You should never do that again. Moving on….**

"Your husband seemed certain she could hear us; I was wondering if I might speak to her before I leave?" **Oh hell no.**

"I'll be right outside that door." _Don't leave me Char._

"Alright Isabella."** Did she just clap?** "This feels rather silly, but I'd like to try to explain why I did what I did." As I felt her touch my head, my body and my heart both jolted in surprise.

"You said speak, not touch. You _obviously_ know how she feels about it." Char's cold, unforgiving tone coming through the door way was reassuring. For me, anyway, don't think it had the same affect on the doc. "I think I'll stay after all."

"I'm not excusing my actions. I was wrong; I see that now. I'm just attempting to explain them." After a brief pause she continued, "I told you, Isabella, that you remind me of my sister; it's true in more than one respect. Same brown hair and slender build. Same quick wit and same dead brown eyes. Sarah was two years older than me and I worshipped her.

"Her Senior year of high school, she was the head cheerleader; she loved her perfect little life."

_And thus ends the resemblance portion of the story._

**Shhh.**

"One of her responsibilities required her to stay behind - to make sure everything was cleaned and locked-up. Coming out alone after the second game of the season, two boys grabbed her from behind, took her behind the bleachers, and raped her; when they were done, they left just left her there and she didn't move until the next morning when she was found by the grounds keeper."

_Oh … ._

"She was never the same. Our town had a population of around three thousand; by that night, everyone knew. I believe she tried to move on, at first. She even went away for a year to college, but ended up coming home early because she couldn't handle it; the people, the fear, the panic attacks."

_Oh … . ._

"She sat at home and wasted away while we tried to go on like everything was normal. We thought we were doing her a favor by pretending nothing happened but we were just trying to make ourselves feel better; we could forget and pretend. Sarah didn't have that luxury."

_Neither do I._

"I'd been at MSU for a month when I got the call. She'd jumped from the roof of the school gymnasium. She killed herself where she thought she had already died. The biggest shock was that no one was shocked, with the exception of my parents and me."

"Everyone else saw what we'd been too blind to; their silence and our ignorance killed my sister. And I refuse to ever contribute to another negligent homicide."

Silence reigned in the room when she finished. I didn't like what she had done, but I understood now. And it made a difference to me.

_What do you know GI Joe was right. Knowing is half the battle._

**Maybe, but the other half still wants to kick her ass. GI Joe would.**

_True. Very true._

"Linda, I think Garrett is ready to take you home now. Thank you for helping Pumpkin. We'll see to it that she has all the help she needs." Apparently, the doc's story made a difference to Char too; though she still spoke briskly, most of the ice had melted from her voice.

**Gotta love the sympathetic heart of a good vampire.**

_Yeah, I think you do. I kind-of feel bad for the doc. I hope 'take you home' wasn't code for 'tonight you sleep with the fishes'._

**I don't think it is. Ask Garrett later.**

"Alright, Pumpkin. Time to open those eyes. I know you can hear me now."

_But I don't wanna-_

**Too bad. **Two voices said simultaneously. Either my consciousness was fixing to get even more crowded or Char agreed with this sentiment.

"We're family now, Sugar. We'll deal with this together; just like it should be." She cooed.

_Did she say…?_

**Yep. Family, Baby cakes.**

_That's what I thought she said._

I opened my eyes only to be blinded by a toothy smile from Charlotte.

"Damn, woman, warn someone first before you flash the brights."

"Come on, Pumpkin. Let's go get you something to eat and then we can talk," and here my cowardly heart stutters, "Or not talk about whatever you want to. Your choice."

_I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this._

After slurping up some Campbell's chicken noodle soup and crackers all prepared by Char. (Dear sweet baby Jesus, thank you! She's finally learning how to work that microwave.) I began to notice how quiet the house was and then, of course, I had to ask. "Where is everyone?"

And she hesitates. It's just for a second. But it's enough that I know the next thing out of her mouth won't be the truth; at least, not the complete truth.

"Oh. You know Garrett took Linda home." Truth so far. "Peter and Jas went out for a while." While that is obviously true, the lie lies in what she left out.

"He left, didn't he." And it wasn't a question.

I knew he would.  
He lied.  
Just like every man before him.  
He lied to me.

"Now don't go all 'one woman-all alone' on me, Sweets. We don't leave our own behind. Whether you like it or not, we're here to stay and so are you."

"Then what happened? There's something you're not telling me."

She looked shocked for half a second before giving me a pride-filled smile and a small nod, "Very observant. Nothing's _wrong _necessarily, the Major just had to go blow off some steam. He'll be back soon."

_Blow off some steam? How do vampires blow off steam?_

**This might not be the best time to ask.**

"Red go with him?"

"More like after him. I'm sure they'll be back soon."

Luckily we'd been here all of two days when Red started going through his own withdrawals and a new television was the glorious result; while I pondered the different possibilities -

_Bowling?_

**Don't think so.**

_Destruction of wildlife?_

**Possibly, but wouldn't that just be hunting?**

I could stare at a show I wasn't watching instead of the door. Not that it's not a nice door; but still.

G-Red coming through said door a few hours later roused me from my speculations about J-Mo's absence and as I attempted to hold back an inevitable yawn, I realized how tired I truly was.

**Uh-oh.**

_I can't go to sleep without Jasper! I need him!_

**Calm down-**

_But he keeps the nightmare away; he's my dream catcher._

**Maybe one of the others can watch over you and wake you before your Freddie shows up.**

_But it's more than that! I feel better sleeping, knowing he's here. I feel… .safe._

**I'm sure he'll be back soon.**

As the first rays of the morning sun made their way through the windows, a story on the local news caught my attention. "In other news, reports of a violent tornado touching down in the Bridger-Teton National Forest last night have been confirmed. Officials say that no human casualties have been reported as of yet, but the rangers are concerned with the toll this phenomenon has taken on the fragile balance of this Greater Yellowstone Ecosystem."

Garrett's booming laughter bounced around the room as my inner-bulb slowly flickered to life.

**Oh Shit!**

_You don't think… .I mean surely he couldn't… .He wouldn't… .Right?_

"He could, would, and did Little One." G-Red answered between chuckles.

"Peter called last night, shortly after he left and had me make a call to Mr. Jenks; who then called the National Weather Service with a tip and a hefty donation. I told you; we take care of ours. And Garrett." She added shooting him a wink which caused him to duck his head slightly in embarrassment.

_How cute! If he was human, his cheeks would be flaming._

**Hello pot? Yeah, I've got kettle on line one for you.**

_Well played._

I breathed a sigh of relief, "That reporter said no casualties; that's good right?" And human or not, I did not miss that look they shared before averting their eyes from one another and beginning their secret squirrel convo.

_I think they can cross international spies off of their 'what I want to be when I grow up' lists._

"If I'm a part of this family or coven or merry band of vampires, you will talk where my puny ears can hear you and you will tell me the fucking truth. Mmkay?"

Exchanging one last nervous glance, G-Red was apparently chosen as the spokesman for the group; he stepped forward from where he'd been bouncing on his heels against the wall for only Bob knows how long and held his arms up with palms out in surrender.

"I will tell you, but I think it would be better to wait for him to tell you himself." And I growled.

**What's that you say Tony? Frosted Flakes are great?**

After a small smirk he continued, "Vampires are indeed a meld of beast and man. Vampires are very instinctual and it is these instincts that make newborns wild. They do not yet know how to harness their urges instead they are ruled by the most powerful ones; to eat, to kill, and to claim." I nodded jerkily to show that I still followed. "Most nomads never truly rein their inner-beasts, which is why they must live like 'traditional vampires'." I snorted as G-Red broke his story-telling stride to break out the bunny-ear air qutes and roll his eyes.

"Those who chose to live more civilized have to harness their instincts and exercise complete control over their true natures. It still resurfaces during times of high-stress; such as battle situations or….bad news." He hurried on to the next point.

**At least he's on-board with plan "Ignore the obvious". **

"Unfortunately as with any beast, the more you feed him the stronger he becomes. Jasper's was wreaking havoc basically unfettered for almost a century. "

"So what you're not telling me through this fascinating lesson of vamps and their changing bodies is what exactly?"

"Anytime he loses the fight and his inner-self escapes; there will be casualties as with any war, Little One." Their dark red eyes were pleading for my understanding but I just couldn't give it to them yet.

"How many?"

Charlotte answered in a quiet, subdued voice, "Peter said around thirty."

_Wow._

"Jasper must be devastated."

"He is."

"But I don't understand!" I yelled venting my frustration, "Why now? His eyes have been gold since I've been here; why now? Why…." And I trailed off quietly as that light that had been flickering in my head all night finally lit up.

It was because of last night; it was because of me.  
More blood on my hands; more lives resting heavy on my conscience.

"No. It is what it is, Little One. Nothing more; nothing less."

"What! Thirty people died! People who had brothers and sisters, moms and dads, husbands and wives who won't come home tonight because of me! My fault!"

"No." Garrett said steadily, "No, you could not control this anymore than he could. Not your fault, Little One. And not his either."

"Besides, if I know my brother like I do, he'll feel bad enough about this on his own. He doesn't need your guilt to add to his own, Sug."

I turned my unseeing gaze back toward the TV as I thought about the lives lost and his struggle to even go vegetarian in the first place. Before I knew it, the day had passed and I was still in my spot in the corner of the couch thinking about all of the destruction and pain brought on just by my 'poor choice in boys'.

**You know he didn't know at that time.**

_Doesn't make it any less true._

As the room darkened, my eyelids began drooping and once again I dreaded what awaited me next time I blinked and couldn't lift my heavy lids again.

_No sleep! I just can't-_

**I heard somewhere a blue whale ejaculates four hundred galloons at a time.**

_I'm getting tired of the inter - Wait. What? Is that why the ocean's so salty?_

**Umm, don't think so. And may I just say 'ewe'. I'm pretty sure it's not true anyway. They'd have to have balls the size of Volvos.**

_Then why even bring it up?_

**Because now you're not wallowing.**

_A) I wasn't wallowing and #2 now all I think about is a whale's sac. So thanks for that. _

**Anytime.**

When the vamps turned toward the door and let out audible breaths, I assumed Red and Jasper were on their way in; sure enough not a minute passed before the door was slung aside. Finally.

"Honeys, we're home!" Peter announced making his way straight to his wife, offering a small wink in my direction and a quick passing smack on the ass to Garrett.

His lips wore a smile as our eyes met, but something wasn't quite right. His face held that same constipated look he'd worn through high school and his eyes were sad. Even through the shockingly bright crimson color they now possessed, his eyes laid bare his tortured soul for all to see.

I didn't stop to mourn the lives lost at his hands last night nor did I give heed to the thoughts of my anti-contact campaign and the devil who'd spurred it. No, in this moment, all that mattered was that he was back home as I flung myself with all my might into his waiting stone embrace.

* * *

**AN: **So we've got a good system going here; I write and you review. I think it's working well for us, so don't mess with the system. Review Please!


	20. Ex's,Q's, and A's

**WARNING: I've said it many times before but just so ya know; still M people. Yup.**

**Gracias to my beta, stitchcat. She is fuck awesome and owns my boring, comma-whoring ass for as long as she'll have me.**

**And a shout out to skilial- who took a peek and played with a few lines for me. If you haven't read her new fic "Underneath the Scars" you should. Like now. She also has a crack-tastic fic "Loa****fers"; it's wickedly twisted in the best way. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own ****Twilight. I just like to play with the hotties;-)**

**Ex's, Q's, and A's**

**Chapter 20: Jasper's POV**

Too many questions and not enough answers were spiraling in my head. I swear, this was the closest fuckin' thing vampires got to migraines. Then one stood out suddenly from the rest, and I jumped up from my perch on the fuckin' log I'd been wasting all day on; thinkin' through questions I had no answers for, tryin' to solve problems I didn't have all the facts for. But the one that just popped out from the rest; this one I can damn well get the answer to. I will get my fuckin' answer.

"Phone." I ordered with my hand out.

"Why don't you use your own,_ Master_?" And of course, the fucker was smirking. He knew damn well that I couldn't use my own fuckin' cell.

I couldn't very well go back home covered in blood and dangly-fleshy bits; at least, and not scare the shit out of the females. Taking a small detour, I jumped in for a quick swim in a secluded creek, fully clothed to wash away the gore. The stank of death, and all of the nasty emotions that went with it, still clung to me relentlessly, but the freezing water swept away all of the visible evidence and, unfortunately, my fuckin' phone as well.

I'd probably scare the hell out of the humans anyway with one look into my eyes. I had gorged myself in my rage and it showed; the fuckers practically glowed. Further proof of the horrors committed, and the monster that'd done them.

"Hey, Meat-gazing jizz bandit, knock that shit off. You can kick your ass about that fucked-up smorgasbord and hop right back on that fairy-ass, veggie wagon later but, right now, your guilty conscience ain't high on our priority list. Fuckin' Jiminy Cricket can get in line; we've got bigger bugs crawlin' up our asses."

He was right, but it made me feel like that much more of a bastard for not even takin' the time to mourn the lives ended by my hands tonight.

"If it makes you feel better, precious, consider this: you've been off of red meat for the better part of what? The last sixty years? Now, do the fuckin' math. You've always been a bit of a pig, so you'd drain about three adults every couple of weeks, not including bad days or holidays? By my calculations, that's well over four thousand people who lived to find a more painful and probably boring death down the road because you denied your nature and your instincts, all for your quest to be a better man. Dwell on that for a while, Fucker, instead of on things you can't change and we couldn't have prevented."

And fuck me long and hard if he wasn't right . For the thousandth fuckin' time since my mind came back on-line, I wandered back to yesterday and that monumental cock-up of a conversation we had with Dr. Whitesauce:

" Hey Cocksucker, you know you're a bit harsh with the girl."

"Yup, I do. And you're stickin' your fuckin' nose in my biz because?" It really wasn't unexpected since Pete was a nosy fucker by nature, but he usually knew the answer before he asked, which just irritated the shit out of me. I hated cryptic shit.

"You have a reason or you just enjoy bullying a _helpless, young woman_?" And the motherfucker smirked as I snorted.

"Helpless my ass." Might as well answer his question even though it is none of his damn business. Don't know why though. 'Already knows he does', fuckin' Jedi master-baiter. "It's what she needs. Garrett, she has wrapped around her bony-ass pinky. You're not much better, and Char and her have that 'we are woman hear us roar' action goin' on. She doesn't need any more fuckin' coddle-monkeys. Consider it my contribution toward her continued healing and mental well-being."

He let loose a laugh and clapped my back before plopping on the couch. Only to then spring right back up like his ass had been hard-wired to a pogo-stick, as Linda, or Dr. Lind-a-Hand as Bella had recently called her, entered the room.

"Just the man I needed to speak to." She was giving off an awful lot of defiance and determination; I wasn't sure I liked where this was heading.

"Hey, weren't you going to pick up something to eat?" Peter was always a subtle fucker, but I hadn't planned on hunting today, so why does he want me out of here?

"Nah, I've got time. You were sayin'?" I answered, not takin' my eyes off of the good doctor.

"It's about Isabella." I listened for a second to see where Bella was; ah, of course, the porch, it'd become her favorite spot to do nothing. I really didn't like talkin' about her care without her knowledge, but I figured I'd hear the doc out. It was the least I could do since she'd been the one to nurse Bella back to health; not to mention the kidnapping and such.

"I think I've done all I can do for her..." as she trailed off, I figured she was waiting for an answer.

"And we're very much obliged for all you've done for our girl, Ma'am."

"Yes, yes; I know and I have been treated well here; for the most part, and I am glad I could help, but I don't think you understand. She's not healed. She needs specialists and probably a live-in therapeutic environment for her to make further progress."

And on cue, everyone took their stances, including Char and Garrett, who had just decided to join the fun. No privacy in a house of vamps. Garrett stood by the doc's side as Char took my left. Peter took up residence in the middle to keep the peace or to prevent the doc's death. Char was not playin'.

"Linds, I do not think you fully understand the conditions we removed her from." The doc was shakin' her all-knowing head before Garrett had even finished his statement. And 'Linds'? Ah hell, he gave her a nickname. Can't really kill her now, can I?

"I think it's you all that don't understand what you're dealing with here. I sympathize with you as her surrogate family, but she needs help you just can't provide."

Knowing this came out of genuine concern, and no small amount of ignorance on her part of our world, is the only thing that kept me from flipping my shit; female or not, you don't mess with my coven.

Peter had been quiet during this whole exchange; a little too quiet actually. Feeling the focus and aggravation seeping from him, I assumed he was tryin' to use his gift to get some idea of how this was gonna play out. It didn't normally work that way, and as I tilted my head toward him with my unspoken question, his slight shrug told me it still didn't.

"You've given me no valid reason to believe she'd be better off away from us, so why don't you tell me exactly what it is you think we can't help her with?" I threw a little somethin' somethin' her way to help her get in a more co-operative mood.

"Now, now, slow down Fucker, the doc's got that doctor-patient confidentiality keepin' her lips sealed." I narrowed my yes toward my _'brother'_. That bastard did know something.

"Actually, since she's not mentally stable -" She was interrupted by a very quiet and uncharacteristically serious Garrett.

"Our Little One is not crazy." His voice though quiet, left no room for debate. While Linda tried to attack this from a different direction, Char continued in a sickly-sweet voice.

"Plus, you really wouldn't want to betray her trust." The smile she flashed the human was a little too big and only widened when the human took a step back; and I have to admit, I was amused by her protectiveness over our human. But I was less amused by the fact that everyone in this fuckin' room seemed to know something that had happened to Bella, and I didn't.

On the outside the room was frozen, but the emotions that were circling were fierce. Everyone seemed to recover at the same time, and shouting commenced until my near-silent hiss shut-up all of the vamps in the room, and left only one very loud and very angry human.

"In my professional opinion, she needs help." The doc seemed to be losin' her patience, which was fine by me, because I was nearin' the end of my own. And my bite was worse than my bark every time.

"She's makin' progress. I will not take her back to that _place_." Charlotte didn't really have to worry about that. This woman could talk till her lips turned blue and it wouldn't change the outcome of this conversation; Bella stays with us.

"She needs more than you all can give her. If you love her, you'll let her go." What a crock of shit.

Her increased breathin' and her impending emotional avalanche clued me into our visitor hangin' out near the back door. I briefly considered busting her out for listenin' in, but maybe this was a good chance for her to hear that we're not goin' anywhere and neither is she.

"Lady, you're tryin' to sell me a bull with teats and I ain't buying it. I've heard that argument before. I left once under the banner of 'for her protection' and I'm not the kind of man to make the same mistake twice."

Every word was pure truth but as Bella's fear and panic spiked, I knew nothing I had just said made it through her pretty little head.

We all turned toward her as her panic attack hit a high that we hadn't seen since her first week home.

"Don't leave!" She wheezed in between sharp in-takes of air. As she leaned back and closed her eyes, I took a moment to ply her with as much calm as I could muster in this increasingly tense atmosphere. She accepted it gratefully and I moved closer before tryin' to reassure her of her place here.

"Darlin', I'm not goin' anywhere. Just breathe." Her eyes opened and her body scrambled backwards as fast as her trembling form could go until she hit the corner; finally just sliding to the floor to once again curl in on herself. And all I could do for a minute was stare at the frightened girl in front of me.

Again I wondered, as I had many times before, what had happened to the girl I knew? Did this have to do with the accident where she got her scars? Scars that I had yet to catch more than a glimpse of an edge here and there, or notice a faint shadow through the thin material of one of the shirts Char had bought for her.

But why would any of that affect her stayin' with us? Why was she so emotionally unstable? One second she had the constitution of a lion; the next as helpless as a lamb. The only person I'd come near that I could compare her ever-changing state of being with was…..Rosalie. But that would mean -

"Bella?"

"This! This is what I'm talking about! She can't even cope with the smallest invasion of her personal space without a panic attack. Based on the data you have all provided, it's been three years since her attack and she's not coping well."

As her emotions rose in a swelling wall of shame and worthlessness, all of the vampires heard in a small whimper what I was sure she'd never want us to hear and that I wished I'd gone my whole fuckin' lifetime being able to give her that desire.

"_No! No one's supposed to know!" _A vice-grip surrounded my non-beating heart as I thought about what this meant.

No! Too much information was still missin' for me to draw a solid conclusion yet. I needed to finish getting the facts.

"What do you mean 'attack'?" The cycling emotions of pity and remorse flowin' through the room didn't escape my notice, but once the doc spoke, she had my full attention.

"How can anyone not see the signs? You all need to accept that she was raped!"

The most desperate cry I'd ever heard from a person not dying didn't prevent me from hearing the word - raped. Bella was raped.

And as she continued her wail of agony, I felt every bit of her pain, her shame. The worthlessness and guilt and anger continued to swell; swallowing her whole. Devouring her for a crime not of her making. Not her fault.

Through her cry and the heart-wrenching sobs that followed, one single, solitary word kept repeating in my mind.

Raped.

Raped.

Raped.

I sedated her in hopes of alleviating some of her distress, and honestly, to give me a break to before I fuckin' overload. But it did little for either of us because the truth remained. When she awakes it will still be truth and everyday for the rest of her life, it will be no less true; no less an atrocious wrong.

The silence proved worse than the screaming. Hearts only pounded to one tune; one word - raped. Every breath drawn and exhaled called her name; Bella. Over and over and over again this twisted song sounded in my ears, until my beast roared to life to right this wrong done to one of his own.

As the red curtain began to slide down my vision, I focused on my last hold to any control I still possessed; Bella. Ironic that she, who had summoned a beast I'd caged seventy years ago, would be my only hold on reality; my grasp on the small part of the good man I'd once been. I needed to hold on just long enough to get out of here without killin' everything that moved.

I didn't give a shit what happened to anyone besides the female in front of me, but it was that small, lucid part that remained that reminded me, told me I would care tomorrow and possibly the rest of eternity.

I didn't know if I was strong enough to leave her here. I didn't know if I could protect her from myself either. I just didn't know, and that fueled the storm brewing in my soul even more.

Every fiber of my body was energized with the need for vengeance; for retribution. Death was the sentence, for there could be no restoration for the damages done; no retribution.

The red veil lowered over my vision and no more rational thoughts were had till the curtain lifted in that damn bar.

"Phone." I demanded, not the least bit happy that I had to say it a second time. I did get some satisfaction from the fact that he did so immediately, with his smart-ass mouth clamped shut. Bastard always did know when to pick his battles.

Course, she answered before the first ring had gotten out, with an annoyingly chirpy "Hi, Jazzy Poo." And I cringed; whether from her voice or that fuck-awful pet name, I'm not sure. "Nice dinner?"

"Tell me you didn't know." I growled lowly.

"Temper, temper. I'd hate for you to go all Carrie at the prom on those poor backwoods people again." Her high-pitched giggle and her smarmy tsk-ing were eating away at what little remained of my fuckin' patience.

"Just tell me you didn't know, or I swear to Chanel or whatever fuckin' higher power you worship, that next time it won't be the humans I come after."

"Why so uptight, Jazzy? Maybe the nomad lifestyle isn't for you. You could always come home." With my answering snarl, she moved right along. "Oh! You won't come after me right now and I'll tell you why. First off, I highly doubt you want to leave behind your second-hand human with your…less than civilized _friends._" Vicious growls erupted from Pete and myself, but she continued undeterred. "Told you that blood makes you more grouchy."

"Alice." It was her last warning.

"And secondly, I didn't 'see' any of this. I'm not sure why, but Carlisle believes it has something to do with the wolves and Bella's _altered _state of mind. Those _dog__s _block my vision completely," Much to her annoyance, I'm sure, "And her reality-hiatus has made everything around her destiny blurry and out-of-focus. You know, I may be a bit of a bitch, but I'm not evil."

"You didn't know that she was still alive?"

"Not after the funeral, no."

"You didn't know that she had been…." Fuck! I couldn't even say the word. I couldn't think it.

She answered my unfinished question quickly and quietly, "I give you my word, Jasper, I did not know that any of_ that _had happened until the other human decided to out Bella. I didn't know, Jazz."

"I believe you, Ali." And I did, but I couldn't shake this feelin' that she knew something she wasn't telling me. Fuck! I'm sick of all of the fuckin' secrets. "So, you didn't know she was locked in that human hell-hole?"

"Of course not! I thought she was in that hideous, brown pine box they were passing off as a coffin that we watched them put in the ground…"

"And -" Shit. If she didn't already know, I sure as hell didn't want to be the one to clue her in. Fuck; I hadn't even begun to deal with the 'm-word' being thrown around, so this was not a discussion I was not willin' to have at the moment. Or maybe ever.

I started rapidly flippin' through my mental rolodex of questions I kept for cases such as this; deciding to ask each one with the exception of the one I really wanted to know. This was a useful little trick I picked up around our thirteenth anniversary. Course, I learned through trial and error not to make any of those other possibilities as good as what I'd planned on buyin' her. When one of the options is a villa in France, a Harry Winston rock just isn't impressive. But that didn't apply here.

"Jasper Hale! You stop that right now! You know how overwhelming it is for me and since I doubt you actually want to know if Bella is JFK's and an alien from the planet formally known as Pluto's love child; I'm going to assume this delightful little chat is over."

"Bye Alice, and….thank you." Damn those words stung like whiskey rolling off of my tongue; however, it was a huge load off of my shoulders and a name off of my immediate shit list.

I'd been so wrapped up in my thoughts and little talk with the ex, that I was completely blind-sided by the fist that plowed into my left cheek with all the force of a Mac truck, snapping my head to the side. Slowly turning back to face the bastard, I ran my tongue along the inside of my cheek, which was now leaking venom from its collision with my razor-sharp incisors.

"I get that you want answers, Major, we all do, but involvin' that pocket-psychic won't help a damn thing. You don't need 'guidance from beyond', you need to get your fuckin' head out of your fuckin' ass and deal with this shit." He dropped into a crouch to mirror mine as I snarled at him. Anyone else and I'd be toasting marshmallows over their asses already.

"Did you forget who the fuck you're talkin' to, son?" His voice also matched my hard tone as he spat his response.

"I'm not the one who's forgotten who you are,_ sir_. My brother doesn't need his disloyal, superficial ex-wife to tell him what to do. My sire doesn't rush into a fight he wants to win without every bit of information he can gather. My Major doesn't lose. And the God of War I know doesn't sit on his goddamn pussified ass all motherfuckin' day when his fuck-awesome mate needs him. So, I ask - who the fuck are you?"

As he finished his diatribe, I tackled his sorry ass to the ground and after a few minutes of crashing through the underbrush and a sharp uppercut to repay his cheap shot from earlier, we stood toe-to-toe; both tired of this shit and ready to be home.

"I am Major Jasper fucking Whitlock. Challenge me again and I'll string you up by your motherfuckin' tongue; giving Char only a string of your teeth and your balls on silver hooks to wear as a little memento of your time together."

"So, no more sweater vests then?" I smirked as the cocky bastard pounded my shoulder and took off in the direction of the cabin; of home.

**AN: Woohoo! Last chap was the highest reviewed yet. Almost ninety reviews and I fuckin' *heart* each and every one of you for leavin' me some love. Y'all keep me writing;-)**

**-Lots of wet, sloppy smooches to the gals on the Jasper's Darlins blog, the facebook Darlins, and VampishVixen for pimpin' this little fic out. Much appreciated babes. XOXOXOXOXO **

**OH! REVIEW! *jedi mind trick activated* Push the button...You know you wanna-**


	21. Due for Some Down Time

***grovels* To those of you disappointed in the last chap *pouts* so sorry but I had my reasons. I'd tell you why…..but then I'd have to kill you. Why you ask? Because I'm a ninja. An apologetic but stealthy, secretive, fucker who bakes fuck-awesome homemade bread. That is all.**

**Dear everyone else, thanks ;-) On with the show….. Oh yeah. M rated for beyond obvious reasons.**

**And to the best beta ever, stitchcat, who puts up with me goin' back through and messing up her perfect grammar each chapter. You know I luvs you ;-)**

**And skilial who pre-read this for me; much smooches and glomps bb.**

**DISCLAIMER: Twi-people and plotline belong to SM. I just enjoy fuckin' with them.**

**Chapter 21 Due for Some Down Time**

**J-Mo's POV**

We ran towards home and, though my superior brain was capable of processing many streams of thought at a time, all of them were focused on one small brown-eyed girl that had twisted my world until she was all I could see, and all I could think.

In my time in the South, I'd witnessed three newborns scent their mates. No matter what else was going on around them, their internal compass was always pointing toward their mate. If I hadn't been too damned depressed to care, Peter and Char's fate would've been the same as the other pairs I'd sired: death. Mated couples were a liability; a weakness exposed is a target painted on your ass in the heat of battle.

Mating for our kind is pure instinct; animalistic. The beast within immediately recognizes its one true mate, but feeding from animals tends to dull nature's hold over us; weakening our knee-jerk reactions and allowing us to make more rational decisions.

That rainy day, when I stepped into that diner and Alice bounced up and offered me a new life, I immersed myself in the hope, joy, and love that surged from her tiny body, took her hand, and never looked back. I chose to love her and ignore all else in my quest for a peaceful, quiet existence and she ripped out my heart and did a lil' tap dance on the blackened fucker. Naturally, I wasn't lookin' to get into another relationship. Random fuck - hell yeah. To love, honor, and cherish - fuck no.

I didn't believe in love at first sight and shit. Lust at first sight happens and mating is automatic, but whether it develops beyond physical satisfaction and the fulfillin' of basic needs is up to the individuals. Nobody falls in love; you fall into a fuckin' ditch or off of a wobbly-ass stool when you've knocked back one too many or possibly into a hooker whose mouth is open. You grow into love; it matures over time like a good Scotch, and with true mates this creates a bond that's unbreakable. Even in the shadow of death, they walk it together.

I was fond of Bella, sure, but love?

I thought about how a stray ray of light would bring out her subtle red highlights. How her eyes sparked when her temper flared. Her snorts and giggles at Garrett and Peter. Her scent that, like her body, had moved on from childhood; matured but still oh-so-mouth-watering. Her inner strength and her quick, cunning wit. Her confusing thoughts that made perfect sense only in the context of Bella. Her desired independence and her emotional fragility. Her incredible ability to love mythical creatures, despite being burned time and time again. Just everything that was Bella.

_Mother-sucking donkey-fucking titty-poundin' shit-faced son-of-a-whore - _I'm the dumbest fuckin' empath to ever pull on boots. I shit you not.

Lovin' her wasn't going to be a problem, obviously. She'd already carved her own little spot within in my soul, and now that I recognized it, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do next. Damn it! See, fuckin' weakness exposed.

Due to my Southern upbringin' and my protective possessiveness, I'd always shielded Alice. But what had been a matter of thoughtfulness and choice with her, had come automatically with Bella. Every decision I'd made so far was based off of what she needed; what was best for her.

Thinkin' back on my reaction to her 'death' months ago and, yet again, to yesterday and the aftermath of the doc's fucked-up announcement, my denial-laden shit-streaked glasses shifted to crystal-clear transparency. I knew now, as did every other vampire that had been in that room then, that I'd found my true mate. It was the only logical reason why I'd mourned her to that extreme, and why she survived last night no worse the wear. Not even in any danger.

"By fuckin' George, I think you figured it out. Took you long enough."

"I'm gonna need your help keepin' this asexual, Fucker."

"I think you've got me confused with that hole-stuffin' Manginapire you called a brother. Try that happy-go-lucky bastard back at the cabin; he might be of some assistance in that department. Or, ya know, keep usin' words like 'asexual'."

"Edward's no brother of mine, Asslick. You're right though, I needed to talk to him anyway. Garrett's less of a horn-dog; thinks with the head on his shoulders."

"Oh yeah? You might want to wait till you find out what he's done about his human before you go spoutin' off about his level thinkin' and virtuous manner."

"Ah, fuck. You didn't?" Peter raised his hands in surrender.

"I just told him to get rid of her. I didn't care how." I felt his stab of annoyance and flare of anger as he spoke.

"Just what we need. Another fuckin' liability."

I could smell faint traces of Bella all through the woods as we ran closer to our cabin, and I worried that my latest 'slip-up' would be the final straw on the pile that would push her over the edge; finally convincing her that we're creatures to be feared.

I hadn't noticed I'd come to a halt until that fucker blew past me administering a cock punch with deadly fuckin' accuracy. As I doubled over (because I don't care who the fuck you are, whether you're packin' a starter's pistol or my fully-loaded sawed-off, that shit hurts like a motherfucker), he called out through his howlin' laughter, "Just makin' sure you can still man the fuck up, Dickweed. Stop underestimatin' her."

He was right and, fuck me, I was tired of having to admit that. I'd face this head on. It was my way. Honest, straightforward; I'd deal with the consequences of my loss of control. Hell, I'd be willing to grovel at this point.

I was hot on his heels as he burst through the door with a "Honeys, we're home!" Fucker always did have to make an entrance.

My body tensed as I tentatively sought out her eyes to search for any sign that I was still welcome here, by her side, because that's the only place I wanted to be.

All I felt as she flung herself into my arms was the same shock everyone else in the room was feeling for a moment. Until my arms hesitantly wrapped themselves around her slight form and I let out the breath I'd been holdin' since I came through that door; burying my head in her hair at her neck, breathing in her fresh tropical-island scent, as she tried to burrow her way deeper in my embrace. No fear; no panic, just me and her. The way it was meant to be. The way it would always be, if I had anything to say about it.

Feelin' her sudden embarrassment flare I gently squeezed her once more, and though every fiber of my being was against it, I set her on her feet and stared into her big brown eyes as she decided what she wanted to do next. I almost snatched her bony ass back up into my arms as I watched her eyes narrow and felt the rise in her anger. She was just plain ol' pissed off.

Taking a step back, distractin' me for a moment as she puffed out her perfectly palm-sized coconuts, she took a deep breath before givin' me the tongue lashin' I so rightly deserved. But not the one I wanted right now. _Focus on her eyes!_

Fuck my life.

"What the fuck were you thinking, running off like that! You will not abandon me again! Do you hear me? I deserve at the very least a 'fuck off', maybe a 'hasta la vista baby', hell; I'll even settle for a 'take a flying leap off of a three-story walk-up'; but don't you just walk out on me again. You told me I'm worth it; now prove it. Make me believe." Losing her steam, she continued in a heavy whisper, "Show me that I haven't placed my trust in the wrong people again."

"But I killed-" and she clamped her warm hand over my mouth. I had to resist the urge to stick my tongue out for a taste. _Because that wouldn't be awkward at all._

"I don't want your words. I want your sparkly ass not to leave me behind; standing slack-jawed in your glittery dust trail. That's all." I nodded to show my understanding, and she jerked her hand away from my mouth quickly and hid it behind her back. I don't think I could've talked even if I had something to say. That was twice that she'd touched me of her own accord. And I couldn't do anything but stare at her in wonder.

"Stop staring before you freak her out, fucker. She's not naked. There's just no excuse for this shit." For once I was thankful for Peter's nosy ass butting in, because it snapped my out of my dazed and confused state. Luckily, the whole exchange had escaped her notice since she was staring pretty intently at me herself; at least, until her massive yawn broke her out of whatever was goin' on in that pretty little head of hers. I don't think that I really wanted to know.

"It'd be my privilege to help you get to sleep, Darlin'. Can I help?"

She looked in my eyes one last time, and though I wanted to turn away so she wouldn't have to think of the source of the fresh blood that flowed through my veins, her eyes held mine with a force Newton's laws had never comprehended.

"Damn skippy. What do you think I've been waiting on?" And with that she curled up on the couch, closed her eyes, and immediately succumbed to the peaceful emotions I blanketed her in with her lips turned up in a small smile.

Now, to take care of some business. "Garrett."

He cocked his head to the side, just staring at me but I could tell by the bastard's apprehension ampin' up that he knew exactly what I was getting' ready to ask. And I already knew the fuckin' answer.

"You left her alive?" I snarled.

"She is her parents' only remaining child. She helped us to the best of her ability, and I do not kill women. You know this, my friend."

"Damn it, this is not what we need right now. We can't keep leavin' deaths, government institution break-outs, and humans who know too goddamn much behind like graham cracker crumbs leading straight to us. If the Volturi get wind of this -"

"You asked me to get a physician; I did so. Peter told me to get rid of her; I did so. It was my decision, and I stand by it. No matter what the consequences, they rest on my head alone."

"Saying that doesn't change the fact that we'd stand with you and die by you if it comes down to it." I took a deep breath to control my loss of cool. "Are you sure she can be trusted?"

"Yes. I would not endanger your coven or our little one." I felt the burst of familial love and sincerity and I knew it was the truth. Fuck, anyone with eyes knew the same damn thing. This big, bad Revolutionary soldier was at Bella's mercy; she was lucky to have his love but she'd earned his respect and loyalty somewhere along the way too.

I didn't have as much confidence in the doctor as he showed, but I trusted Garrett with my life and now the lives of my coven; that'd have to be enough for now. If it became a problem later; well, we'd deal with it then. I had to admit I was glad to have her out of my fuckin' house at last.

"I have a favor to ask you." I'd said it quietly but it seemed to echo around the now-silent room. A moment later, the pregnant pause was interrupted by Pete, of course.

"We're goin' out. I need to hunt and I'm sure Char has some _needs_ of her own that I need to attend to." He smacked her ass; chasing her out of the cabin with only her giggles hanging in the air behind them. After a few more minutes of nothin' but silence and his conflicted emotions, I continued.

"I don't ask this lightly and I wouldn't at all if I didn't truly feel that it could help her, but I'll leave it up to you." It'd been almost a century since we'd last had a conversation along these lines, but vampires don't forget. Not that he could anyway.

He nodded, showing he'd at least consider what I was askin' of him, and made his way to the back porch rail where he could be found sitting with Bella most days. Settling in for my shift of nightmare patrol, I crouched against the wall and watched her sleep peacefully under my influence for the rest of the night.

* * *

"Hey Fucker, quit pacing. You're wearin' a track in the fuckin' carpet."

This morning had been awkward to say the least; the very least. When Bella woke up, she hardly made eye contact, practically racing to the bathroom, and her emotions were a muddled mess. But for the first time since reuniting, the negative didn't consume all of the positives. She was cycling through so fast though, as soon as I'd identify one, she'd already moved on to the next.

Deciding I'd give her her privacy, I parked my ass in the corner of the room with Vol ll of Lanny Smith's "The Stone's River Campaign" and just waited. For what, I wasn't sure, but I had time; we had time. When she continued to ignore my presence and left for her walk with Garrett, needless to say I was less than pleased. He knew it too. Hell, everyone but her did.

However, I had asked him to do this as a personal favor, and though I belonged to her, she didn't feel the same. Yet. Hell, she may never feel the same, so I'd have to get my instincts under control before I killed any male who happened to venture too close to her. This was all still so new and my skin was crawling with the raw need to just be near her, with her.

Feeling the increased stress from Peter's direction, I wondered what could possibly be his malfunction right now. Weren't we due some down time before the next drama-ball landed in our court?

"Afraid not. Something's comin', Brother. And it's big. That's all I know."

"Bella's out there!" I roared out in frustration.

"She'll be fine with Garrett and you know how my gift works. For me to get so little, this attack, or whatever the fuck it is, is still a while away." The worry he was giving off sure didn't back up the confidence of his words.

"We should head it off before it comes to us. I prefer to choose my fights, not wait for them to choose me."

"Well fuck Major, so do I, but you listen to me. As much as I don't know right now, I do know that it's not time for _that_ fight yet. You're itchin' to go after those flea-ridden bitches and we will. But not yet."

"Why not? Those fuckin' mutts are dead already; why delay the inevitable?"

"You know it doesn't work like that."

"Well fuck your cryptic, unreliable gift and your cryptic fuckin' explanations!" And I headed out the door only to have him block my fuckin' way.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"

"To run a perimeter. We've gotten lazy -"

"Preoccupied -"

"Sloppy. And we can't afford that right now. Too much is at risk." He nodded begrudgingly ,and I headed out to do a sweep of the woods. Hopefully, if Garrett and Bella needed help, I'd be close enough to assist.

I'd been finishin' a fifty mile track when I crossed their scents. Strong traces of liquorice, roses, and salt water mixed dirt and old blood; newborns. Their scents were always stronger and slightly confused because of the amount of blood they consumed regularly. From years of experience, I could separate them and tell with certainty; there were three of those fuckers.

I followed their trail about fifteen miles northeast. They were runnin' in a sloppy grid form, overlapping till they converged together and headed west. Toward the cabin. They were searchin' for something. Fuck it all to hell. Whether it's us or not; they can't be allowed to report back to whoever sent them.

My anger spurred my feet faster, and I reached out with my gift until I found them not that far ahead.

I didn't need luck on my side; I had skill, training, and surprise on my side and it was a damn good thing too because as I came up behind them, Peter's phone, that was still in my pocket, began blarin' "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me". The three stooges zoned in on me quicker than a cheap hooker on an Audi.

Curly, on my left, was mid-twenties, average build, and practically foamin' at the mouth. He couldn't have been over a month old; the same for Larry to my left. But the ass in the center, with the knowing smirk on his face, was a different story. Still a newborn but probably already experiencing the waning of his strength.

Of course, lookin' at Moe, I didn't think he was too concerned with that. This fucker would have a few inches on even Em. He had to have been juicin' it up in his human life, because his muscles took on an almost toon-like quality. As he flexed his biceps, in what I assumed was supposed to be an intimidatin' manner, it looked like the fuckers just kept stackin' up like Lincoln logs. The tendons on his neck drew taut and the veins looked like they were going to burst right through his skin as he crouched and bared his teeth. Oh, this was gonna be fun.

"Let's dance boys." I sidestepped their first grab, easily catchin' Curly in a head-lock as I passed. With a quick swipe of my teeth across his exposed neck, and a well-placed knee to the small of his back, he lost his fuckin' head before the others had even turned back around to investigate the sound of the marble flesh tearing. One down; two to go.

Their fear amped up, and I helped it keep on goin' as I smirked and tossed their partner's head to Moe. Again and again they came at me head-on and, again and again I sidestepped, takin' a small souvenir with me each time. An arm here, a chunk of thigh there. Until Larry got a little sloppy in his whimperin' pain and lost his head. Two down; one lousy mother-fucker to go. All to the tune of the Pussycat Dolls.

"Did the venom put the juice back in your shriveled raisins, Pencil dick?" As he roared and plowed toward me, I jumped over him easily; bitch slappin' him on my way by. "See. That'd be the 'roid rage."

"Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"I think I'll be the one askin' the questions, Hulk."

"Quit playing coy then, bitch, let's do this." I quirked my eyebrow and we clashed together with the sound of our thunder ringin' out for miles around. He got in a few good licks here and there, and a bite to my forearm that stung like a bitch, but as I questioned his stumpy form, I knew I'd won this round.

Before I placed his torso - with his head still attached - into my new bonfire, he found strength enough to ask one last question. "Who are you?"

"The Major." His understanding was immediate and his acceptance was admirable. As his eyes fluttered shut, I had a rare moment of mercy and took his head off before I tossed him in. I didn't like a life taken by my hands and I never took that lightly, well, not anymore, but if it's between my life or theirs, there's no hesitation, no guilt, and no doubt that if faced with the situation again; I'd do the same damn thing.

I monitored the fire until nothin' remained but the sweet stink of the thick smoke and ashes, as I processed my newly gained intel and made my way home.

I could hear them goin' at it the closer I got to the cabin and hearing their game start, I sighed. Pong again. That ancient Atari Pete had dug out of the attic was gettin' plum worn out. I slowed to a walk to catch the end of some passionate bickering.

"Oh! It's on now, Red. Your cheating ass is goin' down!"

"Bring it, Bacon bit." Bella snorted.

"You know, I always bring it, but then it just sits around, twiddling its thumbs waiting for something to do all bored and stuff, but not today. Today it's going to do you!" As laughter erupted from within, a smile made its way onto my face as well. "Hmm. I don't think that came out right."

I hated to ruin this rare carefree moment but what I had to say couldn't wait, and I wouldn't hide things from her. She was strong; she could take it and we'd be there to make sure of it.

* * *

**AN: Hit the button. You know you want to…..**


	22. Progress

**Rated M**

**Beta'd by the fabulous stitchcat. She's just so, well, fabulous.**

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns the Twilight saga.**

**Previously (chap19):**

I didn't stop to mourn the lives lost at his hands tonight, nor did I give heed to the thoughts of my anti-contact campaign and the devil who'd spurred it. No, in this moment, all that mattered was that he was back home as I flung myself with all my might into his waiting stone embrace.

**Chap 22: Progress **

**Bella's POV**

His arms wrapped around me slowly, and though I half expected to freak out, no such thing happened. I didn't feel trapped at all. I felt safe and whole; more than I could ever remember feeling before. As I snuggled as much as I could into the embrace of this man, I caught his scent; and though I'd smelled it before, I'd never fully experienced it. I inhaled deeply, trying to identify its source of yumminess. It was rich dark chocolate, leather, and fresh-cut hay with just a hint of smoke. His cool breath caressed the skin of my neck and caused goosebumps to erupt down my back.

**I'm not sure those are from the cold though….**

_This is not supposed to feel good!_

**That makes no sense. You want it to be uncomfortable?**

_No! Of course not…but it should be shouldn't it?_

**I don't know, but I know this feels right. I wonder if he feels it too?**

_He's just being nice. He took me in and welcomed me and here I attack him smelling all edible the moment he walks in. Oh shit!_

**You just remembered he's an empath, did you?**

I tried to gain my courage to push away as he sat me on my feet, searching my eyes for answers I didn't have right now. But looking back into his, my blood started to boil as I thought about being dumped like a used tire on the side of highway sixty-one once again.

I took a step back and puffed myself up with all of the righteous indignation I could muster to give him a piece of my mind.

**Oh yes. Because you have so much to spare.**

"What the fuck were you thinking, running off like that! You will not abandon me again! Do you hear me? I deserve at the very least a 'fuck off', maybe a 'hasta la vista baby', hell; I'll even settle for a 'take a flying leap off of a three-story walk-up'; but don't you just walk out on me again. You told me I'm worth it; now prove it. Make me believe." I sighed, willing myself not to break down crying in the middle of my rant, but I was just so damn tired. "Show me that I haven't placed my trust in the wrong people again."

"But I killed -" He just had to keep goin', didn't he? My hand automatically shot up to try to keep the stupid from spilling forth out of his mouth.

_He needs to understand._

"I don't want your words. I want your sparkly ass not to leave me behind; standing slack-jawed in your glittery dust trail. That's all." And then I jerked my hand away from his plump lips and venom coated canines and placed it behind my back.

**Cause it's in time out?**

I kept my eyes straight ahead, staring at his chest and watching the rhythm of his fast-paced breathing and tried to figure out what had gotten into me.

_This day is taken on a distinct Wrath of Khan feel._

**Huh?**

_You know; weird alien worms wiggling around in people's heads. Only, should I still be looking at his chest?_

**You mean his well-defined, muscular man board? No, no you shouldn't. And no more Star Trek for you.**

I didn't have the energy to stifle the massive yawn that broke free, and I really didn't want to anyway.

**Hey! He's here now. Maybe he can -**

"It'd be my privilege to help you get to sleep, Darlin'. Can I help?"

I stared into his eyes, wishing I wasn't so weak and that he didn't always have to do this, but at the same time, so thankful that he offered.

_He looks scared, almost?_

**He did just drain a couple dozen people. Here's a crazy notion, maybe he t****hinks **_**you**_** don't want **_**him**_** around since he went all la vida loco on the natives.**

_Well that's just absurd. I'll nip this in its brooding ass-bud now._

"Damn skippy. What do you think I've been waiting on?" I said as I curled up on the couch, and relished in the sleepy juju carrying me off to a land where none of this existed till the sun rose again.

As he lessened the flow of the Mr. Sandman vibes he'd blanketed me in for I don't know how long, I began to think about last night. And by 'think', I mean freak.

_Oh no! All of the hugging and yelling and …_

**Yeah. That happened.**

_How can I face him?_

**What do you mean? You know there were two active participants in that hug. It takes two to snuggle.**

_No, he just didn't want to upset the crazy girl._

**Out of every vamp in this cabin, J-Mo is not the one that never wants to upset you. He's always honest, even when you don't want to hear it.**

_Yeah, but now he knows. I mean, he thought I was broken before, but now he KNOWS._

**Why don't you give him the benefit of the doubt that you gave everyone else and then see what he does, mmkay?**

_But then there's the hug? There was touching. Oh could this get more embarrassing!_

**You know what? I think you've got a little crush on the emo'd one.**

_What! NO! I don't - OH my osh-gosh-begosh! I might - But I can't ! And I definitely can't think about this two feet away from him….. OH! Shower._

**Hiding in the bathroom. That will fool everyone.**

_They don't know what I'm doing. It's not like they exactly remember how long a piss should take._

**So…..your plan is to…**

_Avoid, mix it up with some hide and avoid, and toss in a little more avoid. Yep, that's about it. _

_I think it has potential._

Naturally, when G-Red asked if I wanted to go for a walk I popped up like a freaking daisy, and walked out of the back door toward the now well-trodden forest path. After a while of stomping through trees, Garrett broke the silence.

"How is your day going, Pumpkin?"

"Fine." I answered on autopilot as I concentrated on the ground in front of my feet for any sticks that might jump in the way and try to trip my ass up.

"There is nothing you wish to discuss? Maybe you're confused about something happening?"

**Is he trying to give the 'you and your changing body' speech?**

_My how the roles have been reversed. Seems like only yesterday I was trying to explain a woman's rag-time to him._

**They grow up so fast.**

"No."

**Yes because you won't deal with it.**

_Not won't; can't. And there's nothing to deal with. There just can't be._

"I must confess I had a reason for asking you to accompany me today."

My eyebrows rose in surprise.

_There are no secrets among the vamps so why did we have to leave the cabin?_

**Maybe he feels more comfortable this way?**

"I feel the need to tell you a bit about my past; if you would like to hear it, that is?"

**I don't know if this is such a good idea.**

_But I do want to know more about him…_

**Yeah, but this super serious G-Red is not normal. It's just -**

_Wrong. Yeah, I know but if he wants to tell me; the least I can do is listen._

I nodded and continued walking and watching my feet.

"The year was 1774, the colonies had just petitioned George the Third for intervention with the Parliament and we had begun boycotting British goods. In my home town of Lexington, every man, young and old, had songs of war playing through their heads and the need for freedom singing through their veins. I was no different. To fight for the rights of all men was my vision; I dreamed of a day when my son and his sons after him would be able to pray to a god of their choosing without fear of imprisonment. A day when they could speak their minds in peace without threat of death. This was my dream and I was determined to make it my reality.

"My wife, on the other hand, felt different. She prayed for naught but peace; morning, noon, and night. Elizabeth wanted nothing more than food on the table and my arms holding her each night after she put our William to bed. Not too much to ask for, but sadly I did not always think this. She could not understand a man's need to be his own master; to own his own destiny, and I could not grasp the depth a good woman's love."

_He had a family -_

"It was late, after dusk one evening. I was walking home from a meeting with the men of our town to discuss preparations for the invasion we all knew was coming; I remember taking a shorter path between two buildings and hearing a choking noise. I held my lantern up to shed some light on the situation, and the sight I beheld left the scream from my mouth silent.

"By the time I had turned, I was in its grip and there was no escape. Blood ran down my collar, soaking my garments, and as I closed my eyes, surrendering to death, I prayed for my Beth and Will, for long lives full of peace and prosperity. However, when I awoke with lava flowing through my veins and screams erupting from my parched throat, I was in my four-poster bed staring up at the familiar navy blue canopy whenever I could see past the tears."

_No!_

Sometime during his recitation, we'd both come to a stop. And while I watched his far-away eyes and the emotions playing across his features, he stared off into the woods; seeing a time I couldn't begin to imagine. And didn't want to.

"I do not remember much from the days I burned; other than the pain that is. I do know that Beth never left my side. The doctor was called and told her that she needed to be prepared for the worst. The last day I found that I could think around the pain. It was still very much there, but though I writhed and grunted, my screams tapered due to my curiosity in what was going on around me. I listened and knew where she was.

"I could hear each creak of the floor beneath her knees every time she shifted her tired body. I could smell her tears, and I could feel each panted breath that left her mouth brush across my skin like a warm summer breeze. And I could hear her whispered prayers as if she were shouting them across a vast canyon, echoing in the room."

His voice had adopted such a tone that I knew he wasn't here with me anymore, and though I knew I should probably stop this story before it got to the cover-my-eyes part, my damn curiosity kept my mouth clamped shut and kept me listening to his every word with baited breath.

"When the fire retreated to my heart and I was certain it was finally the end I moaned one last 'I love you' and clenched my jaw, ready to face death like a man and awaiting its sweet release with a clear conscience. The pain was finally at an end and the room was nearly silent. In that minute, I was sure that one way or another everything would be as it was meant to be.

"My wife, noticing my stillness and silence, which I had not been capable of achieving for three excruciatingly long days, placed her shaking hand on my bare chest and when she found no beat, collapsed atop of me in broken sobs. I desired to tell her that I was alive. The plague that had affected me had run its course, but as I drew my first breath in this life -"

"Oh Garrett." I didn't need him to finish. I knew exactly what had happened. I held the hand that wasn't covering my mouth out to stop him, but he shook his head and pierced me with his tortured eyes for the first time since he'd begun his tale, and kept going.

"I slaughtered her, two maid-servants, and the town's physician. I was still trying to get more blood from her drained corpse when the blood lust cleared just enough from my vision for me to realize what I had done. Without a thought, I had taken her life and it sickened me."

"Your son?" I whispered, afraid of disrupting whatever scene he was reliving in his mind, but again my damn curiosity struck.

"God's grace shone upon me in that instance, and for that, I will always be thankful. Will had been moved to my sister's house lest he contract whatever illness had plagued me; therefore, he was out of my reach." Here he offered a small, sad smile before slipping back into his memories.

"Running from my early colonial home, I hid in a cave off of the coastline until my maker came to retrieve what was his. Tiberius, my sire, explained what I had become and what I was now. I wanted no part of it and when I made that known, I was collared. Unwilling to become his protégé, I became his pet; his property. After what I had done, I didn't deserve the freedom I had dreamt of and I had no desire of it either. This would be my penance.

"As all newborns, I was wild, and when pointed in a direction, destroyed everything in my path. I relished in the freedom of belonging to another and only following orders for nearly a decade. I fed, obeyed, and ran only on base instincts lest I remember my path to becoming the monster that I had become."

"What changed?" I had to know. I mean, this tale didn't match the G-Red I knew and loved.

"Well, Tiberius was of Roman birth. He had been a part of the lower class in 27AD but when he was changed, he developed a taste for the finer things in life. He would simply find a nice country home, kill the inhabitants, and move in. In my times, a skilled liar and a satchel of money could cover a multitude of sins. And believe me, they did.

"One day, we arrived on the doorstep of a small southern plantation. Just as I finished draining the servant who had been unfortunate enough to open the door, a little tyke of about three came barreling around the corner and straight into my legs."

I sucked in a sharp breath between the fingers still covering my mouth, but he didn't seem to notice as he continued in his same dreamlike tone.

"I caught the little man before he could injure himself and lifted him to look into his hazel eyes. I sat him on my hip and stroked his raven black, shoulder-length hair as memories of a different time flashed through my mind.

"I had lost a lot my recollections in the transformation, as all do, but I retained much about my family; most likely because of my wife's presence during the transformation. My son's first steps, his first words, watching him breathe at night just to be sure he was still alive and that the Lord that hath blessed us with him hadn't decided to take him home. He had my eyes but everything else came from his mother."

Him clearing his throat reminded me of my desperate need for air and as I drew in a haggard breath, he continued in a level tone.

"I wasn't foolish enough to believe that this child in my arms was mine, but I could no more hurt him than I could have my own flesh and blood in my human life. Tiberius was old and skilled beyond measure, but he had never considered me a threat any more than he would have a dog. I was well trained and obedient; he fell quickly. I collected his body and burnt it along with my collar and found a cave to die in. That is until someone stumbled upon my trail.

"My new friend told me truths I'd never known and never considered. He taught me what it meant to be a vampire and of our laws and few customs. Though I can never forget, he taught me acceptance."

"Carlisle?" Here a bit of my Garrett shone through again in the smirk he wore.

"Always so perceptive, Little One. Yes, he helped me realize that though it was me who ended her life, it wasn't only my fault. Any newborn would have done the same and my creator is the responsible party in that situation, the same as any other newborn."

"I'm so sorry, Garrett. I had no idea."

"Of course you didn't. Only a handful of people do and that is the way I prefer it. Dwelling on it changes nothing and to allow myself to waste away would be a dishonor to every life I take to live."

"But still -"

"No, Little One, I do not deserve nor desire your pity. My reason for sharing my story with you was for you to know that you can make it through this horrible memory that plagues you. You give your past power that it no longer has to have. You will not forget anymore than I am able to, but you can heal; you can overcome and you can be free from this past that binds you."

"I don't know if I can…"

"I do. You can face this when you are ready, and we will be there with you every step of the way."

**You should close your mouth before something flies in.**

_He just told me something ubber private and more than smidgen painful. What do I do now?_

**How about feel honored that he chose to share that with you?**

_I could bake him some cookies -_

**Oh yes. I'd be a gift that just kept on giving as he brought them back up.**

_Or….. I could get in touch with my buried human side and try to offer my gratitude and comfort the way cavemen did long ago._

**I don't think we can hit him in the head with a club and drag him to our love den.**

_No. I meant -_

As I stood there battling with myself and my need to show my 'thank you' to the incredible man in front of me, who had truly become part of my family, no matter how dangerous holding that title actually was for him, I stretched out my arms hesitantly and turned my head to the side with my face all screwed up in concentration.

_Don't freak out. Don't freak out. He's G-Red. Don't freak out._

**You can do this.**

I was already facing him, so all I had to do was take a step, which I took, and now lean in.

_I can do this. I can do this. For him, I can do this -_

G-Red stayed still as a knife thrower's assistant as I closed in. One foot, ten inches, five inches -

_Damn it! I can't do this! ABORT!_

I jerked back, snapped my hands to the side (lest they be tempted to go hug anyone else), and looked at the ground as my complete failure and stupidity threatened to overwhelm me.

**And that is what we call progress.**

_Progress? What the fuck is wrong with me! I can't ev-_

"Little One, Thank you."

His tone alone brought my head out of its shameful bow and looking at my friend kept it up. His face was lit up like a vamp at a blood bank. His smile was back and I was not a little proud that I had put it there. I was a lot.

We walked back through the forest quietly, his hundred watt smile lighting our way, each lost in our own thoughts. Well, either that or he was letting me process my large twine sphere of thoughts, which was all kinds of awesome of him ,cause that was quite a bit to work through.

After safely shutting that load up in my chest of fucked-up-shit where it belonged, I ate my lunch, which was a single serving of charred mac-n-cheese Char had very proudly presented to me.

"Is it supposed to be that color, Lima Bean?" Red stage-whispered, like she wouldn't hear him anyway.

"Shut up, Asshat." I hissed, continuing in a louder voice, "This is just…ummm. So _good_." I squeaked/choked that last word out.

**You know, you've never been a good liar.**

_In my defense, I do have that taste, ya know- tongue meets ashtray, in my mouth. It makes it harder._

As G-Red laughed and Red smirked, I felt the need to wipe that smirk off of his face.

"That's it. Break out the Atari."

Since I couldn't actually kick his sparkly ass all through the cabin, I'd settle for squashing his male ego beneath my sledgehammer of awesomeness. Since Pong was my battlefield of choice, I guess it was more like my paddle of awesomeness.

_Hmmm, sounds less intimidating_

**And distinctly more naughty.**

After having his ass handed to him twice, much to the amusement of our spectators, he then sank to a whole new low. His elbow 'accidently' nudged mine when he sneezed and due to my shock at both, I dropped my joystick and lost the round.

"Oh! It's on now, Red. Your cheating ass is goin' down!"

"Bring it, Bacon bit." I snorted looking at G-Red who just rolled his eyes. Whether at my snorting or Red's blatant cheating, I'm not sure.

"You know, I always bring it, but then it just sits around, twiddling its thumbs waiting for something to do all bored and stuff, but not today. Today it's going to do you!" Oh shit. "Hmm. I don't think that came out right."

**Ya think?**

_Shut up! They know what I mean. At least I hope they do. Maybe I should elaborate._

**By all means, go right ahead. I'm all for you digging that hole of embarrassment just a little deeper. I'll go get you a shovel.**

My retort to myself, which I'm sure would have been chalked full of award winning snarkitude, left my brain as I observed the sudden shift in the mood of the room. The vamps were all slightly vibrating, and had at some time in the last thirty seconds, relocated to a crouched and ready position in front of me. Turning to see what their damage was now, all I saw was Jasper coming through the door.

The vamps straightened and though no one spoke where I could hear, much to my annoyance, they must have all been speaking because it sounded like a hive of bees had just relocated to our little living room. My thoughts were confirmed as J-Mo whistled and announced our first family meeting, coven pow-wow thingy. Actually, his precise words growled out were "Kitchen. Now."

With stiff nods and super-serious expressions all around, they silently made their way to the table except Garret who plopped his ass over the hole in the counter top.

_Okay…..I'll just wait-_

"You comin' Darlin?" Bouncing my head up and down in my shock, doing a fab job of imitating a bobble-head, I high-tailed it to the only vacant chair, the one on Jasper's right side.

"Now I asked -" I had no clue what convo he was just picking up and carrying on with but if I was going to be an active participant; then I needed to know what got their collective drawers all bunched-up and jammed in their unmentionable places.

"Hello -"

**Don't just interrupt. So rude!**

_Fine._

Raising my hand, I waited for him to acknowledge me with more than just his growing smirk.

"Yes Bella?" He said with barely concealed humor over the call-on-me/potty-dance I'd been doing for the last minute in my chair.

"Um, yeah. I was just going to remind everyone that _some _of us don't have super hearing or super speed or… super dazzling skills,"

_Damn! I got a little off of my track looking into his bright red eyes._

**Ya think?**

_Aren't we witty today?_

Clearing my throat of the ball of embarrassment lodged there, I continued. "I mean, I haven't the foggiest what all this is about. One minute, I'm kicking Red's flat ass at pong -"

"My ass is not flat!" I gave him my patented, all-condescending 'sure it isn't' look and nod combo; then continued on.

"And the next thing I know, everyone's all code red. And not the drink kind. Though I'm sure you'd act the same hopped-up on some of that. Anyway, fill me in, my sharp-toothed friends."

I looked around from one to the other, and each in their turn returned their attention to Jasper until I did as well.

"During my perimeter run, I ran across a couple of fresh trails and when I followed them they led me to two newborns and one a bit older. After I subdued the first two, I questioned the third."

"And?" His pause was a little long for my liking.

"And they belong to Victoria. They're huntin' you, Bella."

"What? I have to go back!"

_I can't breathe! Oh God will this never end!_

**You knew**_** he **_**would be looking for you.**

"Calm down, Darlin'. Nothing is going to happen to you." I can't have more people fighting for me. No more blood on my hands!

_I can't risk their lives! I have to go!_

"You are safe, Isabella. Look at me!" Jerking my head up to lock my frightened eyes with his determined ones, everything else melted away. "I'm keepin' you in the loop because this involves you. You are strong enough to handle this, and we'll decide what needs to be done together."

"Silly vampire, it's not me I'm worried about. I have to -" My declaration was halted by his raised hands. Slowly, he reached forward to pull mine out of my hair where I hadn't realized till now they'd knotted themselves, but when he had them free, he didn't release them. He held my hands ever so gently in his, and as I marveled in the foreign but not unpleasant feel, my eyes sought and found his once more.

"You are not leaving us. You're not leavin' me. So get that thought out of your mind for good and let's move on, shall we?" I nodded, still lost in my shock and the sheer terror of the situation I once more found myself in.

_I'll think about it later._

"No, Pumpkin, that's not good enough." _Red. Damn him. _"I want your word that you'll not make some assinine attempt at escape later. No thinkin' about it. If we have to deal with whatever's comin' and worry about watchin' you in case you pull a disappearin' act, we'll be more vulnerable."

**He has a point, you know.**

_But-_

"Your word, Isabella." I nodded, but since his eyes were narrowing still, I figured a verbal agreement was required.

Sighing, I stated, "I won't run or try to escape." I started to fidget, and remembering he was still holding my hands, Jasper let go and continued with the business of the day.

_Huh. I kinda miss the feel._

Turning his attention to Red, he continued, "You, Fucker, told me not ten hours ago that nothing was comin' yet."

_Rut-roe somebody's in trouble._

"No, I said the big bad wasn't comin' yet. That we had time. This wasn't even a blip on my fuckin' radar."

**And he doesn't look too happy about that.**

Char rubbed his shoulders as he continued, "Either my gift is on the blink because of Pumpkin's shield," _Oh great! More - _Whipping his head around to me, glaring again, he continued, "But I don't think that's likely because I'm already so in-tune with her."

"Agreed." J-Mo nodded.

"Or since they meant no harm, just reconnaissance, they slipped through but that would still lead to eminent danger in the near future, so I don't think it's that either. The most logical choice is that there was no danger because they were never gonna make it back to report in. Which unfortunately means the big bad is still loomin' in the somewhat distant future. I think it's safe to say that these events are related though."

"I'll trust you on this one and we'll sit tight but it'll only take them a few weeks at most for Victoria to figure out her soldiers are dead. Before that happens, we'll do some recon of our own. They weren't organized and had very little training, which works in to our advantage."

Everyone nodded in favor and I just stared at my twisting hands, unable to comprehend how any of this worked in our favor.

"Darlin'?" I looked up into his crimson eyes as he spoke to me in a hushed, calm tone, "I don't expect you to make leaps and bounds here, trustin' us, but a hop every now and then sure would be nice." He smirked and continued louder to the rest of our motley crew. "Alright, we're on lockdown until further notice." As he made to stand up, obviously done, Char spoke.

"How about after one itsy-bitsy trip into the city, we go on lockdown? I have a few things I need to pick up, plus food and staples for Pumpkin's human needs." A 'sneeze' from Red's direction that remarkably sounded like 'stop burnin' her food' and a resounding _whack_, followed by G-Red's chuckling paused the convo long enough for me to ponder Jasper's expression. He had been shaking his head when she began, but once she brought me into it, he paused to consider and while he was still debating, she pressed her point, "And she needs clothes that fit. Come on, Major. You said it'd be weeks before we really need to worry." She was sure laying it on thick, even batting those thick lashes (probably creating a hurricane on the other side of the globe), and I could see him battling with himself over what was top priority here.

"I'd like to go out." Growls erupted from around the table. "I haven't been shopping in a couple of years. I'm not going to make a run for it! I just think it'd be nice, that's all." I finished lamely and pushed all of my sincerity toward J-Mo in hopes that he'd, at least, believe me and judging by his slight gasp, he got the message.

"Fine. One more jaunt into town, but after that, only hunting trips will be allowed to give our scents time to dissipate in this area."

"We could always use bear piss again." G-Red just nodded happily at Red's suggestion, seconding that weird-ass notion.

_Note to self: ask about that later_

**Oh yeah. That's need to know shit there.**

"And for the sake of whatever the fuck is left of your fuckin' testosterone, change your fuckin' ringtone." J-Mo spoke, tossing Red's phone across the table, "It's hard as hell strikin' fear into the dead hearts of behemoth, blood crazed newborns when your theme music is the Pussycat Dolls."

My WTF thoughts, and every other sound in our little corner of the world, were drowned out in the boisterous laughter erupting from around the table. While Char restrained hers to chuckles, Red and G-Red went full-blown: pointing, hooting, hollering, the whole nine yards. And as Jasper walked away, lifting only one finger to wave 'goodbye', I knew exactly why he'd saved that little tidbit for last.

**Ya think?**

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**A/N This crazy ass story of ours topped 1000 reviews! I squeed and squealed, gushed and happy danced my little wicked heart out! And I know none of that embarrassing behavior would have been possible without everyone of you taking your time to push the freakin' button. I heart you guys hard! Thank you SO, SO much! I count myself privilaged to be a member of this fandom and, well, just thank you.**

**And another thanks to skilial. I'm her BBBF and she plays my sounding board quite frequently. For fuckery that just goes beyond the limits, go read her sequel to "Loafers". **

**And don't forget to push the button;-)**


	23. Green's So Not My Color

**Yep. Still rated M.**

**Beta'd by stitchcat. Best beta ever! Yeah, she owns a super-sized portion of my super-sized ass. I tend to play with lines after she's already done her thing, so any mistakes belong to me. Thanks to skilial again for takin' a peek and sayin' it was readable. Y'all know she's awesome, right?**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Twilight. Just enjoy playin' with them a little. *evil chuckle***

**Chapter 23: Green's So Not My Color**

**Bella's POV**

Turns out our final foray into the real world was an all-day event. Much to our collective chagrin, Mrs. Red seemed to be a firm believer in the mall. And not the rinky-dink outlet ones with irregular sizes and the token Payless store; oh no. Char wanted a, quote: 'real mall', complete with food court and carousel.

_Maybe she likes the ponies?_

**Or the gold poles. You know her and Red are super freaks.**

And I was discovering that what Char wants, she usually gets. There were none meeting her specifications within a three hour radius which, according to her, worked to our advantage. "We're so far away from where y'all picked her up that no one will recognize her, and if they do, which they won't, we'll be far enough from the cabin that they'd have a damn hard time trackin' us. Plus, we're in the truck so our scents won't be a problem. It makes perfect sense." She declared, all the while buffing non-existent flaws out of her French mani'ed nails.

So after a short night of emofied dreamless sleep, we piled (J-Mo and myself in the back with Peter driving and Char next to him, and Garrett next to her because apparently even vampire men don't like to ride bitch) into Red's much-loved truck before the sun had even tried to peek up from the horizon; however, I was sure to let them know how little I appreciated waking up at the ass-crack of dawn.

_Need caffeine._

Of course, they'd done their homework and everything was supposed to be overcast and dreary for the next couple of days, so they had nothing to worry about, aside from my grumpy ass, which was still caffeine-less.

_Meaning no coffee, no coke, no caffeine. Nada._

**Yeah. Got that.**

While stopping for gas an hour later at a little mom and pop shop that looked like it came directly from the set of Deliverance, my bladder, which had refused to cooperate before we left, came out of its slumber with a vengeance, and I exited the extended cab rapido', alerting them to my emergency. As my status as an endangered species had been recently reinstated, I needed an escort inside. And apparently, J-Mo got the short stick this time.

Slowly approaching the clerk who bore a disturbingly striking resemblance to Jabba the Hut -

**I told you no more Star Trek.**

_For the love of Wookies and awww-able incest! That was not Star Trek! I'm pretending I don't know you now. You are shunned._

**I thought we decided not to mention the accidental reading of that Amish/Christian romance-but-not-really paperback atrocity.**

_If I weren't shunning you, I'd shiver in remembrance of that sad, sad day in my literary history. But I am, so I'm not. This is me shunning you._

_You are so shunned._

I asked for directions and after Jabba the clerk pointed us in the right direction with a grunt, I hurried on my way toward the back corner of the store, but not before casting a glance back to make sure the clerk was still perched on whatever was underneath all of those folds, only to discover him staring at J-Mo in a very 'Mmmm, chili-cheese tater tots' sorta way. A second later and Jasper suddenly decided to wait for me right outside the door of the restroom that I was still holding open because I was trying to figure out -

"What's that guy's problem?" Smirking, Jasper answered.

"Bella, that's a woman." I snorted at him and rolled my eyes in disbelief, peeking around him to confirm my assumption.

"I beg to differ, Hoss, but the prominent five o'clock shadow, well-groomed mustache, and over abundance of arm hair support me here."

"Darlin' , as much as I'd love to stand here, breathin' in the stench of waste wafting from the ladies room while arguin' with you, we need to get back on the road." Leanin' in he whispered, allowing his cool breath to skim across the shell of my ear, "Besides, your voice carries and this shop is not all that big."

"Oops." I whispered, remembering to use my inside voice, and peeked around him one last time to the poor, gender- ambiguous clerk now studiously ignoring us. With flaming cheeks and a small apologetic smile, I hustled into the less-than-pristine ladies room.

Only to then be piss-blocked by my stage -frightened bladder. I don't know what the big fucking deal is, because it's not like every vamp in the cabin hadn't heard me 'go' every time I copped a squat but still…

_C'mon! Pee-pee in the potty, pee-pee in the potty!_

**NOOOO! Not the potty song!**

_Hey. Not helping. Everybody now….pee-pee in the potty…_

As I continued to plead, sing, beg, and bargin for my urine's release, I heard the gruff voice of that slurpy jockey right outside my door.

"Is your sister okay? Want me to go in and check on her?"

"NO!" I didn't exactly 'yell' it but I know he heard me loud and clear as he suddenly struck up a conversation with him, errr, I mean, her….it; yeah it.

"She's not my sister." _Damn right I'm not! _"But she is family."

"Oh! That's so nice of you to take care of her."

_What? Like I need him to 'take care' of me!_

**Newsflash, oh-piss-less-wonder, you kind-of do.**

_But it didn't know that._

**I don't think it - I mean **_**she -**_** meant anything against you. You and your bladder are just too damn sensitive today.**

_Is she flirting with him?_

"That was really kind of you to offer your assistance, Ma'am." And while I threw-up a little in my mouth at him using his thick accent to charm her, she chuckled, her voice getting deeper and gruffer.

"Where are you from, Cowboy?" Resonated from her plentiful jowls.

_Oh hell to the no._

I couldn't just keep squatting here and not say anything.

**You really could, ya know.**

_Nope, not within my puny, human power. Plus my legs are getting shaky and I refuse to make contact with this seat._

"Don't mind me. I'm just the human trying to relieve herself while you chat up the bearded lady." I whispered, knowing damn good and well he'd hear every syllable. Hell, he could probably register my shivers of disgust as I thought of the perks having all of that back-fat to keep him warm during the frigid winter.

_And the dual rows of breasticles are sure to entice any man._

**Wow. You're being awfully catty.**

_Am not._

**How can I argue with that brilliant defense?**

_It's simple; you can't._

The conversation beyond the door lost my attention as I pondered more important things. He couldn't possibly be into her, even though there's a lot of her to be into. I mean, some people are chubby-chasers and enjoy a lot of junk in the trunk; they get off on the jiggle in the wiggle, but he was married to the perky, skeletal pygmy for ages.

_If this one bounced around like his ex, it'd register on the R__ichter scale. I mean _-

**Green is so not your color.**

_He'd have to bite her like seven times before he even hit a vein. Wait, what?_

**You're jealous.**

_Am not._

**There it is again. That brick wall of logic I can't possibly get around.**

_Seriously, I have no reason to be. It's none of my biz if he wants to slap the fat and ride the wave in._

**First of all, Ewwwww. Secondly...no; you know what? Actually, I'm not going there with you while hovering above this STD factory. But I'm right. Just so ya know.**

_Am not._

**That wasn't**** whiny at all. Or repetitive. Anywho, may I point out that if you were jealous, which I know you weren't, but if you **_**were **_**- I'm pretty sure that's an emo -**

_Oh SHIT!_

And the acknowledgment of the freakin' empath behind the door shocked the piss right out of me as I embraced my horrible embarrassment. After finishing my business and scrubbing my hands with the garage-grade soap available, I paused with my hand on the doorknob and rested my forehead against the thin wooden barrier that was all that prevented me from facing my pettiness and humiliation.

"Bella?" I didn't know if I could open the door. "Darlin'? You comin' out or am I comin' in?"

**Well that settles it.**

I mustered all the false bravado I could and wrenched open the door, only to face an amused J-Mo and a hairy arm with a wonderful cup of caffeinated goodness extended toward me.

"Danielle got you a cup of that coffee you've been hinting at wanting all mornin'."

I snorted as he said 'hinting' cause I had actually spelled that shit out, C-O-F-F-E-E, much to G-Red's amusement. But as I thought about how mean I'd been, my guilt lashed at me and I couldn't think of a way of apologizing without adding to the unknown insult.

"I'm sorry, sir, uh, ma'am; I mean To Whom It May Concern: um….yeah. I'm just gonna go." And I took off like an alter boy from a dirty priest. Toward the Ford where the bellowing laughter was putting the shocks through hell. Climbing into my seat with my cheeks all a-glow as they attempted to straightened their doubled-over hysterical states, I truly felt guilty about the nasty things that I'd thought about that person I'd never seen before in my life. I don't ever criticize people like this; I don't know what got into me.

_Maybe it was the lack of coffee? I've never been a morning person._

**Yeah. Sure. Just as long as it has nothing to do with the blond god-like manpire strutting toward us.**

Looking up, I felt my embarrassment and guilt rise again but as Jasper took the seat opposite me, Red cut through the sudden silence with "Don't worry about it, Pumpkin. Dan just needs to develop a thick skin. Thick-er I mean."

And as we all turned to look at him in barely-concealed shock, chuckles once again broke out as he answered our looks with a simple, "What? Too soon?" Only this time, I joined in; foregoing my wallowing for a while.

When we finally arrived and the vamps chatted amongst themselves about where-all they wanted to go, I wandered away casually toward the elevator and just sort of stepped on.

_I should run now._

**Nope.**

_They'd be better off without me._

**Negative.**

_They just feel sorry for me._

**Why should they? You're feeling sorry enough for yourself right now. Are you wanting more balloons? Is that what this is about?**

_NO! Of course not. Not that the balloons weren't nice but they are in danger and it is all because of me. Those are facts._

**I'll give you a fact; you gave your word. I get that you think you have very little to contribute here but I think you're a bit biased. So how about we let them make their own choices and we'll just wait and see how this fucking cookie crumbles, mmkay?**

To run and head to my instant doom or to stay and keep my word, this was the question.

_Damn it! I'm many things but a liar isn't one of them._

And as Red looked up and winked, I knew I'd made the right choice. I stuck my hand in between the closing doors and called out, "You guys coming or what?" And they all walked over, looking entirely too happy about riding in an elevator.

A little while later, after ditching the guys, found us gals walking through the old, run-down mall, eating my egg roll that Char kept shooting dirty looks like it'd talked shit about her momma. Elaborating on her need for more panties as we made the turn into Victoria's Secret, holding up each example as she explained;

"I have this system, Sug. It expresses better than words ever could what my mood is for the day. See there's the lacy G that's my way of letting him know I'm as horny as he always is right now and open for business. Then there's my everyday panties: cheekies, hiphuggers, and bikinis that give him fifty-fifty odds based solely off of my mood, which he'll go for one hundred percent of the time, guaranteed. Next, we have my boyshorts, which are still sexy as hell but serve as a flashing red light letting him know that not only is there no chance in hell he's gettin' any, but I'm also takin' care of my own needs for the time bein'. And for when he's been very bad and not in a good way, I go bare." The mystery shit that filled this fried little roll of heaven dribbled out of my gawking mouth, as I lifted my head from staring at her now empty hands to staring at her serene face like every other woman, and that lone creeper dude that can always be found lurking in a lingerie store, in a five foot radius from her. "And as Peter already knows, I'm bare as a modern-day cooch right now."

Handing me a pile to sort through, I felt the need to remind her that I was in need of no such system, and though my heart prickled a little at the thought, I probably wouldn't be. Ever. "I've got the clothes you bought me; I don't need more."

"Oh, you do; trust me. Though I'd like to force you to shop, I won't as much as it pains me; however, a grown-ass woman such as yourself should not live out her days in a Hane's four pack of granny panties. It's just sad."

"But…I don't have any money." I whispered, looking down.

"Pumpkin," She spoke slowly.

_Once again, my rank has been reduced to the mentally challenged -_

**Or the non-English speaking.**

"You're a Whitlock now. What's ours is yours and trust me, we have more than even I could spend, and now, so do you." With that, she slid a black credit card into my hand and walked away. I knew she wouldn't go far but it felt nice to have a choice in the matter. My last undergarments were hospital issue, so my new duds had definitely been a step up; however, Char was right. It was time to grow up.

They wanted me to spend their – _our _- money. Fine by me. For however long I had left, it wasn't going to be spent worrying and arguing over the petty. Money held no importance to me, and I'd always thought the vampires I'd known just threw it away, but maybe it just held no importance to them either. It wasn't just frivolity; maybe they had their priorities in better order than I did. Money was expendable.

**And therefore totally spendable.**

Gripping the card with new determination, I wadded through the masses of lace, silk, and cotton ready to begin my transformation one small step at a time. As shallow as it sounded in my head, when that new bra and panty set slid into place, I felt a little bit better about myself. I mean, I looked down and I had cleavage peeking back up at me.

_Not to mention, my ass lost a good twenty years from shedding those briefs._

Unfortunately, the new pretties high wore off almost instantly as I stared at my marred, too-naked body in the mirrors surrounding me. The deep and jagged scars that creased my skin threatened to make my stomach roll in remembrance of that day but I shut that shit up quick.

**Score one for Team Compartmentalizing.**

Just not quick enough to stop a couple of renegade tears from leaking out. And no sooner had I wiped them off then I found myself not so alone in my dressing room.

"Char! Do you vampires have no boundaries?"

"Are you ok, Sugar? I smelt the tears." She paused here but since my heart was still lodged in my throat, she continued, "You know I'm here if you ever need to talk." I nodded slowly as I looked into her eyes and searched for the disgust and the shock that were surely present at seeing my body without all of my customary layers. "What?"

_Can she not see how hideous I am?_

**Maybe she doesn't care. And yes, you're still staring.**

Jerking my head to shake free from the questions and doubts clawing at my mind, I answered honestly, "Why didn't you flinch or avert your eyes when you saw me naked?"

"Are you shy, Pumpkin? Cause I'll let you in on a secret; I've got the same parts." She whispered conspiratorially before smirking at me.

"No, I'm not shy and though we may have 'the same parts', mine are far from perfect." What had started matter-of-factly with my head held high had ended with me examining the industrial carpet beneath my feet.

"Perfect? Is that really what you think?" She heaved a sigh and sat down like she was as worn out as I felt and as I covered my scarred form, I sat across from her and waited for whatever was supposed to come next.

"A few decades before you were a twinkle in your daddy's eye, we had just come back from a crippling defeat on the outskirts of Mexico City. Only five of our army of twenty-three survived, in addition to the Major and _Maria. _It wasn't the normal procedure for her highness to accompany us into battle but Mexico City wasn't just any battle. It was her Holy Grail, and she coveted it like none other."

_And if nothing else comes from this spontaneous sharing, she scores some love for the Monty Python reference._

"What she didn't expect was three covens joining forces to defend their territory. Anyway, when we arrived back at our base camp, it was burning and the three newborns that had been left to secure it were torn and scattered around the perimeter. It wasn't often that Maria was ambushed between Jasper's gift, Peter's 'hunches', and her own cunning, but as the newborns from the young, Pledras Negras coven began their attack with their scents masked by the plumes of thick smoke, we were definitely surprised. There were seventeen newborns, which normally wouldn't have been a problem, but Jasper and Peter had veered off to hunt."

Once more my stomach was doing the rumba as I thought about the scene replaying itself behind her closed lids.

"By the time they reached us, there were only two of us still standing and Peter said that the only thing keeping me on my feet was my stubbornness, which is partly true, but I knew like every newborn over a week old in Maria's camp that if I fell I'd never get back up. Peter jumped into the fray and beheaded the two focusing on me immediately. He picked me up and gathered my missing bits and ran us about a mile outside of the conflict, to a shed on the outskirts of the property that hadn't been deemed worthy of being burnt to the ground like the rest of the camp.

"Newborns, which was what I was though my strength had begun to wane, who were as badly damaged as I was, were automatically destroyed after the battle was over. Nobody had the patience to piece them together and even if someone were so inclined to, Maria would never allow such a waste of time on something so easily replaceable.

"But what she didn't know, what no one knew besides the Major, was that Peter and I were mates and he could no more ignore my pain than resist the urge to feed. It was instinct, as was what followed. While Jasper finished off the remaining intruders and Maria tried to tame the fire destroying the ranch, Peter lovingly tended to me."

As she paused we both cleared our throats and she stood and began to undress.

"Um, Char?" I whispered.

She didn't say anything, just continued her robotic stripping. When she was finished, she asked, "Now, what do you see?"

What I saw were slightly, shimmery crescent shaped marks dotting her entire mid-section and a jigsaw line where her left arm met her shoulder. When she turned around, though her back was looked smooth, when she turned slightly and caught the glare of the overhead light at an angle, I could see the patches where someone had pieced her flesh back together. But, though she had scars, she still looked nothing but beautiful. If nothing else, it told of her strength. And I told her so.

"Then, Sug, why would I view your scars any differently? Do you think I'm that shallow?"

"No, of course not. It's just -" I sighed. "You're right, I'm sorry."

"Water off a duck's back, Hon. But I'd just think twice before judging a vamp by the dazzle. Just sayin'." I nodded and we both, thankfully, put our clothes back on.

And for some reason, it was just occurring to me that none of the Whitlocks had Disney stories to tell, but they were all still here and happy and the best people I'd ever known. So, maybe one tragedy doesn't have to mark more than my skin and my dreams. Maybe I can be happy too someday.

Just maybe.

* * *

**AN: So, I saved this for the end cause it was going to be long, but ubber important. So important, in fact, that there was no way I could forget it, so there was no need to write it out before this went to be beta'd….You see where this is goin' don't you? Yeah, I suck and totally forgot whatever the hell I was going to put here.**

**Review People! It makes me happy:-)**


	24. Thirty Days of Bella

**Long ass ****AN at bottom ;-) For real this time…**

**Much love and ****mad props to my beta, stitchcat, Queen of Hyphenation! Cuz I have no clue where those little fuckers go. Maybe I'll google it.**

**Disclaimer: The Twi-verse belongs solely to S. Meyer and I thank her for letting me warp her world.**

**Chapter 24****: Thirty Days of Bella**

**Jasper's POV**

Our outing had been a success and very beneficial. Not to mention, I definitely picked up some jealousy from Bella during that pit stop yesterday morning. Truthfully, it disturbed me that she would feel threatened by some random Quicky Mart clerk, and it spoke volumes about her self-perception and self-value, but as long as I'm being honest with myself, I'd have to admit that I got a big fuckin' kick out of the show. Besides just being hilarious in and of itself, for her to be jealous, there has to be some desire there; some want. I knew it couldn't possibly be much at this stage, certainly not enough for me to pick up on with all of her stronger emotions of pain, worthlessness, and fear, but it was enough to give me hope. And that was more than I'd thought I'd possibly have for a very long time.

While at the consumer wasteland, we split off from the women. "Remember, Fucker, always be prepared." Peter smirked but before I could ask what the fuck he meant by shouting boy scout mottos at me, he and Garrett veered off into the electronics store, leaving me to wander the hormone-ridden teen scene alone with only my cluster-fucked thoughts to keep me company. That is until I started to break through the wall of 'duh' I was stuck behind and began to think like the soldier I was, the soldier I am.

The only time I ever went into something without a plan of action was when I walked out of that diner hand-in-hand with Alice. I'm nothing if not a man that learns from his mistakes. Plans can fall by the wayside and then I'm all for improv, but – Damn it! That ass pirate was right; it always pays to be prepared. With my new objective clearly in the forefront of my mind, I set to the task of gathering what I'd need to make it work.

It was still a strangely foreign feelin' to be trusted, without so much as a second thought from my vampire companions, to be among humans without fear of me attackin' one. Bloodlust was no longer an issue for me, but still, if I'd been with the Cullens, one look past my brown contacts to the red rim around my pupil would have brought on the judgement and the babysitters for the next ten years. It felt damn good to be my own man again.

On the way home, we stopped at the grocery store to load up on Bella's provisions, and once we were back at the cabin, we took turns goin' for quick hunts in pairs, so that everyone had their back covered. I knew we were takin' a huge risk dependin' on Pete's gift so heavily for a warning of the comin' danger, but my gut told me it was the right thing to do - and he'd never let me down yet. When Char and Peter returned with dawn's early light followin' hot on their heels, we began what was sure to be a long few weeks cooped up in my two-thousand square foot, rustic cabin.

Day one: Bella ate Cheerios after we aired out the smoke from Char's attempt at makin' French Toast, which inspired me to break out one of my purchases from yesterday. I knew that Bella had taken care of herself and her parents for years; I deduced using my massive vampire intellect that she knew her way around a kitchen, even an outdated one such as this. I also knew that she allowed Char to cook for her, more because of Char's need to be needed and her own selfless nature than any other reason; so as she finished the last dregs of her breakfast, I plopped my offering in front of her.

Putting down her bowl, she tilted her head sideways as she read the title, and then looked up at me in surprise. I winked and answered her unspoken question, "I thought that you and Charlotte could learn together."

With the dawning comprehension that she may not have to choke down unidentifiable charcoal briquettes for dinner anymore, her gratitude and a shot of adoration pierced me, and I left the room with a bit of a pep in my step and a goofy-ass grin plastered to my face.

Day Two: Due to no small amount of bitchin' about comin' down with cabin fever and goin' (and I quote) crazy like a moose from Bella, we unveiled our quarantine kit, which basically consisted of board games, dvds galore, and a new Xbox with a good selection of games. I'd also picked up a few compilations of some literary classics: Shakespeare, Jane Austin, and Mark Twain that I thought she'd enjoy and a few history books for myself. Hopefully, between all of our recent purchases and us four, we could prevent the dreaded Moose Madness.

Day Four: "That's not where I set my queen! It should be check mate!"

"Oh but, String Bean, it is."

Standing with her head held high, she declared proudly, "I vow on whatever it is besides Char's tatas that you hold sacred, I will find a game that you can't cheat at, and on that day, you can consider your ass whooped."

Day Six: Well, the fucker made it six days without any release, I guess I can't bitch too much. It was bad enough that every grunt and whisper sliced through the stillness of the night and I couldn't exactly go for a run, what made it ten-fold worse was that I could feel every bit of that shit too. I'd thought I had a pretty good hold on my gift but as Garrett took off toward the bathroom in need of a sudden shower, I thought guess not. And fuck me hard and long, if I wasn't hard as a fence post and according to my cock, it was high-fuckin'-noon here in the cabin. God did I want to be buried in some warm, moist ground of my own at the moment.

I hadn't blown a load in five fuckin' months that wasn't self-pumped and primed and my situation here was getting dire. That was the root of my current fuckin' predicament right there. Before, I had Alice to plow into to relieve tension. Sure there was a time for makin' love and shit but sometimes…..sometimes it's just flat-out, desperate need. Especially as an empath and as a man forever frozen at his sexual peak. Not that I minded, but fuck! I'd never had to learn self-restraint before because even in the hormonal cesspools that pass as education centers in this country, Alice was more than happy to christen a janitor's closet or a teacher's car. As long as I didn't mess-up her hair, she was good. Before that, it was Maria and whoever the fuck else I wanted.

At least thinkin' of that bitch took some of the giddy-up out of my stallion.

Glancin' over at her curled form sleepin' on that musty ass couch, I was suddenly mesmerized as she stretched out in her sleep and her flannel PJ top and the t-shirt below it both rose just an inch and though her pale skin that glowed in the moonlight was beggin' to have my fingers dance along it, what had captured my attention were the scars that stood striped across her flat stomach vertically; jagged and pink against her snow white skin.

It pissed me off to no end that someone had hurt her; that _he _had hurt her. He would suffer and I would avenge her; I would avenge my mate and his blood would run long before it was cold. It also pissed me the fuck off that this did nothing for my ragin' hard-on. I wanted to kiss every inch of her better and show her how a real man treats a woman. I needed to run my tongue along each of the grooves his claws cut and tell her how beautiful she is, inside and out. I wanted - Damn it! I reached out and quickly pulled down her red plaid top to cover her and scooted back against the wall with my hands curled, and looked away from her vulnerable body.

Because right now, what I wanted didn't matter, what I thought I needed was of no concern. Because what I really wanted more than anything else was just Bella. Remembering how her hand had felt in mine as we sat discussin' the danger coming and our plan of action, I couldn't think of a single time in my long-ass life that I'd felt more complete; unless it was another memory of her.

My whole life, my whole focus had somehow become this one lil' filly and I'd wait for her till the end of time if I had to. How I really fuckin' hoped I didn't have to though. I'd be the first vampire ever with a ragin' case of blue balls, but for her it would be worth it.

I'd been so caught up in my dick-tastrophe that I hadn't been moniterin' her emotions like I should have. Judgin' by her fluctuating feelings, she had started a dream but this one felt decidedly different from the rest. Her fear and pain were there, but they were over-shadowed by her excitement, nervousness, and a hint of…hmmm, desire? Damn I wanted to know what was goin' through her head right now but I couldn't let this go on; however, just as I decided it was too dangerous to wait until it turned dark to sedate her further, she started mumbling.

My mind went back to mine and Em's teasing Stalkerward about sneakin' in to her room each night to watch her sleep until he finally confessed that he liked to listen to her unguarded thoughts; she talks in her sleep. Though I found it creepy as hell back then, my curiosity stayed my shot of lethargy until a second later when my name was sighed sweetly through the pouty lips of the most exquisite creature I'd ever seen.

She said _my_ name.

I put her back under deeply and leaned back with my hands behind my head against the wall directly across from the couch where Bella lay and I closed my eyes, ignoring the fuck-bunnies goin' at it in the next room and the male spankin' his monkey for all it was worth in the shower (after I sent him a fuck-load of agony and then humor right as he was about to blow his load), and focused my thoughts and my gift solely on her. As I breathed a sigh of relief, I felt content. Hard as fuck but content none the less.

Day Nine: Bella spent most of the day reading, but since she spent forty-eight minutes staring at the same page, I figured she was pretty deep in thought about something other than Miss Elizabeth Bennett's problems. Her emotions confirmed this suspicion, as did the crease between her brow that I had the unnerving desire to reach over a smooth out.

As the drugs left her system and she stabilized emotionally, her thoughts were once again her own. Occasionally, when she was particularly upset or when she was off in her own little world, a mumbled thought would still slip through but not nearly as often as last month, which meant that I was left guessin' what was goin' on in her pretty little head, which meant I had no chance of actually figuring it out. Didn't stop me from tryin' though.

Day Twelve: After noon, we broke out the Monopoly, or as it's now referred to, the-game-that-shall-not-be-played. About three hours into the never-ending game, I was in jail for the fifth time and Pete hit Boardwalk, which Bella happened to have a hotel on. The following altercation went a little something like this:

"Where did you get those five-hundred dollar bills from? You paid your one-fifty to the Community Chest with ones and fives."

"Saved it." He shot back at her daringly and her eyes narrowed.

"Like ass, you penny-pinched a wad that size. Don't think I didn't see you reach into your lap. What's he got sproutin' down there, Char? The fuckin' giving tree?"

"Oh, Sug, it gives alright, but not cash."

An hour later, when he 'found' another grand in his crotch, Bella stood up slowly, and with an eerily calm voice announced, "Thanks for the 'family fun'. I'm done," and flipped the board right into that cheatin' fucker's face where it then slid into his lap, which seemed to be where half of the damn bank was stored anyway, with the little silver boot landin' right inside of his gawking mouth as she strolled away to our laughter and Char's applause.

Day Fourteen: She cried as inconspicuously as she could for most of the day, and though I could feel her emotions quite well, I just couldn't understand why.

Day Fifteen: Snow blew in on a fierce wintery wind and provided enough masking for our scents so that we could hunt, and enough that I felt it was safe to venture outside for a while as long as we stayed close to the cabin. I had also hoped that with a bit of fresh air and a slight change in scenery, Bella would cheer up some.

She'd been reading quietly all morning, and when I opened up my gift to feel how she was today, it was definitely better than yesterday. I was still confused and, judging by her emotions, so was she. I tried not to dissect each little thing she felt; givin' her as much privacy as I could in such close quarters.

When Char told her to get bundled up because it was cold outside, as soon as her shock wore off, her excitement almost had me bouncin'. She probably could've given Alice a run for her money, but it was understandable. Everyone was ready to get out, if only for a bit. I didn't know if vampire's could get claustrophobic but if we kept him cooped up much longer, I think Garrett was gonna find out.

As the others made their way to the door, I decided to throw a few logs on the fire to make sure the cabin was warm enough for Bella when she returned. Standin' back up and replacing the poker, I caught a glimpse through the window of Bella and it stopped me in my tracks.

She was standin' with her face upturned and as the wind whipped the ends of hair that were hangin' loose from beneath her knit hat in her face and the snow swirled all around, she just stood still with her arms spread wide; a vision of the closest thing to an angel I'd ever seen. Pink nose and all.

Finally lookin' around she caught me starin', "You comin', Jazz?" She said quietly with a small smile on her rosy lips, knowin' I'd hear her just fine and I smiled, makin' my way to the door.

Day Eighteen: I'd been helpin' Bella sleep since we first arrived at the cabin and I didn't mind one bit. I'm a selfish bastard, but I did wish it wasn't necessary; that I could be with her because she wanted me there, not out of need, but I'd take what time I could get and be thankful for every damn second of it.

Winter had finally settled through the neighborin' woods and with that came the animals hunting for whatever food and warmth they could find. I couldn't blame them; any creature on Earth would do the same.

Bella had been asleep for about an hour, and though I monitored her emotions the same as every night, besides a little calm, I hadn't influenced them tonight; there hadn't been a need. I'd been sitting quietly, reading The Art of War, when the howls started. Before I thought to react, her screams drowned out their din and brought every vampire back to front and center.

They all just stared as I moved to her side and tried to calm her but with those mangy wolves still makin' a racket outside, she was hysterical and her shield was blockin' me, tryin' to protect her as she drew into herself. "Somebody shut those fuckin' dogs up." I hissed. Almost quicker than my eyes could follow, Garrett and Peter were out, leavin' the damn door hangin' on by one hinge.

The howling ceased almost immediately, but her wails continued. She wouldn't open her eyes to my pleading nor Charlotte's. When her heart beat hit a dangerous pitch, I took a deep breath to center myself and bombarded her with as much security as I could and stroked her cheek softly as I knelt down next to where she lay on the couch. Her eyes, already swollen from her tears and panic, opened just a fraction, and when she saw me, the relief she felt warmed me from somewhere deep within. I couldn't contain my own as I held her eyes with mine for 'bout half a second before my thought train jumped its fuckin' track completely and I scooped her up, cradling her still tremblin' form in my arms.

Thought caught back up with me as her breath caught and her heart picked up its pace once more, but before I could set her back down and back away slowly, groveling in the process, she snuggled further into my stone-cold arms and closed her eyes, fisting my shirt in a death-grip for safe measure. I gently swayed back and forth, running my fingers slowly through her sleep tousled hair, keeping the other wrapped firmly around her back with my hand resting on her waist.

And though I could feel the shock, relief, and love pourin' from the others in the room, I just couldn't find it in my power to look away from this beautifully broken girl in my arms and so I didn't. Peter fixed the still swingin' door and then they wandered off to their night-time pursuits, but my eyes never once strayed from Bella. Not for the rest of the night as I sat and rocked her slowly and gently, a leaf floatin' on a summer breeze, ever on guard for the monsters of her dreams.

Note to self: plan the destruction of the real-life versions as soon as possible.

Day Nineteen: More snow; our world was in white-out condition and Bella said it reminded her of the quiet room back in Oakcrest. I asked to hear about some of her time there and she obliged us as we sat around the small fireplace basking in the warmth of the flames and laughing our asses off, for the most part.

With the sleeves of one of her over-sized thermal shirts covering her hands to block some of the heat from the mug cupped in them, she paused to take a drink and glanced out of the window. In three second flat she went from a peaceful almost meditative state to chokin' in her laughter and spit some of the hot chocolate she'd just sipped into my lap because when the sun for the first time in over a week decided to shed some rays as it made its descent, allowing Bella to catch a glimpse of Peter and Garrett's detailed snowmen posed perversely on the front lawn.

"Oh shit Jasper! I'm so sorry!" She was still sputterin' apologies between coughs and flutterin' her hands about uselessly till Garrett tossed her the towel he'd just fetched and she went to dab it on the spilled hot chocolate. The spilled hot chocolate that was on my crotch. I caught her hands right before she made contact, which would've caused a bigger embarrassment without a doubt, and she looked at me questioningly.

"Don't worry 'bout it, Darlin'. I've got this." I could feel her dawning comprehension, and then her horror as her eyes went wide and she glanced down to where her hands were and she realized what she was reachin' toward.

"I need more hot chocolate!" Was all she said as she ran into the kitchen with Charlotte followin' close behind, barely containing her smile.

Day Twenty: One word pretty much sums it up: awkward.

Fuck my life.

Day Twenty-Three: Highlight of the day was definitely Garrett and Peter getting' their asses handed to them by a very cocky Bella on the Xbox. She'd finally found a game he couldn't cheat at, well, yet. "What was that, Red? Was that the sound of me beatin' your ass down again? Yeah, I think it was. I thought you guys were supposed to be big bad soldiers. G-Red got beat down by a grunt for Bob's sake!"

"In my day, Pumpkin, we had to load the powder into our muskets the old-fashioned way. And I'm sure you understand that I've had no need for one since then." Garrett chuckled, widely showing off his venom-coated teeth in a feral smile.

"I think you missed a good opportunity, G-Red. You could've been the original, the only gangsta vamp. Word." And with that, they went back to shootin' for a few more hours.

Day Twenty Five: My book sat open on my lap and I pretended to read as I catalogued every move and slight flex of her muscles in my peripheral vision as she lay on her stomach watchin' Pride and Prejudice, the six hour A&E version, in front of the TV with Char a foot to her left, mimickin' her position and scooting the bowl of popcorn ever closer to Bella.

I could see small drops of sweat forming at the base of her neck since her hair was in a messy bun on the top of her head; I watched as one made its way down to disappear below the collar of Peter's Grateful Dead band tee she had swiped, no doubt to be absorbed by her long-sleeved thermal she wore underneath. As one part of my mind continued to track each little salty beads progress, another pondered what it would taste like on my tongue, and with yet another, I wondered if she was so warm, why didn't she just take the thermal off? I'd caught a snippet of her and Char's talk in the dressing room of that lingerie store but I quickly realized it was meant to be a private chat and blocked that shit while high-tailin' it to the other end of the mall. (Of course, I spared a few seconds to ponder what they were buyin' in there too.) So I figured it had something to do with her scars. With that thought, I remembered the talk I'd had with Pete not long after comin' home.

_"She has some scars."_

_"Fuck, she t__rips over nothin' and has supernatural play mates." He winced, "Of course she has some scars. You talkin' about the bite mark she's sporting, or the nice array she got from her run in with the nomads?"_

_"Yeah, I saw some of those, but that's not what I'm ta__lkin' about. When Garrett and I pulled that perv off of her in her room, she was naked."_

_"I'm not sure what happened, but I think it's from that __dog;__ the one who wanted her for a mate. The scars are deep and jagged; from the hollow of her throat past her n__avel."_

I understood why he gave me the head's up about it now better than I had then. I wouldn't have handled that surprise well, and it would hurt me to hurt her, but now I wondered why she hid them. Surely she must know that we wouldn't care. She is perfect in her imperfections; flawlessly flawed.

"Maybe you should tell her that, ya emo carpet-muncher." He said at vampire speed as he plopped his ass beside me on the couch with Bella's copy of _Emma_ in his hands, "I figured if you were gonna pretend to read, I might as well too."

Sighing, I figured I might as well get this over so he'd leave me the fuck alone and I could go back to my 'reading', "What do you want?"

"I think it's time you tell her your past." Before I could object, he added, "You want her to open up and trust you, you're gonna have to make the first move."

"Yeah, telling someone about my days with Maria would always brings on the trust and the warm fuckin' fuzzies." I said flatly. I still vividly recalled tellin' Alice and then the Cullens. Ali didn't really want to hear it, which was a fuckin' relief at the time cause I sure as fuck didn't want to talk about it. Tellin' the family had been bad though. After they got over the shock and horror, it took them a while to trust me enough to leave me alone with one of the females and I was constantly watched, which Alice encouraged with her 'visions' of me losin' control and Edward encouraged cause his pansy-ass was still afraid of me till this day. He'd seen some of my memories; the ones I'd allowed him to and that was enough for him to keep his distance.

"Pumpkin's not _Alice._" His hiss drew Bella's attention and we quickly focused on the books in front of us. After a moment, she gave up and turned back to the screen, mutterin' about 'rude-ass vamps' and 'secret squirrel convos', and we continued our talk quieter this time. "How do you expect her to talk about this shit when you don't want to face your bitch-baggage from a hundred fuckin' years ago! It's time to nut the fuck up or shut the fuck up. Your choice." Then he stood, stretchin' and left the room with a loud, "Enjoy y'all's chick flick women!" Smirkin' at me over his shoulder.

I sat at the scrubbed oak table and waited nervously for her to finish whatever the hell it was that her and Char had whipped up this time, judgin' by her emotions the mystery shit was good. Bella, noticin' my stillness, asked, "What's up, J-Mo? Got something on your mind, speak up."

I hadn't ever been this nervous about how something I'd done would be received. I mean, sure, I'd been ashamed of my actions before and not looked forward to fessin' up but this - more precisely, her reaction to this - I fuckin' dreaded. I'd always accepted responsibility and faced the consequences like any man should but this was a whole nother pile of shit. What if she couldn't forgive me? What if she didn't understand? How could she? My jaw flexed and I sat up a little straighter as Peter's words from earlier wafted through my mind, "It's time to nut the fuck up or shut the fuck up." I'd asked Garrett to tell her his painful past, how could I not do the same? And so I began.

"Darlin', how much do you know about my past?" Her emotions confirmed my suspicions.

"Nothing. Just that you had a 'different' upbringing." She was confused and I was mildly pissed, not surprised at all, just irritated. They were always ashamed of my 'upbringin' so they never volunteered information about me and at the time, I couldn't give a fuck. I was just along for the ride and a little R&R. I blocked her emotions as best I could, took a deep breath and began.

"The year was 1861 when I joined the Confederate army." I told of my promotion and my misguided chivalrous attempt to help a few stranded females. I told of my bloodlust and my time with Maria. Of death and terror, both by my hands. Of instant satisfaction and ultimate depression. Of the ones I sired and then destroyed. Of the ones I couldn't and their escape.

I told of Peter's return and of hearin' of a different way to live. Of walkin' away without ever lookin' back with nothin' to my name except the shirt on my back and the boots on my feet. Of continued depression and tryin' not to feed to avoid the inevitable guilt spiral. And finally, of that day in a little diner in Philly and meetin' the woman I thought I'd be with for the rest of my life. And then I trailed off, looking at the table, and waited.

Waited for her to tell me how disgusted she was. How she never wanted anything to do with me and that she should've listened when we told her that we were monsters.

I looked up as I heard her chair scoot back and she made her way around the table, placing a warm hand on my cheek as I stared at her in confused wonder. She had tears streamin' down her face once again, but as I opened up to feel what she was, I knew that these precious tears she shed were for me. She was mourning for my suffering and she was givin' off…pride? And it was directed straight at me.

"You are the strongest man I've ever known." She pecked my cheek gently and walked away, leavin' me gawkin' after her like a fuckin' idiot with my hand over the spot her soft, warm lips had just blessed with a kiss.

Day Twenty-Eight: "It's about time for you and Garrett to go scoutin'," I said quietly as he leaned against the wall right next to me, where I'd been watchin' Bella, through the living room and into the kitchen, as her and Char worked on a batch of banana-nut muffins. They smelled like shit as far as food goes but the sparkle in her eye as her and Char worked seamlessly together was a thing of pure beauty.

"Hell yeah! But I'm takin' the wife too. She's always whinin' about how we never go out anymore, I never take her on romantic trips, blah, blah, blah…" And rising above the din of Garrett's laughter rang the well-deserved smack to the back of the fucker's head as Char blurred through the living room and back to the kitchen.

"Will Bella be okay without Char here? It'll be only me and her…I don't know." As much as the idea appealed to me on many wrong and inappropriate levels, I wasn't sure if this would set back all the progress she, we, had made. And that wasn't a risk I wanted to take.

"You'll be fine. Besides don't you have something you've been meaning to ask her?" Though he was smirking cockily, his emotions were tender and excited. This is why the fucker was a total keeper. Well, this and the fact that he fights dirty and comes with an amazing woman.

Day Thirty: This was the moment that I'd planned for a month ago; I was gonna try to court Miss Isabella Swan. I was damn lucky that I couldn't sweat and that I was changed well after my voice had changed cause this shit could've gotten real embarrassing. "Remember: a faint heart never won the hand or heart of a fair lady," Garrett whispered, chuckling as he walked by, clappin' me on the shoulder as Bella hurled curses at Pete for his five of a kind in Texas Hold'em.

"Bella, can I speak to you for a minute? Darlin', there's somethin' I've been meanin' to ask ya." When she came to a stop before me, I took a deep breath and just asked,"Would you accompany me on a date the day after tomorrow?"

Her instant joy and excitement gave me hope until they shifted just as quickly to less positive emotions as tears filled her big brown eyes and she said, "I'm sorry. I can't -" And took off into the bedroom, shatterin' my heart as the door slammed closed with a horrible feelin' of finality.

* * *

**LONG ASS A/N: I remembered what I was gonna tell y'all last time! Just a heads up: We're goin' on vacation this week and my husband is gonna be leavin' soon to brush up on his sand ca****stle architecture skills again so I probably won't be updating for a couple/few weeks as we gorge ourselves on family togetherness. To make this up to y'all though, if you review, I'll send ya a teaser for the next chapter sometime in the next week. And it****'s gonna be good if I do say so myself (the chap, not the teaser - well, that'll be good too) Anywho, do me a favor and hold the bitchin' about the late update next time, will ya? You guys rock my flip-flops off (I'm not wearing socks today or you would've**** rocked those fucker's off too, I'm sure.)**

**Oh! Someone requested that I post a warning so here it is:**

**Caution: funny and/or tragic shit may be ahead. Make sure your ass is planted firmly so you don't roll off your bed. Don't read while driving (cause that****'s just irresponsible) or while drinkin'… anything. I do not replace laptops****, even if it is my fault Diet Coke is spewed all over the screen****. I will however offer my hankie to assist you in clean-up. And you might want to consider Depends**** if ya want to keep your pants dry****. Just sayin'.**

**Now originally that was at the top but the A/N was so damn long, I knew people would skip it to read the chap so it got bumped to the bottom. I fear it's less effective here, yes?**

**Pre-read by the wonderful JaspersBella and Skilial (whose awesomeness contributed ****to ****y'all getting' some skin, extra fuckery, AND a worse cliffy) They are my bitches and I heart them (and my Stitchy) hard. **


	25. The Truth

**WARNING! See all the exclamation points! I'm serious. If you're sensitive about rape, PLEASE skip the scene marked off by the lines. Please.**

**This is a heavy chap: RATED M**

**AN to follow.**

**DISCLAIMER: ****S. Meyer owns all Twilight-ish stuff.**

**When we last left the Whitlocks:**

"Bella, can I speak to you for a minute? Darlin', there's somethin' I've been meanin' to ask ya." When she came to a stop before me, I took a deep breath and just asked, "Would you accompany me on a date the day after tomorrow?"

Her instant joy and excitement gave me hope, until they shifted just as quickly to less positive emotions as tears filled her big brown eyes and she said, "I'm sorry. I can't -." And took off into the bedroom, shatterin' my heart as the door slammed closed with a horrible feelin' of finality.

**Chap 25: The Truth**

My shoulders slumped and I felt like wallowin' in the horrible rejection that now filled me, as the sound of the slammed door echoed around the otherwise silent room. For about half a fuckin' second. Then I got pissed. She was gonna tell me why at least. I felt what raced through her when I asked her out, and none of her gut reaction showed anything that would have led to this. If I was gonna fuckin' ask again, and I'm man enough to admit I damn sure was, again and again and again until she said yes; then I wanted -no, needed - to know why she refused me.

As the others exchanged what I guessed were supposed to be covert fuckin' glances to decide who should go on damage control, I squared my shoulders and locked my jaw. By the time they'd decided and Charlotte made her move toward the door, I was ready. "No, Char, I got this."

"Jasper, don't you think I should -" I let loose a low growl to convey exactly what the fuck I was thinkin' right now, and that they'd do best to mind their own damn business for the time bein'.

Without further ado, I marched my ass right to that fuckin' closed door, the sight of which made my nostrils flare in irritation, and instead of announcin' my presence with a knock, I barged right on in with, "What the fuck is your problem?"

"Nothing. I just can't -" She had her back to me but I'll be damned if it was gonna stay like that.

"You can't what? Let yourself be happy? I felt your excitement, your thrill. What exactly is it that you _just can't_ do?" I'll admit I was bein' a dick, but I was gonna get my fuckin' answers this time. No backin' down. No pussy-footin' around. I wanted the fuckin' truth.

"I can't go out with you!" She yelled, turnin' to face me and wavin' her hands up and down, motioning to me like that proved some grand point, or maybe she was just hysterical, who the fuck knows. "I can't be who you want me to be! I'm not perfectly perky with perfect fashion sense and a perfect, teeny body. I'm just a weak human, remember?"

"That's the biggest crock of shit I've ever heard, Isabella, and keep in mind I've known Peter for a long time. I've never once asked you to be anything other than who you are. How about the fuckin' truth, hmm? Let's try that for a change." I said in a scathing tone.

She heaved a weary sigh as she dropped her arms and her head, closin' her eyes, and whispered, "You don't want me, Jasper. You deserve better."

"Who the hell are you to tell me what I deserve?" I took a deep breath to calm myself as I heard the two dicks and Char outside the door discussin' whether or not to intervene. After a near silent hiss from me they made the wise choice to just shut the fuck up, and I calmed myself because regardless of the path this conversation took, I never wanted to give her cause to fear me - aside from the fact that I was a fuckin' vampire of course. I continued in a more subdued voice, made somber by the truth of what I was fixin' to admit, "I deserve nothin' after the kind of life I've led, but I'm a selfish enough bastard to go after what I want, and what I want is you."

"No!" She yelled, plugging her ears and shakin' her head back and forth.

"Just tell me the truth, Isabella." Her name fell from my tongue like a prayer to the Highest of the High. "Just tell me why. Please?" I'd beg if it was what she wanted, I had nothin' to lose here and everything to gain.

"You don't _understand_! I'm _damaged_! There is no 'me' only this! Only _him_." She screeched out with her eyes squeezed shut. "On my body and etched in my skin, it's all _him_!" She clawed at her chest through her clothes as she cried out the words in a bitter wail that tore at my soul, and I stood helpless to do anything but watch the scene unfold before me through the venom poolin' in my eyes.

"I couldn't escape then and I still can't now. In my dreams, _he's_ there! And in my mind, in every cell of my being, _he's_ there! Not a day goes by or a fleeting moment passes when I can't feel _his_ presence. You'll leave too when you know; when you see that _he_ made me _his_." Her crazed, spat-out confession came to a close as she stilled suddenly with her hands knotted in her hair, and finished in a broken whisper "You'll finally see how _not_ worth it I truly am."

I made my way toward her slowly, and gently pried her hands away from their vice-grip on her head then enclosed them completely in one of mine. I then lifted her tear-streaked face back up, and though she wouldn't open her eyes and look at me, her head was lifted as it always should be. She had no need to feel the shame and pure guilt pourin' off of her; I had just wanted to know why, that's all. And I told her so, as I worked on lessening the horrible hold this shame/guilt combo had on her and replacin' it with some pure love and acceptance, I told her so until her bloodshot eyes opened a tiny fraction and she answered "Because if I had said yes, I'd have to tell you. And -". Her thick voice caught here and her eyes clamped shut once more. Her head tried to drop but my finger was holdin' it up steadfastly as I rushed to assure her.

"No, no, no, no, Darlin', shhhh. You don't have to tell me a damn thing. Ever if you don't want to." She stopped fighting to bow her head and my finger ghosted slowly along her jaw line to the side of her face, where I opened my hand and laid it gently against her cheek. She instantly leaned in, even if a little tentatively, still wary about any skin-to-skin contact, and I let out a sigh of relief as just this seemingly small moment acted as a balm to my troubled soul.

Her eyes opened and met mine as she pleaded for my understanding. "Yes, I would, Jazz. It wouldn't be fair to you, to either of us really, to go into this ignorant. This would never feel complete till there's nothing between; everything exposed. And I just can't -".

"Think about it, Darlin' and when you can," I reiterated as she began shakin' her head, " When you can, because I _know_ you can, I'll be here ready to listen and every fuckin' day until and after that one as well. You're stuck with us; this doesn't change a damn thing." She slowly nodded her head, her body was stiff as a board and I reluctantly, regrettably, took my hand away from her face and turned to leave her with her thoughts.

I could hear her arguin' with herself as mumbled thoughts escaped her lips in her stressed-out state; I continued my trek across the floor and just when my hand closed around the brass knob, she called out "Jasper, wait!" I turned around slowly until we were face-to-face, separated only by a few lengths of floor board under our feet and the heavy silence lingering in the air.

**Bella's POV**

On his command, thousands of thoughts, memories, flooded my mind in the seconds it took him to walk away from me, across the small room. I thought about how every night the last thing I saw were his crimson eyes framed by his golden locks. I thought about the day he let me cry, but let me know he was there for me all the same. Games and building snow forts and meals, all made better by just his presence. About the night he held me close, kept me safe in his arms till dawn's light. His smile, his smirk, his thoughtfulness, his ass-ish moments, and his strength.

That last one brought with it the memory of him telling me of the atrocious sins of his past and the horrors entailed within.

_It couldn't have been easy for him to tell me all of that._

**I'm sure ****it wasn't. Anymore than it was for G-Red to cough up his past or Char to play show-and-tell with her scars.**

_But it's different…it's just not the same._

**Yeah, things that are different are often not the same.**

_Not what I meant!_

**You mean your suffering is worse than theirs?**

_Yes, wait. I mean, no! Of course not. But they are strong. I'm just -_

**Just what? You're a member of this coven now. Time to start acting like it.**

_I just -_

**I swear if you say 'can't' one more time, I'm packing my bags and crashing in someone else's psyche**** for a few days. ****That l****ittle engine's looking mighty fine right now.**

_But -_

**No buts; no more delays. You can do this and you will.**

_What if I can't make it through? I swore I'd never go back; I'd never remember._

**You'll never know if you don't at least try. If yo****u want to have that chance at ****the ****happiness that they've all found, ****the peace,****then ****you will. This is that first step. And you shouldn't make vows you can't keep.**

He reached the door as I made my choice, "Jasper, wait!"

**Jasper's POV**

I waited for whatever would come out of her mouth, hoping the determination she was givin' off was for a good decision; preferably one that worked in my favor.

"It was the day the newborns came." I could tell she instantly had more than just my full attention, and I blocked out everyone else and steeled myself for what I knew was comin', more thankful than I could possibly express that she'd decided to trust me enough to tell me this; yet at the same time, dreadin' listening to what would follow. She spoke assumin' that Peter had filled me in on her cliffs notes version of what had led up to this point and he had, which was good. I could feel how difficult this was for her and I didn't want to interrupt her once she got goin', "I had passed out on First Beach after Sam and half of the pack had died protecting me."

I stayed still as she spoke, even restrictin' my breathin', lest I break her new-found determination and concentration. In my mind, I chanted, "I'm here for her. I'm here for her. Bella needs me now, and I'm here for her." Because in a second it would take every bit of willpower I had not to flip my shit and go kill somethin', hell, everything. But I'd had my time to deal with this and retribution was on its way; today was all for Bella.

* * *

**Bella's POV**

And I did what I swore I'd never do; I brought the memory to the front of my mind and soon, I could see it all; feel it all. The spring digging into my ass, the tap-tap-tap of the rain against the tin roof, the smell of motor oil, dirt, and musk. "When I came to, I was on the broken-down couch in _his_ garage." I shook my head slightly to rid myself of the image before explaining, "I hadn't been there in a while, but it had become my haven after you all left, at least until I couldn't ignore _his _flirting and borderline groping anymore. I'd grown close to Sam and Emily, and when Sam realized _he_ was obsessed with me to beyond the unhealthy, using his Alpha timbre, Sam placed an edict prohibiting _him_ from coming near me unaccompanied by another wolf, and he wasn't allowed to touch me.

"You know, it's actually painful for the wolves to disobey an Alpha's direct order. _He_ kissed me once, after Sam had issued it, and ended up howling on the ground a second after contact. I should've kicked his sac in then and saved us all the drama, but no-one thought - I never thought…."

**Agreed.**

I paused for a minute, attempting to summon the courage to finish now that I had started. I felt a bit of foreign bravado make its way into my system, and though I shot him some gratitude, and I truly was grateful for the assist, I said "Thanks, J-Mo, but I need to get through this on my own." He nodded his understanding and I closed my eyes, returning to the last place I ever wanted to be again.

"I stretch; my foot makes contact with something – someone - and I jump. It's so dark and I can hear heavy breathing. I'm squinting my eyes trying to get them to adjust more quickly but it's a lost cause. "Who's there?" I ask and from right by my foot comes a gruff voice that's so familiar but not, at the same time.

"Who else would it be, Bella?" The way he sneers my name sends a shiver up my spine, and I wonder if it's just a by-product of the horrible scene I just left, or if he's always given me this creepy oompa-loompa vibe and I'd just ignored it.

"Thinking about all the blood and gore from the battle makes my stomach roll, and I sit up hugging my knees to my chest, grateful for my lack of appetite this morning, as image after gruesome image bombards my mind: Sam - bare and bloody at my feet. Quil - screaming in agony as he crawls from the tree-line on his elbows because his legs aren't where they're supposed to be. Collin and Brady - just boys, really, now in too many pieces to count scattered all along the shore.

"Until _he _speaks and I know this…this person - this _thing, _is not my best friend. "Are you happy now?" He says evenly, almost as if none of this has affected him, which is the biggest sign something is really wrong here. I don't know what he thinks it is about any of this would make me happy, but I don't have to wait long before he clues me in.

"You knew I was next in line to be Alpha; you probably thought you could go on about your business now that I'm tied here forever, but -" And he switches to a sing-song tone. "You're wrong." His voice turns manic and with every change in his tone my heart speeds, anticipating what may come if I don't get out of here soon, but this is my sunshine. He wouldn't hurt me. "I may be Alpha and all that comes with it, including Emily, but you, you are _mine."_

"I'm not processing all of his remark; I mean he's just upset, but because of my damn curiosity and our friendship I have to know. "Wait, what about Emily?" As her name falls from my mouth I hear a low growl and for the first time since I'd learned of their secret, and that they weren't killing random hikers, I'm officially scared of a werewolf.

"He continues in his creepy, unaffected voice even as the cushion beneath me rattles from his effort to control his shift. "Everything in the Alpha role is a mantle passed down from one and taken up by another. She's the Alpha's imprint and that's me now. As soon as I see her, she will have a hold over me only second to the spirits of our tribe and there's not a damn thing I can do about it." He pauses for a minute, and though I still can't make out more than his outline, I can feel his black eyes on me causing me to shiver, "So I'm going to make today count."

"Scrambling up, I can see moonlight trying to break through the grimy window pane of the back door. If only I can get there - around the fuckin' car; the car that he'd rebuilt while I watched and passed him the wrong tools. That light is my salvation, if I can just - but my foot catches on something solid and I go down. Hard.

"But I can't stay down because I can hear his dark chuckle accompanying the footsteps getting closer. I scramble to my knees, crawling; reaching with one arm toward the light that's my guiding beacon and my last hope for escape, though from what, I don't really know.

"I don't want to know until a foot in the center of my back pushes me back down. My face meeting the concrete and blood gushing from my nose as well as my throbbing lip.

"I whimper and_ he_ laughs. I get up and _he_ pushes me back down." And I started hyperventilating.

_I can't breathe! Oh God__! I can't breathe!_

"Shhh. Darlin', I'm here."

_What? No one's here. Just me and Him.__ And I'm a no one and he's evil incarnate. No one's here._

**Remember Bella. Just kee****p talking. You're doing so good;**** no one could ask for better. Just keep talking.**** Keep remembering.**

"What do you see now, Isabella? What's goin' on?" A quiet voice whispered from somewhere close by.

I felt a cool breeze blowing across my face and it helped me draw in not only a breath I desperately needed, but the will to keep going. The memory that something good may come from the telling; relief, maybe, for the cavity this dark shame has been boring into my soul.

"I'm trying to turn over. I keep pushing away, trying to get some distance but I can't; _he_ pulls me back by my ankle. My arms are above my head now, held by one of his hands; the weight of his elbow driving my face onto the bloody concrete. Litter used to sop up the oil is grating my cheek with every move, but I can't stop moving; I can't stop screaming. Pleading."

"No! Jacob! Please! You don't have to do this! No! Please! Jacob!" I could taste the tears wetting my lips now but I wasn't sure when they'd begun. Or why they were there.

_**He's**_** got no more power; no more control. Just a little further now -**

"It did about as much good as the fighting, which was none at all. Pinned between his body and the concrete, his weight on my back is suffocating but when he lifts and his knee forces my legs to spread, I feel no relief. My screams morph into sobs and I just keep saying his name, hoping when I wake from this nightmare my Jacob will be back and this will all be nothing more than a delusion brought on by late-night enchiladas and chocolate milk.

"The knee in the center of my back knocks the breath from me once again, and in that second of silence, the sound of the teeth of his zipper being pulled down seems to echo like a siren. Warning of what's to come. Tooth by tooth.

"I gasp but I can't scream. Panic blocks any noise except the rustle of his denim and the rip of my own. The blood from my nose is flowing, freely mingled with my tears and some grease, into my mouth that's still opened in a petrified mute scream as _he_ runs his hot hand up my thighs with bruising strength and then -"

He's inside me and I'm going to split in half, I'm sure.  
Blood running down my legs.  
Tears running down my filthy face.  
But no more filthy than the rest of me.  
And I find my voice just once more before his full weight is against my back once more.

"God! Please NO!"

My eyes refuse to close.  
His hands are everywhere.  
No gentleness; no exploration.  
Just possession; marking _his_ territory.

Thrust after thrust drives me into the concrete and closer to the brink of unconsciousness.  
Unconsciousness and hopefully death.  
But I'm not even granted that privilege, that mercy.

He releases my arms so he can wrench my head around for a kiss.  
To claim anything he's been denied all at once.  
He growls, "Mine,"as I try to turn my head away.  
Just pushing harder on the next thrust.

My legs are numb.  
My shoulder must be dislocated because my arm is useless.  
But all else pales in comparison to the excruciating torture between my legs.

And I realize I'm not fighting anymore.

There's nothing left to save.

"Then what, Bella?" This question from far away resounds as _he _thrusts violently one last time and becomes rigid above me, moaning my name before falling on top of me.

His rancid breath hot on the back of my neck as he rests his head above my shoulder.  
The taste of bile in my mouth while the chunks are only held down by his weight still pressing me into the ground.  
The crushing realization that this just happened.

And it happened to me.

I, Isabella Marie Swan, was -

"Darlin?" Somehow my eyes found his venom-filled ones immediately. "Then what, Darlin'?" He prods gently.

"J-Ja-Jacob. H-he raped me, Jasper." I whispered.

And I could no longer hold anything back.

* * *

**Jasper's POV**

If I had ever doubted the existence of my unbeatin' heart, I never would again; though the fucker had survived her monotone telling of this fuckin' horror only to wish it hadn't as I drowned in anguish as she screamed and cried, once again tearing wildly at anything her hands found. For the first time in my life I wished that I still had the ability to produce tears. Such a simple thing that people take for granted every day; however, my eyes would never shed them for her like my heart wanted to but I'd damn sure make certain _his _did. Tears of water and of blood, he'd definitely shed.

Bella collapsed in a heap in the middle of the room from her exhaustion and the heavy shame she carried around her neck; and I made my way to her slowly, though every fiber of my being wanted to rush to her, hold her close, and never let her go.

I sat in front of her, cross-legged, and opened my arms in invitation; expectin' nothing, but hopin' she'd accept whatever comfort I had to give. I couldn't manipulate her right now between the strength of her real emotions, her shield, and the stress of holdin' in my own that were at a breaking point, so this - my arms - was all I had to offer.

Her eyes widened when she noticed my presence and though I understood, it still hurt like a son-of-a-bitch as she shook her head frantically and more tears cascaded down her red cheeks; her shame and guilt once again risin' to epic proportions.

"I'm dirty. Don't you get it? I stopped fighting! I tried at first; I really did, but - OH GOD! I STOPPED FIGHTING! I-I-" She cried out.

And I couldn't wait anymore. I scooped her up swiftly, and though she swung at me and she continued to scream bloody murder till her voice gave way, I held her; whispering over and over that it was not her fault. I compensated easily enough to minimize the force of her blows, more for the sake of her hands than my body; I saved her a few broken bones, but she'd damn sure be sportin' some bruises in the mornin'. Eventually, she quieted again and settled into my arms, clingin' like she was sure this was the last time she'd ever be welcome here and I just relished in the feelin' of her here, safe and whole, while continuin' my steady stream of quiet assurances, tryin' to get the truth to penetrate that pretty little head of hers.

"None of that was your fault. You didn't ask to be raped. And this is not your shame to bear; it's his and his alone, Darlin'. Jacob is the dirty one here, not you." After a while of silence besides her snifflin' and her ragged breath, I decided to ask for the rest of the story; assumin' the worst was over and ready to have it all laid out. I could feel the devestatin' toll this had taken on her, but she was strong and this step would go a long way toward her healing; a release of all the pressure that had built up from corkin' this shit up too long. A lesser person wouldn't have survived, much less told the tale, but Bella did and I was mighty damn proud of her right now.

"What happened next, Bella? The scars?"

She tried to pull away as her guilt and shame were joined by her ever-hoverin' worthlessness but I was havin' none of that shit. I'd finally got her in my arms and I wasn't ready to let her go yet for anything less than urgent need, and definitely not for her false feelin's of inadequacy. Comprehending that I wasn't lettin' her go, she curled back into my embrace, hidin' her face in my shirt and speakin' in a muffled tone.

" J-Ja-Jacob threw my torn pants at me and ordered me to get dressed and though I wanted to do anything other than what he said, I wanted to cover up as quickly as I could but it hurt to move. I…" I felt her embarrassment but I was havin' none of that; not now.

"You what, Isabella? No shame, no embarrassment - got that? You're just tellin' me a story; reportin' a crime, that's all." I felt her draw a deep breath and try to center her emotions before answerin', still speakin' only to my chest.

"I-I couldn't close my legs. Bruises were already covering every inch of me that I could see, my arm still wouldn't move, and no matter how much he yelled at me I couldn't quit sobbing. He had to dress me himself." She finished in a choked whisper.

I didn't want to hear more because I wasn't sure I could keep my beast from breakin' loose as the venom pooled in my mouth and pure, unadulterated rage flowed through my body, but I refused to let her think this was her shameful crime; her disgrace to be kept secret and hidden from the eyes of others. "What then?" I asked raisin' her chin till her eyes met mine. I was proud of her and she needed to know it, damn it. If she didn't want my gift used on her right now then I'd just have to show her through my actions that she had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

"When he tried to pick me up, I freaked out. I don't know where I got the energy or even the ability to move, but I did and he dropped me and I scooted back on my ass till my back hit the wall and stood on my achy legs. I think I was pretty much past hysterical at that point, because even though I was still in his musty-ass garage and very much alone, I couldn't help the screams from flying out of my mouth.

"I told him that I was going to tell. I was going to scream it from every rooftop in Forks and everyone would know what the future Chief of the proud Quileute nation had done. I was going to tell Emily and anyone else who'd listen that he hurt me. I screamed at him as I slid closer to the door, but when I opened it and began backing out, he grabbed me again; shaking me. Shaking me because he was losing control and as I pulled away from him, he phased while reaching for my arms. The next purposeful swipe down my body knocked me to the ground where he dug his claws in once more before walking away. Leaving me exposed in my shredded shirt, torn pants; covered in grime and my own gushing blood."

I couldn't flinch because she needed me to be strong for her right now, but I'd burn for an eternity before I'd ever let him anywhere near her again. It disgusted me that this bitch was still breathing air for fuck's sake and once more, I was just so damn awed by Bella's strength of mind and spirit. I'd broken thousands with much, much less.

For the first time since she'd started talkin', I registered somethin' else outside of us. The growlin' from outside of the cabin was from some very pissed-off vampires, and I was sure as fuck glad they'd taken a walk because I was havin' a hard enough time wadin' through my own shit here; her eyes were the only thing preventin' the red haze from settlin' completely over my vision. I didn't know if I was gonna be able to do this, but no sooner had that thought crossed my mind then I heard my brother speak, "It's almost over, Major. You be there for her right now, enough for all of us and while she sleeps, we'll take care of your escalatin' need to slaughter some shit."

"Unfortunately,_ he_ came back." I growled slightly at his presence again in the story and her implication that she'd rather have died there. It was the truth for her and unbearable for me. I pulled her closer as she continued, still starin' back into my unrelenting gaze. "He carried me, while I spasmed and heaved, blinking in and out of consciousness, all the way to the hospital. Telling me that if I said a word that he'd kill Charlie and my mom. That I was his, and I'd do as I was told if I wanted my family to live. He knew me well enough from after your family left to know that I wasn't above taking my own life, so he added that stipulation as well. He and Victoria had made a bargain though, so my hope that she'd still kill me was completely dashed. My life utterly destroyed in payment for the debt of James' death. A mate for a mate. _Jacob_ convinced her that living this way was much worse than any death she'd planned, and I guess she agreed because the next thing I know I'm in the hospital, the day after the surgery, and he's telling me about my role in all of this; in case I missed the gist as I was bleeding out in his arms. And the rest you know."

I held her as she cried more bitter tears while clingin' to me and I tried to hold back my anger and rage, my helpless frustration at this whole fuckin' situation. Staring into her beautiful brown eyes, I broke down sobbin'; I couldn't stop it anymore than I could hold back the thunderstorm blowin' in from the coast and honestly, I didn't want to. I am a real homegrown, fuckin' man but if her pain didn't warrant my tearless cries, I had no clue what the fuck ever would. And as I heard the clouds release their bounty just outside these walls, it seemed like God himself wept for her loss of innocence right alongside me. Both of us had failed her.

Her astonishment drew my attention back to her as both of us quieted, and with tear-filled eyes of wonder, she asked, "You're still here. You can't…possibly still want -" And it's official. This woman is crazy. Crazy like a fuckin' moose.

I arched one of my brows at her before I sent her every ounce of every feeling that coursed through my dried-out veins for her and her alone; and as she gasped in shock and disbelief, I laid it all out for her once more, "I want to be there when you wake up every mornin' and when you close your beautiful eyes each night. I want to watch you choke down burnt cookies just so Char won't feel bad about her shitty domestic skills. I want to listen to you curse Pete for his cheatin' and tease Garrett about whatever random fuckin' idea pops into your head in the spur of the moment. Darlin', there's abso-fuckin'-lutely no doubt about it; you're the love I want to be in." After a few minutes of deafening silence, I asked," And what do you want, Darlin'? I've told you what I want, I've shown you; now it's your turn. What do ya want, Bella?" And I prayed like hell to whoever was listenin' that she answered with -

"You. I want you, Jasper."

Hot damn. Looks like I got my fuckin' date after all.

* * *

**AN: To my beta, stitchcat, a heap of mushy-gushy love ****and, of course, a little grope of your ass. Any mistakes in here belong to me because I can't leave shit alone after she does her thing. My beta is AMAZING; trust me. ****And**** skilial, you know you kick ass. You've just got that Midas touch, bb.**** Thank you both SO ****much.**** This was a****n extremely**** hard chapter ****for me ****and wou****ldn't have happened without y'all****.**** Or at least it wouldn't have been seen by anyone else.**

**And to you amazing people who left me so much love and well wishes, all I can say is thank you SOOOOOO much. So very much. **

**I squeed and happy danced and giggled like I was all hopped up on the ****nitrous**** oxide cuz we broke 100 reviews last chap thus making it my most reviewed chapter to date! Due to the amazing reviews, an incredible beta and pre-reader, AND a few MIL-less moments, I'm getting this to y'all way early. Now, I didn't have a chance to do a teaser**** or even respond to y'all fuck-awesome people this time (I know. I suck.) ****and ****technically**** I'm still on vacation**** for a couple of weeks but hopefully y'all will forgive me for my**** ubber**** fail. If not, bitch to the inbox and I'll get back to ya. Just don't tell the hubs ya saw me here; I've been workin'**** with**** my super ninja stealth. **

**Now push the button please****;-)**


	26. A Night of Firsts

**Still Rated M.**

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns all Twi-related stuff. **

**When we last left the Whitlocks:**

After a few minutes of deafening silence, I asked," And what do you want, Darlin'? I've told you what I want, I've shown you; now it's your turn. What do ya want, Bella?" And I prayed like hell to whoever was listenin' that she answered with -

"You. I want you, Jasper."

Hot damn. Looks like I got my fuckin' date after all.

**Chapter 26: A Night of Firsts**

My celebration was short-lived as I felt the anger and hatred still swirlin' around outside from the vampires who couldn't help but listen as they tried their best to give us some privacy; combined with my own fury's rapid return, it threatened to overwhelm me. I knew that I wasn't going to make it until tonight, and I needed to unload some of this heavy emotional baggage before I accidentally hurt someone - or just became an ass of epic proportions.

"Isabella, I'm gonna go hunt and get ready for our date. I'll pick you up here at this door at seven." I turned to walk away, but stopped in my tracks as her curiosity poked at me. "Got a question, Darlin'? Now's the time to speak up."

"Um…yeah. What are we going to do?" She asked shyly, much closer to the Bella I remembered than the one I'd come to know. I guess we really hadn't gotten around to discussin' that part; the answer was easy enough.

"That's a surprise." I felt her nervousness spike but I didn't elaborate. I'd been lookin' forward to this for a month and I wanted it to be perfect. Plus, I was enjoyin' the chance to surprise a woman with something other than the size of my dick and the sharpness of my teeth.

"What do I need to wear?" She asked tentatively, and though one track of my mind took the express directly to Guttersville, population: my huge throbbin' cock and his two buddies, the rest of me remembered that this was out of her comfort zone and I answered quickly, before the visions of a blissfully naked Bella dancin' through my head corrupted what was left of my chivalry.

"Anything you want." And with that I ran out to find somethin' to work some of this frustration, this anger, out on and maybe a bit to drink. True to his word, Peter was waitin' at the tree line for me. The only sounds as we collided and tumbled further into the forest were our growls, the thunderous crash of each blow connectin', and the animals that had stuck around through the winter high-tailin' it out of our fuckin' way. Smart little Bambi-fuckers.

**Bella's POV**

I sat down on the tarnished brass bed and tried to avoid thinking about everything that had happened in the last few hours, but I quickly gave that up and opted to manically pace around the room instead. After a few minutes, there was a knock on the door and I said quietly, "Come in," knowing whoever was out there would hear me just fine.

"Hey, Sug, how are ya doin'?" Ah, Charlotte drew the short straw this time obviously.

**Maybe she just wanted to check on you.**

_Pssh._

**You do know that that doesn't actually c****ount as an answer, right?... And neither does a shoulder shrug.**

_Yes it does, and with it, I answered both of you. I'm all about keeping it simple._

**Since when?**

"Anything I can help with?" Char asked.

"I'm gonna assume that you heard everything from before." She just nodded her head warily, probably wondering what was going to be my reaction to everyone knowing everything, but strangely, it felt liberating. They had already known the bare facts but having them know everything and not be trying to sprinkle me with holy water or some shit was nice. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my chest, something akin to an elephant in size. Though I was glad that they knew and weren't running for the hills, I still didn't understand why exactly, but that was not what I wanted to talk to her about. If the time came that they decided I was more trouble than I was worth then I would deal with it with dignity.

**You mean clinging to the nearest leg and begging them not to leave?**

_Of course._

**You know that they've reassured you of their sincerity as much as ****humanly, and inhumanly, possible. It's up to you to believe.**

_Which is exactly why I'm not voicing my concern about __**them**__, __thank you very much._

"Good." I said, and she looked at me like I was crazy, with her blond eyebrows rising up to meet her hairline for a second before schooling her features into a mask of unaffected nonchalance. "Who all is within hearing range?"

"Just us. Peter and Jasper are…hunting, and Garrett went to pick up a couple of packages for Peter. So, go on." She waved her hand for me to continue and I sat on the bed, once again feeling exhausted beyond my years. Deciding I didn't want to ask what they were in the mood for, and that I had enough on my plate at the moment without worrying about their dinner, I spoke my mind.

"I don't understand why you guys have adopted me, or why you seem to care so much about what happens to me." As her nostrils flared and her mouth opened to butt in, I quickly assured her, "I don't understand it, but I accept it." She sat down next to me; the bed dipping slightly under the new weight added. "But what I don't get is why J-Mo says he wants me." I continued in a whisper, suddenly very interested in the old patchwork quilt beneath me.

"That's easy; you're his mate." My mouth fell open and I sat there stunned and floundering like a fish out of water. "Pumpkin?"

"Mate?" I rasped out doing a fab impression of an eighty-year old chain smoker while simultaneously choking out the word.

"Yes, in our world a ma-" I interrupted her, flailing both of my hands at her and hopping up to pace again, because this type of announcement is very deserving of a mini freak-out.

**And I'm sure you'll give it that and much, much more.**

"I know what a mate is! I thought - I mean, Alice had told me that E-Edward was my mate?" It came out a question because I was more confused than a hooker who wandered into the Sunday morning service in which every word is needlessly spoken in Latin.

**You said his name. Woot!**

_Yeah, yeah I did. Hmm... but she said -_

**And we're back to our regularly scheduled ****freak-out.**

I gave Char a pleading look, seeking some clarification on this new (to me, at least) development.

"She lied. Not that surprising when you consider the fact that her then-husband was meant to be your forever and she had no say in it. _The bitch_." Charlotte sneered out.

"Ok. I get why she didn't tell me the truth, but why push me toward Edward?"

"I don't know, Pumpkin. I wish I had all of the answers for you." And I believed her. "What I do know is that Jasper is your mate."

_Holy droopy cow titties, Batman! There's that word again!_

"His beast: his vampire self, the scary-ass vicious SOB that he is - recognized it before any of us knew. Well, I suspected based on how he attended to you and I'm pretty sure Peter knew almost since first meetin' you…" She trailed off thoughtfully, and I continued for her, knowing exactly where that statement had led.

"And if Red knew then G-Red did because they gossip like old beauty shop bitties minus the curlers in their hair." We both just kind-of nodded along in our thoughtful states for a moment, but looking at her matching spaced-out, speculative gaze, I plopped on the bed again and then we both broke down in giggles at the absurdity of it all. Catching my breath and sobering up, I voiced my original concern.

"But why does he want me? Is it like the wolves imprinting? He has no choice?" I came out borderline desperate, but I really needed to know. If this is some mystical force acting against his will then I don't want anything to do with it. I'd seen choices taken away from others and the consequences of that helplessly bound feeling; hell, I had less control of my own life than I'd ever thought was possible. We'd figure out something else, some other place for me to go so that he didn't have to be uncomfortable and he could go back to his after-life without having some call of the wild to contend with for the rest of my days; then when I died, he'd be free completely.

**Before you pack your bags, maybe we should find out a few more details.**

"From what I understand, the initial pull is weakened by the animal blood. It tends to dull our senses and our instincts. If it weren't for this and the, er… extenuating circumstances of your reunion, y'all probably would have made it official our first week here." Her voice took on a thoughtful tone and she tilted her head as she continued, "Not to mention, I have no clue how you being a human fiddles with it." But I wasn't listening to whatever was coming out of her mouth now, because all thought in my head screeched to an abrupt halt as I replayed her words. "Y'all probably would've made it official our first week here… Y'all probably would've made it official…made it official…"

_When she said 'made it official', you don't think she meant -_

**Yeah, I do and now cue the hyperventilation in three…two****….and -**

_OH MY NO! There's NO way he could want…I mean there's no way that I could…NO! Has he even seen me? He's used to ALICE for Bob's sake! I can't compare to that!_

**Who said it was a competition? At least you don't look like a young teenage boy; I think**** this works in your favor.**

_I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure that THAT would involve touching and I don't do touching._

**Except with J-Mo.**

_That was a HUG!_

**And a little hand holding…**

_Yes and it was a freakin' miracle in and of itself BUT still no small hop, __skip, or Superman super-sized bound from actual intimacy._

**Just so you know, I disagree. Not that it matters, but yeah. I do.**

While my mind went round and round like a rinky-dink, scary-ass carnival ride, I was beginning to feel dizzy. My breathing, which had been fast and shallow, finally required some attention. Apparently, Char felt so too because she was suddenly next to me, telling me to put my head between my legs and take some calming breaths.

**I guess not much has changed over the years in treating a ****panic attack.**

Speaking a word on every gasped inhale with my head firmly lodged beneath my knees, I said, "Char! I can't do that! I mean - have sex!" I squeaked out that last word and my head continued its Tilt-a-Whirl impression, making me glad I didn't have anything on my stomach to throw up right now.

"No one said you have to, Sugar. Now calm down." She looked slightly panicked, but as my breathing settled a bit and it became evident that I would live to panic again another day, her look changed to an exasperated one that was aimed firmly in my obtuse direction. I sat up as she laid into me.

"You should know better than that by now." She tsked me. "We - _Jasper _would _NEVER_ make you do something of a sexual nature that you weren't a hundred percent okay with. Just so you know though, there may come a time when you want to be with someone in _that_ way." She spoke louder, narrowing her eyes at my shaking head causing me to stop. "Believe it or not, it may and, Pumpkin, that is okay. It's more than okay really, it would be fabulous. Just because you were a victim of a horrible crime doesn't mean that you have to live out a self-imposed sentence of celibacy for the rest of your life."

Once again examining the quilt on the bed, I 'fessed up. "Before…" Damnit! I took a deep breath and tried again, this time spitting it all out before I lost my courage. "Before J-Jacob, I'd never had sex. Hell, I'd never even had an open mouth kiss!" She looked shocked and so I continued explaining my freakishly celibate teenage years. "Edward was my first real boyfriend. He was so guarded that we never even got close to anything that would be considered second base, even in a conservative Christian game with our parents and grandparents and couple of clergy men ogling from the stands. I wouldn't know what to do if I ever got in that position! Which I won't." I finished frantically.

"Oh Hon, let me just assure ya that you'd catch on real quick. Besides, the Major should be an excellent teacher." She smirked while wiggling her eyebrows impishly at me while I blushed furiously. This whole topic wasn't even in the same hemisphere as my comfort zone.

**He has been around for a **_**really **_**long time.**

_Not helping! Neither of you!_

"Next, what Jacob did to you was not sex and it sure as hell wasn't loving, thus it doesn't count toward your 'experience' in that area. He violated you; he hurt you. What _Jacob_ did to you is _nothing_ like what a consensual sexual relationship between a man and woman is like; especially when there's feelings there too. They're not even in the same league. Trust me on that, Pumpkin."

I started to interrupt, but she tilted her head, narrowing her eyes again and placing a hand on her hip, and I wisely snapped my mouth shut.

**Now you see how she keeps all those males in line.**

"I'm not sayin' you need to just say fuck it and, well, fuck him." She smirked at what I'm sure was a terrified, coming-to-Jesus look on my face. "Just keep yourself open to the possibilities. That's all." I nodded even while every fiber of my being was screaming, "Hell to the no times infinity squared!" And I quickly took this opportunity to steer the conversation away from sex and back to mating.

_Umm. That's not what I -_

**Yeah. See, I ****don't even have to say anything about that one.**

"So, he doesn't like _like_ me against his will? It's not just due to some irresistible vamp mating mojo?"

"He is drawn to you, but he does have a choice and so do you. Some believe that mating is our vampire side seeking its soul mate; some that it's just finding the person that would best suit its fancy. Either way, mating just provides the pull. After all, you can lead a horse to water -"

"But you can't make it fuck the hot-ass stallion that's there taking a sip." I finished for her, not entirely sure I'd meant to say that out loud, and definitely not sure if this whole 'mate' thing was a simple as she made it out to be, but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. Of course that was largely attributed to my strong desire to not be talking about this bizarro version of the birds and the bees anymore, and the stress headache already causing me to scrunch my shoulders up to my ears in an effort to relieve some of the pressure from my taut neck muscles and the knot of pain in the base of my skull.

"So he wants me because?" I asked yet again as I massaged my neck.

"You'll have to ask him for the specifics, but -" And she smirked as my eyes doubled in size and my head started shaking, "He's gotten the chance to get to know you and he _likes_," She rolled her eyes and snorted before going on, "what he knows of you. Same as any other man askin' a girl out on a date, Sug." She took a breath before she asked, "More importantly, how do you feel about him?"

She was practically vibrating in her excitement while waiting on me to answer, and I took my time, pretending to think hard while she was doing a great imitation of a potty-dance for a chick who hadn't copped a squat to pee in decades.

"I'm not exactly sure." I hedged, getting no small amount of satisfaction from making _her_ squirm for once. At least until she growled out the words 'spill it' with a menacing look on her beautiful face.

"Well, I _like _him…" She waved her hand in the universal sign of 'and…. get on with it'. So I continued again slowly, considering each word carefully before it fell from my tongue, "He's sweet, but still an ass. Definitely not afraid to tell me like it is. He's honest almost to a fault and his ass in a pair of jeans should be outlawed. Though admittedly I don't have much to compare him to, but I can recognize a good man when I see one, and Jasper is a damn good man." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as all of my conflicting but potent feelings about the god-like vampire rose up and lodged in my throat; the intensity of the sudden onslaught making it hard to swallow, and I choked out, "I think that falling in love with him would be as easy as breathing and just as natural."

Her girlish gush was cut off by a sharp knock at the door, and my heart skipped a beat at the sudden presence of another person in our little world that we'd been in while we sat on the big brass bed. I breathed a sigh of relief when it was G-Red's head that poked in the door with his same happy-happy-joy-joy expression that he sported ninety-nine percent of the time.

"I have a delivery for you, Little One." He said, as he extended the long brown parcel. It was long and about the width of three shirt boxes and simply addressed to P. Whitlock. My curiosity was piqued to say the least. He nodded his head toward Char as I looked at him questioningly.

"Peter thought you might like something special to wear tonight. I have no clue what's in there and he told me to let you know that you don't _have_ to wear it, because Jasper would be just as happy to see you in your normal jeans and thermal shirts. He said that this was just to give you another option." She shrugged and we all eyed the package like it was going to go ahead and tell us what was in there any moment now.

"Well?" G-Red interrupted my musings; apparently he was passed over when they were handing out that infamous vampire patience I'd always heard so much about.

A snort was my only response to him cause I know how much he _loves_ that sound as I gingerly unwrapped the box.

**You were one of those kids that tried not to tear their wrapping paper, running your fingers along the seams to just cut through the tape, weren't you?**

_Maybe._

**Well that's just annoying. It's not like anyone's going to reu****se that paper; you're not saving the rain forest. Seriously. And it's not going to explode. Rip into the sucker already so we can see the goods. **

This was one of those rare instances where, well, **I** was right, so I tore through the rest of the paper and yanked the lid off to find a fuck-ton of white tissue paper. Proceeding with a bit more caution, I unfolded it layer by layer until I finally revealed the most perfect dress for a date with a Confederate soldier I could've ever imagined.

_If I had ever fathom__ed this, which I hadn't. But if I had -_

**AND you're babbling.**

"It's for me?" I asked, running my hands over the folds of silk, marveling at the feel of it sliding between my fingers.

"Yes. Well, you and the Major." I could hear the smirk in her voice, but I didn't want to take my eyes off of the dress. I'd _never _owned or even seen something like this outside of history books and behind glass at the American History museum. She started gently unpacking the box and I was grateful that she was there because there was a lot more in that box than could possibly be for one outfit. I actually got a tad bit scared as she started ticking items off of whatever mental list she had going.

"Drawers," She said as she threw a pair of large white, cotton undergarments trimmed in lace aside, "I think we'll go modern for that, don't you?" She stared at me for a few moments before I snapped out of my duh-imbibed state and realized she wanted my input.

"Modern." I said nodding while eyeing the drawers and watching her from the side as she continued her inventory while laying everything out. "Chemise, stockings, garters, petticoats-" And she kept going I'm sure, but I tuned her out as I picked up what Char had called a corset from the bed and held it up to me, wondering how in the hell I was even going to get into this. It reminded me of those Chinese finger traps that one of Renee's more serious beaus kept giving me every time he came over. I was thirteen and less than impressed; especially when I had to have my mom cut the thing off.

_Didn't they outlaw these quoting cruelty and tormen__t against woman-kind?_

**Don't think so. No.**

Charlotte clapped her hands together, drawing my attention back to her, "Even with the six-bone hoop skirt, which it's a miracle he remembered even with vampire recall because he's still just a man after all, you should be comfortable enough as long as we don't cinch that too tight." She said, pointing to the red corset still in my grip. I heard a boisterous laugh from the doorway and suddenly remembered what I'd forgotten in the course of my fondling of antique undies, which was that we weren't alone in the room.

"Ah! I miss the days of corsets and well-dressed females." He sighed in a wistful tone. "There's something to be said for the thrill of exploring hidden territory that ladies do not understand now-a-days. Not that I'm complaining, when I was a youth, you had to pay a hard-earned dime to see much skin."

My retort died in my throat as Charlotte dropped the red velvet slippers she had beside the bed and held the bodice of the beautiful dress up to me. I stepped sideways to catch a glimpse in the tarnished mirror sitting on top of the chest of drawers across the room.

The red silk flowed down meeting the gatherings in the skirt portion perfectly each time. The black lace accents on the skirt were just lovely, but as my eyes made finished their journey up the dress to look in the mirror, my heart sank to the pit of my stomach and my hands fisted around handfuls of smooth silk. The top was red silk with black lace accents just like the bottom along with some black beading, but there was no neckline. It was an off the shoulder dress with only black lace shawl sleeves to cover the tops my arms. Nothing but skin would be visible from above my nonexistent cleavage line. Nothing but my scars that is.

I took a deep breath, pulled my gaze from the old mirror and turned to tuck the beautiful dress back in its box.

_I should've known. Nothing that lovely was meant for me._

"You're not gonna wear the dress, are you?" Char sighed out sadly and I just shook my head.

"Why?" Said the vamp that I'd yet again forgotten was in the room for the second time in five minutes.

"It's nothing." I sighed, as Char just shook her head this time.

"It is not 'nothing', Little One. I saw your eyes light up when you held that dress. What changed with one look into that mirror?" He crossed his arms, assuming a stubborn, unyielding stance and I sat down on the bed, too tired to fight a fight that I had no desire to fight in the first place.

"It's just…It shows too much skin." He looked confused for a second before comprehension dawned in his eyes and they flickered to the top of my high collared shirts where the edges of a couple of my scars still managed to peek out; then he flinched slightly before dropping that damn cool-ass vamp mask.

"That's why!" I shouted more in an 'ah-ha! Gotcha' kinda way than a 'grr, I'm angry' one. He started to apologize, but that's not what I wanted. Besides it wasn't G-Red that went all attack-mode on me and left me marred for life. I wanted him - them both - to just understand. "I don't blame you for flinching at my hideousness, but I'll be damned if I'll stand and watch Jasper do the same. I don't know why it's different, but it is." I finished quietly.

**You know why. You just don't want to admit it.**

Garrett held his hands up in surrender, "It's different because your feelings for him are of a different nature, but let us get something straight right this moment; **you are not hideous**." His voice became little more than a low growl by the end of his declaration. He took a deep breath, dropped his hands to his side and continued in a fervent, pleading tone. "I am _angry_ about what you have suffered. The scars remind me of this; that is _all_. I care about you very much, Isabella. You are a beautiful female of worth; inside and out. Never doubt this. If a male cannot see this then _he_ is blind and does not deserve_ you_."

His sincerity showcased the truth of his words, and I couldn't help but smile with fresh tears streaming down my cheeks; only this time, they were happy tears. I stepped toward him cautiously and opened my arms a bit; his eyes got huge as he caught my intentions.

_I can do this…__For him, __I can do __this…I can do this_

He stayed perfectly still besides opening his arms in invitation.

**C'mon. One more step -**

I took that last step and he wrapped his arms around me real gentle, like I was the most precious, but extremely breakable thing he'd ever held. I didn't know how I'd gotten lucky enough to be adopted by such amazing vampires, no - people, but I swear that I felt my little Grinch-bitch heart swell three sizes as I thought about just how good they were to me.

_I DID IT!_

**And ****with ****only minimal tensing. Very good.**

I stepped back and his arms immediately returned to his sides. His smile seemed impossibly huge, and though I could see way more of his pearly whites than I'm sure any human still living ever had, I felt no fear. I just returned it, proud of myself and enjoying the Hallmark quality of the moment before I had to get back to ugly reality.

After clearing my throat to shove all of those pesky emotions back to where they belonged, I said "Thank you, G-Red, really. But as you said, my feelings for him are of a different nature. You're my brother and you see me like a sister, I think -" here his smile yet again grew and he nodded rapidly. "And I sure hope that's not how J-Mo sees me." I looked down suddenly so unsure of myself and hating the feeling of my emotions shifting like sand beneath me with every new thought. Any moment now, I felt like I might just sink.

Char, who had held her tongue remarkably well up till now, snorted and simply said, "I think it's safe to say he doesn't consider you a sister, Hon. I know he's from the south, but his family tree branches out all the same."

"What if the scars scare him off? What if he finally understands that -" And my insecurity gush was interrupted by G-Red.

"You are scared to trust and I understand this, but I assure you that you could wear a burlap sack and that male would still drool over you, and look at you like you were his Alpha and Omega: his beginning and end; however, Peter did give you one more option." His smile grew to a Cheshire cat level as he reach behind his back and removed a second parcel that he'd had tucked into the waistline of his pants, apparently.

**Not sure how you missed that.**

_I was busy with all of the touching and being touched__ and stuff__.__ Shut it._

I eyed it suspiciously as he extended it out for me to take. Begrudgingly, I grabbed the small, poorly wrapped gift and I stopped and stared at it for a good few minutes as I processed what I was looking at. The label simply said, "To: Sister Pumpkin" which was a bit strange I grant you, but not awe-worthy because this was Red I was dealing with here. He and strange shit were sort-of a package deal. No, what had caused my brain to short circuit on a whole new route of WTF was the wrapping paper. It was grey with circles of brightly colored starving Ethiopian children: red, pink, green, orange, and blue, and the writing that read "Millions of children die every year from starvation. Bet you won't complain about what you get now."

I stared at G-Red, and then at Char, in shock.

"He tried to wrap up _himself_ in that same paper for Christmas." She said rolling her eyes. My shock kicked up another notch, Garrett laughed, and she just shrugged and told me to go on and open it. This time I took my time stripping the paper with no argument from any pesky voices who couldn't mind their own business.

**Of course not; I want to save this shit as much as you do.**

_Oh yeah. Totally scrap-bookable._

Finally removing the already crinkled insane-o-paper, folding it neatly and setting it aside; I finally turned my attention to the contents of the package, which appeared just to be a black bundle of cloth. Shaking it out though, I knew what it was almost instantly, as a white coif and another black scrap that I was sure was the accompanying veil fell to the ground. It was a nun's Holy Habit.

_What a dick!_

**I don't think you're supposed to say things like that while holding a nun's get-up. But yeah, holy shit.**

And with that thought, the sand finally swept me onto my ass and I laughed until I cried.

_Or maybe the other way around? Hmmm, not sure._

**At least you have -**

_Options…yeah._

Seems like more are opening up every minute.

"Should we be worried?" I heard Char ask, as she giggled. I guess my hysteria was catchy.

"I don't think so; no. I cannot wait to tell Peter she hugged me though." I could hear the pride and awe in his voice and I knew, even through my cackles and tears, that for this night at least, I would be just fine. We would all be just fine.

**Jasper's POV**

As we sat lickin' our wounds, well - actually, spittin' the venom on our hands, and then applying it to our scratches and a couple of new bite marks that we were both sportin', I thought again about what my next course of action was.

"We stick to the plan." The fuckin' wanker picked now to chime in, of course, but I disagreed.

"Like fuck! I want their heads on the sticks they fetch by the end of the week." I growled out, and I knew my eyes were as black as coal as my temper rose again, but he didn't back down.

"Well, Princess, this isn't Burger King and ya don't get everything your fuckin' way. So you can stick your tiera up your ass, cause ya know that we should stick to the fuckin' plan." I roared in my frustration because I knew he was right. _Damn it!_ There were too many unknowns still to go in there and John Wayne this shit. If it was only my life at stake, I'd still go right this very moment, but I knew surer than shit that Peter and Garrett would follow me. Hell, the women probably wouldn't be far behind them. So I nodded.

"Fine. We stick to the plan." I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to calm the fuck down again. To stop myself from obsessin' about what was to come in the next weeks, I started thinkin' about how I wanted tonight to go. It'd been a long time since I'd done the datin' thing and this was gonna be a little different at any rate. For one thing, it wasn't gonna end with my cock buried in her, but I was okay with that.

Man, a lot had changed in the last few months. If only I knew how I should proceed. I felt like I was goin' into this completely blind, and while I was happy as a pig rollin' in shit that I no longer had someone telling me every move we were gonna make before we made it, this thing between me and Bella was too fuckin' important to wing it. I didn't have faith in fate or 'what will be will be' shit.

I just didn't know what to expect from her. I'd like to think that she had made tremendous progress, and truthfully, I knew she had but entering a relationship after what she'd been through was a whole different ball game.

Peter picked this moment to open his fat fuckin' mouth with sarcasm drippin' from his tone. "Golly gee whiz, if only you knew someone you could ask for advice. A guy whose girl has been through a similar thing maybe? Too bad -" I cut off his Leave It to Beaver rambling speech with a sharp jab to his shoulder and I picked up my cell to call the one vampire I knew had some experience in this area.

"And don't worry about the scent trails. We'll scan the area and confuse the paths when we head out tonight." I nodded my acknowledgment and sent him a show of my gratitude as he took off back toward the cabin.

"Hey Brother! It's been a long fucking while." I could hear Esme getting' on to him in the background for his language and I rolled my eyes as the big lug muttered an apology.

"Hey Em, you mind goin' somewhere where we can speak in private?"

After a second of hesitation, he answered, "Sure thing. Give me a minute." I took the phone away from my ear as the whistlin' of the wind blowin' past him made me cringe. After a few minutes and no doubt twenty plus miles on his end, he asked, "So what's up? You in trouble and need to bring in the big guns?" He flexed his biceps as he said this. I may not have been there to see it, but I knew him and there wasn't a doubt in my mind. Probably kissed the fuckers as well. He was as proud of those as he was of his jeep and that was sayin' somethin'.

"Nah, man. Nothin' like that." I could always count on Emmett to be up for a fight. "I need your advice about a girl."

"Dude, I told you chicks don't like it when you do the Dirty Sanchez on the first time."

"Aww, shit. Not that, you dirty fuck! But I should tell you I found a red head down in Louisiana who not only wanted me to do it but asked if I could hold a mirror so she could watch." His bellowing laughter caused me to pull the phone away from my ear yet again until it died down.

"You didn't drink from that one, did you?" I could almost feel his humor through the phone it was so strong.

"What the fuck, man? Did Rose hit ya one time too many? The chick had shit on her face." And again we had to wait for the laughter to die down.

"Only you man, only you. Ya know we've only got about five before Rosie comes and butts her fine ass in, so what's up?"

"I don't know how to ask this so I'm just gonna spit it out." Yeah. That's easier said than done.

"Never known you to be shy, Jazzy-poo." He mocked in a high, sing-song voice. I could picture him flutterin' his lashes and completing a perfect pirouette on the other end of the line. I kind-of missed the goofy bastard.

"Fuck it." I sighed. This was like sex with an ugly chick - best just to get it over with. "I'm with Peter and Char right now and I've met someone."

"Really? That's great man!" I could tell he still had no clue where I was goin' with this. Not that he should since I had yet to actually say it.

"Here's the thing. She's human an-"

"Fuck! Jazz, you sly dog! I've never known you to play with your food more than once. This chick must be a total hottie."

"Yeah, she is. I think you'd like her." In fact, I knew he'd love her; he already did like she was his own flesh and blood. It was the only reason he went along with the family's decision to distance themselves from me. He'd apologized afterwards and shit, but I was still more than a little pissed at the time that he'd chosen her over me. Now I understood, and I'd do the same without battin' a fuckin' eye and with no apology.

"Does that mean I'll get to meet your new woman? Rose was talkin' about trying to track you down before we took off for Africa next month anyway." Oh shit. Glad I'd called because that would've been the definition of bad.

"Um, it's still a little early to introduce her to the ex-in-laws. Let's hold off on that for now." I hedged. And for my next trick, I'll change the subject and get my answers in one fell swoop. "Back to why I was callin'; she has a rough past….like Rose." I added quietly.

"Oh. What do you want to know?" He said instantly serious.

"I'm the first man she's dated since it happened about three years ago and I just don't know how slow I should take this thing or what not to do, ya know? I just thought you might have some pointers to pass along. If you don't want to talk about it though man, I understand. I just thought -"

"I get it. Has she told you about_ it_?"

"Yeah. Just earlier today as a matter of fact." I growled as the conversation began replayin' through the recesses of my mind.

"That's a huge thing there; it means she trusts you already. All I can really say is follow her lead. It took years before Rose stopped freezing up every time I touched her or when she'd catch the scent of whiskey. That was one of her triggers that she eventually told me took her back to that street that night, made it real for her again. In the beginning it was always one step forward and two back, but I did learn a few things that might help. Don't pity her or walk on eggshells around her about her past, but at the same time, tread lightly. Your gift should be a huge asset here, but mostly just be patient, man."

I listened, still and silent, to the man that I'd considered my brother for the better part of the last few decades and absorbed for the first time what even my gift had allowed me to fully comprehend; Emmett's love for Rosalie was deep and strong. And just as rare; it was what everyone strived for and few ever reached. My respect for him continued to grow as he continued to talk.

"You know, even now, Rosie still has her bad days over what those bastards did to her. I don't think this is the kind-of thing that someone ever gets over; more like they just learn to deal, to live again. If you're the man I know you are you'll help her with that and if you're not and this just some random quest for hard-to-get pussy, move along now or I'll kick your ass, Bro."

I had to hold back the snort, because the only way Em could kick my ass was in a play match and with a great deal of restraint on my behalf, but I appreciated the sentiment behind the threat, and I had no doubt that he'd rack up some damage to me tryin'. "My intentions are honorable, I assure you."

"They better be. Man, I can't wait to meet the human that has you wrapped around her finger. I bet she has jumbo tits." Ah, here's the normal Emmett again, but I didn't appreciate him talkin' about Bella this way. "After spending all of that time with Alice, you've gotta want to spend some time motor boating, or just spend some time staring at peaks larger than her teeny-weeny ant hills." My growl came out low and fierce, and I figured it was a minute past time to change the fuckin' subject.

"Has Doucheward come home yet or is he still off sulkin' in some third world squalor?" I didn't really care where the hell that fag-basket was, but I needed to know how much Em was gonna have to guard his thoughts. Emmett wasn't dumb by any stretch of the imagination but his thoughts were simple, honest; therefore, he had a tough time when it came to keepin' his thoughts private. The man also had no shame, so there was hardly anything he ever tried to hide except when he did somethin' that would guarantee a sex-ban from Rose. Emmett didn't know that I was with Bella, but Alice sure did and if Eddie had gleaned enough from her, and then caught my little chat with Emmett, he was bound to get curious. And a curious Eddie was just one more pussy than I needed to worry about at the moment.

"Nope. He's still off moping around Europe with Alice and her new beau - ah, shit! Sorry man."

"Don't be. I'm sure as hell not." And it was the truth. For the first time since I'd been dismissed by my _wife_,I didn't regret it at all. No remorse for my short-comings; no anger at her callousness. I could really care less whom she opened her legs for anymore; God knows I'd never go back there again.

"Rosie's coming so I'll catch ya later, but don't wait so long to pick up the phone next time, Brother."

"Yeah, yeah. Hey, do me a solid and keep the details of our little chat to yourself."

"No prob."

"And thanks, Em."

"Anytime, Bro. Good luck." And with that I pressed end and headed to pick up a few of the wolves that I could smell a few miles east, before goin' toward the cabin to start getting' ready for what I hoped was just the first of many dates with my mate.

Walkin' in the door, everything was already set up exactly as I'd planned, and from the glee and accomplishment rollin' off of the cocky bastard propped up against the wall, I knew who I had to thank. "Know-it-all Fucker, you really need to stay out of my head. There's some passin' thoughts in there about your wife you might not appreciate too much."

"Shit. I spend about half of my day thinkin' 'bout her titties and the other half thinkin' about things to do to them. I don't give a fuck what goes into your spank-bank." He smirked and I felt his mischievousness kick it up a notch. "Char, on the other hand, said she'd deal with ya later."

"Aw, fuck." As I kicked the now-dirt floor beneath my boots, I noticed the box in his hands for the first time.

"I saved you a trip to the post office." My brother said as he held out the parcel that I'd had sent from a small storage facility I rented in El Paso when I'd first decided that I was going to ask Bella out, and what it was that we would do if she said yes. His mischief was still strong but so was his joy and love, so once I opened the lid and saw that everything was as it should be, I figured the fucker was just plottin' something for later.

**Bella's POV**

He knocked gently on the door promptly at seven and my heart skipped a beat, knowing that I was going on a date - a real date. Never in all of my most druggy drug-induced hallucinations had this ever been a path that I'd imagined my future could take.

What I'd always known was that I died that day on that garage floor; my life as I had known it had ended. No dramatics, just truth. What I was just beginning to accept was that where one life had ended brutally, another had begun. I finally felt like I was learning to walk in this new, scary world, and I'd be eternally grateful for these people that had held my hand, steadied me and told me it would be okay, because without them, I wouldn't have made it to this point.

My nerves were nearing critical level but there was a good bit of excitement mixed in too, as I waited with baited breath for Charlotte to open the door.

**Jasper's POV**

What I saw once that door opened at a torturously slow pace, would've made my heart stop if it had been beatin', but instead I just stared at the loveliest vision my sight had ever beheld.

There she was all dressed up in a scarlet dress with black trim, dainty black lace gloves on her hands, her hair pulled back in the style of my youth, and a black lace choker around her neck. Her skin practically glowed in contrast to the dress; she was all cream and roses. My eyes followed the dangly bit on her choker's path straight down to an impressively perky and exhibited rack. Looked like she could just bust out of that damn dress any second, and no matter how beautiful she looked with it on, I couldn't stop my mind from wanderin' to how she'd look out of it. Just so damn amazing. Fuck me. _Please._

"Close your mouth, Major; don't want something flyin' in there, huh? And when you open it again, be useful and say somethin' nice. She's mighty nervous, Hon." Charlotte whispered as she passed.

I snapped my jaw shut that I hadn't even noticed was hangin' loose and walked the few steps toward this angel that had somehow said yes to me. Keepin' this asexual just got a whole lot harder. Coincidently, so had my cock.

"You're welcome." The fucker hollered, as his laughter rang out through the cabin.

**Bella's POV**

I couldn't believe my eyes when she pushed the door aside. There he stood: tall and proud in what I was sure was his uniform from his Army days. His grey double-breasted frock coat hit about mid-thigh on his long muscular legs, which were sheathed in wool trousers. His brass buttons gleamed in the light as did his belt buckle bearing the letters "CSA" and the gold star in the center of his collar. From the boots on his feet to the low swooping hat on his head, he oozed a quiet authority and cool confidence that I didn't think it had anything to do with the vampire thing.

_And hotness. He's damn smexy all soldiered-up._

**Empath. **A sing-song voice reminded me a little too gleefully for someone who's supposed to be on my side.

And just like that my unashamed ogling morphed into severe embarrassment. I was pretty sure my cheeks now matched my dress.

Red's howling from the direction of the living room brought my eyes to the door, where the object of my temporary lust excursion was now smiling in my direction.

Removing his hat and bowing slightly, he said "You look beautiful, Darlin'." When my heart skipped another couple of beats and my cheeks continued to invent new shades of blush, his smile changed into a sexy smirk and his eyes danced with delight.

_Maybe I have some kind of arrhythmia or something?_

**Yeah. I'm s****ure that's it.**

"Shall we?" He asked, after replacing his hat, He offered me his arm like the Southern gentleman he was and I took it, grateful for the support, since between him in his uniform and my nerves in general, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to walk unassisted.

I gasped as I took in the drastic change of the living room. The scanty furniture was gone and the wooden floor was now covered with dirt. Hay bales dotted the perimeter. The only light came from the fire simmering low in the fireplace and the several lanterns hanging sporadically around the room.

A small, unassuming table sat in the corner covered with a simple gingham cloth and topped with a vase of wildflowers that had to have come from town because winter was still in full swing around these parts, a lantern, and what looked like an assortment of finger foods: cheeses, fresh fruit, and tiny sandwiches. There were a couple of pitchers sitting nearby the trays of food accompanied by two long stem glasses. Everything was like a dream; a dream from a different world, and one that I belonged to, if only for a night.

My attention was drawn to the vampires in the room that I'd completely ignored while I'd taken in my drastically changed surroundings when Red coughed and said, "Good choice, Strawberry Shortcake. This suits you much better than the holier-than-thou look." He winked.

Jasper looked confused, but I wasn't going to explain, "Well, we'd better be moseying along now." Char cut through the short, awkward silence.

"Where are you guys going?" I asked shocked. I don't know why I thought they'd hang around to chaperone or why I thought we needed chaperones at all, but for some reason, I did and I did.

"We're goin' huntin', Cupcake. Want me to bring ya back something?" He smirked.

"Some Rocky Road would be nice, thanks." I answered absent-mindedly; still overwhelmed by my shock.

**In your defense, this has been an emotionally charged twenty-four.**

Jasper ignored Red's smartass completely, stepping in front of me to claim my full attention, and asked, "Unless you want them to stay, Darlin'?" I'm sure he was pickin' up my shock and mild panic, but with one look into his concerned, burgundy eyes, I knew my answer.

"No, I think we'll be just fine on our own." No sooner had the words left my mouth; then they were gone.

After munching on the food laid out, which was just perfect for my butterfly-swarming stomach, and some idle chit-chat, Jasper picked up a remote that I'd never seen before and music began filling the room.

"May I have this dance, Miss Bella?" Jasper asked with his accent thick and his hand extended.

"Um, I can't dance." I said suddenly feeling like an imposter; all dolled up like a lady with nothing but the anatomically correct parts to recommend me to play the part.

"You just follow my lead. You'll learn quick." And I balked. "Do you trust me?" He said, still holding his hand out to me. It only took a second to know that without a doubt that I did, and so I reached out and placed my hand in his and he led me out to our make-shift dance floor, which was the majority of the living room floor.

He took my hands and hooked them around his neck for the time being and placed his around my waist cautiously.

After a few minutes of this slow shuffling, I actually got the hang of it and I'm sure my face showed my 'look at me, I'm doing it without leaving tread marks on your boots' pride. He returned my smile with a tight one of his own and we continued our dance in quiet till he broke my concentration with "Why do you smell so strongly of Garrett?"

"Oh… I hugged him?" It came out more like a question, mostly due to my confusion over his sudden change and hardened tone.

"Why?" He damn near growled. I stepped back, bringing my hands away from his neck and to my hips, but he didn't release his hold on me. If anything, he tightened his grip just a smidge.

"Because I wanted to! Did someone forget to slip you your happy pill today or what?" I damn near growled back. "I'm not a child and I won't be treated like one." After a minute of a glaring stand-off, he caved.

"You're right and I'm sorry, Darlin'. I over-reacted; I know. I just -" He sighed deeply and closed his eyes, cutting me off from trying to read his eyes.

"Just?" I prompted.

"Just nothing. I'm sorry." As he apologized I felt his remorse surround me.

"I accept." I said as we started swaying again to the slow beat. "G-Red came through for me today in a very _brotherly_ way and I wanted to show him my appreciation. Plus it gives him something to jab Red with, which after today, he _so_ deserves, let me tell you. Does this have anything to do with mate/vampire stuff?" In his arms seemed to be the best place to ask this question.

He seemed taken aback for about two seconds before he heaved another sigh, "So Char spilled about the mate thing, huh?" He asked in a defeated tone while eyeing me warily.

"Yep. Why didn't you just tell me?" I asked, searching his eyes for any sign of deception or regret as he thought, and then again as he talked and we continued our now gentle sway to whatever was playing right now.

"Honestly, I was still dealin' with it myself. It's harder than I thought it would be to control myself when it comes to you, but I'm tryin', Bella. I also didn't want you to feel like you had to love me too."

"Funny, I thought the same thing about you when I first found out. I didn't want you to have your free will taken away. Wait!" I gasped as my dawdling mind leisurely processed the rest of his statement, "_You love me_?" His eyes boring into mine were as serious as a Big-Mac-induced heart attack but more tender than any look ever directed my way before.

"More every day, Darlin'." Though I was tempted to embrace the fuzziness that clouded the edge of my vision from my shock, beckoning me into a stress-free unconscious state so that I could deal with this in my own time and in my head, I fought off that urge, laid my head on his chest, and reveled in the feeling of just being in his arms as we shuffled around our make-shift dance floor in the gentle glow of the lantern's light, and the light reflected from the glow off of the white snow coming in from the windows.

"I hear the others on their way back in; may I escort you to your door, Miss Bella?" He said, layin' on that panty-dropping accent as thick as molasses, and topping it with a smirk that made me swoon a bit. Lost for words because of him and his damn man-charm, I just nodded like an idiot and took his arm, lacing mine through the crook, and we walked the few steps back to the door where he'd 'picked me up' only a few short hours ago.

"I had a great time tonight, Isabella." A small shiver slid down my spine for some unknown reason every time he said my name like that- soft and lilting. It felt more intimate than any touch I'd ever received.

"Me too. Thank you so much, Jasper." I said, and I hoped he could feel exactly how much I meant it. "Everything was perfect, but I've gotta ask; why did you choose this as our first date? It seems like an awful lot of trouble." As he looked down and his hands fiddled with the hat that was now in them, he looked very much human. It was sweet to see this side of him. I got the feeling that not many had the opportunity to.

"Short version?" He asked and I nodded, turning to look at him and leaning against the door frame we'd just reached. "My first 'date' as a human was to a small country dance set up sort of like this. We lived too far out of the city to be in 'real' society and no one in the surroundin' counties even had a house large enough to host a proper gatherin', but us farm folks still got together once a month durin' the warm seasons. I don't remember the gal I escorted or much else really, but I knew I wanted to share it with you. Knowin' I won't forget a moment this time. I wish everything' with you was my first, but it's not cause I've been around a long time, Darlin', but I can tell you that all of my last firsts will belong to you."

I'd always thought that love had to burn bright and strong every second; you know, all-consuming, to be _true_ love. The problem with that is when it dies nothing is left behind but ash, because there had never been anything of substance built; once the obsessive passion dies, so does what was called love. This feeling I had now: the one I wasn't ready to smack a label on and call it 'love'; this feeling was a simmering one. I recognized it now. Always present and growing in strength, but when he said stuff like that, it woke from its dormant state like a volcano. Erupting forth with an intensity that I'd forgotten my jaded little human heart was even capable of feeling. I wondered if I ever had before.

It took me a minute to string words together once again while I was looking at him. "Well, it was the most perfect last first date a girl could ever ask for." His smile straightened and I briefly wondered if I'd said the wrong thing, before his eyes flickered from mine to my mouth and back again. He was searching my eyes for an answer that I didn't have, but he didn't give me much time to ponder, fortunately.

He leaned in and as gentle as a whisper, his lips brushed against mine. Lava central had apparently relocated further south because it wasn't my heart that burned now; it was the pit of my stomach sending heat and pure need through my body. Before I could do anything but register all of the new, terrifying emotions rushing through my body, he backed up. His eyes were dark, but for once, fear was not a prominent emotion in my body.

"I'll be back in a bit to help ya sleep, Darlin'."

He placed his hat back on his head and tipped it before he strutted away, leaving me propped against the door frame, just staring at his retreating figure in shock.

My hand floated up to my mouth, to my lips that had just brushed his. God, how I wanted that to be my last first kiss.

* * *

**AN:REVIEW PLEASE! Let me know what ya think!**

**So I'm back! Did ya miss me? Hmmm. Well, that there was over 10K to let y'all know how much I appreciate all of the love and support I've received from you fuck-awesome peeps. **

**Thanks to my beta, Stitchcat. She works every chap to make sure it's readable and I GREATLY appreciate her! She doesn't even yell at me when I go back and ruin her grammatical perfection. Like this time when I added about 1K. Love ya bb. And my pre-reader, HammerHips, who lets me send her jumbled chaps and gives me honest input; I couldn't do this without y'all (especially this week) so thanks.**

**OH! I almost forgot! I'm thinkin' about writing a O/S from the villains' POV for my Spencer Bell Legacy contribution. Would anyone be interested in that?**


	27. Me, Myself, and Jasper

**I'd like to apologize for all of the problems reading and reviewing the last chap. FFn was PMSing for a couple of days. I know several other authors were dealing with the same thing; ****believe me, Twitter was overwhelmed with our bitchin' and groanin'. Many thanks to those that still dealt with it and managed to read and review!**

**If you're like "Dude, where's their date?" You might've missed something…like a chapter. *shrugs***

**Much love t****o my beta, Stitchcat, and the other fuck-awesome chick who takes time out of her busy schedule for me, HammerHips.**

**Disclaimer: I own some shit, but rights to Twilight is not something I can call mine.**

**Chapter 27: Me, Myself, and Jasper**

**Bella's POV**

"What do you mean you guys are leaving?" I was pretty much freaking-the-fuck-out here, and was therefore incapable of processing simple sentences. The words seemed strung together in the proper order, but my comprehension seemed to have taken an abrupt leave of absence.

I had drifted dreamily, practically floating on fluffy cumulus puff number eleven _(That's right. Take that cloud nine!) _into the bedroom after the most amazing first date anyone, anywhere, had ever experienced in the history of first dates, and changed into my normal pjs: flannel bottoms and a couple of thermals; only to be brought down to Earth rudely by the ever-shittastic reality and its inability to halt for just one solitary night, as soon as I walked back into the now-normal living room to see Char strapping on hiking boots.

**Yeah, not so cocky now. The fall is a lot higher from up on eleven, huh?**

_I can't believe that once everything quiets down and stays quiet for a while they want to go and stir shit__ back up__. That's what they are! Shit-stirrers! And __I wouldn't know for sure, but I don't think that'd be a pleasant calling on your life. I mean, the smell alone -_

**I think you're getting a bit off topic here. Besides, that's not fair to them and not entirely accurate. Did you forget the whole Pussycat Doll****s massacre of last month?**

_They assured me it wasn't that big of a deal._

**That's not -**

_Besides that, I'm sure their music has contributed to WAY more deaths than -_

**Again. Not the point.**

_They can'__t just leave me! They're my family now! I love them! I can't go back to being alone. They -_

**- ARE NOT DESERTING YOU! J-MO WILL BE HERE!**

_I can't believe you yelled at me. This is serious. They could get hurt all because of me!_

**Stop that. They'll be careful.**** It's just so they can see the lay of the land.**

_But…but…_

**Why do you have to be SO stubborn? I don't remember anyone offering me the choice between the red and the blue pill, but I'm ready for someone to plug my ass back into the Matrix. Keanu Reeves in lea****ther be damned.**

"Calm down, String Bean. It's only for a few weeks." He talked exaggeratedly, with his hands up and his eyes rolling. J-Mo, who had been watching the majority of this exchange from the sidelines, sporting a nonchalant expression, just shook his head and heaved a sigh, as I did anything but calm down.

_Grrrrr_

**Do like the vamp said and calm down, Boo-boo.**

"Don't tell me to calm down! You haven't seen me truly 'not calm' in a while, but patronizing me is a golden ticket on the one-way express right to Piss-me-the-fuck-off-ville, with a stop on the corner of Junkpunch Avenue and Bitchslap Boulevard."

"Listen, Fruitcake -" He said in a calming, but remarkably less-patronizing tone.

_Not the most flattering name he's come up with._

**But surprisingly ****accurate.**

_Hey._

"We're just goin' to have a look around. We'll use our mad ninja stealth and be back out of there before the bitches even finish chasin' their fluffy wittle tails."

"What if you get HURT?" I yelled, thinking maybe increasing my volume would increase their understanding of the seriousness of this epically bad, bad plan.

"We will be fine." G-Red answered at the same time as Char.

"Sug, we know what we're doing. Honestly, we do. And I'm goin' along to keep Thelma and Louise here from doing anything that might cause loss of life or limb."

"Pshh, Woman, stop talkin' crazy. This is that ninth honeymoon you've been riddin' me about treatin' ya to." Red smacked Charlotte's ass and gently pushed her in my direction. "Now say your last goodbyes -"

"Not funny." I muttered.

"And let's hit the road." Red finished with his foot tapping impatiently against the wooden planks, while his hand did the same at his wrist where a watch probably would've helped that gesture have more effect.

Char reached out and took both of my fisted hands carefully in hers after unfurling them, "You're worryin' over nothin', Pumpkin. We'll be just fine; you'll see." She winked and then flashed out the door. Even if she'd been moving at human speed, I wouldn't have been able to see her through the tears that clouded my vision, as I kept them from spilling over only by my sheer stubbornness and rapid blinking. Garrett stepped up next.

"We will be back before you know it and we can continue our game." He said quietly with a small smile, tilting his head toward the board in the corner. I let loose a watery chuckle, because he knew as well as I did what the outcome of that game would be. The same as every other chess game I played with him; I will lose. He'd been a very patient teacher though, and it was just kind-of our thing now; especially since Red was such a cheating ass. I threw myself at him with no hesitation this time, and I took comfort in his arms for a second, before I remembered that this was a goodbye and I had to choke back a sob. He stepped back, smiling broadly, and then flashed out of the door like Char had before him.

Last but certainly not least was Red. He stepped up, smirking, as he jutted out one hip and hooked his thumbs in his belt that had his large red 'cocky' belt buckle, only lacking a cigarette hanging from his mouth to complete his Marlboro man pose, and I could just feel the snarkiness shooting out of his ass among other orifices. I held my hand up as his mouth opened, to stem the flow of shit that was waiting to burst forth, and instead threw myself at him like I had done to G-Red before, and managed to wrap my arms around his neck with only a little hop.

It knocked the breath out of me for a second due to the unsoftened landing against his rock-hard chest. I'd obviously caught him off guard, but before I could really wonder if this had been a mistake, his arms locked around me, plucking me the rest of the way off of the ground and spinning me around laughing until I was sure I was going to puke.

A small growl and a speedy hiss of words from Jasper spared Red the trauma of having to travel adorned with my stomach acid and partially digested finger foods. Before releasing me he whispered, "Don't worry so much. Remember you always have options." He stepped back winking with a blinding smile, knocked Jasper on the shoulder hard- covering whatever parting wisdom he'd given besides 'fucker' - and ran out the door hooting loudly, which was at least normal because whatever Red did, he did loud; leaving me staring at the swinging door and the vast darkness that was only disrupted by the field of white.

Eventually I began shivering, and Jasper moved to close the door. Something just seemed so final about that simple action. It was as strong as a 'The End' at the end of a good book: bittersweet. The only thing that brought the sugar into this situation was their promise to stay safe, and just the fact that they were unequivocally my family. Any doubts or clinging reservations had melted away a bit more with each farewell until all had vanished.

I sat on the couch, pulled my knees up to my chest, laid my head down on top of them, and prayed to whoever was listening that my family's blood - venom, whatever - would not end up on my hands. That was something I wasn't sure if I could live with, and I sure hoped that I wouldn't have to.

"Hey." Jazz said from somewhere close by, and I looked up to see him directly in front of me. I watched as he sat right next to me, placing his arm around my shoulders and I sank into his side, taking every ounce of soothing security he was offering.

We sat just like that in silence as I tried not to think about what kinds of bad awaited them in Forks and Jasper just letting me, every now and then sending some calm my way and rubbing my shoulder until he broke my quasi-meditative state. "Would you like to move into the bedroom?"

_Hell NO!_ I meant to say but nothing came out, as I did a stunning impression of a fish out of water. Bulging eyes, mouth tryin' to get oxygen desperately, and I may have been flailing about slightly.

_He couldn't possibly think…Og! I can't breathe…He can't __expect…I need air_

**I don't think he meant for sex, so you can stop all the**** dramaction.**

"Whoa there! Hold up! I meant because Peter and Char are gone. That's all. I thought that you might want to stretch out for a change."

_Oh._

"What did you think I meant?" His tone was a lot harder suddenly, and I just couldn't tell him what I thought he meant.

_In the name of all things blush-worthy, I need an exit. Like now._

"Huh?" I said widening my eyes and batting my lashes like I'd seen Lauren Mallory do to countless, unsuspecting boys in high school, though the residual panting from my most recent overreaction might have lessened the effect. In fact I probably looked like I was having some sort of mini-seizure, but I needed to buy more time.

**Yeah. Playing in****nocent works so well with an **_**EMPATH.**_

"I need a glass of milk." And I walked away, leaving him staring after me with a cute scrunchy-faced expression and slightly pouting lips.

**This is your brilliant escape plan: milk? Improv is obviously not your strong su****it****.**

_Hey! He's confused and I'm escaping._

**Fifteen feet does not an escape make.**

I felt utterly stupid.

**As you should.**

There wasn't a bus short enough or a helmet hard enough for the level of brain damage I was showing. Did I really believe Jasper, whose very name incited the mass of butterflies in my stomach, would expect sex from me? We'd just had the most perfect date ever and he'd been nothing but a gentleman. I just shook my head at myself; ashamed of where my flood of irrational, but habitual, emotions had led. These feelings may have been very real, but they didn't have to dictate my reality. Not any longer.

His question was completely innocent, and if I'd thought past my knee-jerk reaction, I would've seen exactly that, and the great milk getaway could've been avoided altogether. Leaning against the kitchen counter, sipping my moo-juice, I thought about when I'd begun to recover from my rapid detox, the first group discussion I actually participated in - unless you count my drooling and incoherent mumbling during one or two as 'active' participation - was our chat about 'sleeping' arrangements. The cabin only had one bedroom, which I was shocked to learn actually had a bed. The only bedroom I'd ever been in at the Cullen's home besides Edward's was Alice's and neither of those had had a bed.

It was also my official introduction to Charlotte. I was laying on the couch, which was standard for those days, shaking slightly and sweating profusely, much to my chagrin.

**I'm sure they weren't thrilled either with your tang, whic****h I'm sure they got a good whiff of with their advanced sniffers.**

"What is there to discuss?" G-Red asked with a smile, "Pumpkin should get the bed since she is the only one who sleeps."

"Now hold on. I don't mean to be a dick here but fuck man! You're killin' me!" Red proclaimed.

"Why?" I asked completely missing the dilemma here, but not for long.

"Because, Sugar, Peter is a man so ninety-nine percent of the time, just like all other men, he only thinks of one thing: sex. And I'm pretty sure that other percent is mostly spent on figurin' out how to get sex." I felt like shit and I was having serious problems connecting the dots here. Sensing this, Charlotte continued. "I'm not communin' with nature every time Lil'Pete gets a twitchin', so he wants the room."

_Oh!_

Both Jasper and Garrett began to protest but Red's drowned them both out. "You fuckers just want a peek at the wife's goods again but I'm not having it…Unless she is?" He asked, quirking a brow at her, his smirk firmly in place.

"In. Your. Dreams." She said to each of them in turn, but smiling slightly just the same.

_But they don't sleep?_

**I think that was her point.**

They did look slightly disappointed; all except Red who looked downright distraught. Like she'd run over his puppy twice _after_ telling him Santa wasn't real. She turned back to me and her smile widened as she tsked out a "Men!", rolled her eyes, and then asked, "Now, Pumpkin, which would you prefer? The couch or the bed? It's your choice, since as Garrett pointed out, you are the only one who needs it."

"I have needs." Red mumbled, until Char shot him a look that brought about an automatic shut-up.

_The bitch is strong with this one._

**I think we'll do just fine with her.**

"Pumpkin?" She prompted me, smiling once again, and I went back to the original question.

_Bed._

**Let's pretend to think about this for a second.**

_Mmmmmmmmmkay….Bed. Surely Red can go without for a while. Doesn't abstinence make the heart grow fonder?_

**Nope, don't think that's right. That's absence you're thinking of; abstinence ****makes the balls grow bluer.**

_I don't know of that's possi-_

**Wanna ask?**

_NO!_

Though listening to the outbreak of raucous laughter, I was pretty sure they heard that little musing already.

_Moving on…_

**So you're going to be okay with being alone in the room wit****h Jasper?**

_NO!_

**You know he's been helping you sleep, so -**

"I'll take the couch." I said and closed my eyes, exhausted by the small conversation and my trembling, as Red whooped and fist pumped in victory.

So much had changed since first coming here. For one, I wasn't terrified or numb every waking moment. I slept soundly thanks to Jasper's nighty-night juju, and there was no viable reason why I shouldn't sleep in their bed.

_After a sheet change of course._

**Yeah and maybe an exorcism…**

"We need to talk." I jumped slightly, startled by his voice after being so lost in my thoughts, and then turned around to face him.

_Uh-oh. He sounds so serious._

**He looks it too.**

"I want you to be able to tell me anything." The blood rushed to my cheeks and he continued, "I feel your embarrassment and that touch of fear," His voice dropped lower before he continued, "I want a real grown-up relationship with you, Bella."

_Yeah that's what I'm __afraid of__._

**Let him**** finish, Ms. Kermit, before you go hopping to those conclusions, which normally prove false by the by.**

"For this to work, you've gotta learn to talk to me. I'm not askin' you to tell me every little thought, but I'd like to know that if you have somethin' botherin' you, you feel comfortable enough to come to me. I'd never laugh at ya, or give you any reason to be afraid of me, okay?"

"Besides the blood-sucking thing, you mean?"

He smirked, "Yeah. Besides that."

ooOo

Life in the cabin reminded me of the times that I'd been on lock-down in the quiet room back in Oakcrest.

**Well, that's an oh-so-flattering comparison.**

_Not what I meant._

In the way that the days seemed to blend together seamlessly as we floated though them, completely content in each other's company or the comfortable silences that often settled around us. Each day pretty much followed the same pattern after that first one. It had been a long time since my life had been quiet and tranquil in an unmedicated sort-of-way; I relished every moment because I knew it wouldn't last forever.

We read and we talked. We listened to music and we talked. We roasted marshmallows and while I ate, he talked. Thanks to those puffy, irresistible little bastards and our nightly lazing in front of the fireplace, my clothes were filling out a lot more. When I bitched and groaned about this, Jasper's only response was that he'd always liked a woman with some meat on her bones; a little junk in the trunk was a bonus. To which my response was an uncharacteristically girlish giggle and intense blushing, while skewering my next victim to set on fire 'til blackened and gooey perfection was achieved.

What did mar the passing of the days, besides my incessant worry over Red, G-Red, and Char, was my incessant worry over the future of Jasper's and my relationship.

Honestly, being with him was amazingly easy until my malfunctioning brain would notice something small, some minute detail: a stray curl falling forward in his red eyes as he read 'War and Peace' for the third time this month, or when he got a smudge of soot on his cheek from cleaning out the fireplace. See, my twisted brain would latch onto these seemingly innocent moments and suddenly I'd wanted to…_touch_ him.

As soon as I thought about my hand brushing against his cool skin, or pushing that stray silky strand back in place, other feelings would begin: stronger and ultimately more frightening feelings. That burning would stir in the pit of my stomach, pulling the trigger on my inherent and irrational fear; therefore before I could even acknowledge my other, newly arising needs, they were shot dead.

_Just another notch in Jacob's totem-pole'o'death._

**Which should piss you off.**

_You know what? It pisses me off._

**You don't say.**

_YEAH!_

**You're kidding. What a crazy, random happensta****nce.**

_Not the time for sarcasm._

But as my anger rose rapidly, so did I. I stood up, the book I was supposed to be reading falling to the floor with a thud, only to then realize I had nowhere to go, and now J-Mo was staring at me all concerned-like. As he opened his mouth to ask I practically yelled, "I have to go to the bathroom!"

I just don't understand! My hands threaded through my hair and I released a silent scream but no tears; I was done crying over _Jacob Black_. Why did he choose me? What did I do to deserve THIS?

**You'd rather it had been someone else?**

_No! NEVER! I just can't see how someone could destroy another person so utterly and completely and then go on about his life. He said he loved me!_

**He lied. He's ****a ****sick**** fuck,**** and he lied.**

_Why should he get off so __easy? I hope they find him and tear his fur from his fucking carcass._

**He'll get his; of this I have no doubt.**

_He said I'm his__ though__. If I'm Jake's how can I give myself to Jasper? I'm not mine to give._

**No, you weren't **_**Jacob's**_** to take. He has no claim.**

Looking down at my scarred chest, knowing how far they continued down, my anger surged again and I ripped at my clothes. My thoughts swirled around each other, going nowhere and everywhere all at once until they made their way back to my present dilemma, and my hands stilled, as did my silent screams.

Jasper allowed me to hyperventilate perched on the edge of the tub for about five minutes before he barged in.

"Talk. To. Me." He practically growled.

_He thinks he can just come in here and growl at me?_

**Obviously.**

"That's all we ever do! What is it you want to discuss that couldn't wait till I finished my biz? Huh?" I may have been being a bitch, but he so started this one.

"You takin' to pissin' in the tub now, Isabella?" He deadpanned, with only the slightest brow raised in challenge.

_Oh no he didn't! _I barely resisted the three snaps that usually follow that thought.

**He did.**

_Gauntlet thrown; oh looky here! Gauntlet. Picked. Up._

"I tend to sprinkle when I tinkle; this gives me more room for error." I said, matching him tone for tone and eyebrow to eyebrow, which thanks to Char were recently waxed to perfection, and gyrated my hips around the rim.

_I swear they get bit and while they're writhing around in pain and already howling someone brings in esthetician._

**Either that or ****the venom cures unibrows too. I have yet to see a sasquatch-esq vampire.**

_Maybe it's just a Metrofied virus._

He broke our stare down with a low growl, to which I answered with my own, less intimidating one. In fact, his ensuing laughter would've pissed me off to no end and I stood to tell him where he could take his ass and what he could insert there to make his journey more pleasant, but it was a sound that I didn't get to hear very often and it kind-of mesmerized me, flushing the fight right out of my system. When quiet once again descended, I knew that I was going to have to be the one that broke it this time.

What I didn't know was how to verbalize all of the conflicting emotions, or better yet, contradicting thoughts. I felt like the embodiment of yin and yang, except instead of uniting to make whole and bringing balance, these fundamental forces of creation were ripping me apart. Stitch by stitch until my stuffing was showing, and I stood here once again vulnerable before the man that I desperately wanted to be strong enough for.

"I don't know what you want me to say." I said exasperatedly.

"Anything is better than this! Just tell me what's wrong? Tell me what has you confused and afraid so much lately. Is it me?" He asked, with a desperation of his own playing in his deep crimson eyes.

This time, it was my turn to laugh: hysterically and loudly. He thought I was afraid of him? When what I feared, I'd abruptly realized, was what I wanted most of all: a future with him and everything that that would entail. Before that epiphany, which packed all the punch of one of Zeus' bolts, knocked me on my ass, I planted myself back on the side of the tub, and as my cackling stopped echoing, he sat down beside me.

"I'm not afraid of you, per se, it's -" I paused, trying to summon the words and the strength to say them. "Look. I only ever had one 'boyfriend' and you know how that ended; then the thing with _Jacob_…I've just never felt this way before." His face showed nothing but confusion as he tried to grasp my meaning.

"Bella, I felt what you felt for Edward." I couldn't help the small stab of pain and the show of it playing on my face, but he moved on without acknowledging either, for which I was grateful, "It was different, but it was a strong love especially for one just startin' out." He was sporting a weird combination of anger and confusion on his face, but I didn't have time to really ponder this at the moment.

**You know you're go****ing to have to spell this out for him.**

_Oh! We could play hangman, then nothing would have to be said._

**Just tell him.**

_Or -_

**No.**

_You didn't even know -_

**Your next suggestion would've been Scrabble and I said no.**

_Fine…_

…

_OR I could show him!_

He watched me warily as I laid my hand against his cheek, and felt an instant feeling of completeness surround me like it always did when my skin touched his. Closing my eyes to concentrate, I drew the memories of those little tummy-tightening moments to the forefront of my mind.

_His hair…his eyes…his smirk…his jaw line that I suddenly wanted to run the tip of my tongue over..._

I fought off the fear that would normally drown me at this point and focused only on my slideshow of Jasper.

_His voice…his long legs…his jealousy….his laugh…his __ass in those jeans…mmm_

Feeling his hand suddenly on top of mine caused my eyes to snap open to find his pitch-black ones staring back at me. He may have been jonesing for something, but I wasn't so sure it was blood. This time the butterflies had left on a well-earned sabbatical only to be replaced by dueling kittens. My stomach tightened and ached with this _need_ and I was once more overwhelmed by fear. Fear of the unknown and even more for what I had experienced in this area. If I was sure of anything at all, it was that I would never be able to enjoy sex like a normal person. This awakened my shame and anger with a vengeance and my head bowed under the weight, and I dropped my hand from where it still rested on his cheek.

"Darlin'?" I looked up, surprised to be met with his crimson gaze once again in place of the hungry eyes I'd seen not a minute ago. "That's what you're afraid of? Physical intimacy with me?"

"No! I mean… yes, but I think it'd be the same with anyone. Not that I want anyone else! Or even you; I mean…ugh! I want you. It's just that -" The words came forth in a gush.

_OH MY__ AHHHH__! Somebody make me stop!_

**Here's an idea: Just close your mouth.**

_Well, I'm willing to try anything at this point._

"I'm in no hurry, Babe. Time is one thing that we have in spades." He said dismissively.

_You don't think he means…eternity?_

**One crisis at a time please and thank you.**

"And if I'm never…able?

"Then I'll be perfectly happy with this." And he grabbed my hand and laced his long fingers between mine and a small sigh escaped at the feeling. "And this." Jasper leaned in slowly, giving me plenty of time to object but like hell I would. The dueling kittens were back in full fluffy force, and when his lips touched mine that damn fire sparked to life, and I fisted my hands in his shirt, pulling him to me with every bit of my strength. His mouth moved more firmly against mine and I gasped as his hand that I'd just released snaked through my hair and his other gripped my side, pulling me impossibly closer to his body. Our torsos twisted so we were chest to chest and I shivered at just the feel of him flush against me.

He backed away just a fraction of an inch when I needed air, but kept his hands right as they were. I had the brief fear of breathing swamp-mouth breath in his face, before I remembered I'd brushed my teeth only an hour before. Having that settled, I tried to calm my twitterpating heart but it was so damn hard while he was so damn close.

"I'll take whatever you give and consider myself the luckiest man under the stars." And his lips were on mine once again. I gasped as my raw desire flared, and then his tongue made its way into my mouth. After my initial shock, I surrendered to the feeling of Jasper, the taste of Jasper: just Jasper.

As his chilly but oh-so-sweet tongue explored every crevice of my mouth, mine tried to learn the steps in this dance that was all-new to me. I sucked gently on his tongue, and his answering purr gave me a boost of confidence like never before.

**He tends to do that you know.**

_Huh? Busy here…_

Breaking for stupid human needs once again, he pulled back further this time, releasing his hold, and I noticed with no small amount of satisfaction that I wasn't the only one huffing and puffing here.

He smirked at me, and a wetness that had me momentarily concerned gathered in my panties. I noticed his eyes had darkened again, which seconds ago I would have declared impossible, before he closed them and took a deep breath. When he opened them, that hunger was back and I stood to leave, hoping to make it easier on him.

"I'm gonna get cleaned up a bit. Just remember: we've got all the time in the world, Darlin'." And he winked as I left him sitting stiffly on the side of the tub.

I felt a bit awkward after a conversation that had been rife with the awkward and embarrassing and _steamy._

I walked into the living room, carefully avoiding Peter's latest hobby which happened to sit at the living room/kitchen juncture and trickled down by the bathroom door. Since Char had cut him off for something I'm sure was directly related to his diarrhea of the mouth, and she'd nipped his whining in the bud immediately with one look and a tilt of her head, he'd taken to finding non-verbal ways of expressing his 'desires', such as the NC-17 tri-sexual snowmen (one was a merperson and I just thought that was deserving of a class all on its own). His most impressive, and yet still mildly disturbing, creation was Sextropolis, which he built from a ginormous spattering of Legos.

He said he just _knew _we would _need _them, and though I thought the use of the word 'need' there was gratuitous, I couldn't deny that he had put them to good use. An entire city designed amazingly to mirror, from what I could gather from his not-so-subtle hints, any body part he found erotic. There was an ear fountain and the twin domes of dairy production and the list went on and on, but his piece' de' resistance was his Tower of Power and its two overgrown but neatly trimmed bushes.

_If only we could channel all of his mad genius for the good of all mankind…_

**Or money.**

_Yeah or that._

I curled up on the couch, rocking slightly to the tune of the shower's spray, to lose myself in my thoughts once more.

I couldn't believe how incredible I felt when I was with Jasper. Not the butterflies, nor the kittens, or even the lava compared to how I felt about myself when he looked at me like he did. I felt strong but I wanted to be stronger; I felt like I was enough, though the desire to be more for him lingered still. I felt complete with one touch, and beautiful with one piercing look.

I tucked my chin against my chest and realized I still had my pajama shirt on, which recently had just been a v-neck tee to accompany my flannels or sweats. Ever since our date, my scars didn't seem like such a big deal because he didn't make them out to be.

As a young woman of the twenty-first century, I had been brought up to believe a woman needed no man to define her or to take care of her; and I agreed whole-heartedly with the principle and most like it. But this wasn't about the philosophy of feminism or cultural stigmas and bad examples set forth for future generations; this was about me: my choice and my needs. I needed him. My list of priorities had realigned and right below air, but above everything else, was his name in bold letters with a little heart dotting the i: Jasper Whitlock.

I was still scared of what was still to come, terrified that one of my family, my coven, were out there right now in danger, and more than a little fearful of having my heart smashed again from abandonment, but I had hope that everything would end up alright. We would survive and I - I could be happy and live a full life with someone of my choosing. It was irony at its best that it was human-eating vampires that were restoring my faith in man, and in life in general, step by pain-staking step.

A different sound broke my rhythm and I strained to make it out and identify it. It had a beat all its own, but it was picking up pace. A slapping of hard flesh against hard flesh. Now that I was listening, I could make out muffled groans. Just as the comprehension of what I was hearing dawned, a hard grunt sounded and any other noise was lost beneath the water's den.

I was…

_Shocked._

**Hot.**

My hands flew to my cheeks and I could feel the flush that burned brightly on them. Unfortunately, I also heard the shower shut off at the same moment so I did what anyone in my situation would do…

**Join him?**

_Uh, no._

I rushed into the kitchen to 'hide' since the fridge seemed to be acting as home base in this fubar'd game of emotional-hide-and-seek I was playing, only on my way there I stepped directly on top of Peter's hard nipple silo.

"Fuck! Bitch, suck my titty-fucking-cock! Fuck you nipples! FUCK YOU!" The profanities poured forth like I'd been possessed by a sailor and Eminem all rolled into one, while I dug two tiny sharpened legos out of my right big toe, hopping on the other foot while trying desperately not to go crashing through his city with all the finesse of Godzilla through Tokyo.

I noticed three things simultaneously as I teetered perilously over Red's Tower of Power and arms snaked around me, plucking me up off of the floor: Jasper was wet, Jasper was shirtless, and my throbbing big toe was now dripping blood as I sat cradled in the arms of a dark-eyed vamp.

I started to push away from him, worried about making resistance harder on him by my close proximity, and not wanting him to bear the guilt of my death at his teeth, but he held me close and in three strides had deposited me on the couch and flitted off.

_Probably to get the hell-_

Before I could finish that thought, he was back with a first aid kit in his hands.

"You don't have to - I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable." I stammered, pushing all of the sincerity I could muster at him.

"It's no bother; I want to." His expression was firm but not distressed, hell, he was even breathing, so I nodded my head and watched as he opened the new kit. Noticing my gaze, he said, "Thought it'd be a good idea. I remembered how clumsy you were once upon a time."

And on cue, a deeper blush colored my cheeks. He just chuckled and shook his head.

"So my blood…it doesn't seem appetizing anymore?" I asked partially to move on from blush-inducing topics but also out of sheer, morbid curiosity.

"I wouldn't say that. It's just that _this_," He said, staring into my eyes, holding my foot up by the heel, and bringing it closer to his mouth. His breath blew across my toes as he spoke and my own hitched, "Isn't what I want most." Maintaining eye contact and in exaggeratingly slow movements, he opened his mouth and ran his tongue the length of my foot, gathering the small stream of blood there. I watched as my blood coated is tongue and then as he brought it into his mouth with all of those pearly white, razor sharp teeth and closed his lips around my toe.

My eyes closed and I moaned slightly as his tongue swirled and he sucked with just the slightest of pressure. My want made itself known and my stomach tightened like an invisible cord was running directly from that toe to my central heat, but as quick as it had begun, it ended.

My toe was no longer throbbing or bleeding and my foot was back on the couch before I could garner the courage to open my eyes but when I did, I immediately saw Jazz. His messy array of curls still dripping droplets down his bare fuck-me chest.

And the fear was back.

I made to get up but I found my escape route abruptly blocked by the man hovering above me, and I plopped back down and stared at him with a deer-in-the-headlights-look. "Talk to me, Isabella." He said quietly but firmly.

"I don't know what to say…I don't verbalize these feelings well, even to myself."

**That's true.**

"What scares you the most?" He asked.

I thought about it for a second trying unsuccessfully to organize my thoughts, before he prompted me again.

"The pain; I remember it. And the memories; I don't want to live the memories again. It's the unknown too, I think, and I -" I hesitated, one-hundred percent sure I did not want to admit this to him.

"You what?" He asked still holding himself up by his arms, completely ignoring the water drizzling off of his chest as he listened intently to every word I said.

**Fess up****. It's for the best.**

"I don't know if I could go through with _it, _I mean – the sex, anyway. I'm scared I'll disappoint you…or just not be good enough. Or-" Though I was fully clothed, unlike the god with the chiseled abs above me, I felt overwhelmingly exposed.

"I've told ya, you're it for me and much more than I ever thought I'd have a chance at. Physically, you could never disappoint me, but honestly, a lot of partners have this fear before their first time. It's natural, Babe."

I nodded my head slightly and swallowed the wad of emotions that were threatening to rise any moment.

"I've told ya and I'll keep on doin' it until you believe me: I'm in no hurry. Time, we've got. Besides it might be fun to take it slow; regardless, when you say stop," His voice got as hard as his granite skin, "I stop. No matter what, you understand?" His eyes searched mine for my understanding.

Yet again, I nodded slightly, blinking the tears filling my eyes away.

"Now, every virgin that has sex experiences some discomfort, but that's not what happened to you. He hurt you; I know, but that's not what normal sex feels like. By my hands, you'll never experience anything but pleasure and love." I shivered but I couldn't decide if it was from the terror that still gripped me or from his words.

"You have needs too, Jazz. And I can't -" I turned my head away, ashamed of my inadequacies and wishing that I could just be like a normal girl, lying under a man who loves her.

His hand on my cheek guided my head back to front and center, "I can take care of myself, Darlin'."

"So I heard." Flew from my mouth before I could stop it and I fervently wished that the couch would open up and swallow me whole. Right now. His smirk busted into a full-blown blinding smile; he chuckled lowly. It was the sexiest thing I'd ever heard. A fact that my panties once again registered.

"Can I show you what it feels like?" He asked, with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

I shook my head frantically; my most recent round of hyperventilation leaving me unable to find my voice. I was NOT ready for this! Panties be damned.

"I won't lay a finger on ya. I just want to show you that sex is not all bad. Please let me do this for you. You're an intelligent and beautiful woman, and should be treated as such every moment of every day. I'll worship you everyday: body, mind, and soul, if you'll just let me, Isabella."

_Awwww._

**I**** love it when he speaks Hallmark.**

"I won't touch you." He reiterated, and he pushed his sincerity at me. My body was trembling in fear but my reasoning vetoed the impulse to flee, and I concentrated on the trust that I held for Jasper as I nodded my head and watched him warily.

"Close your eyes." He whispered mere inches away from my face, and I did as he said, breathing deep his scent as it blew across my face. It smelled of the embodiment of masculinity with just a hint of sweetness. It was fine cigars and leather and a half a dozen other distinguishable scents that all equaled Jasper.

"Now think of what you were thinking of earlier." And I did.

_His blond hair scattered about…his smoldering eyes…_As if on cue, the heat began.

"Tell me." Though his voice was quiet, there was an authority there that I didn't dare refuse; I didn't want to.

"Your lips pulled up in your cocky smirk," The heat became fire. "I was thinking of running the tip of my tongue along your jaw line." And now that I'd seen his chest I wanted to just keep going along his collar bone and across his broad shoulders.

The fire bubbled and my stomach muscles were taut and in drastic need of some relief. As Jasper prompted me quietly to keep talking, I found that I couldn't be embarrassed right now about my heavy panting or my thighs that had started rubbing together of their own accord frantically in search of something…anything, or even my voice which was about two octaves deeper than normal. There'd be time to be embarrassed later, but right now I felt too damn good to care.

"Your ass in those jeans, any jeans really." I felt his burst of humor and I smiled knowing that he was smiling, and then I moaned as he doubled my lust. My breathing was loud in the quiet but I took comfort that his was too. I could feel that damn lava roiling, ready to burst forth and I wasn't sure how much more I could take.

"Your laugh." My body quivered and quaked under the weight of this need; my fears all but forgotten. My voice was shaky as I continued, "Your show of jealousy."

I cried out as I reached the pinnacle and I was certain I would finally find my release, but the fire retreated just enough to keep me suspended in my barely coherent state but not push me over.

"What else, Darlin'?" His deep voice whispered gruffly in my ear.

I rubbed my head back in forth as I tried to think around my desire.

_Jasper_

With every word I spoke, he stoked the fire of my passion, "Your legs…your chest…your voice!" Until I couldn't stand it a second longer, "Please Jasper!" I begged breathlessly, and when his name fell from his tongue, he pushed such lust, love, and adoration at me that though my eyes shot open, I couldn't see anything; blinding bliss devoured my senses.

The fire that he'd built and tended in the pit of my stomach burst forth and my body became rigid while I experienced my first ever orgasm. After what seemed like an eternity he reeled in his gift, leaving me melted in the aftermath, laid back on the couch with my eyes closed - exhausted, sweaty, but oh-so-satisfied.

**If he can do that without laying a finger on you, just imagine…**

I opened my eyes and met his with what I knew was a silly-dreamy expression but I didn't care.

_I love this man!_

Maybe it was the cum-coma, or maybe it was just time to accept the truth. Staring into his crimson eyes, I said, "I love you, Jasper Whitlock."

His smile could've lit up a city block and I laughed. "I know you do, Babe, but man is it nice to hear from these lips." He leant down and barely brushed my lips with his before I was suddenly upright, backed into the furthest corner of the living room with Jasper now crouched down in front of me, snarling viciously.

"Jazz?" I whispered and he shot me a dose of calm, but other than that, he made no indication that I'd even spoken. He was facing the front door, so that's where I turned my attention as well, and I didn't have to wait long.

The door flung open and in bounded Red in the way only a Red can, "Miss me, Fu-" His words died in his throat as he took in our stance. I waved slightly from my position behind Jazz, and Peter inhaled deeply before turning to me with his trademark smirk, "So the monastery is no-go?"

Jasper just growled slightly, straightening out of his crouch, but still standing protectively in front of me.

"Don't get your fuckin' knickers all knotted up. They're here to help and we're gonna need them."

I didn't have to ask who because in walked two of the most beautiful vampires I had ever seen. And they knew it too. Each had long blond hair and a timeless grace about them. They were so breathtaking it made my stomach ache and all of those pesky insecurities flare.

_Oh look. They multiplie__d_.

**They sure as hell did.**

The newbies were flanked by Charlotte and G-Red, and the thrill of having my family back, safe and whole, eclipsed all of my petty negative feelings. I beamed at both of them from my place behind Jasper, until finally Char spoke up.

"Let the girl out, Major. You had her all on your own for weeks! And it's obvious to everyone how much y'all enjoyed yourselves but it's time to share."

He sighed and I grabbed his hand as I stepped up to his side.

"Well, is someone going to introduce us?" One of the blonde bombshells asked. Her lilting voice was calm and soothing with hints of an accent, but I couldn't place it.

"Of course," Garrett spoke up immediately, "Isabella, this is Kate Denali and her sister, Irina. Ladies, this is Isabella Whitlock." I didn't miss the subtle inflection he placed on my new surname; an unspoken warning though knowing Red, I'm sure they'd received less obtuse and much more colorful warnings as well.

I also didn't miss the subtle difference in his tone between Kate's name and Irina's.

**Looks like G-red might be smitten already.**

"Bella?" Kate asked, her features displaying nothing but confusion.

"Um, yeah. Isabella actually." I said, rolling my eyes. I give it thirty minutes before I'm food again regardless of how I introduce myself.

"We thought you were dead..." The shock was almost palpable in the room. Or it could've all just been mine at this point.

I snorted, "Well, obviously, it didn't take - " _Oh wait! _"Why does everyone keep saying that?"

* * *

**AN: Push the button and tell me what ya think ;-) There's a teaser in it for ya...**

**I know y'all despise long ANs but I have a couple of things to say real quick like. JaspersBella, HammerHips and I are collab****ing on a couple of fics in the not-so-distant future, and through the process, a blog bursting at the seems with fuckery has been born. We're whitlockharem (dot) blogspot (dot) com so check us out. (But not at work and 18+ only please: Peen nosed-foxes have been spotted)**

**Updates'll come as quick as I can get t****hem out, but RL can be a bitch (and my beta has one of those as well) and some parts just flow easier. I'm still shooting for once a week and thanks in advance for your patience.**

**Next, this story was pimped to the max this week on the Jasper'sDarlin's blog**** and a couple of interviews by the one and fuckin' only VampishVixen. I squealed and gushed and rainbows shot from orifices I didn't even know they could. That was kinda disconcerting but the rest was fuck-awesome. And I wanted to say thanks once again. If**** you haven't, for some beyond me, unfathomable, inexcusable reason read her latest fic "The Scent of Fear" get on that shit. It's goooooooooooood. *whispers* It's also packed with Domsper. OH HELL YEAH!**

**A special thanks to RemyKilday and MsMynxi showing some love this week too! Y'all are just all kinds of wonderful!**


	28. Conflict

**Still rated M, damn it.**

**Love to my beta, Stitchcat, and my pre-reader, HammerHips. They both put up with my quirks and insecurities and all I have to give is much thanks. **

**When we last left our vampires:**

"Bella?" Kate asked, her features displaying nothing but confusion.

"Um, yeah. Isabella actually." I said, rolling my eyes. I give it thirty minutes before I'm food again regardless of how I introduce myself.

"We thought you were dead..." The shock was almost palpable in the room. Or it could've all just been mine at this point.

I snorted, "Well, obviously, it didn't take - "Oh_ wait!" _Why does everyone keep saying that?"

**Chap 28: Conflict **

Silence reigned for what felt like an eternity all its own, and I tried to remember having this discussion with her; I hadn't deliberately kept it from her, it just never crossed my mind with all of the other shit going on around us. I was shocked into stupidity when I came here and found her alive; then we worried that she was not going to survive her withdrawals, so all of our focus turned to her survival.

When things had finally settled, I thought as little as I could about the past and chose to immerse myself in visions of what a future with Bella might entail. "That was _so_ not a rhetorical question! I want an answer." Her voice dropped from the banshee scream it'd adapted to an eerily hushed tone. The abrupt switch left me disoriented and more than a little fuckin' worried. "I want the answer I should have been given _months_ ago."

Ah, hell. That _subtle_ little dig was directed solely at me and I felt her anger and betrayal lashing me in the heavy silence. I turned to face my accuser, my mate, and matched her narrowed eyes with my own.

"With everything else, we just never got around to talkin' about it, Isabella." I said with quiet defiance. I was pissed that she actually thought I just wouldn't tell her something of this magnitude, something that affected her personally to such an extent.

"Looks like there's some trouble in paradise." Irina's lilting, heavily-accented voice cut through the silence, just as her delight and bitterness reached me. I blocked everyone's emotions so that I could focus on just the facts at hand. Besides, mine were unstable enough at the moment, and the combination of Bella's and my anger was not going to lead to anywhere good for _any_ of us.

For the past few weeks, I'd been picking up flares of sudden hostility or just good ol' fashioned pissed-off, but she'd always stuffed them back in; gotten them under control before she blew up or I asked what it was about. It was about time we dealt with this shit though, before it festered any more.

"We need a few minutes alone." I ordered, never taking my eyes from Bella. Garrett and Kate left immediately, as did Char, but Peter had to push Irina's ass out the door with her mutterin' about how we treat our guests and more shit that I couldn't give a flying fuck about right now (or ever in fact). I sent my brother a shot of gratitude for his interference, because I was just about out of fuckin' patience for the day.

"So what? You just forgot?" She scoffed harshly. I took a step back from her. I didn't understand where this mistrust and anger was coming from, and I knew that if I asked I wouldn't get a straight answer. Hell, she might not even understand it, but I had to admit it hurt like a son of a bitch to be on the receiving end.

"Yeah, I did." I said flatly, tryin' to rid my voice of the hurt and anger and my face the same. "I've never lied to you before. Why would I start now?"

"You sure you didn't think I was just _too fragile_, _too weak_ to handle the truth? You sure that you just didn't want to have to deal with the crazy human you got stuck with getting all hysterical? Are you sure it wasn't _for my protection_?" Her voice was cold; hateful. She was everything opposite than I'd ever seen Bella be, and that caused that cutting pain this little spat brought with it to an all new level. I had to fight to keep every stab from playin' across my face.

It was easy to… not forget, but put aside all of the fucked-up shit that had happened to Bella in the last few years when we were lounging in front of the fire talkin' or when we watched a movie or did one of a thousand everyday tasks with the greatest of ease and with complete normalcy. Well, as normal as you can get for a relationship between a human and a vampire.

It wasn't pity for the horrors that she'd lived through that made me take a deep breath and try again; it was the recognition that she was hurtin' here too, and she was doin' what any hurt, confused animal does when you get too close: they lash out in hopes of makin' you back off. And it was love that had me reachin' toward her, braced for rejection but wishin' for something more. My love for her, plain and simple. Deep and strong. Unwavering.

She tensed under my touch but only briefly before she melted into my arms and clung to me. I shivered from the feel of her warm body against my bare chest but I quickly diverted that train of thought before I had another hard, painful thing to deal with. "I'm sorry, Jazz. I just don't get what's wrong with me. Every little thing sends me spiraling out of control, twisting this way and that. I feel like I'm bogged down under heavy waves but trying to surface with my arms strapped down. I'm going under _all _the time and I _hate_ this feeling and I _hate_ not understanding it!" I could hear the truth of her hasty words in the strain of her voice, the pleading of her tone, the desperation of her tightening grip, but none of that prepared me for opening my senses back up to her.

Her emotions were flickering by too fast and none of them had a shade of positive or an ounce of weakness. My stomach clenched and my arms gripped her too strong for a split second. She didn't even register the pain, so lost in her emotional storm, but I was sure she'd have a bruise tomorrow and that only furthered the heavy feelings now swirling around us. It took me another minute to realize I wasn't helpless; I wasn't weak. I could stop this.

As she continued to burrow in my arms as much as she could, craving what little comfort she could find, I thought of only her and my feelings for her. I barricaded them until the strength was astounding and the pressure almost too much, and then I released their full force onto her. She gasped under the attack but slowly, as I cycled out her more potent poisonous feelings and replaced them with security and love, she relaxed. I even threw a little lust in there, which made her give a watery snort once she identified it. Her hands started lightly tracin' the scars on my chest where she had them restin', and yet again, I had to remind myself fun time was over for tonight. We had important shit to cover still.

I held her, runnin' my arms up and down her back, until she whispered in a voice that made her sound as small as her chaotic emotions had made her feel, "Why does everyone think I'm dead, Jasper?"

Her face stayed on my chest, and after pausin' in shock at her completely reasonable question for short second, my arms continued their path up and down her back as I spoke, dreading the results of this conversation but unwilling to lie to her, even by omission, and unable to deny her anything she asked like this: here in my arms, snuggled against my flesh and trustin' me not to take advantage of her vulnerable state.

"I was headin' through Washington -"

"Why?" She interrupted, and I chuckled a little at her insatiable curiosity. The sound died as quickly as it had begun because I couldn't, wouldn't, lie to her and the truth was inexcusable, but I selfishly hoped it wasn't unforgivable in Bella's eyes. I hugged her close to me once more before I answered, in case it was the last time I'd have such a chance.

"I came to kill you." She didn't respond at all so I kept goin'. "My marriage was over, life as I knew it had ended, and I needed someone to blame. It was wrong and I realized that almost immediately." She was completely silent and motionless. I couldn't feel anything comin' from her besides the toxic emotions that she'd had earlier and they were growin' in force.

"When?" She asked in a dead monotone that I'd heard before but I'd never been the cause of.

"When I came into town." I spoke quickly and kept my arms fastened tight around her since she hadn't asked to be released yet. It was selfish but I needed her to get through this. "I noticed a funeral goin' on and I was curious. Alice showed up and told me that it was yours, that it was my fault, and I lost it." Surprise flared strong within her at the same time as her anger struck again, and she finally looked up at me.

"Your fault?" She snapped. I nodded once. "Bull-honkin'-shit. You didn't leave me in forest full of dangerous creatures broken-hearted and near catatonic. You didn't hurt me. So you took a snap! You're a vampire, Jasper. I knew the risks every time I walked into your house and never once did I regret it until after…" She trailed off, and I interrupted to spare her from followin' that trail of thought and because she was wrong.

"But it was -" I didn't get very far into my rebuttal before her eyes turned to slits and her gaze alone caused my balls to sound the retreat.

"We've been over that." Apparently, decidin' that was done, she moved on briskly. "What did you mean by you lost it?" I had to look away from her as I confessed my sins and prayed it wouldn't be the deal breaker for her.

"I'd been feedin' and fuckin' humans since I left Alice." And up until now I hadn't felt more than a jot bad about it, but now my shame made my throat thick and my head heavy. "The next time I tried to do either after what I thought was your funeral, after I picked myself off of the ground, I just…couldn't. I thought I was cursed. Vampires don't exactly suffer from performance anxiety. I felt your loss like nothin' else in my long, miserable life."

My head snapped back to her as she whimpered, "I'm your curse?"

"No, Babe, no. Even then I thought of you as my albatross. Do you know the poem?"

"Coleridge right?" I nodded. "And it was an omen of good luck until some assclown shot it down."

" Yes, Ma'am, and I thought I was that assclown." I kissed the top of her head as she snuggled back into my embrace. A small part of my mind registered that she should be gettin' cold, but I didn't think either of us cared enough to move right now. "Eventually I was starvin' enough to drain a deer and that's why I had golden eyes when we met. Not my doin', but yours."

"But you barely even knew me and you'd killed humans before. Why did it affect you so…drastically?" There was no judgment in her tone or her emotions, just curiosity. And I don't know why it surprised me.

"If I had to guess I'd say that I had in some way already recognized you as my mate. It's the only thing that makes any sense. I was mournin' for your loss, not my guilt." She just nodded like this all made sense, and though her emotions were still tumultuous, they were under control. Her brow creased slightly like it always did when she was lost in her thoughts and I just waited for her to work through whatever was goin' on inside her pretty little head. Whenever I thought about her mind, mine always conjured a picture of a maze filled with things that ranged from the absurd to the deadly. At any moment, she could run into a trap in there and have to fight her way back out, or she could sit and eat pie and have a wonderland-worthy conversation with herself.

"I bet you wouldn't have hurt me on my birthday." She stated with as much confidence as she would stake in the Earth bein' round or shit stinkin'.

"I don't know. I only know that as soon as I caught a whiff of your blood, I was gone."

"Charlotte said that mating might be different with a human, but you didn't feel a strong draw to me before that night. Char said it was instinct. Maybe it was when you smelled my blood…" She trailed off and I smiled at her, amazed at how her mind worked and baffled by how she came to the conclusion she did; though the idea had merit, I admit.

"Next time I talk to Carlisle I'll ask." Her shock was back in full-force and I couldn't believe the gauntlet her emotions had run in such a short period, and I was pretty fuckin' sure that all this stress did not do the body good.

"You still talk to him?" Her face and voice had lost all expression.

"I haven't since I left, but it may happen one day. If you'd rather I didn't though…" I left it hangin' and completely in her hands. She was my everything. As long as I had her I was a happy fuckin' man; a horny motherfucker, but happy nonetheless.

"Well, you obviously got over the hunting block but are you still loving and leaving them?" Her voice was still that cold monotone, but I could still feel her. As her feelin's of inadequacy and self-loathin' rose and her confidence plummeted, I rushed to reassure her. Granted it didn't have to drop much to hit bottom, but still.

"No! That was all before you. I'm not tryin' to excuse my behavior. But Darlin', I've told you and I meant it; _you are it for me_. Besides, I've been feedin' off of whatever I can scrounge up in the woods since my 'slip' a couple of months back. And I'm not into bestiality."

She looked up again and I was happy to see the mask that she'd donned had started to drop, but her worry spiked suddenly, and she reached up to trace the dark shadows underneath my eyes.

"You need to hunt. I've been so wrapped up in me I hadn't even considered you." Her emotions were killin' me: selfishness, doubt, shame, hatred, anger; all directed at herself for some non-existent short comin' she'd conjured up in her mind. I didn't know how I could convince her that I was fine and she was more than I deserved and all that I wanted, so I did the only thing left to do. I kissed her.

My mouth possessed hers and my tongue found its home in her warm little mouth. Damn, I wasn't sure about her, but this was makin' me feel a hell of a lot better. A second later, I felt her burden ease as well; allowin' her love and awe and _lust_ (_fuck me_) to overshadow all of the bad. Her nails ran down my shoulders and over my nipples, and as my chest vibrated with the growl she'd incited, it took all of my limited willpower to pull away so that she could breathe. Before I could remember that we had time for more of this when she was ready, because she definitely wasn't yet. Fuck, forget toe curlin'; when you kiss a woman and she forgets the need to breathe that's somethin' brag-worthy right there.

I rested my forehead against hers and smirked as she panted, and then chuckled when she pouted, complete with big doe eyes, and said, "But I wasn't done."

"Neither was I, trust me, but we've only got a few more minutes of privacy." She fell quiet, gently tracin' my scars again, lost in her thoughts, and I just ran my arms up and down her back and her arms and waited. Finally, she broke the silence.

"I still don't understand why they want everyone to think I'm dead?"

"I wish I had all the answers for ya, Darlin'. I don't right now, but I promise you we will find out."

"My D-Dad? He buried me." Her grief was overwhelmin' and I knew words meant nothin' right now, so I did the only thing I could. When her legs gave out, I lowered to the floor with her and I held her as she wept bitterly for the family she'd loved and lost. Her pain was unbearable for me, and I promised to myself that once I made it back to Washington, both of the men that had betrayed Bella and tossed her aside without a second thought would pay their debt in blood; their own blood and anyone who got in between us. I began countin' each tear that fell from her eyes, because each deserved its retribution and I would be the executioner sent on their behalf. And I'd derive pleasure beyond belief durin' the act.

She quieted back down quicker than I would've thought for the depth of her abandonment and betrayal, but when I asked about it her answer was simply "I should've known." And that closed that conversation, though I wanted to shake her and yell that there's no way she should have, could have, been prepared for something like this, but since I was ninety-nine percent sure it would do no good and only cause the first ever vampiric headache for me, and more emotional instability for her, I let it drop.

I was ready for their return when they came back not five minutes later. I'd hoped that our guests could shed some light on some of our questions, and I wanted a fuckin' status report from Peter about his mission. I'm an impatient bastard as Char and Peter are well aware of, which is fuckin' ironic since all I've been doin' lately is waitin'.

Peter poked his head in first with his hand coverin' his eyes, "Everyone decent?" I just rolled my eyes and stood with Bella, who was smirkin' at his antics.

"I see you peeking, Red. Hoping to catch a glimpse of J-Mo's ass?" Garrett's laughter and a few feminine chuckles ushered the rest of the vampires in. Bella automatically stepped into my side again and I tried to restrain my smile, my pride that she still trusted me knowin' every shady thing I'd done in my long and immoral life.

I said hellos to our guests before gettin' down to business. "Why did y'all think she was dead?"

"How did you even know about me?" Bella asked. I knew the answer to this one though and I was pretty damn sure of the other as well.

"Alice." The both said simply. But when Kate figured we were wantin' a bit more detailed answer she continued; Irina just stared at my still bare chest. There wasn't an overwhelmin' amount of lust at first glance; it was more like alarm and it was the natural reaction to seein' my scars fully exposed for the first time. With our vision, they literally popped out and screamed a warnin'. Of course, like with most vampire females, as soon as the instinctual fear was assessed and turned off, the lust and want did dial up. Again, it was instinctual. My scars proved that I was a man who could fight and protect what was mine, and it called to unmated females like the flashy feathers on a fuckin' peacock.

Luckily, Bella was too preoccupied by Kate to notice Irina starin' at me, and the others starin' at her. I'd forgotten some of the major changes that had happened in their absence. Besides the fact that she seldom tensed and even sought out contact, she had also taken to wearin' tight fitted tees. A fact that I was beyond thrilled with. Her scars didn't bother me; in fact, I'd spent a few hours recently imaginin' tracin' each one with my tongue and showin' her exactly how fuckin' hot she was. But it was gonna take the other dipshits a moment apparently. My low hiss caught their attention and I felt an apology from each one. The only one's who hadn't been guilty of oglin' Bella with a mixture of pity, disgust, anger, love, and pride were Kate and, of course, Irina, who just so happened to still be lookin' at my chest. Fuck! I was ready to call this day quits and try the fuck again tomorrow.

"Isabella, we knew of you from your first day of school when Edward came to our house seeking sanctuary from the call of your blood, and again we heard of you after…" And she trailed off awkwardly.

"After Edward left me." Bella said in a hard voice.

Kate nodded glancin' at me and I knew that that's not what she'd planned on sayin', and I felt her curiosity and concern spike as she took in my dark, red-rimmed eyes for the first time.

I gritted my teeth, "I'm not gonna hurt her, Kate." Once again, Kate just nodded but Irina thought that this would be the appropriate time to pipe up, apparently.

"I'm sure Edward would be very upset if you did." Her smugness and bitterness radiated forth. I was about to set her straight when I figured I didn't have to.

"Irina!" Kate hissed. Just as another voice piped up.

"I don't give a bare monkey's ass what Edward would or wouldn't be. He left me for other distractions. He said he didn't want me. The end. He has NO say in my life or my decisions. And Jasper would _never_ hurt me." As soon as Bella paused in her tirade, Kate jumped back in and calmly finished her explanation.

"We found out about your death from Alice; she had been looking for Edward to tell him the news. She was confident it would help him get over you, which I'll admit honestly made no sense to us at the time, but that is the extent of our knowledge on the subject. I'm sorry we can't tell you more." Her concern seemed to have died completely durin' her explanation, and recognition and acceptance took over. I'd never understand how a woman's mind worked, but since I wasn't pickin' up on any hostility then I figured whatever Kate's deal was could wait.

Because instead of Bella listenin' to Kate, her eyes were watchin' Irina like a hawk. And Irina's were still glued to my chest for fuck's sake. I had to close myself off to the emotions in the room once more but I blanketed everyone in a bunch of calm-the-fuck-down before I moved the conversation along.

"What were y'all doin' in Forks?" It wasn't an assumption. It was a fact that that's where they had to have met up with Peter and the others. Peter was a top-notch soldier and he followed my orders to a T. Every fuckin' time. He wouldn't have strayed without lettin' me know. Especially with somethin' this fuckin' important.

Since _Irina_ was still preoccupied, Kate fielded this question as well. "It's where Laurent disappeared. We'd heard that it was the wolves," and Bella gasped and became as rigid as a board. "But that information is no longer reliable since it came from Victoria, and she's since formed an alliance with the mongrels."

"What does Laurent have to do with you?" I asked genuinely confused. Finally, this seemed to break Irina's concentration on my chest and look at my eyes.

"What does he have to do with us? He was my mate." Peter hacked out what sounded like "a random fuck" and I had to agree with his assessment here. I felt her grief and it was real, but the majority was just anger, bitterness, and lust; except it wasn't lust for body, but for blood. She wanted revenge. But shit, that worked for me. If we didn't need their help, Peter wouldn't have bothered bringin' them back for fuck's sake.

"He died because he tried to eat me." Bella stated all non-fuckin'-chalant and I inwardly cringed. I should've been the one to kill his sorry lyin' ass. Peter and Garrett's chuckles brought my attention back to a very irate Irina, but I could care less. My mate over her "random fuck" every damn time, yeah.

Irina sneered, "You're not the one who killed him. That would be akin to blaming the stupid deer a hunter was standing in front of when he got shot. I could care less about his dietary plans. I want vengeance for my mate!" Her answer was as cold as it was shockin' and I could see Bella mullin' the logic of it over.

Just then her stomach growled and Garrett chuckled; he was just overjoyed to see her. I remember the first time I'd come home from a guys only huntin' weekend to find Alice waitin' there for me. After bein' a disposable soldier and then a nomad, I didn't understand the feelin' of delight at simply comin' home, back to the person or place that meant that for me.

Her head whipped around to glare at him and he stifled the chuckle and settled for a big-ass smile. Since she couldn't hold her glare, Bella marched off toward the kitchen announcin', "I'm going to get something to eat."

She hadn't made if three steps when I heard Peter's whisper of "Oh shit" and I heard the rustlin' of feet glidin' through the woods, not two miles out. I growled as I grabbed Bella, pullin' her behind me and turned to the door readied as did every other vampire in the room at that time. Peter opened the door and moved beside it flush against the wall in case he was needed, but as soon as the air filled the room from outside, I relaxed.

Bella's heart had just picked back up its pace, double time, when I stood, blockin' her from view.

"Good of you to call first, Em. I thought I said now was NOT a good time."

"Sorry, Man. I couldn't stop her. So where's your -" He trailed off as he inhaled. I'd hoped her scent had changed enough to prolong this a few, but obviously it hadn't.

"You're kidding, right Jazz." Ah, Rosalie. "What? She couldn't get Edward to give it up so she moved on to you?"

And just like that, Rose was pinned by her throat by a severely pissed off Char. Charlotte had her hand that wasn't diggin' into Rosalie's throat fisted in her long blond hair. And likewise Em was pinned against the other wall by Peter and Garrett, not that he was fightin' them. After a glance to make sure Rose was alright, he completely stilled. His face was crumpled as he tried to piece together what he now knew and our previous phone call, but it didn't look like it was workin' so well.

I had never more wished that "shut the hell up" was an emotion because I would've been pumpin' it into the room at that moment. This was a volatile situation. Bella had already had an unstable day and one wrong word here could send her into that downward spiral that she seemed to be on, that constant edge of a funnel that she was always lookin' down.

"Charlotte." I ordered quietly; with a growl and a snap of her teeth not a hair's breadth in front of Rose's nose, she released her.

"Is that -" I cut off Rose's bitch-speech immediately.

"I'm just gonna remind you that you're in my house now, not Carlisle's. Every member of my coven will be respected."

"Your-your _coven_? She's a HUMAN! One that you tried to EAT for God's sake!" My look offered no sympathy and certainly no room for argument, but then again neither had my tone. I thought that maybe I was gettin' soft in my old age, but then again this was Rosalie. Once she clamped down on a bone, she wasn't lettin' loose. I sighed. I didn't look forward to puttin' her in her place, but I would if she kept on.

"Emmett! I'm not staying in the same house as her!" She turned to him for help but the look on his face, which was the same as it had been since his first breath, stopped her cold. Even with my gift locked up, I felt the stab of annoyance and the heat of pure anger behind me and I sighed, reachin' up to rub my forehead as Bella stepped out from behind me to face her attacker. I was just breakin' all kinds of vampire barriers: first vampire to suffer impotence and first to have a Texas-sized migraine. Carlisle would have a field day with this shit.

"You are abso-fucking-lutely, one-hundred percent right. You won't be staying here. This is my house and you are not welcome." She stated in a remarkably calm voice, only her slightly shakin', fisted hands givin' away her anger.

I turned to her in shock and directed the love and pride I was feelin' for her in her direction.

"Red and G-Red, you can let him go. He's no threat and they're leaving."

"I'm -" Rosalie began, but miracle of miracles, Emmett's harsh growl caused her mouth to shut immediately. I'd teased him mercilessly about his woman wearin' the pants in their relationship, and his good–natured answer was always that she should since she had the better legs, but the truth was that he indulged her. He supported her, but he'd quietly put her in her place when it was needed. He was just so mild-mannered and not easily riled that you didn't see it very often, and it was always worth a few moments of silence.

"Jazz. I'll be back to talk to you in a bit. Just you and me. Bella." His eyes softened when he looked at her and tilted his head toward in her in acknowledgement, and with that they were gone as quickly as they'd come.

Of course, the vampires could hear Rosalie's questions of "What's going on?" and "What were those scars on her?". We also heard Emmett's growl and then nothin' as they sped away and we stood silent in the aftermath. It seemed as if both Irina and Kate were reappraisin' Bella, and as I opened myself up to see where they were emotionally, all I got was a fuck-load of confusion. And for the first time I wondered what exactly Peter had told them.

He barely breathed out a "Later fucker" as he turned to usher Char toward the bedroom, but the fucker knew that wasn't gonna fly. I know he did.

"Where do think you're going, Red?" Bella asked steppin' in their path.

"My room. Me and the wifey have some stuff to do." He spouted cockily and winked at her conspiratorially, like she was in on this secret scheme to get him laid. I just rolled my eyes at the silly bastard as Bella snorted.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to veto that. See," She said pointing toward the bedroom door, "I sleep in there now. Especially with all the additional company. You all are just going to have to settle for hearing my snores instead of watching me drool night after night. Garrett chuckled and I smirked. She did drool and she lightly snored too, but with our hearin' she might as well've had a chainsaw goin' all night every night.

"Oh, but Pumpkin, we'll be done before you're ready to sleep." He took another step and she was in the doorway with her arms latched onto the old frame faster than I thought was humanly possible. Even Irina and Kate were enjoyin' this little show.

"Over. My. Cold. Really dead. Body." She growled, and I hissed at her piss-poor choice of words. She spared me a slight shrug and semi-apologetic smirk before turnin' her attention back to the horny fucker, who was saggin' in defeat.

"Jelly Roll, I have needs." Peter whined out. "I never thought you'd be such a damn cock-blocker." He pouted and she smirked.

"When you're using the bed I sleep in as your sparkly-cum catcher, then hell yeah, Red. Hell to the yeah." And with one more very serious face in his direction she headed to the kitchen, pullin' Char along behind her. "And don't even think about tryin' to be sneaky. I'm sure Jazz doesn't want to lay on your sticky jizz-juiced blankets either." She sang as she opened up the fridge.

"That's true, Fucktard." I said as I passed him and knocked his shoulder. I'd missed the cryptic bastard, though if it weren't for the impendin' battle I'd kick everyone of them out on their asses out right now, because she just said I'd be in bed with her. That was definitely a step in the right fuckin' direction.

He grabbed my forearm and I turned to look at him. "I just told them that the wolves had hurt one of ours and we were seekin' a little retribution in the shape of total annihilation. They didn't ask more and I didn't tell, but we might want to consider doin' that before it comes out in a more unpleasant way. It's up to you."

"No. It's up to Bella. I'll ask her tonight. Did you cover y'all's trail back?" He rolled his eyes but answered just the same. This was about Bella so I wasn't assumin' somethin' so important had been done; he'd just have to deal with my overbearin' ass for a bit.

"Yes, Sir." He popped off with a weak salute, as I grabbed a shirt from the room and slid it on. "We confused the scent and took several indirect paths back here. I guarantee no newborn or mutt could've followed."

I nodded and went into the kitchen where everyone else had drifted in Bella's wake, and Char was givin' her a hand on her dinner. They both moved perfectly in sync in this dance they'd mastered, and I basked in the contentment flowin' around the room. Sure there was a little jealousy and a lot of lust still comin' my way from Irina, but that was all superficial; contentment reigned and I was gonna enjoy it while it lasted.

When they were finished, Bella sat to eat her dinner and we all took up our normal positions around the kitchen, with Kate now occupyin' the spot beside Garrett. Happy chatter filled the room as Bella ate until Irina huffed, "Watching her eat is the equivalent of a cow chewing cud and equally as entertaining." And stormed out of the fuckin' room.

"Let me tell you somethin', Heifer," Peter began, but Bella stopped him.

"Leave her. She's fine." I sent her some curiosity and she just shrugged at me as the different conversations in the small room picked up again. Bella sat, pickin' at her food and I could feel the emotional storm that had never quite blown over earlier brewin' stronger with every passin' moment and I knew I needed to figure out what was goin' on.

Bella's fidgetin' got worse and her emotions resembled someone trapped, claustrophobic even: anxiety, fear, impatience, despair, and dread. As she hunched in on herself and her breathin' got more shallow, I provided her escape.

"Darlin'? You wanna take a walk with me before bed?"

"Yes!" She sprung up with a smile and some gratitude in my direction and rushed toward the door. "Is it safe for us to wander around?" She asked as she pulled on her tall rubber boots and wrapped up in her coat.

"We'll stick close." And out we went once she was done bundlin' up.

I sensed her worry, so I tried to reassure her that she was safe. "Really, Babe. Pete just got done tellin' me that they confused the trail and even covered their scents as much as they could. There's nothin' to worry about."

"Oh, I hate to disagree and I wouldn't if you weren't wrong, but yeah, you are, so I am. And what do you mean they covered their scents?" I smirked.

"Well, it's kind-of an old huntin' technique. We employed it in my days with Maria and it worked like a fuckin' charm. See, vampire's base instincts are at their strongest and most overwhelmein' durin' that first year and since most scouts that were sent by enemy camps were newborns, Peter and I came up with a way to deter them. It's simple really. You just get a fuck-load of piss; bear works the best and-"

"Wait! Bear piss?" And she laughed. Doubled-over, gut bustin' laughter. It echoed through the quiet snowscape and it warmed me the way no fire ever could. As long as she could laugh like that, we would be fine; she would be fine. When she quieted back down, we kept walkin' and I finished explainin'.

"We just made a perimeter with it; well, I made a perimeter. Peter liked to paint the desert with the shit. I swear the fucker did the Mona Lisa out of fox piss once. 'Course after he added the bear scat mustache, I kicked his ass for wastin' my fuckin' time. The urine masked our scent pretty damn well as long as nobody humped a tree or got too friendly in the bushes, and it riled up the animalistic instincts, cloudin' any possibility for logical thought. Probably not good for the humans around Monterrey, but for us, it was fuckin' gold. Even mature vampires don't want to stick their noses too close to a piss trail." She was actually fuckin' gigglin' now and I committed the mesmerizin' sound to memory. "Collectin' it also made a mighty fine punishment for a misbehavin' troop when I was feelin' generous or just damn lazy."

I watched as she covered her mouth to mask her girlish giggles. Time seemed to stop for me when she was happy like this and I wondered in awe at the incredible effect this woman had on me. Again, I just marveled at how beautiful she really was through and through; pink cheeks to black toe nails, crazy brilliant mind to intense lovin' heart. But the moment ended all too soon and it was an abrupt fuckin' drop back into reality.

"You lied to me." She said dead somber, and I wondered if I'd missed some part of the conversation.

"Pardon?" I took a deep breath, tryin' to maintain my cool, but I had a feelin' that wasn't gonna be easy. Was it ever easy with Bella? The answer to that was hell no, but still so worth it. The only thing that came easy was lovin' her.

"You said you didn't talk to them anymore!"

"No, Isabella, I said that I hadn't talked to Carlisle and I damned sure don't appreciate bein' called a liar." I said, not hidin' my anger a bit. I'd had enough of this shit today. "And how is it that you can get all pissy over a misunderstandin' between us in two seconds flat, but _Irina_ you say is fine?"

"What do you want to hear here, Jazz? That I'm jealous of her? Because she's tall and blonde and ridiculously blessed in the chest? Or because she looks at you like you're not wearing a stitch every second she's in the same room? What's her super power? X-ray vision? Or is she just a Superwhore? I haven't seen her on her back so that could explain my confusion here! What do you want to hear?" She yelled, close to full blown hysteria, but as I looked at her pantin' after her little speech, I couldn't help but chuckle. She needed to get some of this shit out and I could tell some of her pressure had been relieved already.

"So why didn't you let Peter lay into her?" She sighed exasperatedly.

"Because I don't know Irina and she's nothing to me and vice versa. I'm rubber and she's sticky glue. Her words don't bother me a bit, just her blatant eye-fucking of you. Plus, she's hurting. I can give her a free pass for a while."

"I don't think I'll ever cease to be surprised by you." I told her as I pulled her into my arms where she belonged.

"I hope not. I'd hate for you to get bored with me." It was said as an off-hand comment, but I could feel her insecurity.

"Bella, I'm yours. Forever." I kissed her, pourin' every ounce of what I was feelin' into her, hopin' it'd be enough proof for now and that the rest would be settled with time.

When we broke apart for air, we stood under the snow frosted pines and just stared into each other's eyes. How she could think I could ever get tired of her was beyond my comprehension. Standin' here beneath the stars with her safe in my arms was utter perfection, and when you find that, you cling to it, you'd be a damned fool to let it go. Now, I might be damned, but standin' here with her pressed deliciously against my chest, I wasn't a fool.

When her chatterin' teeth caught my attention, I grabbed her hand and we headed back to the over-crowded cabin with our fingers intwined. Before we arrived, I figured I'd save myself this same conversation in the future.

"In the interest of full disclosure here, I've called Alice twice since we've been here. Once, to find out if she knew what had happened to you after we left," Bella's alarm and raw fear skyrocketed, her breath hitched, and I struggled not to speak so fast she wouldn't understand in my haste to reassure her. "And once after the newborn's visit. She had called Peter's cell to let me know she saw someone headin' this way. That's all."

"So you're not goin' back to her?" I just rolled my eyes at the obstinate woman beside me.

"I've told you, Darlin'-"

"I know, Jasper; you're mine." She blushed slightly and I chuckled at her bullheaded insecurities. "I just might need you to keep reminding me until I feel it too."

"That I can do."

She got ready for bed and when she called me in she was already half-asleep and worn plum out. I slid down the wall and squatted in my usual spot but before I went all, as she called it, Mr. Sandman on her ass, she whispered, "Lay next to me?"

Though I wanted to be in that bed before the next beat of her heart, since I didn't want to scare her to death, I moved at human speed. As I walked to the other side of the bed, she opened her eyes and followed my movements, rollin' on her side toward me.

I sat down, took off my boots, and I laid back easily beside her as if she were a skittish colt; my arms behind my head and my ankles crossed. I was shootin' for nonchalant, but my senses were wide open for the first sign of panic or any discomfort on her behalf; there was none. I could feel her gaze though and I turned my head to meet it.

Slowly, mimickin' my earlier caution, she scooted closer to me, pausin' when she was barely an inch away. She nibbled on her lip as she debated God only knows what, and then she sat up and brushed her lips tentatively against mine before lyin' her head on my chest and driftin' off.

I brought my arm down around her as she curled into my side and said, "I'm gonna go huntin' and probably have a chat with Emmett while you sleep." I felt her alarm though she didn't move. "Peter, Garrett, and Char will be here the entire night and I won't go far, okay?"

She just nodded against my chest and I felt like shit. I didn't want to leave her, but with so many extra vamps in the cabin, the bloodlust had kicked up a few notches and I wasn't takin' any chances with her life. Plus, I had the feelin' my talk with Em was gonna get loud. And like me, Emmett wasn't known for his patience. I had to go to him before he popped in here.

"I love you, Isabella." I said quietly as I kissed the top of her head.

She sighed out a "Love you, Jasper" and off to drift in a dreamless sleep she went. Two hours later, Peter nudged me out the door, tossin' my boots out behind me, and I ran off, after one look back at home, to get this reunion over with.

I followed Emmett and Rose's trail and it didn't take me long to find him, just standin' as still and solid as the fir beside him.

"Tell me." He barked out as soon as I came to a stop.

"You sure you want to know?"

"Use your gift and you tell me. Am I sure?" He ground out. His determination and rage battered against my extra sense and I bit back the growl that they incited, as I closed myself off to him before we ended up brawlin'. I wasn't sure it wasn't headin' that direction already, but I wanted to have a good reason to deck him if it came to that part.

"That's not what I meant. Fuck. You'll have to live with it for the rest of your days. I wish I didn't know the details, but at the same time, I couldn't have gone on unaware. You can."

"Like hell I can! FUCK YOU, JASPER! That's MY sister! I want to know what the fuck happened to her and who I need to fucking kill, and you better start providing me with those answers." What had started as yellin' ended in a growl; one that I gladly fuckin' matched.

"She stopped bein' your sister when you left." I was expectin' the right that caught low on my jaw, but that didn't soften the blow any. Fucker rattled my teeth. Emmett had brute strength, and I'd been lookin' all day for a way to get some of this aggression out; Merry fuckin' Christmas to me.

We traded blow after blow until his grief overshadowed his rage, and then we separated the length of our new clearin' to calm the fuck down and finish this chat. After all, we both had a woman to get back to.

"What did you tell Rosalie?" I felt his guilt spike, but his answer was reasonable.

"Just that you had a new dame, but then she insisted on visiting. You know Rosie; she just wanted to see if this new one was more worthy of you than Alice. I told her she was human but nothing else that we talked about…" He trailed off but I fuckin' knew there was more.

"And?"

He sighed. "I had to tell her the rest; as much as I knew anyway. She saw the scars, which you must've forgotten to mention, and she saw my reaction. Normally, I would've scooped Bells up, and I think only the shock of figuring out that she was the girl you were talking about stopped me. Well, that and…I figured she didn't like to be touched." He finished quietly with his head bowed.

"You figured right. She just started huggin' for fuck's sake, but only after several failed attempts." I chuckled rememberin' Garrett's endless ribbing of Peter. "I'm the only one she doesn't cringe with every time, so keep that in mind. Also, _never _come up behind her without her seein' you." Hell, I winced rememberin' about a month and a half back when Garrett had made that mistake. It took her an hour to calm down enough to talk and longer to get her out of the corner she'd backed into. It was a fuckin' nightmare for us, but I had no pretentions that it was at all worse than what she went through in that second of findin' him suddenly behind her.

"I need to know. Please, Brother." I was as tired as a vampire could get, and I was ready to be back home, so I caved.

"Fine; just remember: you asked." And I told him a story I had no right to tell, but that I figured he did need to know. I kept the more personal details to myself and managed to make it through with only a small sacrifice on the forest's behalf.

"So what now? You have a plan." He growled out, crackin' his knuckles with a look on his face that would've made a lesser man shit himself.

"'Course, I do. We're goin' after the mangy bastard, all right, and the bitch, who's lived long past her expiration date. The Denali's seem like they're with us, so it evens the odds a bit."

"You think about calling Carlisle?"

"No. And everything said tonight stays goes no further than Rose. If that means you can't see _Edward_ for the next decade, I don't give a fuck. You wanted to know and with that comes the responsibility of keepin' your mouth and mind shut."

"No problem." He turned to leave, but stopped. "Rosie's gonna want to talk to her."

"I know; tomorrow's fine. After that though, it's up to Bella." He turned, scrutinizin' me.

"You love her." He stated in shock.

"She's my mate, Emmett." I stood proudly as I told him and hoped he understood. He nodded and left without another word, only shock and grief tinged with anger flowin' off of him.

I crawled back into bed after a quick hunt of a few small, unsavory foxes, a nine-point buck, and a much-needed shower. The rivulets of hot water down my chest reminded me of the feel of her fingers earlier, tenderly caressin' each scar, and gave me somethin' else to take care of before I came back to Bella.

I lifted her head back to its spot on my chest and relaxed as she curled into me. I closed my eyes and stayed with her until the murky light broke through the window and the other vampires in the house started gettin' restless.

I reluctantly left her once more after makin' sure she was still in a deep sleep.

An hour later, I was greatly regrettin' that decision. Coordinatin' with another coven was a pain in the ass, and I was sure about to show mine in order to get somethin' accomplished. The map of Washington was spread on the table and Peter was leaned over it as he talked.

"The best I could tell without goin' too far into their territory, is that the wolves- eight if I caught all of their scents- patrol this area here," He pointed to the Quileute border that seemed to have expanded in our absence to now include Forks. "The red-head and her supplemental army -"

"How many?"

"I can't be a hundred percent _sure_, but if I had to give a number I'd say fifteen newbies and a couple of older vamps. They stick to this area here and based on their trails, I'd say they've been huntin' north."

"So if we come in from the South -"

"Yeah Major. We'll give 'em an ass kickin' that'll have their grandmammy's icin' their asses."

"Like you read about."

"As I was sayin' before though -"

I interrupted Peter's repeated report of activity in the area and turned to Kate, hopin' to get this wrapped up before Bella woke. "Where will the rest of your coven stand on this?"

"By us, of course. We called to tell them we were coming to meet up with you and that we could coordinate from here. _Our_ family is loyal." Irina could make all the fuckin' digs she wanted if it kept her happy. As long as she wasn't mouthin' off about my mate I couldn't give a fuck about the rest.

"Major, our attack _has_ to be swift. If they have time to prepare -"

I'd been so lost in my thoughts of strategy and Irina's irritatin' ass I hadn't even heard her approach.

"Wait! What attack? I thought the Reds went scouting to see if _they_ were planning an attack. Defense stuff. You can't go up against an ARMY for me? Have you lost your mind? Maybe we should find you a nice padded cell to lie down in!" She was shakin' her head with her cheeks reddened from her fit of temper; her hands were white-knuckle fisted. "No! I won't let you do this!"

I stood up to face the little hellcat in her 'bite me' black t-shirt and pants that they'd brought back from the mission for her, her wild bed-hair, and her fiery eyes.

"Darlin', I love the fuck out of you and you know it's true; at least you should by now, but you don't "let" me do shit and you sure as hell can't stop me. I'm my own damn man and I'll do what I think is right. I have to make you safe, _us_ safe. Be reasonable." Neither my firm, calm voice nor the words I'd said seemed to dent her blind hysteria.

"What? So you can just leave me? Arrivederci, crazy human! You can chase after your distractions and be free of the stray that wondered into your life and puked all over your ugly-ass loafers?" Her emotions of concern and fear had flashed to suspicion, anger, and more fear lightnin' quick. I actually felt fuckin' dizzy and more than a little fuckin' confused, like I was chasin' my tail when all I wanted was to have hers.

I didn't care that we had a room full of spectators watchin' us go at it like a fuckin' brawl on pay-per-view. I didn't bat an eye as we continued. I wanted to reassure her, I wanted to strangle her, and I wanted to kiss her senseless and then bend her over my knee for sayin' such a thing to me.

Strangely enough, it was Emmett's voice through my mind, sayin' one step forward and two back that cooled me down.

"Woman, I haven't the foggiest fuck what you are goin' on about. You're comin' with us." Shock emanated from more than just my hard-headed mate at that little announcement, but I didn't give a fuck. She wasn't stayin' here undefended and there weren't enough of us to divide our forces; we needed all the help we could get. I sent her my love and devotion and a good dose of my determination, and she slowly nodded.

"I didn't know we were bringing pets on this little jaunt. Don't you have a kennel arranged already?" Growls sounded from everyone in the room including Bella at Irina's comment. But the response came from the leggy blonde just walkin' in the door.

"Oh, I think we all know who the bitch is here, so let's not pretend otherwise."

**AN: Push the button, you will. *jedi fingers* There might even be a little teaser action for ya….**

**Real quick, the Whitlock Harem (HammerHips, JaspersBella, and little ol' me) posted the first chap of our new fic, Comfortably Numb. It's dark but something different and we're excited about it. Go check it out! And no biggie if it's not your cuppa;-) **


	29. Resolution

**Rated M. Yes, STILL.**

**My regular fuck-awesome beta, Stitchcat, is on a well-earned vacation. I wanted to thank the A-MAZE-ING mynxi for stepping in and whippin' my grammatically FAIL ass all over the place. Very much appreciated;-)**

**Of course, I messed around in here after she did her thing, so any errors left are ALL mine, of course.**

**HammerHips did the pre-reading duties like norm, and I heart her hard. Three words for ya? Bet you can guess what they are…**

**Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing. I just like to fuck with S. Meyer's beautiful world and twist her characters to do my wicked bidding.**

**Last time on TQR:**

"I didn't know we were bringing pets on this little jaunt. Don't you have a kennel arranged already?" Growls sounded from everyone in the room, including Bella, at Irina's comment. But the response came from the leggy blonde walkin' in the door.

**Chapter 29: Resolution**

**Bella's POV**

"Oh, I think we all know who the bitch is here, so let's not pretend otherwise." My mouth dropped open as I noticed Rosalie and Emmett standing in the doorway behind me.

_I'm pretty sure they weren't there a second ago…_

"And that would be me, Irina," Rosalie said, examining her nails. Apparently this was the confident fempire thing to do, to show that though I'm perfectly capable of ripping your heart out and grinding it to powder where I stand, I think I'll just stomp on your puny self-esteem with my extravagantly high heels instead, and preserve my immortally perfect manicure for a more worthy cause.

**Wow. Who knew one small gesture could be so wordy?**

_I know, right?But besides that, did I just hallucinate or did Rosalie just defend me?_

**I realize, even for someone dating a vampire, that this seems Twilight Zone music worthy, but yes; yes she did.**

_I'm shocked._

**Looking around, I think that it's the general consensus as the proper emotional response, for this epic moment of kitchen history.**

_But why?_

**Could it be because you were being unjustly attacked by a bitch of a different pedigree?**

_Nope. This is Rosalie we're talking about here._

**And for the second time, I find myself oddly agreeing with your reasoning. Where in the hell is that Twilight Zone tune? Now's the time to play it.**

"Anything else you wanted to say now?" Rosalie asked her, with her nose slightly turned up in a way that had to drop Irina's self-esteem by a few cool degrees alone.

"No. I was just expressing my surprise at Jasper's human accompanying us, that's all," Irina said in a Julie Andrew's tone with only traces of what I assumed was a permanent bitterness in her voice.

"Surprise? Really, Rina? That's what you're going with? Let me just remind you what happened last time you went after a mated man. It went something like my hand, your face, and a week of hiding in fear of me and in shame of your whoring behavior. Not to mention Tanya having to spit on your face, to keep that cheek from flapping in the breeze. I know you can't help what you are, but rein it in a bit or it's going to be déjà vu."

"But Jasper's not mated…" And she trailed off as everyone else turned to look at me, and then she did as well. I'm pretty sure my face mirrored hers: pure shock. Since I could think of absolutely nothing to say to the smirking vampires of my family or the shocked ones who'd intruded on our lives yesterday only to out my relationship that I wasn't sure I was ready for today, I turned around and marched my pj-clad ass back to my room, slamming the door behind me for good measure.

I only had a moment to stew and pace, and then a soft knock came immediately followed by Jasper entering.

"What in the hell are Rosalie and Emmett doing back here?" I whisper yelled.

**Yes, because they won't hear you now. **

"They wanted to talk to you before they left," he said dismissively. "What's really botherin' you?" he asked, stepping closer and I took a step back from him. I saw the flash of hurt at my action before he donned that damn mask of expressionless void, but I was all wound tight. My skin was already itching with all of my emotional turmoil; I just couldn't handle being touched right now.

Even by Jasper.

A small part of my mind reminded me that I always felt better in his arms, but that whispered thought was over-ridden by creepy-crawly _feelings. _I rubbed my arms to try to smooth over my crawling skin, but it did no good. "I told you. I don't want you to do this. I don't want you to fight for me."

_But was he listening? Nooooo._

"And I told you; I have to. They're not just goin' away, Babe. I know you want to bury your head in the sand and _will _all of this away, but I just can't condone that. As much as I'd love to; if for no other reason than to make you happy. The threat is still very real, and it's only a matter of time before they come after us. Peter says two weeks."

"We could run!"

**Are you listening to him? Noooooo.**

"You want to spend the rest of our lives lookin' over our shoulders? You want me to leave us exposed?"

"No… I mean, YES! I don't think I'd survive if something happened to you. Any of you! And over something that happened to me years ago? It's not worth it!" Surround-sound growls practically shook walls of the cabin from its foundation. "So much for the pretense of privacy," I said, rolling my eyes.

Jasper was standing stoically in same spot he'd been in since he came in, and all he said was, "Is that all that's botherin' you?"

I looked down. Part of the problem was I just couldn't find a way to explain in the right words; nothing I could think of did my inner-turmoil justice. It was just like my feel-o-meter had gone completely wonky. I kept going from zero to one-hundred-twenty percent pissed in a blink of my eyes, and the same thing for crippling fear, and every other emotion that probably had proper names. I just couldn't be bothered to call them to mind right now, in the midst of my conflict.

The rest was my fear of them getting hurt and fear of them leaving me once the danger had passed. I'd never known vampires to be cowardly, but I hadn't known them to have stay-power either.

**That was one instance.**

_How many should it take before I learn my lesson? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and I'm your stupid bitch._

**So let me sum this up: you've admitted they are your family?**

_Yeah._

**And that you love Jasper?**

_Yeah. Your point?_

**But you still think they'd leave you?**

_I don't know. I want to say no, that they love me as I love them, and in a way, I know that's true._

**But knowing and believing are two different things.**

_Yeah. _

There was a subtlety here that some people might not even notice, but it was the gulf that I was looking at now. The gulf spanning between me and, maybe, my happily ever after. It was the Grand-fucking-Canyon, and I didn't know if I'd ever be able to take that flying leap across it.

_Knowing_ something implied head knowledge. I knew lots of things that I didn't have to believe in to live. George Washington was the first President of the United States of America. I knew this from history books and such, but this fact required no belief on my part. It just was.

_Believing _in something though required two things: faith and trust. I plop my ass in the same rickety, ancient chair in the kitchen every day, trusting that it will hold my weight and when it does, my faith for tomorrow is secured. Believing was all heart, and mine was fractured at best; destroyed at worst.

**That I don't believe. **

Now, I knew the Whitlocks had claimed me as their own. They had said this time and time again, and they treated me like nothing less than precious. I wanted to believe that it would last, but every time it crossed my mind, a still image of that penny-headed boy, in that murky forest, flashed before my eyes. And I'd back away not willing to jump across that gulf to commit my tattered heart a hundred percent again.

Jasper's cool voice brought me back from my musings. "You still think I'm gonna leave you." It wasn't a question; he knew I did. He'd felt my fear of abandonment and my insecurities, as sure as he felt my guilt and regret right now.

"Don't, Isabella," Jasper said, holding his hand up. "No need for the guilt. Your feelings are yours; I'd just hoped…" he trailed off with a sigh, and cleared his throat a bit before continuing, "Emmett would like to talk to you. Actually, he said if you want them to get outta your hair, then you'd best get it over with." He smirked, but it was off. It wasn't genuine; it wasn't him and I didn't like it.

I simply nodded and Jasper turned to go, looking at me one last time. For a nanosecond I thought maybe everything was okay after all, but the words he spoke killed that hope dead.

_Deader than dead. And then took a tire iron and beat it to a pulpy substance, resembling some mutant sludge that wanted to move and hop back up but couldn't. _

**Wow, that hope bears striking resemblance to that cup of orange juice that you left in your truck all summer.**

"I told Em your story last night. I'm sorry I didn't ask your permission first, but…" All words after, "I told Em" were lost in the rush of blood to my head and the circle of thoughts that all screamed the same thing.

"How could you!" I screeched. There were no words for the anger coursing through me. Unfortunately, my anger had always had a direct path to my tear ducts, and some started leaking without my permission but I let the traitors fall, knowing more were on their hot on their slippery heels.

**Let him explain!**

"NO!" I screamed.

I felt dizzy. Confused.  
He had betrayed me.  
Told the story that was never supposed to have happened.  
That never should have been spoken aloud, for the wind and the wild to listen.  
To carry away to unknown places.  
Now unimaginable places and people knew.

_Oh! They know! Oh God! They know!_

That gulf widened until it could've held a galaxy all its own, and I couldn't see the other side. Just when I thought I might be able to trust someone and I finally admitted to him, to me, that I loved him, he throws all that away like it meant _nothing_!

**You never trusted him completely. Don't lie to yourself.**

_Do you NOT see why?_

**The problem with expecting perfection is that you can also expect to be let down, because no one can live up to it. That's a lesson I thought you of all people would know by now.**

_Don't defend him!_

**Someone has too! You won't even let him speak!**

_What reason could possibly make that okay? Could justify him telling my dirty little secret?_

**Wouldn't you like to know? Why not let him speak? **

_I don't want to hear it!_

**No, it's easier for you to cut ties now. Before you completely give yourself to him. You have a right to be upset, but not like this.**

_No! This is only about him!_

**Now that I believe. It's all about him and your fear that he might find something better around the bend-**

_I don't want to hear this!_

**That he'll realize you're not **_**good for him.**_

_NO! He-he-_

As ice cold arms enclosed me, my eyes that I didn't know I had closed, shot open and I screamed for all I was worth. I tried to swing at him, but my hands, which I didn't remember entangling in my hair, snagged and he stilled them. I cried out from the unsuspected pain and my frustration at this entire situation.

The door flew open and I felt Jasper's growl as well as his emotions and I froze, aside from my trembling in his arms. "Get the fuck out and close that door while you still can." he snarled, and Red closed the door, pushing G-Red and Emmett out, after casting one last glance back at our awkward position.

I was shaking, my throat was raw, and I was still pissed at the vampire around me.

"I know that you're hurtin', Babe, but you will hear me out before you order me away, because let me say it AGAIN: that's the only fuckin' way you are getting' rid of me, Isabella Marie Whitlock. I'm not runnin' from you or from us. I love you, damn it!" His eyes darted to my mouth and mine narrowed.

"Don't even think about it!" I rasped out. He sighed and gently helped me free my hands from my wild hair; then he held his hands up in surrender, and took a step back.

"I only grabbed you because you were hurtin' yourself and I can't stand idly by and watch that." I nodded curtly; vindictively enjoying the small wince on his face as I shoved my anger and my feelings about his betrayal of my trust at him. It was a hurt a thousand times more brutal than the pounding in my temples or the soreness of my throat, and I wanted him to feel it too.

"Do you even care to listen to my explanation? Or am I already convicted and we're movin' on to sentencin' here?" Jasper asked flatly, but there was a fire in his eyes that betrayed his façade.

"I don't know if I can hear what you have to say right now; I just don't know that it matters," I said, mirroring his tone, but nothing prepared me for the crumple of his features or the pain that gushed into the room before he got control of his gift again.

"I'm goin' huntin'. I _will_ be back in time to help you sleep." As he began to walk out I whimpered his name, almost certain that I'd made the worst mistake of my heavily mistake-laden life. He paused, "When you're ready to hear, I'll be here to talk." With that he opened our door and walked straight out, with only a whispered, "I love you, Isabella," trailing in his wake. The only over-bearing sound in the room was my heartbeat convincing me that _that _had just happened.

"You okay in there, Pumpkin?" Red asked, sticking his head in the door. I nodded unable or unwilling to speak. I'm not sure which one, lest it make the last twenty minutes that much more real. "Don't worry so much. You'll get all wrinkly and shit. He said he'll be back, and I'm thinkin' you could use some girl time doin' whatever secretive shit you women do, whenever us strong he-men are out and about. We're gonna go do the same, only with all the cocks in the house, but it doesn't sound as fun if ya ask me."

Once again, I just nodded, but this time he came in the room. He stopped in front of me and opened his arms in invitation. I wanted to refuse, and be strong; but I couldn't and I wasn't.

I fell into his arms, burying my face in his shirt, hoping to muffle the sobs. He rocked me gently, just holding me and letting me snot it out all over his shirt, and though his arms did bring comfort, they weren't the ones I ached for; the ones I had rejected and sent away. The ones I needed as much as food or water or the air I breathe.

Remembering my hatefulness toward Jasper, made my next round of sobs double strength. But like every good cry, eventually it ended, leaving me exhausted and puffy eyed. Red pulled back to look at me as my hiccups started, and he used the bottom of his shirt to clean my face of the remnants from my crying jag.

**I hear snot is hot this season. **

"Enjoy your estrogen-palooza, and I'll make sure the Great Emo'd One behaves himself. I'll even watch what he eats," Red said winking. "Just remember, Sweet Pea, you can't shove the shit back in an elephant once it's out; it's best just to clean it up and move on."

"Gee, thank, Red, for that eloquent piece of…advice. I'll cherish it always," I deadpanned, and he laughed.

"Anytime, Pumpkin! This is actually pretty damn convenient. The wifey was thinkin' about kidnappin' you to get some face time; this is a much better happenstance." He smirked, and then strutted out the door, hollering, "Garrett! We're even now, ya cocky bastard!" Cackling like a madman, he took off with G-Red following right behind.

Emmett took a couple of steps toward me and opened his mouth, but luckily Rosalie came to my rescue again.

_Wow. That was just all kinds of weird to think._

**Agreed.**

She stepped in his line of vision, blocking me completely and I was grateful. I couldn't deal with more right now. I could barely handle breathing, and honestly, even that hurt right now. "Unless you're handing over your man-card and all that that entails…" Rosalie said, with her hip jutted out and her finger pointed at the door. He peeked around her to offer up a small, pained smile in my direction, and then took off after the other guys, to do whatever it was guys do without supervision.

_Seeing what Red does with people around makes imagining him cutting loose slightly frightening._

**I don't know. I thought his five minute foray into acting went quite smashingly. Who could forget his **_**Vagina Monologues**_**?**

_Case and point. Thank you._

A couple of moments of awkward silence followed the guys' departure as I wondered; what now? Charlotte was the only one here I knew and liked, at least, till she spoke.

"Kate, Irina? Let me go show y'all what our forest has to offer in the way of entrees." As I gasped and gaped at her, she turned to Rosalie, "We'll be back in about an hour." She flashed me a smile and a wink, and then she deserted me with the wicked bitch of the northwest.

_What is with these vampires today? Argh. _

**Did you ever think maybe it's not the vamps?**

"I asked them to give us a few minutes to get caught up, before we have our girl's night in," Rosalie said almost nicely. No sneer, no looking at me like I was something nasty that she'd sat in by mistake thus ruining her day; no, she was being _pleasant_.

"We have nothing to get caught up on," I said warily, still a little weirded out by her anti-bitch agenda. I wasn't falling for it. "You're a bitch, who has hated my guts since the moment I stumbled into your world."

"Yes, I am, but now that we're family…" She arched her eyebrow at my interrupting.

**It is rude. I believe we've been over this before.**

"You're not my family," I said matter-of-factly. She didn't even bat a lash, just stared at me like I hadn't just dismissed her first ever acknowledgment of me as family.

"You get to choose your gynecologist and your shoes, if you're lucky, but family? Not so much. You're stuck with me, Pumpkin, whether you like it or not. You are my brother's mate, which makes you part of _my _family. Deal with it."

"Fine, but why do they need to be gone for an hour for you to tell me that? I'm too tired to put up more of a fight about it." Too tired and achy; my throat was on fire.

"Well, as my…sister, I thought you had the right to know more about me." This was the first time I'd ever seen a chink in Rosalie's brass-plated wonder bra. She almost looked nervous at the prospect of telling me about herself, so naturally, then I wanted to know why. She sat on the couch, as I sat on the other end, folding my hands in my lap and looking at her to show I was willing to listen to whatever she had to say.

"How much did Edward tell you about my past?" she asked, eyeing me speculatively. I fished through murky memories, which hurt to remember, yet I was terrified of forgetting, to answer her question honestly. It was strange how I'd avoided remembering all of the good times I'd had with the Cullens because of the pain from their leaving. Now, it didn't hurt as much; it was a paper cut versus a deep, festering gash.

"Not much; just that Carlisle had found you dying, so he changed you and that you struggle the most with what you are." I looked at her semi-apologetic for my ignorance as she rolled her eyes. "Edward didn't like to tell other people's stories. With his gift he said it was an invasion of privacy."

"Never stopped him when it worked to his advantage," she said, more to herself than me, but then looked back at me with a sad sort-of smile. "My story is far from a fairy tale, but it ended pretty well, if I do say so myself. I'd like to tell you, if you don't mind listening?"

I just watched and waited until she was ready, but 'far from a fairy tale' didn't quite cover what she had been through. Rosalie had lived her own nightmare; so similar to mine, but so different too. I listened as she spoke about her happy life and her engagement. Her handsome King and the life she'd had wanted so much, she could still taste it on her tongue though it was bitter now. Her friend with the curly haired baby and that night walking home.

Rosalie spared no detail, and with every word she spoke and every flash of pain across her immortally stunning face, I felt a bond forming with her that I'd never dreamed possible. Cords binding us through mutual pain and an understanding only truly gained through experience. I just couldn't hate her after her story. She was right; we were sisters, it just had nothing to do with Jasper.

She talked of her revenge, in her gown of white, that she would have worn honestly down the aisle, but afterwards it just mocked her as a fraud for her stolen virtue. She spoke of torture and torment; murder and revenge. My mouth watered while she spoke, as thoughts of my own vendetta flashed across my mind. When she quieted, I asked the questions I had thought of as she spoke.

"So why are you telling me this now?"

"Emmett told me your story; it was a fair trade." My nostrils flared as I huffed. "I'm sure you can understand why he told me?"

Could I? Was it his right to tell her something so personally painful just because she'd been through something similar? I wasn't so sure.

As I continued my internal debate in silence, she explained. "Jasper didn't betray you by the way."

"Ah! The HELL he…" She waved her hand, dismissing my protest and shutting me up in one gesture.

"I know it seems that way, and it's your God given right as his woman, to punish him in whatever way you see fit. Whether he actually did anything or not, but I just want to set this straight since it's my fault really." Now she had my attention.

"Go on," I said, nodding sharply.

"He called Emmett about three weeks ago. We hadn't seen him in over two years. So we were already planning on hunting him down before we left for Africa. Once Emmett said Jasper had a new girl, I had to come to see if she was worthy of his time. Even though Jay had told Emmett not to, that it was bad timing."

"Why did he call Emmett in the first place?"

"At the time, Emmett just told me he wanted advice on women." She rolled her eyes, showing exactly how much she believed him, "But after we saw you, he was so…broken. I haven't ever seen my mate that way before. He admitted that Jazz had called him for advice on dating a woman with my type of past. He hadn't told him the specifics until last night, and we definitely had no idea it was you that we would find here. From what I understand, Em had to beat the full story out of Jay." Again the eye roll and smirk, showed how much stock she put in Emmett's word, but it made me pause and think about things I'd never thought about before.

This was just as new and difficult for Jasper as it was for me. He didn't have a guide book. There was no _Dealing with Your Damaged Mate for Dummies _that he could get the answers from. He'd asked council from the only man he knew to ever be in the same situation, which made sense.

He hadn't used my name. He'd just told the barest facts, but once they were here and knew; then he filled in a few of the blanks. That's all.

I'd turned a fucked up situation into the Julius and Brutus of the century.

"Gah! I'm such a bitch!" I planted my clammy forehead in both of my palms, wishing to turn back time or spark some kind of internal combustion, fueled only by my own stupidity and a bit of this burning humiliation.

"You reacted exactly how I would have," Rose said matter-of-factly.

"So I _am_ a bitch," I said quietly, and for the first time ever, I got to hear Rosalie laugh. Not the viscous, snide chuckles that made you shrink when directed at anyone in a ten-foot vicinity; no, honest, heavenly laughter. My head came up, and I sighed in peace, as I listened with a small smile. It was just impossible to want to disappear and be nothing in your embarrassment, when such an uplifting sound surrounded you.

"Yes, but it also means he'll get over it. You weren't all wrong, and neither was he."

"Why did Emmett care though?" She cocked her head to the side and I tried to explain. "Is it just because of your past? Because I don't want his pity. I don't need it."

"No; that's not it at all." She shook her head now that she understood. "You became his little sister from the first time you stepped foot into our house in Forks."

"No. He left me. Without a word," I tried to say,emotionlessly but bitterness tinged every word.

"Without a word to _you_. Yes, he left. It was between you and his mate. Would you have had him make a different choice?" she asked, knowing damn well when phrased like that I couldn't say yes. I couldn't say that I needed to hear that from him at the time. I needed him a thousand other times between my eighteenth birthday and today.

"I guess not." The look on her face showed that she saw the truth behind my vain words and I was glad. There was no 'I'm sorry' and then things just went back to normal.

"Forgiving him is up to you and in your time. If I know my husband, and I do, he'll figure out a way to get back into your good graces on his own. If there's one thing my monkey man knows how to do, it's grovel." I nodded, and she continued a little more hesitantly. It made me perk up though; any sign of weakness in Rosalie was rare and worth paying extra attention to. "I held him early this morning as he sobbed for you and what that _mutt _put you through. For the first time in over fifty years, he broke down. So put him through the ringer all you want, but just know, he does love you."

_He cried? _

Honestly, a part of me wanted to join hands around a campfire and sing 'We are Family'. The rest of me though, said he'd made his bed, and now he could lie in it. I refused to have sympathy for someone based on the fact they had sympathy for me.

If he hadn't found me here, I never would've entered his mind again for the rest of his forever. I just couldn't look past him abandoning me.

Strangely, it was easy to move on with Rosalie. She had never pretended to love me; hell, even _like_ me. When she left, though it stung because I had adopted her, but it wasn't the same.

"Why did you hate me so much, Rosalie?" I asked, just out of sheer curiosity. It was another lifetime ago and I bore no hard feelings for her Ice Queen act, but I did wonder why.

"Family calls me Rose, B," she said absentmindedly, as she thought about my question. "Edward was partially correct, as often happens with him. Because of the way my life was taken from me, my newborn years were brutal. It was like I was frozen in the state Carlisle found me in. No matter what I saw in the mirror, I felt the complete opposite. Only after years with Emmett did that slowly change. I also spent a good portion of those years, and many since then, mourning what I wanted most in the world, but now can never have."

"A baby?" I asked. Looking at the woman across from me, I was startled to realize that our right hands were mirrored perfectly in their positions. They'd both floated up of their own accord, to lay on bellies that would never hold the life of another; would never feel the joy of becoming a mother.

Tears glistened in my eyes as I thought about how much she had lost and survived. Tears fell for both of us though. In the rush of my first love with Edward, I'd never given second thought to having children. I'd raised Renee, I always thought. I didn't want to be responsible for another human, who would prevent my forever with my dream guy.

I was a child. I spoke of forevers as a child. I thought of unimaginable sacrifices as nothings: as a child. But now I had grown, and I had put away those childish, selfish thoughts. Now, I understood the bitterness of having your choices taken away. Now, I could see through her eyes, what I never would have been able to make out before. I had taken what she wanted most in the world, what she longed for, and tossed it away without any real thought and without any comprehension of the value of what I had deemed as unimportant.

"I understand, Rose." Her shining eyes flashed to my hand and then to hers before she spoke.

"I guess you do. You can't have children anymore, can you?"

"No. _His_ claws did too much damage. The doctors were just trying to stop the bleeding. They said there wasn't time to do anything else."

"He will pay for what he did to you," she growled and I nodded. I believed her. I'd never imagined that I'd actually gain my revenge. For the second time tonight, I could practically taste it, and it was sweet.

We sat in companionable silence, for only a few moments before the others arrived. Their arms were full of more bags than should be possible for just a few women to carry and Cheshire size grins on their much too beautiful faces.

Noticing my look of utter confusion, Char offered up a non-explanation, explanation. "We're having a girls' night in."

"It's only noon though," I said, still not surprisingly befuzzled.

"I know! We've wasted enough time; let's crack these open!" Char answered and everyone took off into the kitchen, obviously too excited to use measly human speed.

"Have you ever drank, B?" called Rose.

"Um, a little bit down on the rez with the guys; why?" But as I finished, I rounded the corner, which made her answer needless. I was shocked. "What did you do? Rob a liquor store?" I had never seen so many bottles of highly flammables at once; not to mention the veritable smorgasbord of ice cream and candies.

"Oh for the love of my puny human liver! I've had like one or two! Not aisle 13 at the Quicky Mart!" And they laugh.

_Of_ _course they do. They just want to play 'get the human drunk'._

"All of that's not for you, Isabella." Kate spoke up as I continued to stare all wide-eyed and fishy mouthed. "If we drink a _lot _alcohol can affect us too. We just want to relax and have a good time; that's all."

"This will be a great chance for us all to kick back and get to know each other. Besides, you shouldn't be the only one puking tonight," Rose smirked.

**How can you argue with that?**

"What's first?" I said. They seemed to have a plan.

"Feeding time for the human," Kate piped up. "Garrett reminded me before he left, that you eat three times a day." She seemed kind-of proud of herself for remembering so I didn't say anything to burst her bubble.

_I feel like a goldfish that just got handed off to someone whose mom doesn't even allow them to pretend to have pets._

**Well, cheer up. At least G-Red didn't want you to go belly up.**

While I fixed a quick sandwich, they organized their bar, discussed drinks that I _had_ to try, and set out four beer mugs and a shot glass.

_Well, she did say a LOT._

I was surprised to see Irina in good spirits. She'd at least moved on from treating me like a friend's cat who constantly stuck my ass in her face. Now, she just looked through me. It was a cool indifference, and I found that I could so live with that.

Watching them blurring around and chatting together, it felt nice. I'd always watched those holiday movies with the big family huddled in the kitchen, laughing and joking, and felt a little twinge of envy reflecting about my basic solitude. Here, we had a fire crackling, bell-like laughter bouncing around, and just a warm homey feel surrounding us. This was almost nostalgic without me ever having actually experienced something like it before.

"Blow Jobs all around!" Char announced, and I choked on the last chunk of avocado I'd been swallowing.

**Yes. This is just like a Very Brady Christmas.**

It wasn't long before we were lounging on pillows in front of the fireplace, and judging by the blush on my checks, I was already a little tipsy. I felt better though; my throat ache was no more than a tickle and I had energy for the first time today. This explains why when they suggested we play "I've never", it sounded like a fabulous idea.

Sitting in a circle with our latest round of Blue Balls, which Char had fixed in honor of Jasper, Irina began. "Hmmm, this is going to be harder than I thought…Oh! I've got it! I've never shopped at Walmart."

Char and I were the only ones to empty our glasses. They were refilled so quick, it seemed magical; a never ending stream of feel-good ju-ju in liquid form.

"I've never spit on my own cheek," Char stated airily, batting her everlong lashes at me. Reluctantly, but too tipsy to really care at this point, I threw back the shot.

My turn was next and I decided to make Char pay for that last one. "I've never shagged a man at Woodstock." As the four of them picked up their glasses, I added, "On top of a van." And they all just looked at me while raising their mugs further, and I was so shocked I didn't even notice that I tipped my shot of Big O in my lap.

"What can I say; the sixties were fun." Rose's eyes took this far off look as she downed her 'shot'.

"And the seventies," Irina added with the same look and chugged her Big O.

"And the eighties," Kate piped up with a wink in my direction and downed the contents of her glass as well.

"Well, fuck me," I whispered when nothing else came to mind and we all broke down in giggles. Once the refill fairy paid a visit to my little glass of happy, Rose took her turn.

"I've never been paid for sex, in any form," she qualified, with a fiendish smile on her lips, as both Denali sisters and Char emptied their glasses.

The game only lasted another hour because there really wasn't a lot that they'd never done. The next hour was typical girl stuff. Mostly them talking, make-overs, and primping everything on me that I'd let them, and after all of those shots, I was feeling _good_ and pretty accomidating.

"But doesn't it get boring being with the same man for so many years? I mean, I feel the pull and I know he does too, but neither of us is thrilled about being tied down," Kate was saying. I felt like I'd missed a step along the way, so I was thankful when Char leaned over and in a stage whisper filled me in.

"Her and Garrett; they're mated. Well, not technically. Peter's been ribbing him for days about not even being able to score with a Succubus." Kate growled lightly and Charlotte sat back and held her hands up in surrender, trying to hold back her giggles along the way.

G-Red found a mate! I was ecstatic for him. Since she was now my sister, I wanted to hug Kate, which I blame completely on my ninety-proof tum. However, she'd already demonstrated her gift when Irina said the 'I've never been with over three partners at one time.' I was more than a little thankful for Kate's buzzing Irina because it kept my mind away from the logistics of such a feat.

"Boring, Katie? You know better than that. You live with Eleazer and Carman! Not to mention that our coven has stayed with yours before."

"And we all know how loud you are, Rose," Interrupted Irina, "Oh Em! Maul me, Poppa Bear! Oh! Oh!" she cried out, in an uncanny impression of Rose. I couldn't hold in my laughter as Rose painted a streak across Irina's upper lip, in the Triple Cherry red polish she'd been using on my toes. Irina ran off in a huff to the bathroom and Rose just picked up her thought where she'd been interrupted. I had a feeling though, if vampires could blush, her cheeks would be as red as Irina's new mustache, without a doubt.

"Think about how fast vampires learn things. He'll know exactly what to do to push your buttons in no time, and then he'll learn even more. Emmett picked up this roll of his tongue in fifty-six that still makes me come unglued. He…" and she kept talking, but I was in my own little world. Actually, I was in my own memory.

Jasper's dark eyes were peering at me from above my foot that was in his hand; his tongue collecting the blood as it made its way to my toe. I moaned as I remembered what feelings that man could invoke without a single touch. Gah!

Suddenly I noticed how quiet the room had become. Can you mute a fire? Because there was no noise, and looking around I noticed every eye was on me. What had they been talking about?

_Oh!_

"No! I wasn't picturing Emmett! That's…. Ew!" Rose just watched with an eyebrow arched, as I babbled along helpless to stop myself and equally incapable of not making this worse.

**Would you like me to hand you a shovel?**

"I mean, I'm sure he's quite the catch for _you_."I pointed to her, only then realizing that I'd just implied that they were BOTH beneath me.

**Just keep digging, digging, digging.** An unhelpful voice, apparently channeling Disney, sang through my head, as I did in fact keep babbling till I got to the one thought that made even my mouth shut.

"I mean, it's great for you and him. I mean, he's a lucky SOB, yeah. But ewww for me because he's like my…" At least this got the deluxe double brow raise. "Nevermind."

"You don't get off that easy. You were going to say he's like you're brother; weren't you?" Everyone eyes bore into me, even Char's were waiting for an answer when I turned to her in a silent plea for help.

"He was. Let's drink." Rosalie just flicked her hair over her shoulder and rolled her eyes, like I'd bored her with my explanation, instead of dismissed her husband, who had never been anything but a big teddy bear to me.

**Besides leaving you without a word or so much as a second thought.**

_Whose side are you on here?_

**I'm not taking a side. I'm on team Bella all the way, and as captain of this team, it's my job to tell you that you can't just forget this. It happened. He left you. Don't let misplaced guilt make you forgive before you're ready. **

_I forgave Jasper for leaving._

**Jasper was different.**

_How?_

**The same as Rose. You weren't close to Jasper before he went all Bitey McSnapperson. I think I can count the words you two spoke to each other on one hand before you met back up here. You thought of Emmett as your brother. It's different.**

_Shows what you know aka nothing!_

**Glad we got that settled then.**

_Back to drinking!_

Kate handed me what she called a Bitch Blaster and I swallowed it without really tasting anything, just wanting to stay in this fuzzy but oh-so-beautiful world I now found myself in.

"Isabella, you're mated to a hot ass vampire yourself," Kate said mischievously. "I need your opinion! Are you bored yet?"

"I-I-" I didn't know how to answer that question.

"She and Jay are moving slowly, Kate," Rose said, coming to my rescue. I could tell by the looks that Irina and Kate exchanged that they at least had a clue about what had happened with Jake.

"Well, hell. Everyone else knows! I was RAPED BY A WEREWOLF!" I yelled, while I grabbed a bottle of Tequila and took a huge swig, then laughed maniacally and cried as I gagged a bit. Char yanked the bottle away and Rose picked me up and carried me to the bathroom.

She stood me by the sink quietly. Using a cool cloth, she wiped away the mascara running down my cheeks with the tears and some snot that I hadn't noticed until we were standing there in front of the mirror.

"I'm a mess," I said staring at myself, wondering how he could ever love someone like me.

"You're fine," Rose said, as she finished up and then sat me down on the edge of the tub and ran a brush through my untamed hair. They hadn't made it that far yet.

"I'm not. I want to be. I really do. I just don't know how." I rasped out, my voice suffering from my most recent outburst and thick from the crying jag.

"It's just one step at a time. There's no magic cure or some pill to make it all ok. I wish there was. Truthfully, it's never ok. I passed an alley last week that was rank with musk and the smell of stale beer and Emmett held me for an hour before I felt better."

I couldn't believe that she'd just shared that with me. I felt honored and discouraged at the same time. I knew everything she said was true, but somewhere deep down, I kept thinking one day I'd wake up and be me again. I'd be a normal, unscarred, naive girl again.

"But before that, it had been two years since my last flashback. Two years since I'd given those _scum _more than a passing thought. Two years that I lived almost completely free of their sin. So, you see, it gets better. You've got to be willing to fight, to get beyond just surviving though. Your next step is getting to that point where you're living your own life and making choices based off of what you want and what you need with no regard of that _dog_."

That seemed impossible. Didn't she see he was a part of me? Didn't she understand that I belonged to _him_? He'd taken me; body and soul.

"I just…" I looked at this incredible woman in front of me and wondered, "How long before you could?" I stopped, blushing as my verbal filter suddenly kicked back in. She just laughed.

"It's okay to ask me anything, B. I wish I'd had someone to ask the same thing of, when I was in your spot. I'm humbled that I get to be here for you."

Freaking tears sprouted again at her words and I tried to blink them away. Since that was a total fail, she passed me the cloth she'd used to clean my face before.

"It was thirty-two days from our first date. He'd gotten through his newborn stage pretty easily, though I think Esme remembers that different." She smirked. "It'd been four years since my attack, and two years since his change. I knew almost immediately after he'd finished burning that he was my mate and I was terrified."

I listened intently, barely breathing not wanting to miss a word she said.

"I hated my life. Harbored quite a bit of resentment toward Carlisle for saving me, when I'd prayed for death, too. I even thought about trying to step into a fire, but Edward had said he'd only let me stay in the flames long enough to burn off all of my hair, and then he'd pull me out to live bald for eternity as a penance for my selfishness."

I huffed at his assishness, but before I could say anything, she continued, "He was right. That one time, I'll admit he was right. I had brought Emmett to Carlisle out of nothing but pure selfishness and it was the same that tempted me to leave him alone in the life I'd condemned him to."

"Then, I tried to ignore him, but well, you've met my husband. There is nothing about Emmett that suggests wallflower, and he was tenderly persistent. After two years, I gave into the date, but before the night was even complete, I was already panicked about what this meant."

"I couldn't give him what he wanted, surely."

**Sounds familiar. **

"But you're, well, YOU," I mumbled, completely flabbergasted.

"If you think I'm a bitch now, you should've seen me then. Emmett deserves some kind-of sainthood, I'm telling you. The thing is that I was strong. Since my burning had ceased, I knew I'd never be a victim again. I had the physical strength to stop what I couldn't before. I prided myself in my strength and showing that part of me. Emmett exposed my weaknesses and I didn't like it."

"What changed? When did you decide…?" again I trailed off, knowing that I had strayed into area fifty-one, confidential zone, but I had to know. I just _had_ to.

"One night, we were just out walking; my hand in his. I looked down and I just remember thinking that this was it. He would never hurt me, he loved me, and I loved him. There were no fireworks or light bulb, but I finally gave myself to him. And that night, we were able to make love for the first time."

"Oh," I said, kind-of disappointed that there wasn't some twelve step program I could follow or a move I could copy.

**You're surprised your real like doesn't mirror Dance Dance Revolution? Somehow that doesn't surprise me. **

"It'll come to you in your time. What you need to realize is that he's not rushing you, so you shouldn't either. Just allow yourself to be, and leave the rest for tomorrow."

I nodded glumly as I stood, and we went back out to see three entirely too sober chicks staring at us warily.

"Isabella, I-" Kate began, and I hollered over her.

"I've never had sex with a vampire!" They stared at me until I sighed and said, "Shouldn't you be knocking one back now, Bitches?"

Chuckling slightly, they did as I'd suggested and I sighed as I downed my own shot of Southern Comfort and got this girls' night in back on track.

Two dozen empties and a couple of hours later, the men returned and as I stumbled toward Jasper with a colander on my head, he yelled way too loud, "What the fuck is goin' on here?"

"Shhh," I said, throwing myself at him. I hugged him tightly till it became evident that something I'd loved a bit too much today wasn't loving me back. I released Jasper and held up a finger, telling him to wait a moment, and then I whipped my colander off of my head and spewed with amazingly good aim right into it.

However, as colanders are used to drain stuff, it held my drink about as well as I had. I watched the last few drops drip onto his boots, as I giggled. With a small sigh and a wrinkled nose, he took my puke strainer, tossed it to Red, and picked me up to carry me into the bathroom.

"Let's get you cleaned up, Darlin'." I sighed as I laid my cheek against his chest, relishing in the cool cotton against my sweaty, flushed face, and I sighed again as he brushed the stray strands of hair from my forehead.

Maybe it was the tequila, maybe I was just tired of fighting what I already knew I wanted, but for the first time in years, I felt lucky. I closed my eyes as I thought, I'm so lucky this man is mine, and he wants to make me _his_. A deep conviction of a personally undisputable truth settled in my chest, but I felt lighter than I had in ages.

He propped me up against the wall and started the shower. I looked at him fluttering my lashes, in what I hoped was a seductive way, as opposed to 'Oh my gosh! A fly is in my eye' kind-of way. I reached over and ran my finger up his chest, ignoring the spattering of my vomit, and said, "I made a mess of you, too. Maybe you should join me?"

Sure I slurred a little, but that's sexy, right?

**AN: You know the drill. Push the button, please!**


	30. That is the Question

**Rated M for reasons you should know by now. *serious face***

**I was super-fail at responding to reviews this time around, but thanks to each and everyone of you! I also figured ya didn't want to wait another day for my update while I did that...**

**Thanks to my fuck-awesome beta, stitchcat, for doing her thing all over this chapter! I heart her hard and frequently! **

**My pre-reader and PIC, HammerHips, thanks chica for takin' time away from your incredible fic to help me out. We're two fucked-up peas in a crazy pod.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight except my handy-dandy lunchbox and a worn-out set of books.**

**When we last left our drunk**** human and hot vampire:**

He propped me up against the wall and started the shower. I looked at him fluttering my lashes, in what I hoped was a seductive way, as opposed to 'Oh my gosh! A fly is in my eye' kind-of way. I reached over and ran my finger up his chest, ignoring the spattering of my vomit, and said, "I made a mess of you, too. Maybe you should join me?"

Sure I slurred a little, but that's sexy, right?

**Chapter 30: That is the Question**

**Jasper's POV**

I just stared down at her in complete and utter shock. Sure she was drunk and still had ninety-proof stomach acid drippin' from her chin, but she _wanted_ me. Not for protection from her nightmares or from the real monsters huntin' her.

She wanted _me_. My body, my love.

Her emotions, which had been volatile to say the least for the past week, had calmed more than I'd felt from her since Forks. She'd found that answer that she desperately needed, for a question that she could never find the words for. Somehow today, among the drinkin' and the girly shit, she found a peace that calmed her ever-stormy spirit and now all she felt on the surface was _good_. Lust, peace, happiness, love, and more lust.

Underneath her immediate emotions, I recognized her normal vibes, but even they didn't seem as toxic as normal. I knew from Rose that there would always be lingerin' effects of the rape, but I was relieved to feel so much progress in so little time. She was healin'. And, _she _wanted _me._

My automatic, knee-jerk reaction was, of course, hell no. I couldn't take advantage of her when she was intoxicated. I wasn't that kind of fucker. A smaller part of my mind, though, was tryin' to justify acceptin' her answer. I am a man, after all. Fuck! It sure has been a while. I could almost feel her tight warmth wrapped around me as my internal debate raged. My eyes rolled back and I took a deep breath to try and clear my head of all the lust, hers and mine, that was cloudin' my good sense and my more gentlemanly side.

As the lust fog lifted, I realized Bella was, in fact, wrapped around me. Just not the way I'd planned. Actually, she was just leanin' against me, hummin' quietly and way off tune, with her cheek pressed against her vomit on my shirt.

I rolled my eyes, chuckled quietly, and brought my arms around her. As I ran my right hand through her hair, my mind went back to this mornin' when I left. Our infallible memory was much more of a fuckin' curse than a blessin'.

"I'm goin' huntin'. I _will_ be back in time to help you sleep." Walkin' away from her when she was afraid and hurtin' was one of the hardest damn things I'd ever done, but I needed to calm down, and so did she. Nothin' good was gonna come from me stayin'.

"I love you, Isabella." I said as I left, ignorin' the vampire's gapin' and hurlin' curses that'd make sailors blush with shame in my direction. The one who came to my defense was suprisin', yet not.

Just before I got out of hearin' range I heard Rose tell them to just shut up and mind their own business. I breathed easier with her vow to take care of Bella today. My mate may not have had the most pleasant day, but Rosalie was a fiercely loyal woman once she claimed you, which is exactly what she'd done with Bella. I had a feelin' her and Emmett were gonna be around for a while, whether we wanted them or not, and honestly, a couple of extra fighters on our side would be welcome.

Reachin' the clearin' eight miles north of the cabin, I sat and waited for the first bastard to walk through. I was spittin' mad and I needed a release desperately or else somethin' was gonna die.

I didn't have to wait long. I heard Peter caution Garrett. I heard Garrett scoff and keep runnin' anyway. I felt Peter's glee and mischievousness, but I didn't give a fuck what that was about right now.

As soon as the first male broke the perimeter I plowed into him. He was quick to recover, but slow to defend. I came at him again and again until he matched me blow for blow. He had no anger though, and my beast was less than impressed with this sparrin' match. His call for blood became stronger and my reasons for not givin' in became weaker.

"Fuck." Peter spat from his place in the trees overhead. I barely registered, in some far corner of my mind, him unbuttonin' his shirt, mutterin', "I'll be a midget's bitch if I'm gonna get dragged all over a consumer's hell by Char cause of another fuckin' ripped shirt."

Just as he dropped to the ground and my beast growled in anticipation of a _real_ fight, a thunderin' sound echoed through the trees and we turned to face it. Emmett stepped through the trees huffin' and puffin'. My vampire side was doin' a victory dance at just the sight of the pissed-off behemoth drawn to his full height and crackin' his knuckles in anticipation, but he didn't attack.

"You shouldn't have left her." He growled out.

Maybe he just needs some encouragement I thought.

"That's rich comin' from you. You need to keep your nose outta my shit." I snarled, and smirked as the heat went up. "She is of no concern to_ you_."

"She's my sister!" He bellowed.

"You lost that right years ago when you ran away with your tail between your legs, hidin' under Rose's skirt." Bingo! The other fuckers stepped aside as Emmett crashed into me with the force of a cranked-up Rhino. I laughed as his righteous anger and unadulterated rage swirled around me. It encased me. I welcomed it; allowin' mine to feed my own until I released it in one blow knockin' all of their asses to the ground.

And it was on.

"Were you serious about taking her back to Forks?" Emmett asked, as we sat in our respective 'corners' a couple of hours later and chilled the fuck out.

"Yeah, I was." I said easily enough, inspectin' a new mark on my forearm. Damn Peter always was a fuckin' biter. Now, I respected Em, but I wasn't about to cower from him or lie to placate him.

"You can't! She's human!" He ground out.

"Yeah, she is. She's also my mate, and I will not leave her undefended states away."

"Rosie could stay with her." He may have said the words, but he didn't believe that was a viable option anymore than I did.

"And if more than one vampire attacks? Are you willin' to risk _your_ mate and _mine_?" I asked in challenge, but with no heat to my words. Didn't matter if he was; I was not. I understood his concern, but he needed to understand that she was comin'. It wasn't up for debate.

"Why not change her?" It seemed that the forest itself was holdin' its breath along with the fuckers leakin' venom around me, waitin' for my response. I'd given this very question - the whole situation - weeks of thought.

While it was temptin' to just say fuck it and sink my teeth into her soft pulse point, I couldn't do it. She would be even more vulnerable as a freshly-made newborn. A slave to her instincts and her thirst, not to mention her questionable mental stability, and the impossibility of travelin' with a vampire only days old. I loved her and she had made huge progress, but she needed more time. I'd see to it that she had it.

I wouldn't rush her and let that _dead-dog walkin'_ take another choice out of her hands. Judgin' by Peter's emotions, I was right that this wasn't the time. I sent him a shot of astonishment and gratitude for the fact that he held his fuckin' tongue, and I answered Emmett as calmly as I could. My patience was wearin' thin though.

"It's not time. She's still unstable, and she hasn't even said she wants to be changed." This fact caused a small stab of pain, rememberin' how she used to beg and plead with Assward for an eternity together, but she'd yet to respond whenever I brought it up. The pain was short-lived though, 'cause I'm a selfish bastard, and if it came to a choice between her death and her unwillin' change, I'd bite her without hesitation. In cases such as life and death, I find it's better to ask forgiveness than permission.

Besides, it would be more than her life and her death; it'd be mine as well. I wouldn't stay in a world where she was not. I wasn't a martyr. I wasn't prone to dramatic tendencies. I was just honest. She wasn't just my mate; she was my life.

Garrett and Peter filled the silence followin' my flat statement by rehashin' our strategy for the upcomin' slaughter, and brought my focus back to the anticipated revenge a'comin'.

"If the Denali's come from the north, they will either give us away or they will be slaughtered or, quite possibly, both. Overrun by just sheer numbers." I felt Garrett's concern for his mate's coven as he spoke. The Denali's were skilled fighters though. Tanya, Kate, and Irina had been formidable before Eleazar came along, but with his tutelage, they were a force to be reckoned with and could handle their own. For his peace of mind, I picked up a stick and drew a crude map in the forest floor to illustrate my plan as I explained.

"Not if we plan it right. Once Victoria knows we're there, she'll call the newborns in. The way I figure, if Tanya, Eleazar, and Carmen come behind them, they should be able to pick off the stragglers and join the battle from the rear. The timin' will have to be exact though."

"The chaos will fluster the remainin' newborns, and it'll be as easy as pickin' the heads off of babes." Peter added. I nodded once in agreement. It wasn't a perfect plan, but it was something. And it was the best we could do for now.

"You know we're going, right?" Em growled out.

"It's your choice, but this isn't The Olympian Coven 'round here. I'm the head, and what I say goes. This is the only time I'll say it. If an issue arises, I'll rip your arms, legs, and dick off first and ask questions second. Got it?" I said quietly. I'd always believed if a leader had to tell you he was in charge, then he wasn't, but we didn't have time for any shit.

I felt his pride and rebellion flare, but only briefly, before he was all determination and acceptance. "Good answer." I said, and turned around to head home to my mate, unsure of what reception I'd receive and unwillin' to be away a minute longer.

A smash of bottles and loud-ass gigglin' from the front room brought me out of my thoughts and back to the present dilemma.

To shower or not to shower? That was the question.

"C'mon, Babe." I said, as I pulled her under the spray with me. She squeaked in surprise before she snorted.

"Not exactly what I had in mind." I shielded her from the spray and lifted her chin.

"I love you, Isabella." I said as I brushed the wet hair from her forehead, placin' a soft kiss there.

"I love you too, Jasper." She sighed out, puckerin' her lips and closin' her eyes. I felt her sag completely in my arms as she passed out. I finished washin' the vomit from her clothes, and I washed her hair before I called Char to come and get her into some dry clothes.

Once again alone, I finished our first shower together with a single-fisted solo that I'd become entirely too familiar with.

After a lot more pukin' and a night full of moanin' (and not the good kind), she awoke with a groan. You didn't have to be an empath to tell that she felt like shit.

"What happened?" She rasped out. One peek through her swollen eyes, and she groaned, throwin' her arm over her head. I ran to get her the Motrin and coffee the girls had ready for her. After quite a bit of throwin' up themselves they were completely back to normal, but feelin' more than a bit guilty about their actions and Bella's still fucked-up state.

I thought it was funny as hell that it was Emmett and Garrett that had lit into them. Words like 'irresponsible' and 'ashamed of yourselves' were thrown around a bit excessively. It was hard to stifle my chuckles, and Pete didn't even try, until I hissed at him because Bella had started stirrin' from the noise.

"From what I gather, not much. Just a milder version of Girls Gone Wild. How are you feelin'?" I asked, as I helped her sit up and passed her two tablets.

"I'm fine." She said, wincin' in pain. Probably from her throat as well as her head. I felt her awkwardness and her remorse, so I figured we should get this outta the way.

"Bella, I -" I started at the same moment she did.

"Jasper, I -" I just chuckled and sat next to her on the bed. I loved the way her hair was all wild when she first woke. I loved the way her face scrunched as she yawned three times. I even loved the way she'd stretch and crack her toes. And today, her cheeks had a nice blush. It was better that I sit beside her or we might never have this conversation. She was temptin' me without even tryin.

"I'll go first." She said, tuckin' her hair behind her ears nervously. "I just wanted to apologize for over-reacting yesterday. You've been nothing short of amazing to me and I had no right to treat you that way. I'm willing to listen now, but Rose already filled me in."

"I'm sorry too, Darlin'." I said, puttin' my arm around her shoulders and pullin' her in my direction. She curled into my side and we both sighed. To someone who had never felt this feelin' before, it was impossible to describe, and to someone who had, there was no need because they understood. I was whole when she was in my arms. "He already knew. I just passed along some details. I should've asked first, but I figured you can't put smoke back in a cigar."

"Yeah. Red said the same thing, but much more nastily phrased." She snorted. I didn't know for sure what he'd said, but I'd bet it had somethin' to do with shit. I could feel her curiosity and insecurity battlin' and passed on a shot of confidence in hopes that she'd voice the words she was chewin' on. "You're really not going leave me?" She asked in a pitiful, scratchy voice.

"Never." I sent her all of the sincerity, love, devotion, and determination I could muster, and she gasped under the onslaught. Then she started coughin'. I placed my hand on her forehead and noticed for the first time with my superior intellect that she was burnin' up.

I let loose a string of curses as she continued to cough and I called for anyone to come with some water. Garrett was the first one through the door, but everyone else was right behind him.

"Should I retrieve the doctor?" Garrett asked. I knew the thought of the doc and his new mate together in the same house didn't thrill him, but his concern for Bella overshadowed his more selfish interests.

"I don't think we're there yet." I said, takin' the glass from Char and helpin' Bella drink.

"No." Bella choked out. I shushed her and kept my hands on her cheeks, tryin' to offer any comfort I could. She was probably just worried about us killin' the good doctor as we should have done last time, but it was a moot point anyway. Unlike me, Rose had full medical trainin'.

"I need one of you to go fetch Rose. She and Em won't be far, but I know they wanted some alone time this mornin'." I said in warnin' for whoever chose to go. No doubt, they were gonna get an eye full.

"Katie and I will go." Garrett offered and Kate nodded, both just wantin' to be useful. They took off. Feelin' Bella's sudden shock brought my full attention back to her, unsure of what was goin' on.

"How did I get changed last night?" Bella chocked out between coughs. "Oh!" Her eyes were Frisbee-sized as she looked up at me and I smirked. The others left, shuttin' the door quietly behind them. I could feel their worry and I appreciated the familial love they all had for my mate.

"We showered together, and then Char put you in some fresh clothed and burned the others. Nothin' happened; we stayed fully clothed." It was my turn to be shocked when her disappointment, embarrassment, and a bit of rejection filled her. "You never have to be embarrassed with me, Babe. You have no idea how tempted I was, but you were drunk, we were both covered in puke, and I love you too much to allow that to be our first time together." I said gently, hopin' to soothe her hurt feelings. Her breathin' had changed to wheezin' between coughs.

I brought my face even with hers and blew gently across her face, hopin' that the same 'dazzlin' effect that our presence tended to cause would also help calm her.

"Thank you, Jazz." She wheezed out quietly. I tried to funnel as much calm into her through my hands still holdin' her cheeks as I could. She seemed to settle after a few more minutes, and had just laid back when Rose ran in.

"Trouble thy name is Pumpkin." She said, smilin' slightly as she walked over to Bella's side. She was as cool as a cucumber, but I could feel her concern. Thus her bedside manner did nothin' to assuage my worry.

I left the room while she examined Bella briefly. "Jay," she sighed comin' out of the room and closin' the door behind her. "I think it's a simple bronchitis, but we need to watch her because I'm worried about pneumonia at this point as well. We're gonna go hit up a pharmacy, but all we can really do is treat her symptoms, make her comfortable, and wait for it to run its course."

"Thanks, Rose."

"Of course, what are sisters for?" She hesitated for half a second, before she added nonchalantly, "In her current state, she'd probably be admitted if you took her to a hospital right now." She said, lettin' me know how serious this was.

"It's not an option. The break-out from the place she'd been held was less than stealthy. It didn't make national news because of the facility's confidentiality practices, but we can't risk her bein' recognized or her name bein' flagged. Not unless we have no other choice."

"And changing her is a choice you've thought about." It seemed that no matter where I was when that question was asked, or what was goin' on, the world stopped to hear my reply. I felt the tension thicken as they waited. Everyone knew how Rose felt about her change, and everyone knew my position as well by now.

"I haven't discussed it with her yet, but if it comes time for that, I will." I said flatly, hopin' that there wouldn't be any undue drama right now, but no sooner had I thought that than I felt her acceptance. I just quirked my brow at her in question.

"Don't look so surprised, Ass. You deserve happiness if any of us do. She was meant to be one of us, I think. Besides, she has no more reason to stay human than I had to become a vampire."

Her words and the pleasant emotions behind them surprised more than just me, but didn't mean I wasn't ready to kiss her for not makin' a scene right now. Bella's next coughin' fit brought all of our eyes back to the wooden door and our thoughts back to our current predicament.

"We'll go get some supplies. You might want to help her sleep until we get back, but keep her head elevated to ease her breathing." And she was gone with Peter, Em, and Char trailin' behind.

"Lay with me?" Bella asked quietly, already poutin' slightly, when I walked into the room.

"Of course," I replied simply. She'd never have to ask me twice, damn it. Sick or not, she was the most exquisite creature I'd ever had the pleasure of meetin'. She curled right into me again. I held her with one arm and ran my hand through her hair, hummin' a quiet tune.

"Tell me a story, Jasper." She said, and I was more than happy to oblige. By the second sentence she was out, with a little assistance from me, and I sat listenin' to every ragged breath and every beat of her heart.

Rose's question from minutes earlier nagged at me. Watchin' the blood flowin' through that vein in her throat with every pump of her heart it all seemed so simple. Just a couple little bites followed by a few flicks of my tongue and this could all be over.

She'd be mine forever.

There was a chance that she wouldn't even remember the rape. She might not remember the abandonment of a family she loved or her time spent in that nut house. She might not remember Edward.

She might not remember me…

There was also a chance that she'd remember everything, and her fragile psyche, that had finally begun to mend, would be ripped apart again. There was a chance that she'd be too wild due to her trauma. There was that chance that she'd be hunted if that were the case. I'd sentence my whole coven to death, or worse, her.

But she'd never be sick again. Her body wouldn't betray her in these mundane, frustratin' ways. She could truly be my equal. She'd be far less breakable.

But did she even want this life anymore? Did my claim of her as my mate give me the right to decide for her? The answer to that was no.

As God as my witness, the moment her heart faltered or her breathin' stopped, my teeth would find purchase and my venom would flow into her veins without a doubt. That had not changed, but we still had time.

We still had time.

I left her side over the next two days only to fetch somethin' for her. A fresh rag to apply to her burnin' forehead or mop the sweat away when the fever would break under the medication. A bowl of heated broth or some electrolyte-packed drink to try to coax her into drinkin'. Though there were others in the cabin that were concerned, that loved her, nothing was done for her that I did not do myself after the supplies were brought in. I couldn't have it any other way.

I'd never been as scared as I was when she struggled to draw each breath that first night or more relieved when mornin' came and the breathin' treatments from the hijacked nebulizer started makin' a difference. I felt like my hundred sixty years of sleepless nights had finally caught up to me, as I lay next to her with my eyes closed.

If my life ended tomorrow, I'd die happy knowin' that I'd spent the last moments of it lovin' her the best I could.

* * *

**AN: Hey there! Review please! *bats lashes* ****There won't be much of a wait for the next chap, if ya do…**


	31. Mine

**Rated M peeps. Also **_**may**_** not be appropriate for work. JS;-)**

**I've got the best beta imaginable, stitchcat, and I'm so damn thankful for her! This chap was also pre-read by JaspersBella and HammerHips because I was a bit more nervous than normal. Anywho, they rock and give me warn fuzzies and the confidence I'm lackin' and I appreciate them SO very much! *mwah***

**Thanks for all the reviews****! They keep me writing! Again, though, I figured y'all would forgive my lack of response in favor of a chap. But I read each one, squee and gush over quite a few, and love y'all to pieces!**

**Disclaimer: SM owns all of the Twilight rights.**

**When we last left our ailing human and her mate:**

I'd never been as scared as I was when she struggled to draw each breath that first night, or more relieved when mornin' came and the breathin' treatments from the hijacked nebulizer started makin' a difference. I felt like my hundred sixty years of sleepless nights had finally caught up to me, as I lay next to her with my eyes closed.

If my life ended tomorrow, I'd die happy knowin' that I'd spent the last moments of it lovin' her the best I could.

**Chap 31 Mine**

**Bella's POV**

Between the fevers and the constant state of drowsiness, I didn't pay much attention to the passing of those first few days. What I did know was that Jasper was always there. Even when my eyes were closed and through the stillness of the room, I could feel him there. I just knew, and it brought me comfort.

When I felt his fingers combing gently through my greasy hair, all tension left my aching body. When his lips touched my clammy forehead, no matter how briefly or chastely, my body heated in a way that had nothing to do with my fever. When he held me in his arms, I felt like all was finally right in my world. Who needed breathing when I had Jasper?

**Um, yeah, that'd be you since you're still all human.**

_Maybe I won't be for much longer._

**Are you ready for that?**

_Is anyone ever actually ready for that?_

**Well played.**

_Seriously though. I thought I was at my Junior prom, for peanut butter and jelly's__ sake! That's just more proof of my young stupidity._

**No argument here.**

_But now? I have no family left outside of this coven. I have no chance at being a mother. I wouldn't want anyone to father my fictional children besides Jasper anyway, which is impossib__le._

**The burning?**

_Will suck hairy, swamp-ass._

**You never cease to amaze me with your delicate, lady-like prose.**

_I'm not going into this blind, but I can do it. For him; for us, I can do this._

**If he wants to change you…**

_He said…he said he wanted forever?_

**So ****did Edward.**

_Jasper is not Edward._

**Holy Christ in cracker form! You finally get it.**

_Yeah, I think I do._

I rolled over to face Jasper, who looked worn out. I reached over and brushed the tip of my index finger along the shadows beneath his eyes, as I thought about how many hours he'd paced the floor, or just sat next to the bed with his head in his hands. I thought about him spoon-feeding me broth, which I coughed back on him more than once, and I thought about him singing lowly to me when I'd grow restless.

His dark eyes opened and he smiled. His face showed his relief at my easier breathing. The wheezing annoyed me; I couldn't imagine what it was like to his advanced senses.

**Nails on a chalkboard.**

_Lauren Mallory's nasally voice._

**What's the difference?**

_Hmm, n__ot sure, but I bet to a vamp there's a few decibels or something._

"Good mornin', Isabella." He said quietly. As his cool breath blew across my face, I had a brief moment of panic. I'd been in this bed for the majority of the past four days, with nary a toothbrush or stick of Sure in sight.

Utilizing full ninja stealth, I reached for the quilt, my hand taking a by-pass to itch my armpit, and then pulled the quilt to my chin, extending those fingers under my nose, which just happened to be inhaling deeply at that exact moment. What I discovered was not pleasant. I was seconds away from a full-blown girly breakdown.

**And there he is in all his glory, with those advanced senses.**

_Oh! What do I do?_

His brow furrowed slightly, but I tried to reassure him by smiling with my mouth closed tight. I tugged the quilt that was up to my chin, and then over my mouth, quarantining my funk-infected hand below, hoping to contain all of the body odor and spare myself some embarrassment. "Good morning." I said once the direct path from my rancid breath and his nose was safely blocked.

His weary eyes lit up as he chuckled. "I take it you're ready to get cleaned up?"

"Yes, please." I said with my cheeks flaming, but still hiding beneath my personal odor shield.

"I'll go get ya something to eat while you take care of that then." He smirked, tryin' to stifle his chuckles, pecked me on the forehead, and left me and my stink alone together.

I high-tailed it to the bathroom, ignoring the vampires tittering like Japanese Anime girls in plaid skirts, and the women smiling sympathetically. Of course, it's not like they had to worry about body odor anymore.

**Another plus for changing.**

_Duly noted._

I loofah-ed every nook and cranny, spent a good five minutes getting reacquainted with my toothbrush, and stepped out of the steamy bathroom thirty minutes later feeling much better. But I was escorted back to my bed by Rosalie, who surprisingly _could_ be more bossy than normal, and smacked the 'doctor's orders' label on it.

Once I was back in bed though, that burst of energy evaporated and I sunk into my pillow. When I awoke, Jasper was there with a small glass of orange juice, extra pulpy just like I like it, and a couple of pieces of lightly-burnt toast. My head said, "No thanks," but my grumbling stomach said, "Gimme!" So I sat up and nibbled, while he pretended he wasn't watching me like a hawk.

**He's been worried.**

_Slight understatement._

**He loves you.**

_I love him._

And then it hit me. BAM! Just like that annoying TV chef who gets way too excited playing with his spices.

**Leads one to think he's never -**

_Getting off topic a bit, huh?_

**Oh yeah!**

Back to my epiphany. That's all _this _is about. Me and Jasper. Our first date was just me and him. Our first kiss was only about me and him. He's given himself to me in every way I've asked and more, and now, I think I'm ready to do the same. I love him. He loves me. What more is there?

_Jacob…_

**I think that was rhetorical, and only if you bring **_**him **_**into it. Besides, you just said his name without a crippli****ng stab of pain. I think that proves something.**

_But __**he**__ said I was his._

**Whose do you say you are?**

_Jasper's. I want to be Jasper's. Mind, soul, and body. _I thought without hesitation.

No, I wouldn't think of Jacob right now. Right now was just about Jasper and I. This was something I wanted. I wanted to feel the love of this man. I wanted to give him something I had never given another. I wanted to make love with my Jasper.

I could feel my heart swelling in my chest at just the thought of that, and what it would mean. To touch him freely and to have him do the same, without my fear or his fear of me flinching at his touch, would be heavenly. Whatever it was that had bound me finally released its hold, and I had the total Grinch x-ray moment play through my mind. At least until I heard a sharp gasp followed by a solid thump.

I looked over to where Jasper had been sitting next to me on the bed, only he wasn't there anymore. His golden curls, followed by his dark-orangish eyes peeked at me over the edge of the bed from his newfound place on the floor. And I laughed.

I laughed until I couldn't breathe from the coughing fit I'd incited, and he practically sedated me, all the while looking wary.

As Rose shoved the mask up to my face, pumping out the meds, I realized he might need some encouragement.

_But how do I seduce a vampire? And an empath at that…_

**You don't. Just talk to him.**

_OR I could go a different route._

**You do realize you have no idea what you're doing.**

_Never stopped me before._ I sang out in response, still entirely too excited over a plan that could end in total humiliation and a trip to the convent.

**You do already have the garb.**

Rose gave me a sly smile as my breathing treatment ended and she left. I wondered if I was _that _transparent. Luckily, I was beyond caring at this point.

"Jazz, my chest still feels tight. Would you help me with some vapor rub?" I asked, in an innocent but, hopefully, seductive tone.

**Yes, because that's not an oxymoron at all.**

_Hush you, nay-sayer! There'__s a song in my heart and that would be __Let's Get It On__._

**Well, I'd hate to squelch your inner black man. Please carry on.**

He paused, but only for a second, as I pulled my arms through the collar of my t-shirt and pulled it down till it rested on the top of my breasts.

"Um, y-yeah." He said, staring wide-eyed at my chest with his darkening eyes, which thanks to watching G-Red's and Kate's interactions, I knew was a good thing.

_Oh my! Did he just stutter?_

**I believe he did.**

I blinked, trying to hold back my growing smile, and willing the blush that I could feel spreading down my neck away. Shaking his head slightly, he smirked and strutted over to the dresser to get the Vicks.

I quivered as his cool hands slid across my chest and over my collar bone. I was always surprised at the gentleness he had with each touch. His hands were large and rougher textured; almost calloused, like he'd been a hard worker before his change. His touch was never timid but gentle just the same. I stilled as he leaned his face down to mine and stopped with his lips not an eighth of an inch away from my own.

"If you want somethin' else, all you have to do is ask, Darlin'." He breathed right before he laid a kiss on me that curled my toes and clenched my nethers. By the time he leaned back looking all hot and proud of himself, I was breathless for more than just one reason.

My mouth opened and closed several times but nothing but air passed through. I didn't know how to say what I wanted, and I think he knew it too. Before I recovered from that damn kiss, he was on his way to the door.

"I'm headin' out for a quick bite. I'll be back before dark."

I just gaped as he left, and again as the girls all rushed in the room, shutting the door behind them.

"I know you're new to this, Sugar, but you can't seduce a man smelling like a York Peppermint Patty." Charlotte started as soon as the lock clicked. Fat lot of good it did though, because then Red called out, "Or all greased up like a slip-n-slide." At which the entire population of the cabin, including myself, busted up laughing.

I could admit I was absurd. Embarrassed and absurd.

**And maybe a little horny.**

_Fine. Embarrassed, absurd, and a little horny._

Irina was the first to gain her composure and her words shocked everyone, like one touch from Kate. "Oh please. We all know if the house had been empty, and her breathing would've been less troubled, he would have claimed her. That male has it bad."

Kate nodded, and Rose and Char just kind-of shrugged in half-hearted agreement. From the front room came Emmett's booming objection, "Nobody's claiming anybody around here!"

"Tell that to Kate, who got a nice view of your hind-quarters in the woods a few days ago." G-Red responded, while I just rolled my eyes and looked across to the far corner of the room.

Every day, obviously quite a few times a day, Em would pop his head in, ask Jasper how HIS sister was doing, and leave a stuffed teddy bear behind. Jasper would give it to me and I'd toss it into the corner. There had to be close to twenty over there by now.

"Emmett McCarty! I will be claimed as soon as I figure out how to do that. If you do anything to prevent this or any other 'claiming' I swear I'll never speak to you again. Brother or not!" No sooner had the words left my mouth than his head appeared in the doorway.

"Brother?" He asked with a dimpled smile, his eyes all lit up like I'd given him the best gift ever. I just couldn't crush him.

"You heard what I said, but you're still on probation." I added sternly. He jumped, whooping and doing a fist pump, which put a nice size hole in the ceiling. Rose just shook her head sadly at him and pointed back out to the living room, dismissing him from our 'private' conversation.

Once the door closed and their eyes zeroed in on me, I looked down and started playing with the edge of the quilt, searching for the words. "I'm not _for sure _that I'll be able to go through with it, but I'd like to try. For him," I heard their collective intake of breath and hurried on before they interrupted. "And me. I want this. I want him." I finished looking each of them in the eyes, so they understood. Rose was the first to break the silence following my declaration of intent to sex up Jasper.

"Well, first things first, you need another shower. Plus the steam will help open you up more. Though I do wish you'd wait for a few days." I nodded, understanding her point of view but really not liking the sound of waiting. I wanted him, like, twenty minutes ago.

It must've shown on my face because Char continued with, "If you wait, I'll even bring you a razor AND two refills because, Pumpkin, it's been a couple of months since you were allowed one and one little blade can't be expected to conquer the Amazon."

I'm pretty sure I had a full body blush going on, but I nodded rapidly in agreement to Char's deal. Suddenly waiting a few days sounded like a fabulous idea. I'd shaved once in the last three years.

The Institute didn't allow razors, of course, and then after my failed suicide by vamp act, J-Mo had rid the cabin of anything sharp and pointy. I could've made a shiv somehow, but I lost interest in the afterlife after that.

"Once everything settles down, we'll take a girl's trip up to New York for a spa day." Rose said excitedly. I'm surprised she held back a little clap. She reminded me of…Alice. "We don't have to, B." She back-peddled quickly. I tried to smile at her to show I was alright, but I think I missed the mark.

"Spill." Char said, fully utilizing _the look_.

"It's nothing." Now they ALL had _the look _on their beautiful faces. It was intimidating, to say the least. I sighed, "Fine. I just thought about Alice for the first time in a long time."

"And?" Rose prompted.

"I miss her, and I'm sitting here talking about smexing up her husband." Growls sounded, and I was surprised by their reaction. Thinking back though, I don't know why I was. The vampires here loved him as much as they did me, and trusted him as their leader.

"B, _Alice_ lost the privilege of calling him that when she dismissed him so coolly. She lost all claim to his heart through her manipulations and countless half-truths. He is free to _smex _up," Rose smirked, "anyone he wants."

"Besides, in our world, marriage doesn't mean a thing. That's a human custom. The title of mate grants all the rights." Kate offered up kindly, and I smiled, grateful for their reassurance over something that probably would have eaten at me 'til I lost all of my nerve.

"So, what else do we need?" I asked, trying to find confidence in planning.

"Condoms!" Red shouted from the living room, but it was swiftly followed by a smack from someone, and an, "Ow, fuck! She asked!"

"Do we…?" I trailed off feeling awkward having this conversation with seven vampires, including the three participating from the front room. Rose's brow creased a little while she thought.

"I'd say yes. I'm not sure how aggressive the venom is in the sperm -"

"I've come all over humans before with no adverse effects." Kate pitched in, though she shrank back under G-Red's unhappy snarl from the front room.

"Yes, but men have outties." Rose explained in an uber-patronizing tone, before continuing, "I don't know many vampiric _males _who have had intercourse with human females who survived the act, so to be on the safe side, I'm going to say yes to the necessity of condoms."

"But it's not like I can get pregnant." I said, confused.

"My thinking was more along the lines of his venom entering your blood stream, thus starting the change prematurely. Better to be safe than sorry." I nodded in agreement, and everyone was silent for few moments, lost in their own thoughts about my sex life.

**That's not weird at all.**

"You know, Isabella." Irina began looking at me with her head tilted and her eyes squinted, "I could even find some make-up to cover up those scars -" The words had no sooner left her mouth than she was drowned out by what sounded like feeding time at the angry zoo.

"Everyone SHUSH!" I shouted, and then winced from my smarting throat. I looked at the other three women in the room as I said, "She didn't mean anything by it. She was being _helpful_." They at least had the decency to look mildly ashamed of themselves and mutter apologies. Turning back toward Irina, I added, "Thanks, but I don't think it's needed. I don't even worry about them anymore. Jasper doesn't mind my scars, so neither do I." I just kind-of shrugged, ending my explanation, and she offered a small smile and a shrug.

It was true though. Ever since our first date, I'd gotten more comfortable in my body. With one look from him, I felt like a woman. Not a fractured, marred girl, but a beautiful, worthy woman.

In fact, not until Irina mentioned it, did I remember that my shirt was still down and my chest with all its imperfections was exposed.

Now that we had a solid-ish plan, I laid back, more tired than I cared to admit, and napped off and on for the rest of the day. For once, I saw a different sight when I closed my eyes. All there was, was Jasper.

**Jasper's POV**

Over the past few days, Bella had grown stronger. She was also plottin' something. Judgin' by the general emotional climate in the cabin, I knew it was a good thing. Course, it was Emmett's broodin' air, which was very un-Emmett like, that served as my final clue.

I should've known when I fell off the fuckin' bed just from the strength of her love and desire. I was…shocked to feel that she wasn't waterin' down her emotions anymore. The doubt and suspicion had all but disappeared. And I could mark down a few more steps toward her healin'.

Now as they _all_ headed out to hunt while Bella was preparin' for bed, I knew the time had come. Fuck me sideways, if I wasn't nervous as a teenager who got a live girl in the backseat of his Pinto for the very first time.

"I'm not gonna hurt her, am I, Peter?" I asked desperately, grabbin' his arm as he went to leave.

"Fucker," he said slowly, over-enunciatin' due to the stupidity of my panicky question. "Do you think I'd be walkin' out this door if there was even a point one percent chance of that happenin'?" He punched my shoulder, stuck a foil wrapper in my hand, and took off after the rest. Leavin' me and my mate alone.

I tucked the ribbed-for-her-pleasure condom into my pocket, took a deep breath, and walked with somethin' loosely related to a death march over to the door and knocked gently.

"Come in." She said quietly, with a slightly shaky voice.

Openin' the door, I couldn't help but gasp. It wasn't the candles or the fancied up bed, but the woman on top of it that took my breath away.

She was sittin' in the middle of the bed in a satin white nightgown, low-cut, trimmed up with lace, and I swear I felt my dead heart skip a beat. I opened myself up to her and all she was feelin' right now.

There was love, excitement, nervousness, and inadequacy. Her fear and determination seemed to be battlin' for control as I made my way further into the room.

"Isabella," I said quietly, finally causin' her head to rise and look at me. "What's this about?" I asked gently, smirkin' a bit. I needed to know she was ready for what she thought she wanted to happen here. God, how I wanted this to happen! I wouldn't make love to her unless I was certain she wasn't gonna wake in the mornin' regrettin' it.

"I-I-" She said lookin' back down.

"Look at me please, Babe." I requested and she did.

"I want you to make me yours, Jasper." She whispered, a blush givin' color to her cheeks and tears fillin' her eyes.

"You already are, Isabella Whitlock." I said, steppin' in front of the edge of the bed and grabbin' her shakin' hands. "In every way that matters, you are _mine_ as I am _yours_." I pushed my love out to wrap around her to show her the sincerity of my words.

"I want to show you something." She said, as her determination overtook her fear for the moment. She turned and swept her hair to the side, and what I saw made my blood boil. I let go of her hands to trace the scar I'd not known about; none of us had known about. It was a wide bite mark, etched deep into her right shoulder blade. The growl fightin' to come out just vibratin' in my chest. "_He_ said I was _his_, and _he-Jacob_ bit me when he was…done." She choked out, filled with disgust and shame, quickly coverin' back up the mark with her hair. I shoved my rage down the best I could. My jaw was clenched so tight, I was half expectin' my teeth to crack under the pressure.

I was disgusted, but not with her. I was beyond angry, but now wasn't the time.

I calmed and whispered her name, but she wouldn't look at me again. Slowly, I climbed behind her and pulled her between my open legs. Her head was still bowed, so I whispered each move before I made it. I swept her hair over her left shoulder, once again revealin' the claimin' mark that had no more merit than the bite on her forearm. It was a fraud, and one day soon, I'd replace it lovingly with my own.

I leaned forward slowly and ran my tongue along the scar that was a little warmer than the rest of her skin. I pulled any feelings of disgust or shame away from her, replacin' them with only my love for her. She sighed as I started placin' open-mouthed kisses along her shoulder and up the side of her neck.

Her head fell back against my shoulder. I brought my hand up and turned her head in my direction. Starin' into her eyes, I growled, "Mine." And I kissed her.

**Bella's POV**

My mouth automatically opened, granting his tongue access. Who was I kidding? I'd give this man anything he wanted. All I had was his, and I was ready to prove it. His kiss was slow and sensual, full of promises of things to come.

Twisting around in his arms, but not pulling away from his lips, I straddled his lap. He pulled back slightly, resting his forehead against mine, and I was pleased to see that I wasn't the only one in need of breath.

"You don't have to do anything, Isabella. I love you." He spoke quietly with his voice full of emotion, staring into my eyes, searchin' for truth, and once again my heart swelled. Just when I thought I couldn't love him more, I did.

"I know I don't have to, but I want to. This is just about me and you; nothing else. I love you. I want you, Jasper." I said, running my hands down his chest, gripping the hem of his tee-shirt and tugging on it lightly. With his eyes on mine, he raised his arms slowly, letting me lead the way.

I pulled it over his head, dragging my nails up his arms and down his muscular chest. The candlelight cast shadows on some of his scars, testifying to his strength. I started at his collarbone, running the tip of my tongue along it, to his shoulder where I peppered kisses on each crescent shaped mark I found. I loved each one because they were a part of him, each representing an act that brought him to me.

He shivered, and I was thrilled to know that I affected him at least a fraction of the way he did me. As I kissed my way across his chest to his shoulder, I felt his hands on my bare knees. Slowly moved up my thighs, under the short chemise I had chosen for tonight and I froze for a second, remembering the last time large hands had gripped my thighs.

The difference was, this time, he froze too. He whispered in a way that only he could, "Isabella," and I found I could breathe again.

Just me and him.

Just me and Jasper.

I looked up, about to apologize, when his lips met mine again. He possessed my very being, and I welcomed it.

With his mouth moving against mine, he laid me back; my head on the pillows and my legs still wrapped around his waist.

"Are you sure this is what **you **want?" He asked huskily, again searching my eyes, and I'm sure my emotions, for any reservations, but I had none. I just nodded and he kissed me eagerly again.

"One word from you and I stop. No matter what, do you understand?" He pulled back, waiting for an answer.

"I understand, but I'm ready, Jasper." And I reached up, knotting my hand through his unruly curls, to pull bring his mouth back to mine, where it belonged.

**Jasper's POV**

Her hot little mouth was pressed against mine, and my cock strained painfully against my zipper. Settin' between her legs, I put most of my weight on my elbow. My other hand ghosted along her ribs over the satin, brushin' the side of her breast ever so gently, then up her arm and back again.

I was aimin' for slow, we needed slow, but as her thighs tightened around me and she ground her moist center onto where I wanted her the most, I didn't know if I was gonna last. She was just so damn hot! Everywhere she touched ignited something within me, until her skin, her touch, became like a drug and I had to have more.

Always more.

I stilled her hips, for my sake, and smirked as she pulled back poutin' slightly with her swollen lips. It didn't last though. She moaned quietly as I started kissin' my way down her neck, to her shoulder, to the strap of her gown, lookin' up at her for permission.

She nodded, nervous again, and though I was tempted to take that away from her and replace it only with lust and love, she needed to feel her true emotions. Besides, she wasn't the only one a little nervous. I just had _other_ feelings that were much _stronger_.

Keepin' my eyes locked on hers, I gently pushed the strap down her arm, and then kissed and nipped my way to the other side, taking down the satin spaghetti strap blockin' me from her gorgeous breasts. Bella folded her arms across her chest quickly, but that just wasn't gonna work for what I had in mind.

With my eyes on hers, I slowly grasped one of her hands, brought the palm to my mouth, placin' an open mouthed kiss before I placed it back around my neck and did the same with the other, never takin' my eyes off of hers.

My hand glided up her stomach to the center of her chest till I reached the line where lace met skin and I slowly pulled down the satin to reveal what was hidden beneath.

I begged her with my eyes to let me see her. She pulled my mouth to hers quickly, and then shut her eyes and lay back. Lookin' down at the creamy stretch of skin, now exposed for my eyes only, I couldn't believe that she was givin' me such a beautiful gift. Oh God! I couldn't wait to worship every inch of her!

Luckily for me, I didn't have to. Her body and emotions alike were tense but as soon my mouth came back down on hers, it all melted away. Every peck down her neck, chipped away her self-doubt. Every opened mouth kiss down the center of her chest, fanned her desire, and with the first flick of my tongue across her hard nipple, she about came unglued.

Her back arched, offerin' me more, and I took her in my mouth, lavishin' attention to her perfectly perky breast before goin' to pay homage to the other.

Her hands, which were clenched in my hair, moved down my shoulders and I hissed at the trail of fire they left in their wake. Her arousal scented the entire room; the sweetest perfume known to man, here for only me.

Kissin' my way back to the center of her chest, I started my downward path toward my own personal paradise. I dipped my tongue in her belly button, pausin' only for permission once again before I slid the satin down her hips, which she lifted slightly for me, and down her legs, allowin' my fingers to graze her soft skin along the way.

**Bella's POV**

I felt the bed shift and my eyes sprang open to find out where he went. He was standing at the end of the bed, watching me with those dark, hungry eyes. I blushed and looked away, bare under his gaze, but he just waited until I was watching him again.

My shyness was nothing with one look at his face. I was beautiful. I was enough for him, and his every move proved it.

Jasper's hand moved to his belt, undoing it, while his eyes were fixed on mine. My breathing was loud, but I couldn't bother to be embarrassed as he pulled his belt off and dropped it to the floor.

Him stripping for me was the most erotic thing I'd ever seen, and the wetness between my thighs bore testament to that. I got to my knees and crawled to end of the bed where he stood still, watching me.

Looking up at him from underneath my lashes, I ran my trembling hands down his ripped chest, tucked my fingers into the waist of his jeans, that hung deliciously on his hips, exposing that V that could melt even the most prudish panties, and pulled him closer to me. Fumbling a bit, I finally got that button undone, and careful not to look at anything but his eyes, I started pushing his jeans down his long legs, and then scooted backwards up to the head of the bed with him stalking right after me.

His eyes were intense, mesmerizing. As he lowered his weight on top of me once more, his hard length pressed against my thigh, and he smirked as I gulped. I was too scared to look, but man that thing felt like it needed its own zip code! How the hell was it gonna fit?

"Breathe, Darlin'," He said, as he gently brushed my lips with his. He was showing me he would be gentle, and I believed him. His body covered mine, and I felt anything but cold. I was on fire. I needed more.

"You say the word and I stop. Remember." He said between kisses, as he ran his long fingers down my side, caressing the edge of my breast again, making my body arch into his automatically.

That sinful tongue of his descended on my breast, causing my eyes to roll back in my head. I quivered as his mouth assaulted my sensitive nipple; his hand splayed across my stomach and went down, down, down. I gasped as I felt his fingers gently massage my wet folds, before dipping one inside of me.

My thighs automatically clamped closed, my body screaming that nothing should ever go there again, and he stopped. "Isabella?" I looked at him, frustrated almost to tears that I couldn't _do_ this right. "Do you want to keep going?"

"Yes." I said breathed, willing myself not to cry, willing myself not to think of Jacob right now. Just Jasper. Just his body pressed against mine.

"You're perfect, Babe." He said as he kissed his way down the same trail the hand vice-gripped between my thighs had. "So damn perfect." He kissed my right hip bone, sucking gently, causing my breath to stutter, then made his way to the other side, to the top of my thigh. I melted beneath him as his tongue ran along the crease of my leg. "Open for me." He murmured as he gently pushed my thighs apart. His finger inside of me pumped once and then again, my legs tensing for a different reason this time. I gasped, shooting upright as another player joined in, filling me.

He was relentless as he added yet another finger, and didn't even pause in his rhythm as he slunk back up my body, forcing me back. I writhed under him as his hand pumped in and out of me. I gripped his shoulders, digging my nails in as I shook my head back and forth. More! I needed more! I'd go mad if this sweet torture didn't end soon. My body was a bow string pulled too tight. At any moment, I was going to pop for sure.

Jasper took my nipple in his mouth, curled those magic fingers, and my body shuddered in ecstasy as I found my release. His fingers slowed as I rode out my high and laid there, nothing more than a blissed-out pile of boneless me.

He lifted his hand to his mouth, licking off my juices while watching me with those intense black eyes.

"Are you ready, Darlin'?" He asked. I felt his tip pressed into my entrance and I just nodded, covering my eyes with my hands.

I didn't know if I could do this.

My mind went back.

Greasy concrete.  
One beam of unreachable moonlight.  
Pain everywhere.  
Hot hands holding me.  
Holding me down.

"Isabella, look at me. Look at me!" Jasper's desperate tone shook me out of my flashback, but I couldn't look him in the eye knowing where I'd just been. Who I'd just been with. "Open your eyes, Babe, come on." He whispered, his breath blowing across my face as he hovered above.

I couldn't deny him anything, so, ashamed of myself, I looked at him.

"You did _nothing _wrong. We can try again when you're ready -"

"No!" I shouted, clinging to him. His eyes held nothing but love and concern. With him, I could do this.

Me and Jasper.

I sent him all of the love I could muster, wrapped my legs around his waist, and ground my core against him, causing him to growl before stopping my hips and asking again.

"Are you ready?" This time I answered immediately.

"Absolutely."

"Don't close your eyes," he whispered as his mouth caressed mine. He thrust forward, sheathing himself in me and paused, waiting for me to adjust to the intrusion.

I cried out in shock more than anything. My body was stretching to accommodate him, but it wasn't painful. In fact, a moment later I shifted my hips and we both groaned.

He pressed one more kiss to my lips and began rocking his hips.

**Jaspers POV**

Her hands clung to me, her mouth whispered my name. Her eyes stayed fixed on mine, her hips met mine gentle thrust for gentle thrust. She was so fuckin' tight.

I'd had sex many a time in the course of my life. Human and vampires, every position imaginable, but nothing compared to the angel beneath me.

Her trust awed me, her beauty left me fightin' for breath. My name fallin' from her lips made me feel weak and unworthy, strong and unbreakable all at once. Her love surrounded me, and in this moment there was nothing but me and Bella.

My hands explored every inch of her glistening body, my mind memorized every moan and whimper that left her. I could tell she was close again, and I about wept with joy.

Pickin' up the pace, my hand found her clit, and with one more touch her eyes squeezed shut, her body stiffened, and she tumbled over the edge, milkin' me for all I was worth.

Forehead to forehead we laid pantin' for a second before her emotions overwhelmed her. I discarded the condom, picked her up and settled us both under the covers, and I held her close while she cried.


	32. Judgement

**Beta'd by the fab, stitchcat, and preread by HammerHips. Much love to both.**

**I'm posting a O/S today that goes after this chap, so you might want to check it out. *shrugs* You don't have to, but it might provide some insight.**

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns all the rights to Twilight and its peeps.**

**Chapter 32: Judgment**

**Jasper's POV**

The followin' days were quiet, mostly. Bella was quiet. She seemed to be lost in thought the majority of the time, but her emotions, in general, were peaceful and content. I guess the biggest change sex had made in our day-to-day life was the increased physical contact. We were always touchin'. I didn't feel complete unless she was right by me, and I knew she felt the same. I'd thought that nothin' could strengthen my love and admiration for my mate, but I'd been wrong. Not surprisin' considerin' my track record.

By the end of the week we were on our way to Washington, actually to Tacoma, to stay for a couple of nights. That would give us a day to hunt, and me a day to scout and take care of some pressin' business.

Irina, Kate, Emmett, and Rose ran ahead. Our excuse was that there just wasn't room in Pete's truck. And it was the truth, but I needed to know if I was deliverin' my mate right into the hands of one of the worst monsters I'd ever known. It was the best precaution we could take. If I didn't hear back from Em before we crossed the state line, then we headed south. We'd regroup, get Bella situated somewhere remote, and then I'd go get the mangy bastard who'd hurt my mate.

Bella slept for the first half of the drive with her head in my lap and her feet in Garrett's. In took a bit for me to relax my territorial instincts while she was touchin' another male, but I managed alright. It helped that his emotions were mostly fear and longin' for his mate, and a bit of fear of me as my eyes narrowed in on his lap.

He had been torn about whether to ride with us or run ahead, but Kate insisted she could take care of herself. Fuck, if that wasn't puttin' it mildly. She could shock a male twice her size stupid for a week, if she were so inclined. Besides, I knew he planned on joinin' them in Denali once we got this taken care of, and I could tell he'd miss Bella. It'd been a long time since he'd formed more than a passin' attachment with anyone, and this goodbye would hit him hard. Her too.

After we stopped for Bella to take care of her human needs, the air in the extended cabin was tense, everyone consumed with their thoughts of the comin' battle and all the ways things could go down. I sent out some calm, hissin' slightly, hopin' that Bella hadn't noticed their blatant worry.

Every one of us was ready. We'd trained over the last days for hours - day and night - much to Emmett's complaining. We each wanted vengeance for the lives taken - Bella's and Laurent's. Well, the Denali's wanted revenge for that lyin' sack of shit, but the point was we were ready. However, that doesn't ease the small voices that whisper the 'what if's' during the quiet moments.

What if you die? What if it's your brother? Your mate? Would this still be a fight you'd choose? Is it worth it? But the truth was that all of those may have been possibilities, but my mate would never be safe until those mongrels were ground back into dust. My answer, and everyone else's as well, was fuck yes. It was worth it because she was worth it.

Hell, even if Bella wasn't mine, I'd have still hunted Jacob's sorry ass to the ends of the earth, and once again, I knew everyone else felt the same damn thing. So what was the point in worryin'?

The rest of the drive was uneventful, but lively, as Garrett regaled us with stories of the different 'Extreme' sports he'd done over the last couple of decades, much to Bella's delight.

"Captain America," Peter called from the driver's seat, "Why don't you tell her about the time you single-handedly raised the country to high-alert during wartime."

Garrett looked a bit bashful, but all he was givin' off was pride and mischievousness. "It was not that bad. I am sure she would rather -"

"Oh no, this I wanna hear, G-Red! Please?" Bella interrupted. She had her back pressed against my side, sittin' cross-legged toward Garrett, so I couldn't see her face, but I could almost guarantee her bottom lip was pouched out slightly and her eyes were large and probably shinin' with unshed tears. That had been her go-to weapon ever since she wanted tacos, and that look thrown in with a small quiver of her bottom lip, had Garrett and Em runnin' one hundred and sixty miles to the nearest Taco Shack. She knew he couldn't refuse her, anymore than I could when she used it against me, not that he'd planned on it anyway.

"Little One, you do not play fair." His words held all the heat of an ice cube, then he sighed and began his story. "It was 1942, February I believe - as a nomad, time and dates mean little and often days fade into years before we think to check. For a good few years, I had seen these planes flying. With each new model, they were more efficient and I admired them. One day, I decided I wanted to know what it was like to fly."

"You wanted to be a pilot?" Bella asked, full of skepticism. Everyone else just chuckled. It was hard for a mortal to grasp the passin' of so many years, and the thoughts that accompany a changin' world and unbreakable body.

"No, I wanted to fly." I chuckled again as I felt her shock and Garrett's pride kicked up a notch. "I fashioned a lightweight metal disk and found an airfield in Oklahoma with a small Bell P-59 Airacomet going north, which was the direction I needed because of the wind. The craft was perfect for me to hitch a ride in the bottom of during take-off."

"Once we reached maximum airspeed, I climbed out from the underbelly of the plane with my disk and I jumped. I sailed the sky for about twenty minutes, but then I saw a large city on the horizon. I found out later that it was Los Angeles. I flattened myself onto the metal to the best of my ability, but I'd already been spotted."

"Air sirens sounded, and thousands of anti-air craft missiles filled the sky." Bella gasped, her eyes scannin' him for some unknown injury. Even he'd admit, he was damn lucky to get away almost unscathed that day. A couple of direct hits and his body would have blown apart like a piñata, scattered till the Volturi saw fit to come collect him for his pyre.

"I was fortunate that their aim was poor, and I made it to the ocean, which was also fortunate because I had been nicked and needed to heal. It would have been bad to walk around a heavily populated area in the sunshine, with venom leaking from several places."

"Wait! You went in broad daylight?"

"My disk was reflective. In the air, no one would have been able to make head nor hind of what they were seeing." He dismissed her concern easily.

Peter 'coughed' somethin' that sounded amazingly like UFO, and Char chuckled, rememberin' the scandal.

"So what happened once you hit the water?" Bella asked, but this part he wasn't so eager to share. Peter's loud-ass laugh echoed in the compartment.

"This is my favorite part." He said devilishly. "I guess callin' you Captain Ahab earlier would have been more fittin'." I tried not to laugh, but the whole situation was so damn absurd. It was nothin' short of a virgin-birth-equivalent miracle that the bastard had survived to tell half of his stories.

"Is someone going to let me in on the joke?" Bella asked, lookin' at each of us in our turn with a quirked eyebrow, until Garrett surrendered with a sigh.

"I hit the water at a high speed, which in and of itself would not have been a problem, but my left foot - right above the ankle - was partly severed, so when I went in, it came off. In the Pacific Ocean."

He had to pause here to wait out the bellowin' laughter. Bella's eyebrows were creased; she still didn't quite understand what was so funny.

"Before I could find it, it was swallowed by a shark." And once again, laughter drowned out all else. "It is not funny! I had to hunt the fish for two months!"

"Wait!" Bella choked out between giggles and gaspin' breath, clutchin' her side, "Couldn't you just sniff or something?" I just shook my head at her thinkin'. I'd never understand it.

"Pumpkin, we're not amphibious. Just 'cause we only need to breathe once in a great while doesn't mean we can breathe water too. We're strictly land creatures."

"Then how'd you find it, G-Red?"

"I have heard it said that when humans lose a limb, they sometimes feel the ghost of it still around. Well, I felt that multiplied greatly. I felt a pull; however, it was far from pin-point accuracy. The Great White population took quite a hit during that time, I believe."

"Ever since, Garrett stays inland." I added.

"Shit! We've all got phobias. I mean, we already know Peanut here has an aversion to the obese -"

"I do not! Fat people need lovin' too. Just not from me. Or Jasper…" Bella trailed off, embarrassed as I kissed the top of her head, with my chest shakin' from suppressed laughter.

"That may count more as a prejudice but movin' on. The other fucker back there was afraid of life-sized women." The only response he got was a growl and he quickly added, "'Til Pumpkin came along."

"Well, I'm beginning to fear your dick shriveling up in retribution of all of the shit you talk. It'd be a reverse Pinocchio," Char said slowly, enunciating every syllable. And he shivered.

"Red? You have a thing against wood, or is it the puppet?"

"Oh wood I love. Ask Char my motto." As Peter began to recite _his _'motto', Char joined him in a much less enthusiastic, monotone manner.

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these manparts from the swift completion of their appointed _rounds_," he finished by gyratin' his hips. I knocked him in the back of his fuckin' head, hopin' to fix whatever it was up there that was just so damn wrong.

"That's the postman's creed." Bella piped in.

"Trust me, Cheese Puff, I'm more reliable and I always deliver." Peter said, turnin' around and wigglin' his eyebrows wickedly in her direction. Char just shrugged in bored, half-hearted agreement.

"Actually, that is a line from a Kevin Costner flick, which people always misrepresent as the postman's creed, because they learn their history from bad, over-dramatized films." Garrett sat the record straight.

"Score one for useless knowledge, ya squid-lovin' bastard."

The next ten hours passed with lots of humor, some subtle gropin', and a few naps for Bella. We arrived at the Silver Cloud Inn around nine, and I left Bella with a long kiss at the door, and in the trust of the others to go hunt. Of course, I had a specific prey in mind.

We'd had "the talk" about me huntin' the red meat yesterday when both of the Denali's and Em and Rose walked in with red eyes. Thinkin' back, it might've been more prudent to discuss it with my human mate before then, but it was very little of her concern what they ate. Me, on the other hand…

Bella had gasped, feelin' pity for the lives lost and the vampires who had taken them, but after I explained, she added personal guilt to the mix. I nixed that shit in the bud real quick. This fight was not her fault. No, this rested solely on Jacob and Victoria. I think she felt the most for Rose, havin' never drank from a human before, but Rose handled that in true diva fashion by showin' Bella her new crimson pumps that matched her eyes perfectly. I knew Rose was more conflicted than she showed, but I was thrilled she brushed it off for Bella's sake.

The truth was that animal blood could sustain us, and even take the edge off of our thirst, but it was no substitute for the real thing in times of need. We couldn't go into a battle weaker than our adversaries to start out. We chose the course we could live with, and rid the world of a few criminals and an unfortunate jay-walker. No-one took the loss of life for granted, except Peter, but it was a necessary evil and every vampire in our group knew it.

One more thing I needed to do in preparation for our future. Jacob would be nothing more than a bad memory in a couple of days, but there was one other person I had a score to settle with.

I pulled the truck up outside the familiar small, two-story Craftsman home, and turned off the engine before crackin' the window to scent the air, and reachin' out with my gift to feel who was around. The area reeked of wolf but none were in the vicinity. The odor would've been more offensive, my instincts would've picked up on their very presence, and I would've felt their volatile emotions from miles away.

I walked up the stone path, took a deep breath to calm myself, and knocked on the door, ready to face one of the men I despised most in this world. In my periphery I saw the curtains move, and I heard his heart stutter before he stomped his way to the front door.

It swung open and my nose wrinkled as the rank smell of expired food, body odor, and alcohol rammed into me. It smelled like the home of a dozen winos, complete with dumpster.

"Chief Swan, may I come in?" He just grumbled and stood aside for me to enter. I was glad because I was comin' in whether he liked it or not, but this would go quicker if he cooperated.

I took one sniff and decided the kitchen was surprisingly the least foul place in here, so that's where I went. I cleared off a chair and sat down, waitin' for him to do the same. It took a few minutes but he strutted in givin' off nothin' but hatred, shame, and anger along with a slight streak of panic.

"You're one of those cowardly Cullens, aren't you, boy?" He ground out, flexin' his jaw.

"I was," I said pleasantly enough, knowin' when this was over I could go back to the arms of my mate, knowin' her justice was half done. "I'm here about your daughter, Isabella."

"Bella's dead." He said flatly, but he couldn't hide his shame or fear from me. I didn't know what that was about but I was sure as hell gonna find out before I drained his filthy ass. I rocked my chair back on its hind legs and ran my tongue along my teeth, before givin' him a big 'ol smile.

"Yeah…see, that's one of the reasons I'm here." He straightened in defiance as I continued. "I was at her funeral."

"Then you know -" I sat up quickly, my chair crackin' loudly against the grimy linoleum, causin' him to snap his fuckin' mouth shut.

"You might not wanna interrupt me again." I said firmly. He gave a sharp nod, and I noted his determination risin' and his fear bein' overcome by a longin' love. Since I assumed it wasn't for me, I was curious. "Tell me, Chief, do you know where your daughter is tonight?"

"What kind of sick fuck are you?" He yelled, his face flushed red, but it wasn't all anger. He was keepin' a secret.

"Funny," I said, leanin' back all non-fuckin'-chalant, "I was just about to ask you the same thing."

"I think it's time for you to -" I growled lowly at his 'command', but he didn't seem surprised. Just more determined and resigned, maybe even a bit relieved.

"You know what I am." I said mildly shocked. I guess Bella got her powers of observation from him.

"I don't -" His lie was cut off by my hand comin' down on the table, which snapped clean in two under the force. Once again, he wasn't even fazed.

"I have neither the patience nor the give-a-damn to listen to your fuckin' lies." He raised his chin, but kept his mouth unwisely shut. Now I had two choices: I could use my gift to coerce the truth from this piece of shit wearin' a tarnished star on his chest, or I could use good ol'-fashioned methods of persuasion. I chose the latter.

Before the next pump of blood through his clotted arteries, I had him by his throat, pinned to one of the hideous yellow cabinets with one hand. My other hand was on top of his left hand, fingers splayed, pressed onto the cabinet. With no small amount of glee and only the slightest pressure, I crushed every bone in his pinky.

A long grunt from the pain was the only noise he made besides his heart beatin' double time and his stutterin' breath. His eyes held tears and pure hate but he wasn't lettin' 'em fall.

"Tell me about your daughter." I whispered in his ear. He garbled and choked out somethin' that sounded like "Duck goo". I was unimpressed but perversely satisfied by his response. His ring finger suffered the same fate as his pinky and I kind of hoped he kept on bein' difficult.

Once he'd recovered enough to listen to my quietly-spoken words, I began, "Let me do the talkin' then. You were right before when you said Bella died. Your Bella died a few years back. My Isabella is waitin' for me, though, so you need to answer my fuckin' questions so I can get back to her."

I felt his shock, his brief stab of hope, and then his overwhelmin' disbelief as his eyes glazed over. I could tell that he was distracted so I smashed his middle finger to help him focus back on the here and now. A strangled scream did sound this time, and though he was feelin' like shit, this sure was makin' me feel better. A brief thought crossed my mind that my mate would not approve of this type of interrogation, but his pain was a balm to my beast salivatin' for blood and death and vengeance. I'd be sure to repent later.

"You left her in that _place -_" and he interrupted me _again. _From his outpourin' of rage though, I guessed I pissed him off, which just tickled me a pretty, pretty pink, and I loosened my grip just enough for him to speak.

"She was _safe!"_ He wheezed out, full of hatred for me and himself now. I squeezed tighter again, usin' every bit of my limited control not to just crush the bastard's windpipe.

"Safe?" I growled out. "Yeah, she was so safe that she had to be rescued by my brother on the brink of _another_ rape." It was hard to tell if the stab of intense pain was from my words or losin' his index finger, but either way, he was getting' only a fraction of what he deserved for abandonin' his daughter. And I told him so.

I dropped his ass onto the floor with the rest of this year's trash, because I couldn't trust myself not to kill him in such close proximity. But instead of clutchin' his gnarled, blackenin' hand and beggin' for his life like I expected, he sat there dazed and splayed out, just repeatin' "What have I done? What have I done?" over and over and over.

Remorse, hatred, guilt, and anger all swirled around him, but it was all directed at himself. I felt kind of ignored, but my curiosity stayed my hand. I squatted with my back against the opposite wall with a good view of the door in my periphery, though he didn't seem to be waitin' on a rescue party.

"I think it's time you confess your sins before I end your miserable life."

"Is she -" he choked back a sob, "Is she okay?"

"She's getting' there, but not when we first found her and no thanks to you." He didn't deserve to hear her name, much less all that she'd overcome over the last few months. He wasn't worthy of bein' her father, biology be damned.

He shrewdly looked at me for the first time, and I felt a dawnin' sense of understandin' followed swiftly by immense relief, "You love her."

"I do." I said plainly, figurin' that much couldn't hurt since he was fixin' to die anyway.

"Good. You keep her safe. Do what you've got to do here, but don't you ever tell her, Son." I wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up. I'd do what I damn well pleased. I wanted to hate him like I had since Peter told me about that fuckin' phone call, but I could feel his sincerity, his love for my mate. It was impossible to hate anyone who loved her so much it hurt.

"Explain." I commanded. His defiance flared briefly as any proud man's would, but after a minute of debatin' himself, he sighed.

"How does she like her sandwiches?"

"Sir?" I was beginnin' to worry I'd dropped him a mite too hard.

"If you are who you say you are, and she's not one of you yet, then you should know the answer. Tell me and I'll gladly answer your questions." He was sharp as his daughter, and I could respect that.

"Turkey, two slices of swiss, and avocado with mustard and Miracle Whip- never mayo- and dill pickles on the side is her favorite." I shook my head as I thought back to that day in the kitchen, when she thought about killin' herself. I winced and rubbed my chest in pain at the thought that she might've succeeded had circumstances been different.

"She gets that from her mother." Charlie said gruffly, but the tears in his eyes weren't from his pain; they were from relief. I don't know what the hell he had to feel relieved about. Maybe he was ready for someone to put his ass down like the mangy dog he chose over his own daughter.

"You know what I am." It wasn't a question, but I wanted an answer just the same.

"Son, half of my life has been spent down on the reservation. I was best friends with two of their tribal elders, not to mention my status as Sheriff isn't exactly honorary. It was earned. I was suspicious before Bella ever showed up with your no-good brother, but since he'd saved her life, I figured I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. When she got hurt down in Phoenix, I gave him one more chance."

I opened my mouth to explain, for some strange reason, but he just waved me off. This is what you get for playin' with your food. They become too familiar and start thinkin' you're just like them.

"So, you knew?" He just nodded, regret and anger stirrin' in him fiercely.

"Not for sure until after you all high-tailed it out of town." He said in disgust. "I went to Billy and demanded an explanation. He even made me an official member of the tribe so he wouldn't technically be breaking your treaty. Looking back, I knew I should've sent her back to Florida with her mother after that first catatonic week. I just didn't have the heart to turn her away. I was too damn selfish, and she paid the price for it."

"She told me she was pretty bad off when we left." He snorted.

"Bad off? Yeah, I'd say. I still hear her screams in my sleep. She couldn't eat, woke up every night screaming, but wouldn't accept any comfort. I think it made her feel worse that she'd 'bothered' me. She always did try to take care of everyone else first." I just sat, soakin' up his every word, fully plannin' on replayin' this night for Edward next time he crossed my path. That'd be before I kicked his sorry yella ass all over the place. Charlie spared no detail, talkin' for a full twenty minutes about that dark time in his home. "And then, she started getting better."

He talked about her time down on the reservation, and how he encouraged it. Relieved to see any signs of life in her after her zombie period. His anger and loathin', towards himself and others, grew as he spoke. I couldn't imagine what he was thinkin' but his next words gave me a pretty good idea.

"I would've killed the _son of a bitch_, if I could've."

"Edward?" I asked because there were obviously quite a few SOBs in this scenario.

He looked straight through me as he spat out, "_Jac__ob_."

"But you sent her away?"

"What choice did I have? I had a Grimm brothers' war happening under my jurisdiction and over my daughter and I couldn't do a damn thing about it." He slammed his hand down in his frustration, and then cried out in pain. I lessened it, but only enough that he wouldn't pass out. So far he'd been honest, though, I still hadn't heard anything to keep me from killin' his ass. "Billy told me about the wolves when he'd filled me in on your kind. I just never thought," he choked back a sob.

No-one ever thought, that's the problem.

"When did you find out the truth of what happened to Isabella?" I spoke coldly, not willin' to sympathize with someone who'd done far more damage in the aftermath of this shitty circumstance than anyone could imagine.

"I knew something was wrong when I first went into that damned hospital room and saw the look on her face. If he'd just lost control, she would have been trying to reassure me. I think I knew then, but I didn't want to believe it."

I growled. "She gets her denial from you, apparently."

"Look, I had two choices. I could force her to tell me what had happened, and I could fight a fight that I had no chance of winning. What is one six shooter against the likes of you? I'll tell you what, though, that's what I wanted to do. From the tip of my head to the soles of my shoes. But more than that, I wanted to keep her safe."

"So I went with option B. I sent her away. Jacob had already talked to me in the waiting room, during her fourteen-hour surgery. He played his concerned friend part perfectly, but a Dad knows. Anyway, he'd arranged for her to go across the country. I couldn't keep her safe here. I thought…" he sighed deeply, nearly drownin' in his anguish and shame. "I just wanted her to be safe, to live."

"Why tell everyone she's dead? Why go through the farce of a funeral?"

"_Jacob's_ idea. His thinking was that if your family believed her dead, you'd stay away from Forks, and then when she got better, she could come and live on the rez. That was what he told me. I would've gladly put a bullet between his eyes right then and there, but I didn't know if it'd kill him. Plus, he's never alone."

"I went along though, because if it was ever safe for her to go home, she could just go to Florida, without fear of being followed by your _brother _or anyone else. My little girl was never meant for your world. She deserves the sun on her face and a baby on her knee one day. She'll have neither now; I know."

"She's my sun, my everything. I live for her alone now, and she's finally startin' to live again, too. She's the strongest person I've ever known." Charlie sighed as I let my gift loose for a second to show him the strength of my feelings.

"I see you're one of those _super_ vampires." Charlie winced as I pulled back my emotions and once again he was left in pain and his pit of despair.

I thought about if I was in his shoes, what I would've done differently. I'd move heaven and earth for my mate. I'd face an army of thousands just for one more glance in her eyes, one brush of her lips across mine. The thought of turnin' my back on her was reprehensible, inconceivable.

Then I thought about it from another angle. I was human in a world of seemingly invincible beings. I thought I'd already damaged my daughter beyond belief just by my own selfish desire to have her near, near in a world a thousand times more dangerous than I could've ever believed moments before. Could I love her enough to let her go? Knowin' it was the lesser of the two evils I was facin', and prayin' to anyone out there, that I'd done right by her.

I don't know if I could've done what he did, but the difference was, I didn't have to make that choice.

"What about when she called you? You know she risked quite a lot to do that. She escaped from two skilled vampires."

"I didn't know how she'd escaped that place, but I thought she'd agreed to go out there to get away from here. I wasn't sure why she would be comin' right back. And then it dawned on me: the only thing left for her here was me. If I'd cried like I had moments after hanging up that damned receiver, if I'd begged her to come home and told her I'd keep her safe like I wanted to, she would've come. You know, I knew about her escape before she called."

"How?" I asked flatly, monitoring' his emotions closely for any signs of deceit. So far, he'd been straight with me.

"_Jacob_ paid me a visit. He was worried. I don't know why, but I know that shady look in a man's eyes when he's caught. He spun a tale that was bullshit from beginning to end. About how Bella came on to him and he lost his temper. It pissed me off enough that I thought it'd work for her as well. Ever since then, they've been watchin' me. The last couple of months, there've been even more killings in Seattle and the outlying areas. I figured they were waitin' for someone. And I was hoping to catch one more glimpse of my daughter before I died trying to kill that son of a bitch I treated like my own. Selfish 'til the end I am."

"You leave that mongrel to me. I have special plans for him, but what if I told you I could arrange your last wish after all."

"Tell me you didn't bring her here!" He shouted, his face turnin' an unhealthy shade of puce.

Now I had a decision to make. I could claim my revenge over the wrong done to my mate, or I could let this baldin' liability live another day to see his daughter, and maybe repair a fraction of the damage he'd done.

"Tonight's your lucky night, Pops."


	33. Anticipation

**Long ass AN at the bottom, if you care ;-)**

**Many thanks to stitchcat, my forever beta.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or anything related to the Twilight franchise.**

**Chapter 33****: Anticipation**

**Jasper's POV**

I made it back into the room right before Bella sunk into a deep sleep, and I gave her an extra push in that direction when I felt her fightin' it off. I kissed her on the forehead, and sat on the edge of my bed to take off my boots as she relaxed, thanks to my presence just as much as my gift.

Truthfully, I was thankful that she was out. I didn't want to hide anything from her and this was a big fuckin' something. I still wasn't sure I'd made the right decision. Though I understood where Charlie was comin' from to an extent, I didn't condone his actions in the slightest. I would've found a way.

Of course that could just be my damn pride talkin', showin' its ass. He'd made his bed and I'd made mine. Now we both had to lie in the fuckin' things. What was done was done.

Just as I laid back, Bella rolled over, put her head on my chest, and curled around me. I knew it couldn't be physically comfortable, but her emotions said she was right where she wanted to be. With one arm around her and the other runnin' through her long locks of silky brown hair, I couldn't help the guilt I felt at goin' to her father's without her knowledge. Keepin' it from her while she was in my arms just magnified the shit, 'til I unwrapped my arm from her and tried to gently remove her from me. I wasn't worthy of her trust or her love.

However, I didn't get very far before she reached for me and whimpered, breakin' me out of the web of self-loathin' I'd been spun in seconds before. What was done was done. Now I just needed to stick to the plan. Once this was all over, I'd find her one of them itty-bitty polka-dot bikinis, we'd find a nice, deserted island somewhere, and I could spend all day every day makin' it up to her. With that happy fuckin' thought, I closed my eyes and held my girl for the rest of the night.

Bella slept in late. After room service and some more strategy talk while she watched cartoons with Garrett and Em, we lazed around besides takin' turns runnin' the perimeter. Everyone enjoyin' the day; everyone tryin' not to think about the possibility that it may be their last.

The night passed as quietly and peacefully as the day had. I laid stretched out with one hand behind my head, and Bella's head on my chest with her hair fanned out. We shared in a few small kisses but nothin' too earth-shatterin'. They were just reminders. Reminders of a future I'd promised and the future she'd dared to hope for at last. Reminders of why I had to do this, and why I didn't mind in the least. In fact, killin' that dog would be one of the highlights of my life. Right below our first date and our first night together.

Dawn broke our silence entirely too soon and she sighed, gettin' up to shower and change. I didn't like bein' away from her anymore than she did, but it was necessary. Fuck, now that the time was nearin', I couldn't wait to just skin that mutt and get back to my mate.

Once Bella was bundled up, Peter and I ran her up to the little cabin Charlie had told me about. It was nothin' more than a huntin' shack but it was deep in Cullen territory, which gave me some comfort, and it was incredibly secluded. Plus, to get to her, they'd have to go through us and that just wasn't gonna happen. No fuckin' way.

We stayed alert and scented the air as we ran, but the only trails through here were from a few weeks back at least. Again, it gave me next to no comfort, but the sooner we got this done, the quicker we could find that beach I'd been fantasizin' about. After I sat her down, Peter hugged her briefly, whisperin' more promises that I'd try my damnedest to keep, and then he turned around and walked out of the rickety shack to give us privacy - or at least the illusion of privacy - as we said our goodbye.

She immediately threw herself into my arms and gripped me with impressive strength for a human who weighed a buck-five soakin' wet. "You don't have to do this." She whispered, but neither her voice nor her emotions showed any sign of hope that I'd heed her plea.

"You know I do, Darlin'," I said, plantin' a kiss on the top of her head and runnin' my hands up and down her back.

"Then take me with you! Please, Jazz!" Her big brown eyes were fixed on mine, and for a terrifying second, my will teetered, but not even the tears wellin' up in her doe-eyes could sway me on this. It was life and death; more importantly, it was_ her_ life and _her _death and it wasn't worth it.

"No." I said firmly before layin' a kiss on her, pourin' in every ounce of my love for her and more promises to make good when this was all over. Pullin' back, her eyes searched mine for any doubts, and mine searched her for promises of their own. A promise that'd she'd still be here when I got back. A guarantee that she wouldn't do something stupid. After we were both satisfied with what we saw, I pecked her on the lips once more and said, "Let's get you a fire started so you don't freeze to death in here."

I found an old, rusty hatchet propped beneath the single window in the front of the shack, and made quick work of stackin' enough wood that she could've stayed warm through the new year. I didn't want to leave her anymore than she wanted me to leave.

"Fucker, we've gotta go. She'll be okay until he gets here." I sighed, and pulled away from Peter on my last trip with the kindling.

"Peter says it's time," I said, stokin' the fire with the blade of the hatchet before settin' it to the side and dustin' the dirt off of my hands. I stood to hug her once more.

"I don't want to be alone." She said in a tiny, quiet voice that nearly broke my cold heart.

"I'll be back before you have time to miss me, and you won't be alone _exactly_." Her head shot up and her mouth gaped wide open in surprise.

"Wh-what do you mean?" I pushed some calm into her as I ran my hands up and down her arms, willin' her to calm her breathin' before she passed out from her panic attack.

"Whoa, Babe, calm down. It's gonna be okay." I shushed her. " I just wanted you to have some time to prepare yourself. Your father has some things he'd like to say to you in person. I thought that before I whisk you away for our overdue happily ever after that you should have some closure."

He was supposed to be waitin' here at dawn for us, but the amount of whiskey round his place didn't exactly lead one to believe he was the punctual, Boy Scout type any longer. Since this would be his last talk with his daughter, and because it might do her some good, I'd cut him some slack for now. However, if he didn't show or he hurt her again, his ass was goin' right back on the menu.

"Are you leavin' me with him once Jacob's gone?" She choked out, tryin' her damnedest not to break down in front of me, but I felt it all. Her pain and insecurity wellin' up, tryin' to burst forth and consume her.

"Woman, not even if you wanted to stay. Shit, I'd kidnap you both if it came to that, but you are _mine_ as I am _yours_. Never doubt that." She nodded, and with one more brush of my lips across hers, I was out the door.

I knew she was beyond nervous about the battle, and nearly sick at the thought of Charlie's visit, but she'd pull through. She always did. My mate had steel runnin' through her veins; she was strong. I had enough faith in her to believe she didn't need me there just to have a chat with her father.

My boots felt like they'd been encased in cement as I strode toward the door. Five steps had never felt so far. I left without a glance back, and took off to meet up with the others as I heard her breath catch. This was for her though; for Bella. As that thought became my mantra, my blood ran cold with the call of vengeance, my breath came in pants, and my hands curled in anticipation of the neck they ached to be around.

I heard the ghostin' of Peter, Char, Rose, and Emmett's feet as they fell in line to flank me, runnin' toward the reservation. A mile before we reached the outskirts of Forks where Garret and the Denali females should have been waitin' to join in with a report of the area, they dropped from the treetops as they heard our approach. I felt their collective chagrin and disappointment, and knew plans had changed before they uttered a word.

"What happened?" I demanded quietly.

"They caught our scent when the winds shifted, my friend. We fell back to warn you. They are prepared for us." A quiet, maniacal chuckle came from my right as I offered Garrett a curt nod of understanding. So, Plan B it was then.

"Right. Y'all just be sure you stay behind me, and if any get past still breathin', you take care of that for them." I made eye contact with each of my family to make sure they truly understood what they were gettin' into, and to make sure they understood what I was sayin'. I didn't have the time nor the inclination to go wadin' through bodies post-battle because someone stepped outta line and lost their fuckin' legs.

"There's no way they're prepared for this." Peter breathed with quiet, devilish pleasure. I nodded once again and we picked our way through the woods surroundin' the sleepy, oblivious town and toward the dog that had been allowed to take up space for far too fuckin' long.

"Stop." I hissed flatly not two clicks from the treaty line. The flea-bitten mongrel must've had a hankerin' to meet Jesus cause there he was, lined up with what I assumed was his entire pack, scattered all along the invisible boundary. We drew to a halt and spread out to match them. They had us by numbers, nearly two to one, but youth and brute strength only get you so far.

"You're trespassing, leeches."

"We're aware." I drawled lazily.

Jacob sniffed the air and shifted, standin' tall and arrogant. "Who the fuck are you?" he sneered out.

"I'm the man that's fixing to star in the worst fuckin' day of your life." Also, coincidentally, the last.

"You're a Cullen, aren't you? We have a binding treaty so I suggest you go back from wherever you came." The hisses of my coven were answer enough for him as he shifted back to his natural form, but I thought it best to elaborate.

"I came for you and for justice for my mate: Isabella Whitlock." His emotions in wolf form were harder to grasp but I felt them shift from anger to confusion, and then to plain fury. This I could work with, I thought, as he sprang and the others followed his example.

I could've chilled them the fuck out but I wanted _Jacob_. I wanted to rip his flesh from his bones after I removed his limbs from his body. I'd keep him alive as long as I could, too. What fun is torturin' a corpse? I was gonna send him to hell today, but not before takin' out my pound of flesh first.

I ran to meet him and jumped over his left shoulder, dodgin' his teeth. I grabbed his tail on my way down and using my momentum, slammed his sorry ass flat on his back on the forest floor. I was aware of snarls and growls piercin' the air all around me, but all I cared about now that he was in front of me, was _Jacob_.

* * *

**LONG ASS AN: Hi there! This past month has basically been spent wading through RL shit**** and surviving****. I'm sorry for the long break and the short chap, but I figured y'all would rather have something**** now**** than nothing**** for a while****. Thanks for stickin' with me and for the "****encouraging" PM's and reviews askin' for updates! All is much appreciated and I'll try to get y'all another chap as soon as life allows. Thanks for your patience!**

**Oh! And feel free to not review if ya feel jipped. *shrugs* I'll heart ya anyway ;-) **

**FYI: The Quiet Room has been nom'd in two categories in the Glosp awards. Voting is open until Oct. 26, so vote! www (dot) glospawards (dot) com . It'd thrill me to not come in last…Oh! The site is not exactly work friendly, but there are several other fics that are just SO awesome, so vote! *cough* Once Bitten, Twice Shy *cough* **

**I've written a 5K OS for fandomforpreemies coming up in Nov. Check out my profile page or PM for details. It's just five dollars for a complilation of fics from several authors and all of it goes straight to The March of Dimes. I don't know about y'all, but I pony up that much just for one venti white chocolate mocha. Seriously.**

**Sorry for the long ass AN! At least I put it at the bottom, so there's that….**


	34. Descent

**Beta'd by the fabulous Stitchcat!**** Many thanks to her and HammerHips for whippin' my grammatical fail into shape and their never-ending support.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twi-related.**

**When we last left our empath:**

I ran to meet him and jumped over his left shoulder, dodgin' his teeth. I grabbed his tail on my way down and using my momentum, slammed his sorry ass flat on his back on the forest floor. I was aware of snarls and growls piercin' the air all around me, but all I cared about now that he was in front of me, was _Jaco__b_.

**Descent**

A sandy-colored wolf slammed into my shoulder as I landed on my feet in front of Jacob. Since I had Jacob's tail in my fist, I got to take a piece of the bitch with me when I flew into a nearby tree. I was back on my feet, growlin', before the dog layin' mere feet from me could even blink. He made to move in between me and Jacob, but he wouldn't live to regret it for long.

Jacob's wail pierced the air and I tossed the fucker's tail in his face. I smiled as I felt his pain drown out his anger and wondered, as I watched him shift, writhing on the bracken, what part of his human form would be the equivalent to a tail. I wasn't left wonderin' for long.

His naked form had blood - which smelled even worse than his hide - coverin' his back and drippin' down his legs but, from what I could tell, he'd only lost a chunk out of his ass, a couple of layers of skin from his lower back, and part of his right hamstring. From his carryin' on, you would've thought he was havin' pups.

"Get up," I growled lowly, as the other wolf moved warily, pacing in between me and Jacob's naked ass. I came here for a fight and I was going to get it. He tried to stand but collapsed face down in the dirt immediately. "Not so tough when it's not a human girl you're takin' advantage of."

His cries morphed into manic laughter and shadows from the rapidly movin' clouds above the trees cast across his face, lendin' to the appearance of his insanity. I realized that we had an audience as every being in the field stopped to figure out what the fuck was goin' on. Somewhere in the back of my mind where I'd been monitorin' the emotions on the field, I registered the baseline anger from all of the dogs and their curiosity and confusion was overwhelmin', with the exception of one: a slender grey wolf standin' twenty feet across from me givin' off acceptance and regret.

I watched Jacob, seethin' with hatred; my hand formed a claw and the muscles in my calves coiled tight, ready to spring. The woods started to darken in the face of the comin' storm and it seemed fittin'. I don't know what stopped me from rippin' his head off his shoulders right then, but I was frozen, waitin' to hear his excuse for perpetratin' the inexcusable.

He lay, cacklin' madly, with one side of his face pressed to the ground - the other splattered with mud, broken leaves, and moss - facin' me and his hands grippin' the back of his thigh where his putrid blood still leaked through his fingers. Fingers that were tuggin' on severed muscle and tendon, tryin' to get them to meet so they could heal. He winced as he writhed but didn't stop his guffaw.

"You think she didn't want everything I gave her? I made a woman out of her." He growled and his eyes lit up like Times Square. I hissed as he licked his lips and started growin' hard relivin' his memories.

Thunder rumbled and lightnin' lit the darkenin' sky. I felt like I was comin' apart at some invisible seam I'd always known was there but had seldom tested. The very fabric of my being - everything that made up everything I was - was being stretched and tried. My soul cried out for the pain of my mate as wave after wave of the torturous agony I'd felt from her too many times flowed out of me, crashin' against those nearest to me on our makeshift field of war, who whimpered with each new front. My beast howled for justice as venom dripped from my bared teeth and down my chin. A crimson veil began to lower on my consciousness, putting all rational thought to rest, and though my wish was never to endanger my coven or our allies, I welcomed the respite from thought: the arrival of war personified.

"How could you!" The shriek from the nude Native American female on the other side of the field, now stalkin' toward Jacob, caught me off guard. Her hair was cropped and her scent affirmed her position as a member of the pack. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears and righteous anger, "You raped her? Sam gave his life for her! Quil! Brady! You -"

"Silence!" Jacob's voice was gravel in a dryer but I could hear the strength of the Alpha within his gruff command, and I could feel the instant effect on the surroundin' pack.

"N-" she stumbled as an invisible force pressed on her shoulders, bowin' her back and bucklin' her knees, but she stayed on her feet. No-one paid attention to the thunder overhead.

Every eye watched each staggered step the she-wolf took. She was Atlas and Jacob was jumpin' up and down on the world he'd hoped to crush her beneath. A fierce wind whipped through the trees in a steady stream, swirlin' around her before disappearin' as quickly as it had come. It had brought on its currents a change, though. I felt the shift in her as I watched her spine straighten and her eyes glint with new energy and found purpose.

As her gait and her breath evened out once more, she spoke, "I am the daughter of Harry Clearwater, direct descendant of Taha Aki – the first shifter - and I am your blind sheep in wolf's form no longer. You broke the law of our tribe - preyed upon a weaker one we'd been called to protect, that we had shed the most precious blood for - and the spirits will not let this stand."

"I took nothing that was not rightfully mine. I am the head of the tribe! My will is LAW! Her God did nothing when she cried his name and neither will yours." Jacob taunted like he was the biggest bully on the playground instead of a deranged rapist facin' judgment on all fronts. Or maybe it was his light-hearted teasin' that put his fubar-ed frame of mind on display for all to see.

"He hasn't met mine yet," Peter breathed. Through his disgust and anger, I could feel his anticipation and a spatterin' of glee as I took another step closer to Jacob. I could feel the tamped-down emotions of the dogs cycling through fear and worry, horror and acceptance, until one by one they settled. I couldn't be positive about each dog's loyalties but I had a pretty good guess. Lines were bein' drawn; lines that would decide their fate.

"Then I will." She stated coolly. No hysterics, no dramatic flair; just honesty. I never thought I'd respect one of these tree-humpers but begrudgingly, I'll admit, I felt the beginnings brewin' and some small part of me hoped she didn't make the mistake of tryin' to get between me and Jacob. I almost cared if she lived, which made me pause to see how this family dispute was gonna play out.

Jacob stood, his hamstring knitted back together though it looked twisted and gnarled beneath the dried blood he bore, smeared and caked on his dark skin, and she stopped with her chest puffed out and her chin held high not ten feet away. Not even the wind through the boughs made a sound as the world seemed to hold its breath for this battle of wills.

"On your knees, where you belong, bitch." Jacob sneered with his arms folded arrogantly across his chest, though it was hard to comprehend his last insult through the snarls and hisses filling the forest abruptly. A few of the wolves- including the sandy-colored one between me and Jacob- crouched, preparin' to pounce but the female shook her head, and fuck me upside down if they didn't listen to her.

"No." She said. Her voice even and her stance, though at the ready, was casual. Her defiance and his loss of his hold on her caused Jacob's volatile emotional state to shake, and I prepared for the final blow so that I wouldn't be dragged into the aftermath. The more Jacob lost his shit, the more she seemed to get hers under control, so I focused my empathic ability on the she-wolf, only monitorin' everyone else.

"On your knees! Now!" Jacob roared, and I felt the quiver in the air as he drew on his full authority. I watched as all around the new clearin' wolves bent - includin' the sandy one now at my feet, but more impressive were the six that still stood. In the midst of their mortal enemies and their brothers, they stood now only tied to one another. Each proud and set in their choice; each mournin' for the brothers they lost.

"We'll leave you to your meeting, Jacob. If you lie with bloodsuckers, you deserve to get drained." The female stared through Jacob it seemed, but she met my eyes and I felt her jolt of sympathy and her understanding for my call for Jacob's miserable life. Lookin' toward the wolf at my feet, I felt her pure agape love and a twinge of disappointment. "Would you still be lying prostrate at his feet if it had been me in Bella's place, Seth?" She whispered softly, and the dog – Seth - whined, coverin' his nose with his paws. I could feel his incredible turmoil. She sighed, nodded to me and turned to go.

I was more than a little shocked at the six wolves and one extremely bare woman who turned their backs on my coven and began to walk toward the reservation.

In a sixteenth of a second, Jacob shifted, and in the next, he was springin' forward toward the female in human form. She turned to see him lunge at her but there was nothin' left to do since he was already in mid-air. She was resigned to her fate - completely at peace with her decision today and the consequences. Well, for her, there was nothin' left to do, but Seth had seen what I had not - until it was too late. She watched in abject horror as Seth leapt to intercept Jacob, and as Jacob clamped his mouth full of canines meant for the she-wolf around the one called Seth's throat, she howled in pain as if it had been hers and collapsed now cradlin' the nearly decapitated corpse of the young Indian who had given his life in exchange for hers; leavin' this world as bare and as alone as he was when he'd entered.

The thunder shook the trees all around and the air sizzled from the electric charge surroundin' us as the heavens opened to weep for him; for her.

Wolves flew in all directions, one tacklin' and rollin' to the side with Jacob. Due to their speed and the force with which they went at it, they began to blur even in my sight as I tried to sever my empathy link from the woman now covered in blood that may not have been hers, but that she'd wear in a heavy shroud the rest of her days.

I cast one more look at the proud woman shrunken in grief, rockin' the male who was once Seth while gently bushin' his dark, blood soaked hair away from his face as she crooned what sounded almost like a lullaby, in their native language. Before I could look away and begin my search for Jacob in the melee of teeth and fur flyin', Rose stepped into my view. The she-wolf paid her no mind and, for once, Rose sought no attention as she served as self-appointed protector to the fallen and the one who loved him.

It was wolf against wolf -sometimes two against one- and all of the vampires just stared. Snapping out of the what-the-fuck trance we were stuck balls-deep in, Peter stepped into the middle of the nearest dog pile and threw one out of the huddle with a small grunt and sent the dog hurlin' into a great sequoia tree thirty feet away. The bastard never could just watch a fight from the sidelines.

Shruggin', Emmett followed Peter's example and did the same to the tangle of teeth and stink closest to his position. One by one my coven entered the fray, except Irina. She stood, her eyes shiftin' from group to group, and then to Rose guardin' Seth and the she-wolf in confusion and shock. She'd been so bent on killin' them all in her call for blood, she'd never considered this turn of events. Well, fuck, who had? But we adapt and stomp the ass we came to stomp and be thankful for the extra set of teeth not aimin' for our throats.

I began scannin' each tumblin' teemin' mass of fangs, fur and fury for that rusty-colored pussy - pausin' only to pry a smaller pup off of Garrett's leg. I heard Peter's whistle and whipped my head around to his position. He took his fingers out of his mouth and pointed across the field where the invisible treaty line would be, which Jacob was backin' his tail-less ass towards.

I locked eyes with the big, bad, wolf and lengthened my strides, walkin' straight for him; all other thoughts gone. Anything unfortunate enough to be in-between me and my target was not in my way for long, whether it was tree, dog or vampire. I had my sights locked on the son-of-a-bitch and this time he was _mine_.

As I closed the distance, he looked behind me at the skirmish that was more wolves against wolves than anything else, and then he looked longingly over his shoulder toward the reservation, but there would be no escape for him this time.

He crouched, ready to strike and I beckoned him forward with a smirk on my lips. He pounced and I side-stepped. Twistin' around, he dove sloppily for my side, with his mouth wide open. As I moved out of his path, I stuck my hand out just as I had the last time I'd hailed a cab for Alice and myself in New York. While a stray train of thought took off on a track wonderin' where the hell the Cullens were right now- a track better left unexplored until a more convenient time- I hooked my thumb in the gap between in his bottom row of teeth and jerked downward. The sickenin' snap resounded through the forest and I smiled in pure satisfaction.

He landed face first - lower jaw danglin'- on the damp ground; his paws were clawin' at his face and I began circlin' him, appraisin' him in his natural form and wonderin' how much I could rip off before his body would begin to give out. He would beg for death, and then I could finally watch him choke and gag on his own dick as all of the life faded from his beady eyes.

He got to his feet and mirrored my steps the best he could through his tears and pain, desperate to keep his front to me as I circled him. For a split second, his terror washed over me and my demon did his own version of a touch-down dance, absolutely delighted.

Until Jacob heard the same thing I did: his cavalry had arrived. Twenty-two, if I was right. Apparently the Denalis hadn't been able to make it to our little get together.

Over the slight crest poured newborns with the red-headed bitch standin' sentry in the back. The newborns, hungry for action, ran headfirst into the battle. Except for two. Each made their way to opposin' sides of the field with their arms full of kindlin' and started buildin' pyres. It was mighty nice of them to come prepared.

Irina snapped out of her stupor with a bitter shriek as soon as she saw Victoria and drew my attention away from Jacob long enough for him to escape into the mess of bodies, hair and blood. Irina flew at Victoria, screamin' like a banshee. From my position, opposite them, I could see the two newborns convergin' on her from either side, but in her lusty craze of desire that caused her tunnel vision she never saw them comin'. One knocked the right side of her face clear off while the other removed her body from the waist down. In the next second, her pieces were bein' carted toward a now-blazin' bonfire and no one had yet to find their voice to warn her.

As Victoria laughed shrilly - her voice temptin' me for a second to remove my own head and carry it to Irina's restin' place - a mournful cry sounded from right behind her and she spun around as Tanya's teeth sliced through her neck. With one sharp yank, Victoria's head popped off. Victoria's body ran around like, well - like a chicken with its head cut off. And while headless, panicky poultry is amusin', this was much more satisfyin'. Chicken Soup for the soul and shit. Tanya held up Victoria's head and let loose a fearsome war cry with that bitch's venom shining on her lips and her own unshed tears glistenin' in her eyes.

Carmen and Eleazar rushed past her, enactin' their own revenge on the two who had killed a member of their family. They moved fluidly and with deadly precision, complimentin' each other's strikes followin' one blow with another. It seemed their positions among the Volturi had not just been honorary. It was good to know.

Through the screeches and howls and cries of victory and the whines of pain, I recognized Em's boisterous laugh and was glad he was havin' a bit of fun. Especially since that meant Rose was still safe from her position guardin' the she-wolf. A cursory glance in her direction showed her and the she-wolf workin' back to tail on either side of Seth's lifeless corpse, facin' a few newborns of their own.

A flash of russet in my periphery caught my attention. I watched a rusty-colored dog with a black patch along his spine leap at Charlotte, she grasped his right leg and side-stepped easily as Peter slid beneath the mutt, hooked both index fingers at the base of the zealous wolf's throat slicing downward until he met his sternum, which Peter punched through quickly and parted the dog's chest like Moses at the Red Sea. Ignorin' the blood that had poured freely from the dogs chest and onto him, Peter tossed the carcass aside and stood, peckin' his wife on the cheek before grabbin' a passin' newborn and riddin' him of his head.

Fear so strong my stomach knotted like a hangman's noose hit me with all the brute force of a mack truck thrown by an immortal. I scanned the forest, our make-shift battle field, for any evidence of someone in need and for Jacob's mangy ass while I was at it.

Garrett and Kate had formed a veritable assembly line of death near the fire on my left. She shocked 'em and he ripped 'em to shreds, tossin' each piece into the flames before turnin' his attention to the next. A smaller black-and-white dog jumped at Garrett but Kate had him curled in the fetal position before Garrett could blink an eye, and the stupid mutt met the same end as the vampires before him.

The pain in my chest flared and I growled.

Tanya continued to Conan-the-Barbarian her way through the throng of newborns with only Victoria's head and her crazy eyes. Her fist was lost in the Bozo-red hair of James's expired whore, which she swung around and around, takin' out anyone within range with impressive accuracy.

I broke into every dog pile and every fight on the field searchin' for the sorry bitch who was hidin' somewhere with his amputated tail wedged firmly between his legs. I tried to catch his trail but the wind was whippin' the rain all around, skewin' the few scents that were discernible from the stench of the multitude of nasty, mutt blood and the different venoms spilt. The smoke from the death blazes stunk like melted tar and roses; abundant in sweetness but only made more disgusting because of it.

I spun in circles clutchin' my chest where a hole was openin' and fightin' the urge to just lay down and die. I shook my head roughly. I didn't understand what was happenin'. Thick plum plumes of smoke drifted on the wind.

I closed my eyes and called on my gift in a way I'd only done once before, drawin' on the strength of every being surroundin' me. I compressed every emotion swirlin' around that bore any weight. Lassoing them and pullin' them into me. A few gasps escaped someone - I didn't care who - and I heard whimpers and pleas but they rolled off of me as soon as they broke against me as I pulled those invisible ropes and harnessed every emotion on the field of nothing but. I pressed and coiled them until I could take no more and roared as I released my creation; thrustin' the force out from me in every direction.

Everyone fell. No-one moved, and finally, I could see clearly.

Jacob was gone.

The pain I should have recognized immediately pierced right through me and flowed out as quickly. Someone called out. Someone cried. Someone stirred but none of that mattered.

I had failed.

As the crimson veil eschewed my vision, the last thing I heard was Peter's exclamation of, "Fuck me." And I gratefully relinquished control to the bastard within.

**AN: So….what'd ya think? Push the button please:-)**

**Many hugs and gropes to those of you who reviewed. Sorry I've been a slacker, but I do appreciate it! And just maybe you'll get a teaser for the trouble this time…**


	35. Execution

**RATED M!**

**AN: I bow to the awesomeness of my beta stitchcat who fast-tracked this chapter for me. You rock, sweets, on many many levels. Thank you. And to my pre-reader HammerHips, three words: Virgin Mouse Pussy.**

**To those who reviewed the last chapter: Thanks to y'all, everyone gets a chapter instead of teasers, so YAY! *whispers* Don't hurt me!**

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight.**

**Execution**

**Bella's POV**

Jasper went to see Charlie. Jasper went to see my father. My Jasper went to see my father, Charlie.

**You know, no ****matter how you phrase it or how many times you repeat it, it still means the same damn thing.**

I'd been stuck on this merry-go-round of thought since Jasper had pulled the door closed behind him. I was kind-of thankful because it meant I wasn't thinking about how he could get hurt. How Emmett and Rose, and every other immortal I'd come to love and claim as my own, was once again in mortal peril because of me. How if he didn't come back, I couldn't go on living. Jasper was my heart. The tie that bound me together when memories and thoughts of a past better left forgotten were ripping me apart; he was what held me together. I'd finally given myself to someone completely and there was no going back. His life was mine. His fate would be as well.

_Jasper Whitlock p__aid a visit to Charlie Swan. I…I just can't believe it._

**Honestly? I mean, even I saw this one coming.**

_Why would he go there?_

**Hmmm, fishing advice…to watch the game…a little dinner maybe.**

_Jasper wouldn't -_

**He would for you and you know it. Or at least, you ****should.**

And with that I was speechless, or more accurately, thoughtless. I mean, part of me - and I didn't know how exactly how large a part - thought that the gesture was incredibly sweet. But the rest of me was going to kick his ass - or recruit Char to - when he got back. No matter what his intentions, he should have told me before he went to my father's house, and I damned sure deserved to know before I got dropped off in the deliverance-style cabin surrounded by nothing except trees and my unstable thoughts.

**I don't know who you're calling unstable. Everyone knows I'm the voice of reason in this dynamic duo.**

I rolled my eyes, turned away from the door for the first time, and moved closer to the fire. The goosebumps that had erupted along my back and arms were now sporting goosebumps of their own. As I stared into the red and orange flames licking at the wood, it was hard not to think - to hear - a conversation from a lifetime ago.

I asked in my youthful ignorance, "How do you kill a vampire?" and Edward reluctantly answered, "The only way to be sure is to tear off the head and burn the pieces."

The flames, so harmless in my sight seconds before, now held the pained faces of everyone I held dear to me in the world. Their eyes were unseeing and their beauty lost with their lives.

Closing my eyes, I turned away. I'd take the shivers of the cold air a few steps away and hopefully, a future full of snot and my own personal male nurse waiting on me hand and foot over the visions of my coven burning in the flames.

I paced, rubbing my hands up and down my arms for the friction. I regretted my breakfast of only a small cup of coffee and a pinch of a stale bagel. I was jittery. Every creak in the floor and crackle in the hearth struck me. Each sound inside the cabin was a blow to my mind, and every noise outside was the same to my nerves. I gritted my teeth to keep from calling out, but I reminded myself that there was no need since there was no one to hear. I screamed in frustration. I was alone, I was helpless, and now my throat hurt.

I didn't know if I could make it through the day. I needed quiet. I craved the secure. My consciousness began a free-fall I didn't know if I'd be able to - or even wanted to - pull up from. A dive into a dark and quiet abyss seemed like the perfect way to spend the day.

"Breathe, Bella."

"Jasper!" I gasped, looking around frantically, but no-one was there. I was just as alone as I had been when I'd started this panic attack, but now, I was breathing.

I felt like yelling at him for being there even when he wasn't, but I hadn't caught my breath yet and, to be honest, that sounded crazy even to me.

I looked around frantically. It sounded like he was right next to me.

I huffed and brought my hand up to play in the cloud from my breath, distracted for a moment. The movement of my fingers reminded me of Anna back at Oakforest. She was our own little Peter Pan who had indeed grown old, only to decide it wasn't all it was cracked up to be before regressing to the mental state of a six-year-old. On any given day you would see her hands wiggling in front of her face and when asked why, she would always say that she was playing with the butterflies.

I closed my eyes and put my hands on my icy cheeks. The chill reminded me of Jasper. Only his hands never left me cold for long. My eyes rolled back beneath their fluttering lids as I thought about my mate and exactly what he could make me feel with those hands of his, only to shoot back open when the longing outweighed the pleasure of reminiscing.

Heavy steps on the slanting porch of this little shack brought my attention back to the door.

_This is it. I'm going to see my father._

**Don't forget to tell him off.**

_Right. Hug first, swiftly followed by verbal ass-kicking._

A sharp knock made me jump a bit, but got me out of my thoughts. I walked across the small expanse, turned the knob, and pulled the door open.

It wasn't Charlie standing there waiting to greet me.

_Not Charlie._

**DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER! **

_Not Charlie._

**MOVE, BELLA!**

It took an eternity compressed into only a few heart beats for my brain and body to get on the same page. I backed up as fast as my legs would carry me without turning around.

I fought to breathe and to hold onto a consciousness I wasn't sure I wanted to have in that moment.

"Oh, Bells. Is that how you welcome your best friend?" He asked lightly, with a wicked glint in his dark, beady eyes. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

_No! No! This can't be happening again! It just can't!_

**Open your eyes and STALL!**

I listened, opening my eyes. Bile rose rapidly up my throat as I truly saw him for the first time in three years. He was much the same as the beast I saw in my nightmares, except he was completely naked and smeared with blood. Where I only remembered him cast in shadows and darkness, here he was framed in the light of the doorway. I brought my eyes up to his face, which was only a notch less disgusting than the rest of him, and noticed his jaw was set at a strange angle and that there were shadows under his eyes. He stepped over the threshold and I pressed my back up against the wall and stepped left, toward the wall with the fireplace, eager to put as much distance between me and Jacob as possible.

Internally I whimpered, _Stall for what?_

**For Jasper! If Jacob is here, then Jasper's not far behind! Think! Stall!**

**Survive.**

"Did you really think I wouldn't find you again? I told you that you _are mine_." He sneered, slurring his words, before adding in a mockingly thoughtful tone, tapping his off-set jaw, "Hmmm, what can I do to make you understand?"

I tried to take another step to the side without being too obvious, and he laughed.

"Sure, sure. You can run, but there's no escape."

**Say something!** I pleaded with myself, but I couldn't. My body was quaking so much so that it was a miracle I was still on my feet. If I tried to talk I was likely to bite my tongue off.

"You are strong. You can do this, Darlin'. There's nothing you can't do. Buy me some time! Live for me!" Jasper's voice pleaded. It was just an imitation - the same as when I'd heard Edward in the months after he'd left - but I wanted to listen. I would do anything for Jasper.

I took a deep breath- praying to any being listening for strength and for Jasper to come to me- as I straightened my back. "Looks like you've al-already bitten off more t-than you could chew today, Jacob. Maybe you should just g-go on home."

It didn't come out as strong as I would have liked, in fact it sounded feeble and timid. But I had opened my mouth and words had come out, so that was victory in and of itself.

Jacob's eyes flashed and he chuckled, pointing at his jaw. "You mean this?" he asked taking a step closer to me, putting him in the center of the room now and me with my back to the corner. "You should see the other guy."

Raw pain- the likes of which I'd never known or felt- welled up; my heart stuttered beneath the onslaught and my vision dimmed. Pain chased by fear, but not for myself.

_Jasper_

**He -**

_No! He's not gone. __I'd know if he was. I'd have felt something. No, he's still alive. I know he is._

"Whatever you do to me, Jasper will take out ten-fold on your sorry ass while I cheer him on." I blurted out, emboldened by the belief that Jasper was alive, which meant Jasper was coming.

"You threatening me?" Jacob growled.

"I'm making you aware." He stalked toward me and I looked around frantically, but there was nowhere to go except into the fire next to me. I was tempted for a fraction of a second before the next thought chastised me, saying that Jasper would simply follow me into one of his own.

I straightened back up. I wouldn't cower before Jacob. Never again.

He kept coming toward me, only stopping when his bare chest was an inch from the tip of my nose. I could feel the heat from his body and there was no stopping the vomit that rose this time. My stomach clenched and my head bucked forward, spewing coffee and stomach acid all down Jacob's body.

He fisted my hair and I had to fight to stay in this cabin and not go back to his garage as he jerked my head back; the final dregs of my liquid breakfast dribbling down my chin.

"You're going to pay for that, Bells. Lick it off," he growled, pushing my head down. I fought. My hands slid across his chest through my vomit and his blood but did no good. I shook my head, tensing my neck and pushing back, but tears pricked my eyes as chunks of my hair were ripped out by the root. I kept fighting and I screamed through my lips pressed tightly together as he forced my head lower and lower.

My left hand was trying to loosen his grip on my hair and my right was still trying to push him away. I clawed at every bit of skin I could, but if he noticed, he didn't say anything.

Suddenly, the sound of a long barrel being cocked pierced the air and it was the sweetest sound I'd ever heard. I opened my eyes that I didn't remember closing as Jacob turned sideways, bringing me with him, held into my bowed position by his fist full of my hair.

"Let my daughter go and step away, you worthless son-of-a-bitch, or I'll pump you full of lead before you can bark."

**Well, I can't give him points for punctuality, but he gets a ten for ****the ****entrance.**

My eyes were watering again, except this time it wasn't from the pain. My father was here and - thank the universe, the Secret, Oprah or whoever the hell had been listening - he was armed! I drank in the sight of him like a drowning man did water.

Charlie looked rough. He'd lost weight: his dirty uniform hung in places it'd been a little too snug before. His face was unshaven but the patches of hair didn't grow evenly, giving him a look that was stuck somewhere between a hobo and the mange. His eyes held deep, dark purple shadows beneath them. They almost matched the bruises around his throat and the purple skin of his poorly wrapped left hand, which was steadying the barrels of the shotgun he had aimed at Jacob's chest.

"This doesn't concern you, Charlie. You buried your daughter, remember? You've even got the death certificate to prove it."

"Dad - " I wanted to tell him to run and I wanted to beg him to stay. I said nothing though, as Jacob tightened his hold on my hair and jerked my head back a bit in warning. I didn't know what it was he didn't want me to say but it didn't matter much.

Charlie clenched his jaw. My heart fluttered as I watched his index finger tighten on the trigger and then time slowed. Or rather, I comprehended several things at the same time; so much information that time would normally have to slow for me to grasp them all.

Jake pushed me off to the side where my head collided with the rough-hewn planks of the cabin making my vision blur as I tried to focus on what was happening around me. He shifted in mid-air, and Charlie squeezed off the first round. The rusty wolf now occupying the majority of the cabin fell from the strength of the blow to his side as Charlie cocked the gun, and I heard the next round hit the chamber. Jake leapt up faster than a blink of my eye, but Charlie managed to squeeze off one more round to his chest before Jake took him down.

Jacob's nub-tailed ass blocked my way and I screamed as he snarled and blood squirted on the door from Charlie's position on the floor. I crawled backwards on my hands and knees toward my corner, but a gleam caught my eye beside the fireplace. There, resting against the far side was the rusted hatchet that Jasper had used to gather firewood.

I cast one more look at Jacob still clawing at my father's listless body and prayed that Charlie would just hang on - if only for a few more minutes - and I made my way over to my last hope, and hopefully our saving grace.

As soon as my hands gripped the wooden handle that was about the length of my forearm, I used it to push myself up. My head was throbbing and the room was spinning, but I was up.

My legs felt anchored, a part of the floor themselves, as I made my way over to where Nubs was still snarling and clawing at the disfigured human I'd known as my dad.

**Apparently he didn't like being shot.**

_Then he's really gonna hate this._

I thought I saw Charlie's chest rising and falling. It could have just been what I needed to think at the time, but it gave me hope, which gave me courage.

I tightened my grip on the handle. With one step left before I was in striking range, Jacob's filthy, horrifying, muzzle of teeth and blood turned my way and I froze.

He kept me locked in his gaze as he shifted back into the boy who had once been my personal sun: the one who had saved me from myself.

**Only to destroy you much more thoroughly than you ever could have on your own.**

"You going to kill me, Bells? Take your swing. I'll always come back." I shook my head as he pointed to his abdomen. Charlie had shot him. I'd seen it with my own eyes but there he was, almost completely healed. "Wolves regenerate."

**KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!**

Every voice I'd ever heard in my head was screaming to kill him, to end it now, but I was trapped in his gaze. He took a step forward and I was inert. Crippled by too many thoughts and too many feelings.

I was afraid: petrified.

What chance did mere mortals have in a world full of mythical beasts and magical forces always working against them? Why not give up?

_Jasper_

With that one quiet thought and everything it stood for, I screamed in frustration and brought the hatchet up with all my might. The flat side struck him beneath the chin and knocked him onto his back. I swung again at the closest part of Jacob I could reach, and hit him with the blunt end on his right leg. The crunch was heavenly music to my ears, and I swung again.

He howled in pain but didn't shift. I saw the intense look of concentration on his face, but nothing happened and I swung again, this time taking out a few ribs.

My heart was threatening to come out of my chest and my breaths were desperate, but seeing him lying there, broken, filled me with a manic energy.

I raised the hatchet over my head, and he raised his hands. "Wait!" He cried. I hesitated, wondering if it was a trap and contemplating what he could possibly have to say.

"Please," he simpered. "All I ever wanted was you. I didn't want to be a wolf or the son to my cheating father. I never asked to be the chief of an entire tribe! I just wanted you!"

My fists tightened, squeezing.

"I'm sorry!" He howled. "Please! I'll-I'll leave and I'll never come back! You'll never see me again! Please, Bells, you know me! I'm a part of you; you don't have to do this!" He winced as he took a breath and for a moment, just one flash in time, I saw my Jake.

The boy whose smile was brighter than any bulb. The boy who brought a zombie back to life with just a little tlc. The boy who taught me how to ride a bike and how to hide one from my purple-faced father. The boy who found a way around an Alpha's command to save our friendship. The boy who dove from a cliff in a hurricane to save me.

_My_ Jake.

"Jake?" I whispered, squinting through the tears now clouding my vision and the pulsating pain in my temples.

"Who else would it be, Bella?" He sneered, and just like that I was back in his garage.

_No! No! No! _I shook my head, trying to clear it but I could feel the pebbles from the cold concrete scratching my face. I could feel his weight pressing me down. I could hear his deep chuckle as I fought.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed. Using every ounce of everything in me, I sliced through the air, and though his hands came up to block, it did him no good.

The smell of grease and dirt invaded my senses and I brought the handle over my head with both hands white-knuckled and swung downward with all my might.

The sickening slurp as I yanked my weapon free sounded like his sloppy wet kisses on my face and the back of my neck. I could feel his warm, thick saliva on my skin again.

I shivered in disgust.

I screamed and with my eyes wide-open brought my weapon over my head and planted it in his naked crotch.

Tears threatened to obscure my vision again, threatened to block this gruesome dream come true from my sight. I yelled, "No!" I rubbed my face roughly on the shoulder of my filthy shirt and pulled the blade up once more, cackling through my screams as bits of severed flesh and blood rained down, washing my fear and sanity away.

The drops continued but I couldn't waste time worrying about things from above when the monster and my task was at my feet.

I could still feel him on me. Up with a grunt and down with my jaw clenched in purpose until I hacked through bone and sinew.

I was desperate to make it into the moonlight shining through the door. Bracing my foot against his carcass, I pulled the tip of my hatchet out of the floor of this hellish fantasy and I mustered the will to lift my shaking arms again.

Again and again.

I screamed with one foot in the present and one on that concrete floor in the past and chopped, fighting to free my mind, body and soul from Jacob's grip, pouring every ounce of my strength into making sure that he would never hurt another the way he'd hurt me. I stared into his unfocused eyes, frozen wide with fear forever more, and my fury rose. Bubbled until it over-flowed once more.

"YOU - " I lifted my weapon. "RAPED - " I took a deep breath. "ME!" And I brought it down with a resonating _Thwack!_

Eventually, the burn in my arms demanded my attention and I couldn't heft the blade any higher than my waist, but I kept chopping. Sometimes just the flat edge would connect, splattering grisly chunks around me but I kept going. I had to make sure he was dead. I had to.

My throat was hoarse and my labored breaths and my pulse pounding in my ears was louder than my cries, but I kept swinging. I stumbled and fell in the macabre mix of blood, bone and bodily fluids, but I got back up. I could still see Jacob and feel Jacob and I wouldn't stop until I couldn't.

"That's my girl," a coarse, ragged voice choked out and I spun around with my arms raised, all weariness forgotten; ignored.

_Charlie?_

I rushed over to Charlie, clutching the mini-ax to my chest. I just couldn't let it go. Not wouldn't; I couldn't.

**No one says you have to. **A quiet voice reassured me and my grip loosened just a fraction, causing the pain I hadn't noticed in my knuckles to ease.

Dropping to my knees beside my father, my left hand fluttered uselessly over his broken body. There was so much blood. It was impossible to tell where it all was coming from or even how much was his. His pallor beneath the flowing red was not encouraging though.

His breaths came staggered in coarse wheezes and wet coughs. My heart felt as if it had been shredded along with his body. It was bleeding along with him, for him.

I tried to wipe his face clean as my falling tears dripped and mingled with the specks of blood on his face, but I only smeared it so what had been spots and pools was now a complete white-washing of red.

"Daddy?" I whimpered, still trying to undo what had been done. He opened his eyes, only for a second, but I could tell that he saw me and a small smile graced his lips through the pain before all of the life faded from him with a haggard sigh. "NO! I just got you back! You can't go, damn it! NO!" I cried but no-one was there to hear me.

I lay my head on my Dad's chest the way I had when I was little. I'd crawl into his chair while he was watching some game, just to be close to him. I closed my burning eyes, pretending to listen to the beating of his heart as I had then.

When I opened them I was no longer surrounded by crimson rivers and wood splinters and death. No, I was back where I belonged.

I was at home in the Quiet Room.


	36. The End

**A/N: Beta'd by the fab Stitchcat. You rock my grammatical sphere and ya know it ;-) Pre-read many, many times by the amazing Hammerhips! She's, well, amazing.**

**Thank you SO much for all of**** the reviews and the love. I read them and I GREATLY appreciate each and every one. Bwhahahhaha! Sorry about the ****cliffy****.**** If you have questions, I haven't covered, ask. You can**** include them in your review or PM me**** and if it's not gonna be covered in the epilogue, I'll be glad to answer them.**

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns all r****ights to the Twilight franchise. This fic is in no way meant to infringe upon those. She owns all … I just fuck with it.**

**Chapter 36****: The End**

I laid my head on my Dad's chest the way I had when I was little. I'd crawl into his chair while he was watching some game, just to be close to him. I closed my burning eyes, pretending to listen to the beating of his heart as I had then.

When I opened them I was no longer surrounded by crimson rivers and wood splinters and death. No, I was back where I belonged.

I was at home in The Quiet Room.

I lay, curled on my side, just staring at the familiar padded walls and feeling the familiar eyes of unseen people upon me. I concentrated on nothing and I focused on everything, but nothing of consequence.

In.  
Cold air played, swirled all around.  
Almost caressing me.  
Moving my hair; chilling my skin.

Out.  
My chest sunk.  
Rib cage meeting hips.  
The white was not as white as I remembered.  
My vision blurred.

For a second - no more than a breath but entirely too long - I was back at that _place_. Blood and hurt and no heartbeat aside from the one pounding in my ears.

_NO!_

In.  
My lungs puffed themselves up proudly, rejoicing in the overdue breath.  
The bed was quaking.  
I didn't know why.  
I didn't ask.  
It stopped.

Out.  
Stillness ruled, robed in a strong silence.  
A commanding presence even in absence.  
Only white and scanty thoughts.

In.  
A pattern evolved.  
Out.  
Slow and steady.  
In.  
As I stared unblinking.  
Out.  
At the world beyond.

The only world I could survive in. The only world I could just _be_ in. The only world I desired. I _craved_.

In. Out. In. Out. Slow and easy: the rhythm of my life here.

My mind would've jumped up and done the chicken dance in celebration of the glorious silence and absence of everything, if it wasn't afraid of making a ruckus and disrupting my moment.

Peace. It was all I ever wanted.

**Lies. **A thought ghosted along the edge of my mind but I chose to ignore it. Not even my mind was going to ruin this.

It'd been too long.  
Far too long.  
Too long had I been without this blessed stillness in my mind and in my soul.  
But I didn't want to think about why.  
No.

_No thinking necessary here. This is what I want._

**Lies.**

Solitude.  
Peace.  
Security.  
I wanted nothing else.

**Lies.**

I swatted the air around my head, ruffling my hair the air was still petting. It was not my first movement. My skin had twitched and my eyes had opened many times. My chest had risen to meet my thighs and fallen to meet my stomach, but it was the first unnecessary for barest survival.

_Annoying thoughts poking__ at me!_

Hands settled back around my knees but my rhythm was destroyed.  
My eyes teared and drops dripped, dripped, dripped down my cheeks.  
Huffs of breath becoming attuned to the beat of my broken heart.

The white before me became pierced with brown. A deep chocolate brown that I remembered all too well, but I'd never see again. No. A face took shape. A face I wanted to see with all of my being. A face I was afraid to see even more.

My eyes, sparkling, framed by thicker lashes and caterpillar brows. Small dimples hidden beneath a couple of day's scruff. Thick, dull hair covered by a hat adorned in the season's best lures and a small smile of approval upon chapped lips. Lips that pressed against my forehead when I had the sniffles. Lips that kissed the boo-boo on my knee when he taught me to ride a bike.

**It was his fault after all, you know. He said he wouldn't let go …** The intruder's voice was getting stronger but I couldn't be bothered. Not when he was staring at me.

_Daddy?_

I tried to close my eyes. Oh God, I tried. My body was as stubborn as my mind and spirit, and it flatly refused, with no explanation and no compromise. My soul drank in the image of the gruff, kind-eyed man before me as I lie paralyzed, helpless, against what I feared would come next.

Lifeless eyes. Blood. The smell of musk and beer and rust. Blood. Torn flesh and protruding bone. Choking. Gasping. Blood.

I wanted to shake my head to clear the macabre thoughts that didn't belong in my fortress of solitude, but I couldn't. I just stared into the eyes of my father. He may not have been a good father by someone else's standards, but he was _mine_ and that made him the best.

**Mine**** …**

The face before me blurred and another's eyes clamored for my attention. Red eyes.

_NO! No thinking! Not ready!_

Hands gripped my ears, trying to block the noise within and the now-overwhelming silence beyond. The red muddied and faded once more. Brown again stared out at me. A flatter brown. A familiar brown.

It was my best friend.

A boy with caramel skin and muddy face smiled brightly. He laughed and I wanted to smile. He had that effect on me. A memory in running watercolors played out against the pleather of my safe haven, stroked masterfully and preserved outside the bounds of time and tragedy.

I sat on the edge of a tidal pool with my personal sunshine, playing in the mud and tempting the smallies swimming about to take a nibble of our little bare feet. I looked up and pointed to a fishing boat coming in, and in our excitement we both fell into the pool. We slid on our bellies like penguins through the mud and to our feet.

The colors smeared; the canvas wiped clean. I wanted to cry, but no tears would come.

**No more tears for Jacob Black, **thundered through my mind, straight to the core of my being.

_But . . . he was my Jacob._

**No! He was never **_**yours**_**. Just as you were never **_**his. **_The thunder reminded me of things I shouldn't have forgotten. Of things I shouldn't have to remember.

The wall turned dark. Cloudy. Angry, like the voice. I didn't know what was going to happen but I didn't like it. I whimpered as I tried to shut my eyes, but the colors separated and I was staring into an old-fashioned, clean little kitchen with bright yellow cabinets.

I walked in, followed by Jake, and I quit fighting to unsee what had already been lived. I watched as he stalked me, cockily, from the doorway to the countertop. When my back hit then, my heart stopped in the now. This had been the beginning of our end.

I couldn't hear the words we were saying, but my heart remembered as if it were yesterday. A kiss was the least I could give after all he'd done for me. He'd rebuilt me from nothing; he'd brought me back to life. A kiss was the least I could give, and the least he would take.

_No! I'm … I-I can't!_

Colors bled. Ran like the tears I'd vowed never to shed over him again. A foolish vow by a foolish girl.

I shook my head as the walls turned dark. Murky. Terror seized me and I shot up. I buried my head in my knees and covered my ears with my hands.

Rocking.

In.  
Raspy and desperate.  
Out.  
Too fast. Much too fast.

In.  
Painful.  
Out.  
Stuttered, faltering. Failing.

"Breathe," said a voice that was all at once soothing and irritated. It didn't sound like she was in my head though. "Look up."

_No._

I couldn't catch my breath. Hyperventilating, I believe that's the word for it. I didn't remember the Quiet Room being equipped with paper bags or the drop-down masks like airplanes sported. It seemed silly to me, though, because if they crashed - going their gazillion miles an hour from the height of angels and flying fucks - I highly doubt the little mask is going to provide much help. Here, however, it could be useful. In times such as this.

"Feel better?"

_Now that you mention it, I do_, I thought as I took a deep, satisfying breath. It was very…well, satisfying. Someone snorted and a wind whispered that that was a very unladylike sound before it flitted away. I wanted to run after that wind, capture it and keep it in my pocket forever and always. I was sad that it had left so quickly.

"You'll see him soon."

_Who? _My heart skipped a beat as images flashed, obscuring my vision completely. A dirty floor. Ripped clothes I couldn't put on myself. Crimson washed over rough hewn wood. Jagged flesh. Fountains of red. Always red. Sticky. Rusty blades slashing. Sharp teeth. Claws. Blood and flesh and fur.

Vengeance taken and a debt paid.  
Humanity crying and remorse awakening.

"Breathe," she said again. I had to admit, I was getting irritated. All I wanted was to be left alone. "That's not true." In peace and quiet, "Quiet is overrated."

_Only by those who have experienced it imperfect__ly._

The ability to clear my mind of the torment and torrential emotions plaguing me.  
The moments of clarity, unclouded by the past or the future.  
Silence that pierces you and leaves you feeling complete.  
Wanting nothing.

"We don't have time for this! If you stay here much longer, you may not be able to find your way back," she said urgently.

_Who says I want to go back?_

"I do."

_Back where the pain is real. Back where monsters hunt me and ghosts await to haunt. No thank you._

"Look at me," she pleaded. She sounded so pitiful and I planned to kick her out soon, so I gave in. I peeked over my knee caps from beneath my curtain of hair and saw… me.

Mousy brunette hair. Pale complexion. Average build. I was wearing shorts and a tank; the same as I had before I left Phoenix. Before my brush with death and its dealers. When big bad … _creatures_ were the stuff of fairy tales that always got their happy ending and my biggest worry was having a police escort to school every day.

This was the me - one of the me's - I always pictured in my mind. This was how I looked: just the girl next door in the un-sexy, Hollywood way. I was happy being that me. Until…

"Until Edward came along," she sneered, and I winced. "You allowed him to treat you like a doll to be looked at and never touched. You let him dictate your self-worth, and when he left, you crumbled."

She was right. I would have lain on that forest bracken till Armageddon. Content to waste away while the world passed me by. Self-righteously absurd in my belief none had ever felt that way before. Selfish. But I had changed.

"Have you? Have you really?" she asked. The heat of her gaze and her judgment made my spine stiffen. I dropped my knees and mirrored her, sitting cross-legged on the gurney, with my head held high and my fists clenched.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded.

"Have you even thought about _him_ during your latest hiatus from reality here?" I thought about all of the "hims" I'd thought, seen and spoken of here in my Neverland, but I didn't know which one she meant.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I huffed. "Don't you dare try to make me feel guilty! You of all people should know! I-I've been through … stuff," I finished lamely, but the fragility of my words did not taint the strength of my voice.

"I'm not debating that. Or even the fact that you deserve your fortress of solitude and a break every now and then. I'm simply proving my point."

"Which is?" I asked, losing my patience a bit. And then she said the one word that sent my world into a tailspin infinitely worse than the one I'd just pulled out of.

"Jasper."

Emotions ignored and blocked flooded me, and I gasped and cowered under their load. Love, loss, agony, pain. Abandonment.

I'd said he was all I wanted. He was all I needed. I had said that and meant every word. Every promise in every brush of my hand against his marble flesh and every brush of my lips against his.

_But he left …_

"Just like Edward and the rest of the Cullens. He left," she finished my thought, but she was wrong. He was coming back for me! He'd never leave me!

"Bella, you're no good for me. My kind are easily distracted. I'm tired of pretending," she quoted, sounding just like Edward had another lifetime ago.

"No!" My fingers threaded through my hair, tugging sharply at the roots. Tears pricked my eyes but I couldn't wake from this terrible place.

"You can't hide from the truth!" I shook my head, screaming. I didn't want to hear anymore! I … couldn't.

"You can and will! Look at me!" She shouted. I loosened my grip and peeked from beneath my swollen lids at the me across from me.

I gasped.

No longer was she what I imagined me to be during the "good times". No, she was the real me. Gaunt. Shadows darkening every sunken place on my face, my collar bone. My hair was dark. Greasy. Lifeless like my eyes. Scars, bright and hideous marred my neck. My arms. My chest. Me.

_This is why he left … Just look at me. _I thought thoughts that I hadn't in a very long time. I didn't blame him for leaving. I looked like the monster in someone else's tale.

"'He' meaning Edward, right?" I nodded, starting to blow off the ugly across from me to dwell more on what might-have-beens that I didn't even want anymore, and then I thought … _maybe not just Edward. Maybe that's why …_

"See? Selfish!" She trumpeted.

"What?"

"Close your eyes," she demanded.

"You need to make up your mind! First you told me to look at you and now you want me not to," I huffed, tired of being bossed around by the Scaryella. She just stared at me with my flat black eyes until I gave in.

But I didn't go quietly. "Cinderbella, look here. Cinderbella, go there. Always Cinderbella!" I murmured, delighting a bit in her teeny growl.

"Now think about Jasper." I balked. My eyes shot open but closed again under her fierce supervision. Right now, she was the hawk and I was the fish, floundering and gaping on the bank. "Think about how the sun plays on his skin. How his scars glimmer a little differently and more spectacularly than the smooth skin of others. Think about your hand engulfed in his. Your leg thrown over his long, muscular ones while you are both reading on the couch. His body hovering above you. His curls falling in his eyes. His eyes … the intensity and the emotion portrayed with just one look. One look at you."

And I did. I could _feel_ him. His hands. His tongue. His eyes worshipping every inch of me as I let him. Little by little. Breath by breath. Floating. I felt like my soul was so light it might take off any moment. He made me feel like that. Jasper.

"And he says you do the same for him," I opened my eyes with a goofy smile on my face and it was mirrored across the way. Only, that wasn't the me that was there last time. I was no longer shroud in darkness. I no longer bore an invisible weight I was never meant to shoulder.

My cheeks, which had filled out a little, had color. My eyes, life. My hair shone and my scars were dull. A little sensitive to ice if I remember correctly from a few nights back, but definitely not in a bad way. In fact, it was the opposite of bad. It was -

"Would he leave you?" she asked flatly.

"No," I said, with more confidence than I'd ever stated anything in my life. The sky was blue. Grass was green - if the dog hadn't peed on it too much. I loved Jasper and he loved me. He would never leave me unless he had to, and then he'd be back.

"Then where is he?" she asked, and I froze. Why had I not thought of this? What if he was dead? What would I do? What if he's hurt? What if -

_Stupid._ _He deserves better!_

I began a spiral of guilt and despair. My fear for my love and my self-loathing added to the torrent, making it nigh unbearable.

"But he wants you." And my squall quieted. Just like that. "He needs you as you need him. And as you so eloquently pointed out, you have gone through some … stuff." She smirked, "Your behavior is understandable. Not acceptable, but understandable."

"Jasper! What if something happened to him?" I looked around frantically, but didn't get up.

"You'll have to leave to find out, but I think you would have felt it if Jasper was gone." I looked into my eyes and knew she was right. There was a something anchoring me. Even now, even here, I felt it. It was him. Jasper.

He could be hurt or a million other things but if he was still alive, I had hope.

"Pumpkin!"A voice sounded from above, but no-one else was here aside from us. I briefly thought that maybe it was God or some other higher being, but since his next words were "Oh! Shit!" I threw that idea in the recycle bin to reuse at a later date and listened again. "Pumpkin! Come on! Wake up!"

It was Red.

"Everyone down!" It sounded like a bomb went off and even my little fortress shook.

"What's going on?" I asked her, panicked. She just shrugged. "Tell me what you know!" I demanded, and she laughed.

_Bitch._

"I know exactly what you do! Only, a little more at times. I put the pieces of information together and apply some logic every now and then. I'm just a part of you. Nothing more."

"You weren't always here," I challenged, acknowledging within myself that this might not have been the best moment to have this convo.

"Yes, I was. Just not always so … _vocal_. We are strong. You needed someone when all you had was you, so I came about in a more lively way, that's all. I was always you though."

"Well, now that we have that straight," I said to me, doubting the truth of her words. "Strong" was not the adjective of choice for describing me. "What do we do now?"

"You could stay here. Safe and alone, with nothing but me for company for the rest of your days, or you could strap on a pair and go get your man. The choice is yours."

"I … don't know." It was the truth. I saw no point in lying to myself. In here was familiar. I looked around as I thought. I could live out the rest of my days in this inedible marshmallow paradise, shielded from pain - past, present, or future. Or…Jasper.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" The voice I was ninety-nine percent certain was Red - and not God - shouted. When I met my eyes across the way, I was torn.

"If you stay here much longer, you may not have a coven left to go back to."

My Coven? Still shots, framed by affection and held dear, flooded my mind and were projected on every wall. Jasper. Red. Char. Jasper. G-Red. Rose. Em. Kate. Irina. Jasper. Jasper. Jasper.

"Let's go," I said, ready to take the chance that though everything may not be perfect, I would live my life and be thankful I still had it to live.

"This is where I say goodbye," she smiled sadly across at me.

"What? You're me! You have to come!" I said, bewildered and a little impatient.

"I'll always be a part of you, yes. Just as Charlie, Edward and even _Jacob_ but like them, I just won't be around."

"But … _why_?"

"You don't need me anymore," she shrugged. "I distracted you when your thoughts turned too dark, I kept you busy when you had too much time with only your past, and I was a friend when you had none. You've been letting go slowly, but I think it's just about time for us to be whole again, don't you?" I knew she was right and I knew this was the next step in my 'road to recovery', but it saddened me. She was so real. It was one more loss on this day of death.

Those tears I was lacking earlier swelled up, and I wept.

"Oh, stop your blubbering," she said dismissively, waving her hand like she could magic away the sting of the loss and the tears born from it. "At least this time you get to say your goodbye."

I sniffled. Though I hated to admit it, she did have a point. And with a bowed head I said my final goodbyes to everyone I'd lost today, and along the way to this point. I was as ready as I was ever going to be to move on.

I opened my eyes to see an ass - a familiar, very fine ass - inches away from my face. Turning my aching head just a fraction, I was met with the sight of a very familiar pair of Red eyes. They looked … relieved. There was no other word for it.

He looked like he wanted to shout and run to me, or just piss me off in a way only he could to show his love, but his eyes shifted to the crouched-one and he grimaced slightly.

"Pumpkin!" He mouthed, and I think I smiled. I tilted my head to look at myself and immediately regretted it. I was buried somewhere beneath a grisly mix of crimson and filth. No, this was not me and my stomach agreed. It roiled and tumbled, and I fought to stay in this horrifying world I wasn't sure I belonged in.

_No, where Jasper is, is where I will be. From now through my eternity._

I met Red's troubled eyes again, and he winked. Somehow, I knew that was supposed to make me feel better, but it failed. Mostly because of the fierce, low growl rumbling above me.

Oh, I wasn't afraid of Jasper, not my Jasper and not his beast. I was afraid _for_ everyone else.

I scanned what little I could see of the world beyond my guard, passing quickly over the lifeless carcasses I refused to give name to at the moment. The cabin walls had holes where I could see patches of the stormy sky beyond. The door hung by one hinge and swayed soundlessly. Red was here, as was G-red. Both of them on the floor, with their hands splayed out away from them in awkward positions. Another dark-haired vamp with golden eyes was at the edge of my periphery, and I assumed he was a Denali from the wary golden eyes looking my way.

It was eerily quiet, aside from my pulse pounding in my ears and sporadic rustling outside. My fear amped up as I heard a far-away howl and Jasper's growl grew parallel. Terror gripped me and I locked eyes with Red. He just smiled sadly, but I trembled.

Pushing my crippling fear of the wolves down deep, I realized my family was in imminent danger and I didn't know how to help.

I pleaded silently for Red to give me a clue - any clue - but he just closed his eyes with that small smile on his lips and took a breath for the first time since I'd awakened. The whisper of the air inhaled brought Jasper's sharp gaze upon him in an instant, but Red just looked at me and did the same thing again. It looked like he was cool, calm and collected… _Oh!_

My 30-watt of belated realization flickered to life with that thought, and I closed my eyes hesitantly. Afraid of where I'd be when I opened them, and more afraid of what I'd see.

Blessed nothingness blanketed in darkness greeted me and I took a deep breath: partially in relief, and in part, replicating Red's weird-ass serenity in the midst of this catacomb.

In. I could feel Jasper's eyes on me. Out. I sent a burst of my love to him. In. My rhythm slowed and steadied. Out. Ragged growling settled into a low, steady warning. For the others, not me.

As I calmed and found my center, he did too. His fingers combed my tangled and matted hair, soothing me further. When I felt a cool tongue tracing my lips, I gasped and my eyes shot open. I startled him, and he had spun back around to look for the source of my spike of alarm before my eyes could even focus. I started the whole process again.

Eventually, I felt his tongue on my mouth again. I was expecting it and I was careful to give off only positive emotions this time, which wasn't difficult with him over me. I couldn't hold back my groan as he traced my jaw line and he let loose a primal growl of approval. At least, that's what I - and my lady-parts - interpreted it as.

I chanced a peek at my love and, out of the corner of my eye, noticed the others slowly backing out of the cabin. Holding themselves adjacent to the wooden planks of the floor by only their fingertips, they backed out. I was momentarily jealous of their stealthy, ninja asses but my relief drowned out everything else. Relief that they were safe and relief that Jasper was here. And I was in his arms now.

As his tongue glided down my neck and dipped beneath the collar of my tattered shirt, my eyes rolled back in my head and I succumbed to the best ending this day could have ever asked for.

* * *

**A/N: Only the Epilogue left now …**


	37. The Aftermath

**Disclaimer: S.M. owns all things Twilight****,**** and I'm so very thankful that she allows us to mess up her pretty, pretty little world.**

**Epilogue: The Aftermath**

**Jasper's POV**

The days that followed flew by as time tends to do when one's immortal, but at the same time, they seemed to hold an eternity all their own within their hours. Hours washed with tears and mourning. Hours teeming with life and relief. Relief only tainted by loss.

The first thing I was _aware_ of Bella sayin' after I found her in that cabin of death beneath the gore was 'Take me home, Jasper'. She had her eyes squeezed shut and it was nothing but a prayer breathed, but I scooped her up and ran. I would have run with her until we were back safe in our home, but Peter intercepted me after I crossed the Washington state line. He said he got a tip from no-one important. His less-than-grateful emotions gave the name he didn't: _Alice_. But, Peter had his truck idling not two miles off, and with one glance at my mate shiverin' in my arms, I less than graciously accepted the ride. The fucker was still on my shit list.

Gaps - well actually, huge fuckin' holes - popped up whenever I thought back to the end of the battle. Once I realized Jacob was gone, I was too. I vaguely remember flyin' wolves and cutting a path through the trees. And I remember Peter…and Garrett too, the no-good, cock-suckin', pirate-lovin' fuckers. Tryin' to stop me from getting' to my mate. I roll my eyes thinkin' about it now, but then…it was a different story. If Eleazar hadn't interceded and talked some sense into their dumbasses, it could've been bad. _Real fuckin' bad_. Ashes-to-fuckin-ashes, fuckers-to-fuckin- dust bad. And, frankly, they should've known better.

Peter caught me up on the post-skirmish talks, quietly, on the long drive home. I had little interest in anything that wasn't Bella at the time, but I am glad he did it now. I didn't have to wonder what had happened in the aftermath, and I didn't have to leave my mate to find the answers she needed.

What little that remained of Jacob's remains were returned to his father, the chief of their tribe, for burial. The surviving wolves submitted to Leah as their alpha; a mantle she begrudgingly accepted. Peter was confident, should a need ever arise, that they would prove themselves valuable allies. I reluctantly agreed.

The biggest shock came from hearing that my sister, _the _Rosalie Hale, had walked right up to the somber and very nude she-wolf in human form and hugged her before taking off with Emmett. Peter cackled remembering the looks on both of their faces – and everyone else's – but I could feel everything he was, and humor was not his main emotion. The day that had been smeared with blood had also forged incredible bonds that would not be easily broken in the future. We were all shell-shocked. There's no other way to put it.

Layin' in our soft, warm bed with Bella's head on my chest, it's hard to think back to that day – back to the cabin. The blood. The death. The scent of fear…and so much _more._ The vision of her lying crumpled and bloodied on the floor… or worse, the visions I conjured up while tryin' to reach her. Those images - it was impossible to forget, no matter who was at the wheel when they crossed my path. They struck true, pure terror straight to my heart. I'm a vampire and a man, damn it, but I'm not ashamed to say that I've never been more terrified in my long, gods-forsaken life.

I don't know how she survived. Once I made sure the blood coating her wasn't hers, I have to admit I was disappointed about Jacob's demise being so utterly complete, but my lightning strike of petty broodin' was brief. If anyone deserved to hack another being into kibbles'n'bits, it was Bella. I couldn't have been prouder of my mate.

When we got home, I showered her, toweled her off, and carried her to our bed and that's where she stayed – where _we_ stayed. She made a couple of trips to the bathroom to have her 'human moments' but other than that, she laid quietly curled in my side. I just held her, followin' her lead. When she spoke on the third day, her voice was hoarse and had that eighty-year-old, chain-smoker rasp, and I put my foot down. I had no problem with her dealin' with things on her own terms and in her own time as long as she didn't push me away and she took care of herself. The latter was what she'd been neglecting and I was her man, not her mother. I'll take care of her when needed, but I wasn't gonna nag her. After this time.

A few weak protests later, she nibbled some crackers and guzzled a quart of water. It wasn't much on the food end of things, but it was something. She was safe, and she would heal. Of that, I was certain. Surrounded by her coven and wrapped in my love, she'll heal as time marches by. The few days have already lessened the sting, and we have nothin' if not time.

It's the one thing on our side. Invisible but still a force to be reckoned with. I mean, even gravity has it out for Bella, but time…for now, it was our BFF and shit.

The cabin seemed to have descended into a cone of silence where even white noise was absent. It was as if every floorboard and hinge understood what she needed. The forest was nothing but scenery ignored out of our small window. It could have been a painting for all it made itself known.

Once in a great while, she would whisper a question or just a stray thought to me. Never breaking the eerie, but somehow peaceful, atmosphere.

I asked how she made it back to me, because there was a time when I wasn't sure she would. She just said, 'One step at a time,' and since she was in my arms, I didn't pester her further. After a quiet pause, she asked me the same. It took me a moment to try to find the words and whittle down an explanation that could take hours – hours that I'd much rather spend with her in much more pleasurable venues – I realized that I didn't have to go into every detail. The truth was simple. "When you conquered your demons and came back to me, it was easy for me to muster the strength to do the same."

I'd said it before and I would keep on sayin' it from now 'til our forever drew to a close: she is, was and always will be all I need. Simple.

When she slept, it was fitful at its best. Fuckin' heart-wrenchin' to anyone within hearing distance at its worst. I'd offered my assistance – aw, fuck, I'd begged her to take my help – but she refused. She felt it was something she needed to do on her own. I was once again blown away by her strength. Her every cringe and her every cry was my seventh circle of hell. I soothed her in the only way she'd accept: I held her to me tightly. She wore shadows of my hands and imprints of my fingers on her back and along her arms, but my hold calmed her. My grip on her tethered her to this reality, she said, and her in my arms kept me from going berserk while she suffered.

I'd even taken to singin' lowly to her once her emotions started to go back to that _place_. She said it helped. I said it wasn't enough. Every time her eyes, shining with tears and bright with fear, would meet mine when she awoke, I'd just tell her that he was gone.

And she'd let those tears fall.

I was…angry, at first. Empath or not, I didn't understand - or I chose not to try to understand - how she could waste more thoughts and even _ache_ for the deplorable mutt that had wronged her, that had scarred her so deeply. Then it occurred to me that she'd lost her father as well. True, he wasn't exactly an active participant in her life, but it still hurt. And then, it also occurred to me that she'd taken the life of her former best friend. Did I really want her as callous and as hardened to death as I was? If I was honest with myself, the answer was a resounding yes. Yes, I did. Not only would it make her burden now that much lighter, but it would help when she slipped in the future. If she even planned on tryin' the 'alternative' life-style of the Cullens.

The Denali coven, minus Kate, went home to mourn for Irina after everyone regrouped. There was little love between Irina and me, but I felt for the ones she left behind. Tanya, Kate and Irina had been connected by venom and raised in their vampire lives by their sire in a family manner. It would be equivalent to me losing Rose. I wouldn't die, but it'd sure hurt a hell of a lot. Kate stayed with Garrett. A choice would have to be made soon, and I wasn't sure which way they were leanin'.

Emmett and Rosalie headed back to the Cullens a few days after Bella started talkin' again. Rose joined me on my first hunt since before the battle while Bella showered. Emmett wrestled me from the room with my lovin' mate cheerin' him on from the doorway of the bathroom. I told her I wouldn't be gone long, and went foragin' for whatever the forest had to offer in the dead of winter. It wasn't much but going all the way to town or even deeper into the mountains was unacceptable right now. Just being away from her caused my chest to ache something awful.

Rose lagged behind silently until I had a drained a pair of foxes and a bear I'd tracked to its den. It wasn't very sportin' of me to drain a sleepin' animal, but he didn't stand a chance awake either, and I was in no mood to toy with it.

As I collected the carcasses of the foxes and laid them in the den with the bear, she spoke. I could feel her trepidation and her determination, and I locked my jaw. I was really not in the mood. The last time I'd left my mate…

"Jasper, I – look, I know you want to get back but there are five vampires guarding Bella. She will be safe. Relax." I growled lowly. If this was all she had to say, we could go. She held up her hands, rolled her eyes, and began again. "We're going home after you and I get back, but I'm sure we'll be back soon enough. I doubt Emmett can stay away too long."

I chuckled. He was pretty attached to Bella, but Rose didn't fool me. She was just as attached. I could tell this was not easy for them either. I nodded and she moved on.

"What about Edward and Alice?" She blurted out.

"What about them?"

"Don't give me that. Are you going to tell them about Bella before you change her?"

"No."

"Don't you think -" I held up my hand and she stopped.

"Rose, I love her and she loves me. None of _this_ has ever been about either of them. I'm sure we'll all cross paths eventually and when we do, we will deal with it – Bella and I. Until then," I just shrugged. "Neither of them have a bearing on our choices or our future. That time has long passed."

Rose sighed, and we took off back to the cabin. She was a softy at heart and I think she wanted us to go back with them. But the Brady Bunch we were not. When it happened, that was one reunion that was going to be a bit thorny.

I thought about the few calls from Alice, and even Peter's 'tip' days ago. It seemed Alice knew more than she let on last time we spoke. I smirked though my irritation. That was typical Alice and we shouldn't have expected anything less. I'd give her hell next time I saw her.

"Rose?" She turned toward me, confused, as we entered the clearing in front of the cabin. "Do you think she's ready?" I don't know why I asked, but it had been weighin' on me. I knew that I couldn't live without Bella, but could I live with her hatin' me or resenting me for changin' her? I wasn't sure.

"She's not me, Jazz. She'll be fabulous; she'll be fierce. She'll be everything you deserve in a mate and more." Rosalie spoke with pride. The confidence in her words was so solid that I couldn't help but believe her. I smiled at my sister, and we went in the cabin for her to say her goodbyes.

My talk with Rose started me thinkin'. I wondered if Bella would be gifted. Eleazar's unsubtle side glances and piqued curiosity when they bid their farewell had spurred my own, but honestly, I hoped to anyone that would listen that she wouldn't be. I'm not against women's rights to be super or some such shit. The truth is that her unique brand of crazy was challenging enough in human form. I shuddered to think of it combined with newborn strength and a formidable gift, but she had always been amazing and difficult, and I wouldn't have her any other way. Thinking back to my dating history, I was beginning to think my tastes bent a mite toward the 'eccentric' females. Maybe it had to do with Maria's 'one flew' venom runnin' through my veins. Something akin to genetic insanity perhaps…

When Bella was curled against my side that night, we began discussin' the details of her change for the first time. The dynamics of every little thing: her diet, where we would live, what she would feel, what she would miss and what she would and would not be able to do. The only thing left undecided was the date. When there was nothin' else to say, we laid quietly, each getting' lost in our own thoughts.

Peter poked his head into our room later that week to let me know they were goin' huntin'. Mischievousness and excitement was damn near shootin' out of his ass. I just stared at the door, wonderin' what was goin' on and listenin' to the hustle and bustle of the four of them preparin' for their impromptu hunt.

It was the first time Bella and I had been truly alone since before Forks. As Bella threw her leg over both of mine and sat up, straddlin' me, I almost wept with joy. I know blabberin' like a pussy always gets chicks in the mood, but I'd missed her. I'd missed my cold against her warmth: bare. I hoped she was thinkin' the same thing I was.

"Bite me." Okay. So she wasn't thinkin' the _exact_ same thing as I was. I sighed.

"Don't you want to wait until things..." I hesitated as I searched for the right word, "Settle down a bit." It was an understatement of huge fuckin' proportions, but it worked well enough. She rocked her hips forward and I groaned, grippin' her thighs in an effort to keep her still. It'd been too damn long. I didn't want to cream my pants over a little bit of _delicious_ friction. Didn't want to, but might…

"I'm ready, Jasper," she whispered, leanin' down. Her warm breath blew across my ear. I shivered. I felt her glee hit me through the lust and determination. Oh, I knew she had all the power here, and I knew that _she_ knew she had all the power here. And she was lovin' it.

Her teeth grazed the shell of my ear and then she nipped it before her lips made their way down my neck. Her hands were at the hemline of my shirt, pushing it up at an agonizingly slow rate.

"I'm ready," she said again in between kisses and breaths. I inhaled to try to find my calm, but her scent drove me further. She was indeed ready.

I stayed quiet. I stayed still, aside from an involuntary buck of my hips when her teeth skimmed across my nipple. I growled. I searched her emotions, layer after layer, for anything that would lead me to believe she wasn't ready or as ready as she thought she was.

I found nothing.

She was calm. She was determined. She was at peace – the most I'd ever felt from her – and she was full of lust. I released my hold on her hips. Instead of continuin' her rhythm, she moved back and sat on the top of my thighs.

My jaw clenched as she sat there starin' at me with those big brown eyes and a smile playin' around the corners of her mouth. My erection was near painful. She ran her hands along the seam of my jeans, and asked coyly, "Bite me?"

I closed my eyes and stopped breathin', for fuck's sake, and thought about everything we had ever discussed. I told her I would change her. I'd told her that she was always the one to say 'when'. Now that she'd said it I wondered if she understood… No, she didn't fully. But, she knew more than any other goin' into their change and this was _her_ decision. I was just here to support her; to love her. That's my role in all this.

Well, that and a nip here and there.

I opened my eyes to find hers right where they were seconds ago. Her hands had worked my belt and my pants open. I was glad I was otherwise occupied for that part. This woman was drivin' me toward the edge of madness.

I sat up, surprising her with my speed, and pulled her closer to me, shreddin' her clothes and mine as I went. She gasped and tried to stop gigglin' as she pushed my shoulders back down. I smirked at her, but laid back, enjoyin' my unobstructed view of my glorious mate. She was bare: the way it was meant to be.

I felt her trepidation as she stared at me waitin' for her to make her move, and I felt the shift as her insecurities morphed into confidence. With a smirk of her own, she slid down my shaft and my eyes rolled back a bit.

I gripped her firm little apple ass and guided her, helpin' her set a pace. The room was thick with heat and desire and her. I sat up, against the headboard, bringin' her with me, watchin' myself disappear into her time and time again and then I met her eyes.

I pulled her chest to chest and whispered my love as we reached our climax. As she stiffened and silent screams of ecstasy left her mouth between panted breathes, I bit down on her jugular. We stayed connected a mere second longer before the screamin' and my penance for fallin' in love with such a beautiful creature began.

I took her life, and she gave me one worth livin' in return.

**The End**

**A/N: Wow. I can't believe it's done.**

**Moving on… I'd like to s****ay thank you (again) to my beta, stitchcat, my pre-reader and BBBF, HammerHips, my many new friends who encouraged me along the way, and all of you that stuck with this story for the last 36 chapters. Thank you!**

**And to the pizza delivery man who has become**** a vital and intricate part of our lives 'round here, thank you, my friend. My children couldn't survive my fanfic habit without you.**

**Also, I'm thinking about doing a sequel, BUT if nothing else, I will eventually write a one-shot for those of you that fee****l gypped**** because we never got to see the reunion of Edward and Bella. And within the next month, there may be a little somethin', somethin' ****in your box ****for those of you who take your time to review.**

**Thanks again!**** *pushes the damn complete button and does a Rocky-l****ike victory dance***


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